Goal tracking

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

 

 

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

I'm going to start volunteering somewhere. The questions to answer are at what, where, when and how I'm gonna be volunteering, in that order

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

 

 

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

Sometimes I wish I had the selective kind of sexuality like women do. Then I could genuinely say, with a 100% confidence that I got impregnable standards. But then I would stop being a man, and I actually like being a man

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

Internet is like a main character syndrome/narcisism super enhancer, and it's not a pretty sight at all

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

Idk. Maybe I'm wrong about everything. Maybe not. Or perhaps both at the same time. But guess what. So are you

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

I understand why so many people are going to the gym. There is basically nothing else to do in this life that stimulates progress. Not really. You go to your job, you go to the gym or do any other form of physical activity, you play video games. That's it basically

Edited May 15 by NewKidOnTheBlock

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

Perhaps there's no avoiding creating a family and having kids, they surely do bring a tremendious ammount of meaning into life. As well as tremendious ammount of motivation for me to stay sharp in my mind and create the best possible enviroment before they'd even be conceived. Surely, all this effort in life would feel shallow without any meaning, and everything does feel kind of meaningless except for creating a family. Maybe it was coded into our DNA

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

... or maybe not? LOL

See, you'd label what I'm doing as talkin absolute shit. I label it as a freedom of expression. This whole dogshit journal is just a freedom of expression

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

Naah there's no way. I'm too much of a kid to have a kid, ngl. My subconscious mind chose this fuckin nickname for a reason LEL

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

Seems like the more I age, the more I'm starting to realize that - the things I thought I've missed out on - were just an illusion all along, and I haven't really missed out on shit

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

There are cold blooded MFs with absolutely no emotion at all, whilst being like an open book about themselves. Then there are those who are emotionless but also keeping stuff to themselves and scheming/manipulating. Then there are emotional people who are like an open book about everything. Then there's me - being emotional about stuff but keeping shit to myself. And in fact, I wouldn't be even willing to share anything anyway. Absolutely worst combination of all. I guess.

It's been clear to me for a long ass time (years) that there's a certain relative whom I'd prefer to just cut off. Ofc not in a way in which I'd actively try to make that a reality. But in a way, in which I'd get all my needs met, have a nice and busy life and it would never even occur to me to think about us meeting anywhere, just making it as inconvenient as possible. I believe that understanding is mutual, as that person is very fuckin inteligent, and knows. Always knew. Even told me many years ago that that's likely going to be the outcome. LOL

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

I just wish he wasn't born

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

I'm going to try to make an actual use of this journal, by capturing completion of various good habits I'd like to posses, day by day. I can have all sorts of goals, aspirations, wishes, hopes, dreams or whatever else. But they don't mean anything if I just keep getting stuck in these strange behavioural loops and circles. I'm just emotionally and mentally exhausted most of the time, and so I need to start small. Perhaps, after a period of a few years (if those years indees will pass - never take anything for granted, especially not nowadays) I may look back at these journal sections and reminiscing of the (kinda, relatively) harsh begginnings

I'd like to make progress in 3 areas - career (i.e. income), my fitness/diet and inteligence/mental health (I'm grouping them together, so as to acknowledge and highlight the compounding effects both of them have on each, can't have one without the other imo)

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

I want more income, obviously. I can start with putting in some focused, let's say... 2 hours a day every day, in the direction in which I believe I can grow. (I'll always be vague like this, not going to share anything specific. It's not important for the purposes of this journal anyway)

I'm gonna do some simple (but difficult, obviously) calisthenic routine for the start, 1 hour a day would be sufficient

And with inteligence/mental health - I can read a book/learn any skill for 1 hour and then write down stuff I'm gratefull for or some shit like that. Maybe affirmations? Yeah, some shit like that.

I'll just put a ✅️ to each of these 3 categories given I'll actually complete them. In case I won't, or do some half assed BS or something... I'll go to gulag or something, idk. I'll have to kick myself in the ass somehow

And I can do whatever tf I want with the rest of the time. Which I imagine is not going to be plentifull. Never mind. Perhaps it's for the better. Idle mind is... nah, I'm not going to try to be poetic

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

I should make my life structured like a job fr. Like, have that attitude about life in general scope. Not just a job giving life structure, but life giving life structure duuude. I'm on some trippy shit rn fr and I'm more sober than a nun at a rave fr

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

I'm on sum Bore-O-DMT type shit fr

So what. Take it or leave it. Or fudge off

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

I did not do anything today, but I don't particuliarly care. It's not so important to tick off stuff every day, just to have a general sense of progress in life. I don't believe in some David Goggins shit or whatever. Don't want to compare myself to others, I can chill and progress at the same time.

It's especially annoying when you got some annoying retarded fuckin tasks to do, which you do not care for at all but have to do, they are like logistical bariers and bottlenecks in war, just annoying as fuck

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

Thinking of just trying to take it all, for myself, once the time comes. I certainly have a more righteous claim to the whole thing, not even gonna lie. Let's not pretend that it's not like that

Edited May 21 by NewKidOnTheBlock

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

I think I'll get it, he doesn't care about shit like that either way. And if he will, I'll drag him to courts, I got no problems with that