LRyan

@Faceless I feel like people around me are evolving and I am finally getting the information that I need. Reinforcement that having a glimpse or an experience of enlightenment is not the end but rather the beginning? Is this what you are getting at? I do understand that Psychological time is a man made idea so we can reference certain points of a day. Even the term day is made up and doesn't exist either. I get what you mean that saying, in time...I will understand and "get there". There is no where to get and there is no such thing as the past or the future everything happens right now in this second ...then it's gone, then again, then it's gone...I get that for sure. I like what you said about liberation can take a day or a lifetime...could even take a second. I truly can understand now that my expectation of and enlightened experience does not change the habits and ways of the self without further effort to integrate the two. But my question is...can they be successfully integrated?? Some spiritual teachers seem to have sort of done it but I'm not sure. Moojoi seems to have, Eckhart Tolle and Rupert Spira and a few others maybe but it seems to elude most. Hmm. Thanks for the input! Its great to have something for my self to work on

@Leo Gura Hmmm. Thanks for cutting to the chase....I can see what you are saying and I am in agreement with it. The issue seems to be that it was my assumption that if I understood enlightenment the way it is described by many teachers, it appears as if it IS the catalyst to throw someone into the bliss and peace of knowing that all is one and everything is infinite and that when you literally experience this as close as we can get in human form to knowing the truth, the self as we have known it and all of its silly quirks and issues and petty unimportant mundane problems would drop away and that things would be without conflict because of the enlightenment experience and knowing the infinite nature of existence. How stupid and unrealistic this seems to be. This was my problem and why I felt so neurotic after experiencing that peace because I wasn't able to walk around with a smile nodding at everyone and agreeing with everything. My expectations were wrong. I fell into a simplistic view that enlightenment or the glimpse of it meant the end of the suffering fool living out a dream in physical form. I finally feel that there is something that I can work with here. The truth shall set you free ....but we are still living with a self that requires tending to. We still have to live within certain boundaries to be a part of society so we can function in this form. It makes sense that it would not be an instant fix but rather something that is so eye opening and so conscious that we could shift our thinking and habits to align with what we have realized. I don't have the most analytical mind and I don't conceptualize things as well as others but is this what you mean? If I am on the right track, then I can actually work towards trying to align my self with what I know to be truth and try to live as consciously as I can. Emotional triggers is the biggest issue for me and throws me back into insanity. I catch myself in unconsciousness countless times per day. I have woken up enough to see the insanity going on in my head and around me so I am able to do that, but I am still unconscious far too much for my liking. Yes the self is one stubborn bastard! lol!

Contemplation, study of teachings, meditation, watching plenty of videos, listening to speakers. I haven't attended any retreats but I've been asking the hard questions about what is the meaning of life, why am I here, what is reality, where did we come from.....trying to find answers...looking with an open mind at a lot of material...coming to conclusions and trying to sort out what is real.

This looks like a very bad movie.

@khalifa Totally agree with your perspective! @Shin Great Quote..love it!

@DoubleYou Thanks so much for your input. You put it in context for me and it is very helpful. I see what you are getting at the main point is to allow what comes up and accept it. It doesn't matter like you're saying IF i fell short in my mind's view or not. I did what I did and that was the way it was supposed to happen....I believe now. Thanks because I was creating suffering by only looking at this through the ego and the mind.

For a time I couldn't remember any dreams at all. Now I wake up with anxiety over the dreams I'm having... It makes sense what you're saying..

No, I don't believe there is any separation between anything at the energetic level...or however you reference who we really are, energy, spirit. I can see what you mean.... I was feeling so alone and really we are always alone, but were not...it's a paradox to me but I will get through this and I think my consciousness level has been raised by this occurring. IT appears that everything is about growth and growing our consciousness with all the experiences we have. We as beings move on no matter what happens. If we don't, then human suffering will keep you stuck. I've been stuck and afraid for so long. If I can keep the infinite in mind then I will move forward without a care in the world....life is but a dream..right? it's a challenge of the mind to always be present and not live in the memories of what was or what will be. That's my challenge to myself...not to live in the past memories of my mom..

