Satori Flow

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Consciousness is not fundamental. Consciousness is the first contraction. Awareness being aware of awareness. I am is Duality. Contraction. A false sense of self. 
 

Nothingness is the fundamental “thing”.  
 

All else is secondary stuff that comes and goes. All else is impermanent. 
 

 

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On the other hand, the nothingness, the real Self will continue experiencing whatever it wants to experience for all of eternity. So I will never dissapear as nothingness, what dies and changes is the character and the whole experience, but what I truly am - nothingness - will keep on going and having fun or suffering forever and ever and ever, which is good. 
 

There was pribably  a trillion lifetimes before this, some alien, some uncomprehensible completly. This forgeting and remembering probably happened a trillion times a trillion times already, since there was no beginning and there’s no end. 

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Interesting, I have to be in the I am to dance. If I’m in no self there’s no dance.

 

Is I am like the activating, motion part of Self?

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I can’t even enjoy music from the no self, it’s like nothing is happening. Hmmm

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So enlightenment isnt about being in a particular state but includes all states and the no-self can sort of shift into any of them

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Consciousness is the experiencer, the enjoyer of life. It’s not bad, it’s the play, the shakti side, the creativity.

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And is consciousness absolutely illusory? That’s not absolutely right either. It’s fundamental to the universe, it’s findamental to choice, but not to me at the deepest level. It has to be reintegrated into life, not omitted and discarsed as merely an illusion. It’s the freedom, the choice.  Free will is so paradoxical.

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Now I get yesterdays vid from Shinzen about how Zen is bouncy and vipassana can be inert and lifeless. Vipassana can lead to grasping of the no self. In zen you see nothingness and can then come back to consciousness as Self and Play! Choose! 

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It really is true that many viewpoints are valid. A mistake one can make is to think that you have the right one, the ultimate one, and all others are wrong.

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Jesus, please make it workout between me and the girl I met yesterday who said she’s into 70’s and 80’s misic like scoprions and ac/dc. She’s soo lovely! Unless You think she’s not the one for me then okay, You know best. 🙏

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This is so goooooooooooooooooooooood 

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Okay, had around 10 years of hard core spirituality, now it's time to live a little - I want a GF, to make more money and have some fun.

I also need to fix my leg - can't really body build or dance or play volleyball - but even to fix my leg I need money. 

You can move forward or back without money in this life in like 90% of things. Even to have a partner and have alot of fun you need money. 

And I have just the idea for me. I meditated on it and felt an upsurge of kundalini/love/bliss energy indicating that this idea is the one for me.

I always wanted to do it but hesitated, but it's the perfect thing for me to do. It's like Saul in Better Call Saul, he didn't want to accept his path but when he did, he got alot of money from it.

I thought I will be a spiritual teacher, but nah, that doesn't seem to be the case. Or maybe in like 20-30 years when my understanding is matured. But now it seems like it will be so much effort and likely not successful. 

Instead, the other idea I have has a lot of demand and I can supply that demand. Actually, the demand for it increased recently because of a clouse of a certain company. 

It's sooo dificult to make money nowdays, like to start a new venture and make it successful. There's an insane amount of competition since now competition is global and there's sooo much stuff you can get for free online.

There's always risk involved. Sometimes the risk is spending a year developing a business and it fails miserably. 

But my idea is like 90% certain to be successful. I also have an intuitive helped that tells me what is right and wrong, so with this business if something is wrong I will know. 

Anyway, money is the main focus area now. There's nothing I can do now in life without getting more money. I'm very stuck. 

Then comes gym, GF, traveling, clothing, and many fun times. I love gifting gifts to my GF. It's so fun! Just taking her shopping. Also traveling. Sex is very good too haha. 

Anyway, I do need a slight investment into my business, but I think I will get it or I will sell some of my stuff to have that money. 

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https://www.instagram.com/reel/DGisIH_RQwz/?igsh=ZnYzaGtmN3R3bDgw

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It's so interesting how, if I have a partner, then I do need more money, I want to fix my leg, I want to travel, it's just a lot of doing that gets added onto life. On the other hand, Lisa said this, Lisa said when you fantasize about something, just notice that you actually feel as though you already have it. And I did notice that today, when I was just laying in bed fantasizing about having a girlfriend and doing all sorts of fun stuff and even having sex, it felt like I actually, like we are doing it already. And I didn't have to add all of that doing, like making money, going to the gym, getting surgery for my leg, I didn't have to do all of that to get that feeling. And that feeling is so close to what I would actually experience if I was with her. But I get that feeling and that sort of, like 80% of that experience without actually like living it out in this dream, I live it out in a dream in my own mind. And since all of it is equally unreal and equally real, there is not much of a difference. So interesting, I'm not even sure if I want to put in all of that effort into getting a girl, getting a lot of money, if I can just live it all out in my mind without any effort in actually doing it.

It actually feels like a path of least resistance. Like I literally don't have to do anything. It's completely effortless. I'll just go to my job, do what I have to do there, and if I don't want a girlfriend, I'm fine. I have enough. I can experience everything else just in my own mind. And I bet if I tried to experience in this dream, there would be a lot of disappointment, a lot of effort, a lot of doing I don't want to do. I just want to chill out. I don't really like working. I just like chilling and relaxing. David Hoffmeister said that we are not made to be creators or doers in this world, and that's how I really feel. I feel like I want to be an observer and the enjoyer, not really the creator. Maybe some others have inspiration to create something to work a lot. I don't. I just want to chill and let it flow effortlessly. And there is nothing I want to create or do.

 

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https://www.instagram.com/reel/DLi7g6gS0ig/?igsh=N3IyZG42a3M1eXd0 Also gooood

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yeh seems like it’s best to relax and let things unfold. The intelligence of the happening is profound, I shouldnt attempt to decide myself or control it. Let the forest find you. Be still. 

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Like this https://www.instagram.com/reel/DKefeqxCSmQ/?igsh=bjczNmQ1MGtrbHl1

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wowww

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I wonder if people like Frank Yang have locked in those states of infinity, those enlightened states, or are they just peak experiences. Because I've used psychedelics, I've had those peak experiences, well I combined them with meditation, and they came and they went away. So I wonder if now I have, because I had those experiences, I have the intellectual understanding of what he is talking about, but I'm not experiencing that moment by moment, because it was just a peak experience. I think I need to talk to Frank Yang and ask him if that's the case, if he's actually in those states of like infinity all the time. Because if he is, that's what I need to do, that's how I see enlightenment. I do feel enlightened when I'm infinite, but now I feel like I've had many experiences, but I reverted back to this. It's not like I've never meditated or had any experience, I do feel a bit more spacious, but I'm nowhere close to those states of infinity. So I probably, like if I had to guess, I'm like 90% sure that I have to now do a lot of meditation and actually enter those states of enlightenment, so I wouldn't have to reincarnate. I don't think I'm done. I think I'm intellectually maybe okay, conceptually, but in terms of my state, I need to change it, I think.

Because I know that the foundational thing I am and what reality is, is nothingness. Because if it wasn't nothingness, it couldn't change and morph into all of these other states and things. But I doubt that after this samsara experience I just go back to nothing. I would be more so inclined to believe that when you get liberated, you go into this formless, infinite nirvana. But you have to get there while incarnated, so that when you die, you just fully immerse yourself there. But yes, I don't think that the goal is nothingness, like that cessation. The goal is infinity.

 

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Hm, yes I do do loving kindness, relaxation meditation naturally - I imagine having. Beautiful time with. Beautiful girl and that puts me into a state of relaxed loving kindness. Still not sure if I should meditate hardcore to get into those infinite states or if that’s not right.