Dear Dézzirée

[Deziree]

December 8th.

Almost a week now from then. I haven't been feeling upbeat. I just want to login a lot of progress. Next week is Christmas. Everyone would be on leave. Glad I bounced back quickly. 

 

Edited yesterday at 02:11 PM by Deziree

[Deziree]

Sunny side up. Try to keep going. Don't let go anymore. I want to play with tarot cards.

 

[Deziree]

December 14, 2025

 

My neighbor's mom died last night. I don't know how to feel about it. She had been battling cancer for over a year. I just received the news from another neighbor. Just praying that they recover.

 

Edited yesterday at 01:50 PM by Deziree

[Deziree]

In the next 30 minutes I have a meeting with Ian.

 

[Deziree]

The meeting went well. He was supportive and kind. He submitted a lot of worksheets. We discussed points. For our next meeting which will be happening next week. Ian is wonderful to work with. We discussed our general issues. It was 45 minutes. He just told me to take it slow during this week. It's ok if I didn’t run into action. He figured out some of the problems. That meant a lot. I paid certain things for the whole year. I am running out of some of my meds. And I have to get the prescription ready soon. I have to hand over the bank documents to someone. There's a job interview at the end of the week. Tomorrow I have to prepare for the university quiz. So bit of a juggle here and there. I am not sure if I can fit it all into a week. Tomorrow I have a meeting with another one. Things have been changing rapidly. I'm not sure how Christmas will be. I got some decorations now. Hopefully all of this goes away and I get to celebrate Christmas in peace. 

[Deziree]

December 14th

I accompanied my mom to the salon.

 

[Deziree]

December 15, 8.30 pm.

Dear Dézzirée,

I did some midnight snacking. I was quite hungry. I'm moving at a slow pace. Thinking about every step. Don't be overwhelmed. It will be okay. I don't want a big list. I want to start with baby goals.

 

[Deziree]

 

 

[Deziree]

December 15, 8.30 pm.

Dear Dézzirée,

My mind was soaked in fear. Fear of the unknown. I was fearing my family. The fear of judgement. I felt like I was under hypnosis regression. Traveling back into a parallel life where I wanted to live the high life, free spirited, earning lots of money, taking risks, my family wasn't happy with my decisions. I encouraged someone to drink beer. There were people close to me who quickly dog piled on me asking why would I want to associate myself with something like that. A battle of virtues.

This indicates a fear of moral judgement.