An unexpected trip – recontextualizing relationship with God

[LambdaDelta]

My newfound combo of 30mg 4-HO-MET + 100mg S-isomer Ketamine was injected intramuscularly.

Intentions were: 

• Access and better explore the vial consciousness dimension, property register of consciousness
• Get absorbed into Hole Consciousness
• Make my hand morph into different shapes, animal body parts, metals, through willing it with imagination
• Look deep inside myself to observe DNA replication and heavy metal chelation in real time
• Comprehend orders of Infinity better

Instead I got something quite different, but ripe with insight nonetheless.

It was chaotic from the get-go, mostly due to my own fault – the BT headphones wouldn't connect properly, the poor thing didn't know which of the devices to choose, and my music queue just didn't want to go. But I rolled with it anyway, very much in an off-hands rave style. The trip took me for a brief ride through a wormhole, almost in a teasing fashion. That confirmed my intuition of God always being there in every moment, all of it, we just don't see it or see very partially even during awakening. Then a sudden stop. At first there was annoyance at that buzzkill, but I searched for a deeper meaning and found it.

See, at this point I have such an intimate relationship with God that there's no need for words, there's mutual trust in that the other will get the message. I was being told, gently, to back off, that it's not time yet. One could draw many parallels there – summiting a mountain, taming a horse, sexual intercourse... and they'd all be true.
Save for very exceptional circumstances, or unless it's self-induced, bad trips aren't a thing for me, I'm always wanting more because I know it's all Love. So that was God's way of keeping me at bay. A short chaotic ride that leaves one questioning, and in the pause of that longing many unexpected answers came.
Though there was a part of me that wanted to press on no matter what, that's an inalienable part of a man's passion, one that could make many things go south if not subdued...

As we were already on a somewhat romantic motif, my mind veered in that direction, even though I'd never given it much thought. One could say I'm too deeply in love with God to have space for anyone else. But I contemplated a couple pick up scenarios anyhow.

What does a woman want in a man? A balance between calculated and passionate, just the right kind of spicy.
Firstly, it's very important to be well-educated and at least somewhat informed in all manner of fields, that's just a natural consequence of being a serious philosopher of any kind.
Don't talk about yourself, talk about the world. You get to show off your vast array of knowledge while coming off as humble and mysterious.
If it comes to talking about oneself, be reserved, let the other party do the inquiry. Your attitude should be "I haven't made much of myself, yet". Humility together with ambition. Works better if you're already impressive in many regards, just reveal it slowly and not as a humble brag.
Another great one is to somewhere at the beginning of conversation say "be at ease, I'm not looking for anything romantic/sexual, just quality dialogue."
This is very multilayered. It disarms the most obvious safeguards, communicates refusal to chase, and places the ball on the other side. If the girl gets attracted to you over the course of that conversation, that will be a genuine desire in her, with you free to act on it or not. If not, everybody still wins. All these work because there's deeper truths behind them (i.e. talk about the world because it's all God, there's also your selflessness practice). But one could pretty much psychopathically pull them off based on structure alone.
"How you say it, not what you say" is true, but subtle language use is still important. "Maybe someday" presents the possibility, but leaves the choice entirely to the other party, instead of a more straightforwardly suggestive tone most men use.
If you're an introvert and somebody compliments you for being a natural at socialization, play it off with a "What, me? No, the real naturals could probably spot it from a mile away. What you're seeing is just the training", which you could then spin into a backstory of being shy, but overcoming obstacles and all that.

Are these insights true? I don't know, you tell me. I've never been in a relationship, dated, or kissed, and literally got all this from staring at a graph. 



This graph. As preparation for my trip I had this plotted in a graphing calculator. f(x) = 1/x. f(0) is a hole, an undefined point on an otherwise infinitely continuous graph that literally bends about the origin, creating a discontinuity where there should be perfect continuity, the line teleports and becomes two. Not dissimilar to how 24:00 and 0:00 mark the end and beginning of a day in the same instant. But where does the hole lead? What is there? Maybe it reappears in 3D space, one dimension above, as 2D is unable to contain that order, that density of infinity.
Those alien green hues of the lines bending about the origin against a pitch black background, beckoning me... 👽

But we've gone a little off-topic. 
It's quite remarkable how the extremes of masculinity and femininity loop into each other. A woman can read a guy just from the way he enters the room. And a very autistic guy can get mathematical insights from looking at an equation for hours on end. No words required in either case. It's very rare to see such traits combined into a single person; what would that look like? Maybe that's why I don't crave a partner so much, the internal balance is already quite in order.

There is one thing women aren't very good at though. Compartmentalizing. If she sees you go from having fun to dead serious in an instant, she'll have a hard time processing that, perhaps thinking that one of those was fake. Women don't really understand a rough brake into a sudden stop, what they need is a gentle, smooth transition.

Again, I haven't field tested any of this, that's just intuition, but if it is accurate, that shows the power of observation, some things can only truly be grasped from a distance. Not the kind of sad, biased distance where you're just jealous of other people hooking up and draw all the wrong conclusions about women only wanting Chads and such. No, the real, detached distance, that most scientists could only dream of having in their lab experiments.

Which leads me into how several of my very slight psychopathic tendencies have served me well on the spiritual path. In particular the very abrupt perspectival or tonal shift. It makes no real difference to me to imagine myself in the shoes of a serial killer, or his victim's parents. To most, that's inconceivable, you're either one or the other. Good or bad. Yet that's precisely how God – Teōtl – works, an unattached shapeshifter.

I remember staring at the elegantly duplicated sub-grids of the graph and thinking "If this is a hint, I'm afraid I'm too stupid to get it". What I had in mind was a new scientific discovery, something to solve the Collatz conjecture perhaps, but in the end I got all this. A different kind of intelligence.
My only thought at that time, was "What are you trying to say?" It's duality in the purest sense, where nothing outside of me and God exists, we're too engrossed in each other, yet separated. It's a mirror, naturally, but I like to conceive of God as an other anyway.

It's a beautiful relationship. You can say curse God and praise him in the next sentence, it won't be blasphemy or falsehood – you've been talking to yourself this whole time. Blasphemy and prayer are made of the same syllables. It’s all one sentence, just said from different angles to the mirror.

I'd forgotten until writing it all out, but this whole thing was a lesson for me to practice what I just recently preached – to be as grateful for what you're denied as for what you're given. 'Twas God's shit test, to see whether I actually understand and mean the words I say. God and his games, huh. No wonder it's so tricky to understand. 

Anyhoo, I hope you too one day develop such a relationship with God, it's the best feeling ever, even in frustration and suffering.

[ExploringReality]

Man would love to connect with you on person. You are Gold 

[LambdaDelta]

16 hours ago, ExploringReality said:

Man would love to connect with you on person. You are Gold 

I'm happy you're enjoying these, it's much appreciated. An in-person meeting is certainly feasible, especially if you're in the EU. We're already planning a meet with one guy here; the more the merrier.