Hello, I haven't been on site in a while and I have slipped back into the black abyss of not being present and aware. My mother is very close to passing away after suffering many years with many cancers. I'm feeling deep grief and sadness and I already miss her. I just can't find my way out of the hell I fell back into...thinking that all we are is the body and our one experience here in this life. Can anyone help me with any words or thoughts that can get me through....I'm struggling so much and I'm so lost right now.. Thank you

I have made a turn back to this site and trying to be mindful of everything I say and do so it has caused me to come back to myself so to speak...which is a very good thing...I've been lost or gone or asleep for quite a while and now I feel like I'm getting myself back....

Thank for all the support and insights. She passed away on Dec 24th, in my arms at the hospice. It was a surreal experience to be with her for her last breath and I feel honoured that I was chosen by her to be there alone with her at that time. All of my prior inquiry about awareness and who I am and the meaning of life and my understanding of infinity has helped me a great deal.....The human person that I am could not stop the grief and sadness and loss afterwards.....even though I truly believe that we are never "born" and never"die".....this human being that I am in this moment misses the sound of her voice and looking at her.....that is a loss that I cannot reason away in my understanding of life. She is sadly missed and I have moments of sheer painful grief at the finality of her existence here with me. I know she is not suffering, I still am, but less than if I didn't have some of the knowledge I've gained from this sight from self inquiry. Thanks everyone. You're great.

@blazed @Nahm Very good idea to get back to meditating. If I tried right now i would cry or fall asleep but I will try again first thing after she passes on. I hope it will help. I am making a sticky note reminder to put on the wall! Blazed...thanks for all the kind words and suggestions. its very nice to feel the support and understanding. I have to just try to get through this somehow. It is very hard to go to a hopice every day and watch a person suffer with pain they can't tell anyone they are having and to watch them struggle to breathe and to watch the change to body It's so heartbreaking and painful to try to be supportive and try to keep it all together. its a very hard challenge but I will be back to try my best tomorrow. This is very frightening and alarming to watch a loved one go through this and I am so sad and devastated. This too shall pass I hope. Thanks to all my helpful friends on here! I appreciate you all... Lisa

@Sukhpaal Thank you and I'm sorry to hear you are also going through this as well. It's very painful to go through, easy to forget everything u once believed in...

@Naviy Thank you for your clarity and your views. It is helpful and kind..I appreciate the words.. <3 .@jjer94 Beautiful uplifting music. Thank you <3 I love that quote...I see the meaning behind it.....for sure.

This meditation is not for people with physical challenges I guess. My back wouldn't be able to take this kind of physical action for the length of time this takes. Is there any alternative to the jumping up and down? I also cannot make noise, I live in an apartment but I need to rid myself of built up stress in my body for sure so I am interested in knowing how to adapt this for myself. I have recently went through hours and hours of Psychological testing and the Psychologist did not actually diagnose me with BPD but said its a factor and it has to be mentioned... To the original poster....did you try this meditation...

Being in nature is like doing self inquiry, it shows you that everything is connected and you are one with all. I do try to get outside and walk in the trees, look at the birds, I've even tried to make eye contact with animals, just being very present and quiet and appreciative of the beauty around us is so inspiring. It's amazing to see how alive everything is if you look and listen closely. Being outside on a beautiful day...if you can get to a natural setting is worth 10 days of study and internal work. Feel the beauty, see how you are connected, pay attention to every form of life you see and you would have done your "self" the greatest good! It is so awe inspiring to see creation alive around you! Don't miss out. If I had my way, if I could truly live out a passion, I would spend so much of my time outdoors enjoying the sights and sounds and feeling the peace all around. I live in a terrible climate for this in Northern Ontario Canada and the weather is brutal. I live for the days that allow me to be outside. It is the answer to my questions and It is such a great meditation to walk consciously in nature. There can be no problems while you rest your mind in this setting. People are so sick from urban confines of buildings and concrete jungles that new age or open minded doctors are actually prescribing nature therapy....They are telling them to get outside and get into nature as a form of self healing and self help. That old corny cliche saying is NOT wrong.......You have to Stop and smell the Roses......literally!!

