Feeling Ambivalent

[NakedSnake]

So I've been with my partner since June 2013 (i was 24 and him 34) we got together at a mutual friends wedding and those first few weeks/months were perfect, I was and still am hugely attracted to him, he has a great sense of humour, he is loyal, stable and intelligent.... however, a few weeks in he started asking to move in together, we both had our own houses and after giving it some thought he moved into my house, he had a six year old daughter at the time who I hit it off with brilliantly (i don't want kids but it doesn't mean I can't appreciate them for who they are, he's had a vasectomy too so we couldn't anyway) he helped me through some hard times where I was having trouble finding my life's purpose and I found it, working with adults with learning disabilities, so from there everything should have been perfect but he just seemed very negative about everything, always sneering at others, complaining about fat people, getting really stressed out when people do something as small as driving with their fog lights on, which doesn't make for a great deal of fun as it would put him in a bad mood but then he used to get mad with me over the smallest things or to, in his words "initiate contact with me" he used to nip me or pull my hair or do something that hurt me but then if I said that it hurt, he got all uppety and said he couldn't have play fights with me, anyway, in October 2014 I kissed a colleague on a night out and then from people at work commenting on how unhappy I was in my relationship, encouraged me to pursue what I had done and I had a short affair with this guy, I broke up with my long term partner in January 2015 and thought for a short time that I was happy with this new guy but then this new guy started moaning a lot, about work and such and I couldn't see it because I love my job so I broke it off with him too, I felt the need for more positive people in my life, I'm a very content  and happy person and it takes a lot for me to get mad about things and I feel it brings me unnecessary stress in my life when the people I share it with get so downbeat about things that they have the power to change....

So in April 2015, after my long term ex partner had asked me over one night he offered me for sex, I'm a very sexual person and so I said that I wanted to because of the feel of it but there wouldn't be any chance of us getting back together as that's what he wanted but he agreed and we had sex about seven times that night, he made all sorts of statements the next day like he had been the whole time we'd broke up saying that he knew he'd been horrible and cold towards me and wouldn't be like that if we got back together and I genuinely did feel like he'd lit the love in me again for him... I fell hard for him again...

We lived in his house this time which he always said was what he wanted as he didn't like living in my house, I gave my house to my parents as they were struggling at the time and moved in with him on the hope that we could make it work, I told him of my cheating, he told me about a girl he'd been seeing from his work in the time we'd broken up and we got over it, he actually got over it rather easily and his daughter was over the moon we were back together. Fast forward to now and I have been completely loyal and good to him, I try to change anything he doesn't like about me or us, as I think people in a commited relationship should work at it... we both work full time I still work with adults with learning disabilities and have got a new job in the same field starting in a few weeks, we have his daughter every other weekend and whenever else we can, things should be great but he is still what I see as being quite bitchy with me, he still nips me, as a way of trying to get contact, he gets on at me about the smallest things, he says I'm stupid or dumb, he tells me to shut up, he argues with me and it lasts for days, I try to make up with him and he stonewalls me for literally days, I love sex but he only seems to want it on his terms, the rest of the time he makes excuses not to, which makes me feel very rejected, I want to go the gym but he doesn't want me to as there will be guys there and he asks who am I trying to look good for (i understand my previous infidelity may play a part in this but he was like it even  before and I asked him if he wanted to come too... trust me I've learned my lessons on that one and would never cheat again)... Basically we can't get through a day with him without him taking offense over something, he flips out regularly over games, towards his daughter, towards me etc he smashes things up, he smashed a Samsung tablet up a few days ago... there are many ways he is so good but all I can think about lately is getting out and having peace on my own, he's not a very kind person, I get up every day with him to do his pack up, kiss him goodbye we both go to work I come home cook, clean literally all of the cooking and about 90% of the cleaning and all he seems to want to do is play games, which I enjoy with him too but he gets a bit too into them and gets mad if we fail missions etc, I don't know, I just feel so many string feelings of love and attraction for him but so many opposing feelings of not being able to cope with who he is at his core.... nothing is easy with us... 

Any advice appreciated, sorry for the long post.

[thortho]

Get out. That about sums up any advice I can give. Get out, block his phone number, block him on every social media you're using and set the privacy settings as restrictive as you can, don't stop to talk if you "run into" him in the streets or at the store or wherever, and get help from support groups and/or professionals.