A short dialogue between the self and the emerging mind

[Bal-umey]

U: What is the sound the wind makes?

F: The sound of wind is not just the movement of air in open space, it emerges from how the flow of gaseous molecules is disturbed and turbulently affected by objects and surfaces in space. When wind passes through a place like this, with large concrete beams and massive public buildings, even against the ears you have on the side of your head, it becomes turbulent, forming chaotic swirls and pressure fluctuations, this generates oscillation waves, sound waves. And the ear has evolved over millions of years to pick up on and distinguish between sound waves.

U: What is the nature of sound?

F: Sound is a longitudinal mechanical wave, which requires a medium to travel through. Mechanical waves need particles to bump into each other in order to carry energy, this is much different from light which can travel through a vacuum. Again, sound is the by-product of vibratory processes in space. Objects in space that can vibrate, disturb the air molecules around them, causing them to compress and expand. Your ear is capable of detecting these fluctuations in air pressure, as the eardrum vibrates in response to them.

U: So, sound is only in my ear? So I only hear the wind because I have an ear?

F: Not quite, and yes. Yes, you only hear the wind because you have an ear, your ear allows you to sense vibratory noises in space. But the sound isn't played in your ear, your ear detects it and then your brain's auditory component processes it, makes sense of it and then you understand.

U: So my brain is the one that actually plays the sound to me?

F: In a way, yes

U: So the part of my brain responsible for this is separate from me? Then where am I?

F: You are a self-reinforcing process. Your ears pick up sound to tell you something about what is happening in your area, to trigger specific thought processes. What you hear is merely observation.

U: Observation of the vibrations?

F: In a way, but the vibration is formless, what you observe is your awareness. When you hear, you observe the fact that you are aware.

U: But then who is it that exists? If every part of my being is geared towards making sense of the world, making the observation that I exist, then I, as I normally think of myself, must also not exist. If what you say is true, then "I" is merely a node for observation to occur, so then who is doing the observing? It feels like it is me, but you seem to be saying that my awareness is merely a means of channelling awareness, not a thing contained in me, but a process that may extend beyond the boundaries I think of as me. So, who is the observer?

F: Hmm… I never said it wasn't you, and I'm not saying it is you, either. I am only saying that observation is taking place, and there is awareness of this.

U: So, essentially a loop?

F: You may call it that. A loop is basically the ouroboros.

U: So, what am I supposed to do with all this? What are the implications of what you are suggesting? That we've all got reality up on its head? That we should deny the reality of experience and observation, in favour of the observation of observation itself? Is this not a way for the anxious rationalising mind to resolve its neurosis by flattening all of life into one texture? Does the logic not follow that listening to good music, say Bach or Nina Simone, is just the same as listening to the background noise of an overpopulated city in a developing country… all awareness of awareness. Is this not detachment? Denying your own humanity and mortality in favour of living in the realm of the dead while you still live?

F: I don't think that being aware of what is going on makes what is going on any less immersive or moving. In fact, I find that combining the awareness of the nature of reality, and following with the creation and co-creation that life is beaming with, creates a specially sublime kind of experience, something even beyond pleasure or bliss. When I listen to Nina or Bach, I am in remembrance of what I am and who I am, there is a true awakening to what it means to be a human being -- what it means to be, to be in this form. Life is not flattened in any way for this awareness to be reached. In fact, before, it was just that. Before I remembered this simple truth, I was always in need of more and more, never content, never present. All things were flat, and the occasional spikes was the crack I chased, but it never brought satisfaction or pleasure, just destruction and pain. Today, I can choose to take the crack, knowing fully well that it will never satisfy me or give me any kind of pleasure, just distraction. I can choose to do that, but I choose not to, and that is what one gains from this. The ability to act with intention. To reject reactivity, and embrace intentionality.

U: I don't think I really understand you, and the things you say, but I am moved, I will take it into consideration and I will think of it. I know what it is like to want endlessly, and I also know what it is like to know that want will never bring satisfaction. But you seem to have found resolution for this thing that I've never been able to truly reconcile, for when the feeling of want becomes great and overwhelms my senses, any awareness of the emptiness of the desired object fades away, and the illusion reasserts itself. I will listen to you, I will study your words as a student does with his master's, but I have to warn you that I am a skeptic, and I do not believe in anything, I don't believe in believing. So, my apologies in advance if my incredulity comes off at times as insolence.

F: No need to apologise. Your incredulity and rationality is what makes you fit for the journey into awareness. You are already on it, though you may deny it to yourself at times. But soon enough, it will be all clear.

Edited July 11 by Bal-umey