I haven't been posting or reading much on the site anymore. I've forgotten who and what I am once again. Suffering is my trustworthy friend that will not leave my side. The sun is always shining behind the clouds but I have forgotten that there is even a sun. I forget to meditate, I forget I exist only in the now, I forget I am not a mind or a body. Everything I felt so sure of and happy about and peaceful with has become foreign to me. I feel like a baby who doesn't know how to get up an walk. I feel defeated and beat down by this incredibly painful human life. Why are we here, really truly a reason for why we are here? Does anyone know? I don't know why I came here....but for only one possibility: I believe I am here to suffer, to suffocate in a drama filled play that runs like a movie from sun up till sun down. I am just a poor soul, an ignorant character who cannot dream myself out of the play. Therefore I live a fake ,unhappy, heartless painful life where through my blind eyes, I see only suffering. This is my story, I have a starring role in this play. The character is cast in her role and the role demands to be acted out All the many other plays going on at the same time that involve positivity, joy, hopefulness, excitement, purpose, meaning, love, intuition..........this play is full, the actors are cast and I cannot change my play and I cannot get into this nice play ...it seems too late. I am an actress with a message of pain, suffering, stuck reliving past horror movies and tricked into projecting a new horror movie to go through the motions. Sometimes it looks as if I may get cast in a new role but in the end, that part is given away so someone more deserving of a good play and I am left to deal with my house of horrors movie. The actress is very tired of this storyline, drama after drama after pain and suffering. They will get you like they got me once again....EGO, Your Story, Your PAST, Your Future....they're coming hard for you, better learn how to deflect the crazies or disarm the crazies, or if you can...run away from the crazies.....They're coming back for you. They will not leave you behind. Some of the most dedicated and smart actors can drop their roles and quit the play...they don't need it for anything, they are free. I say, RUN to them and never look back, truly run fast! I am lost and I have not been found. I will accept any lifeline that can pull me from the terror and lead me back on the golden path to self love and peace...

I appreciate your thoughts. I hear what you are saying and I can read what you are trying say to me in words. At a core level, I don't believe that I deserve to find peace, but I don't know why I have these thoughts. I have had very good thoughts and have been aware of them and have been 1000% positive that things are just the way they are meant to be. Somehow, the good that I see everywhere turns to bad and then the suffering hits very hard. I am now trying to re-program and go back to the very beginning and re-trace the steps that brought me to a place of peace and happiness but I can't find it right now. You are very intuitive, I have been in a victim role for a very long time, perhaps, most of my life and it is my comfort place I guess. I try very hard to feel better but bad things seem to happen all around me, I feel responsible that I am attracting it to me on some level. If feels to me as if there are only so many good parts to go around and if everyone was in a good role, mostly content and happy...what kind of a play would it be? Maybe I've been cast into this role to play a victim and a seeker who only has a tiny glimpse of heaven on earth. When I do deep self inquiry, I find at the core something that is unlovable. I know it is deep rooted as it seems to almost touch my being. I know it can't be part of my being but it feels like it is. Most likely from a very difficult childhood where I was mistreated and abandoned emotionally. I should know better,..I do know better, I am a part of divinity but I can't make my mind believe it for long. I am playing a perfect role as a being that has never experienced true happiness, not for lack of wanting it but maybe as you said, I don't know how to maintain a sense of happy or peace. How can this be accomplished with so much pain and suffering in sight. I don't know. I am truly at a loss for how to get order back in the chaos of my life. Thank you for your kind words my friend.

Thank you... for reminding me of where I am. I've been floating around in oblivion for too long again, not remembering our infinite nature and who, and what we are. You are so right about acceptance, and mostly patience. Why am I so impatient with the suffering part? Always wanting it to be gone, not wanting to wait until it fades in and out....which it does eventually, so true. When I am in the black hole, it feels like the only place I will ever be. I do need to turn my attention to meditation, it's the first thing that goes when I feel bad but it's the only thing that seems to help when I realize I need to do something...anything. Thanks for your kind heart <3

I don't know if your comment was for Leo but I think it is avoidance of past emotional pain that causes this build up in the body which is experienced as symptoms of PTSD/depression/anxiety...they are all intermingled and very hard to separate. I think the awareness is always there but maybe it is just deeply repressed experiences that the mind cannot take. From what I know, PTSD usually occurs in childhood. Having a traumatic childhood that is never dealt with makes a person more likely to experience PTSD symptoms related to other situations that occur in adulthood. This certainly describes the life I have experienced. It feels to me that my life experience has been full of trauma. When you don't deal with it you may be causing yourself more harm. I believe what I have been through from physical/emotional abuse to neglect and lack of any support or love as a child, led me to make terrible major decisions in my life which led to very harmful adult relationships which led to a terrible career choice which led me to work related PTSD which led into a very dark period of my life where I didn't want to exist. Tomorrow I will finally start a new chapter with a new Psychologist. I am a bit terrified of what that will be like because I feel like Psychology doesn't mesh well with spirituality but I will give it a try with a new therapist...

I am in the midst of "therapy" which does nothing but continue to bring up the past and re hash things and make you re live any horror that you went through as a way of exposing you to it over and over so that you become immune or no longer fear what happened? Their line of thinking is the same as curing any fear such as that of a fear of spiders...continuous and repeated exposure will cause you to no longer fear it? How can anyone who is trying to work on themselves and gain enlightenment and awareness participate in traditional Psychology? This feels like a method of torture to me and has caused a definite back sliding of all of the hard work I have put into myself. What are your thoughts on the clash of these meeting head to head. Pardon the pun!

Present thinking is awesome, the best, the answer. I like to twist the saying: "there is no time like the present".....to "there is NO TIME, ONLY Present".

Thanks for the clarifications! In my own experiences with awareness/short periods of enlightenment, I have felt similar to what you experienced in a small way. I have felt at such ease at times and realized, we really are no thing we can see or feel we are just the energy behind or that which came before everything we are now aware of and it's such a clarity. Everything is beautiful and effortless and connected. Then because we are on this earth in a human body, I totally get what you said earlier that we need the illusion of separateness or consciousness would have no way of experiencing itself. The poor human being we are doesn't realize this and we live in turmoil when we forget who and what we truly are. I like what you say to just relax and let go fully and surrender....I can do that...but it never lasts and I go through a drop in consciousness and then I come back. I can see that you having these experiences that I have had multiplied by 1000, that the feeling when you come back into the body would make you feel like WTF do I do now!!! That's scary at times unless you can maintain what you KNOW through the ups and downs of living a human life. That seems to be the challenge we have set up. The old saying Bliss is ignorance seems to play here at times......All of us on here know elements of the truth to our existence and that can either be so beautiful and so enriching and peaceful and full of Love.....Yes.....but to me at times it can feel like a struggle because I always want to get back to the Bliss feeling and not have the human part that has struggle involved. The people that have not searched for answers or who only know life as a body seem to be in a blissful ignorant stage at times. It is really hard work at times to stay present and be aware of our divinity. That's a good thing that these things are not addictive. I do believe it can be a scary thing to experience and I would think that it isn't easy to go through dealing with all the stuff we have accumulated in our lives. It seems to be an ok thing as an eye opener but not something you keep repeating....or maybe it is something to repeat..... I don't know...

Hmm, can you explain this, it seems to be backwards to any idea of what enlightenment could be like. Do you believe an addiction to these things is possible? I'm asking because unless someone stays in a permanent state of GOD or enlightenment, could this not set the stage for a craving for more? To know how much further you can go...to push it in hopes of having it last longer and possibly drive you into a permanent state of bliss?

@Arkandeus I was just reminding my self of these very things this morning. I tend to lose myself when stressed and start ruminating about things I did wrong and then the worry of trying to figure out how the "future" will be, usually it's something far worse in our projection than what reality becomes when that future moment happens in the "now". It's challenging to me to use your example for the past event, to be honest...somehow my mind doesn't want to be tricked or doesn't want to re-write events about the past but this really works for me for a future event and is a very positive way to deal with apprehension for sure. The most important thing I can tell myself is that there is no such thing as the past or future, there is only now so to look at things from the now, which you have given examples for, is really the best way of dealing with life. My issues are when I dream of a future day and bury my thinking in what no longer exists. How silly is it to think about the past events....really.....to go over and over in your mind not accepting what doesn't exist anymore is a waste of life. Unless you are using your memory for an intellectual purpose to recall something important, all the other stuff is garbage..