Jamesc

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vbnfCsAI0ps This really creeps me out

Wow that's super cool haha I am curious now

I feel as if I am here not because I have made good righteous choices in life or anything like that but more like I just don't go out of my way to avoid or to get fun out of anything, much. I was born this way and I have been asked a lot of weird questions and been looked at through many lights in this life. It's interesting as it all comes with a certain sense of risk to be intermittent about. I know what I can expect in most avenues of society and can't help to think they are at there personal limits, (for lack of better words) but I have suffered tremendously as well as grasped beauty those would never believe. I guess it doesn't really matter your opinion at this point

I have been on and off for a while, on edge everyday it seems. I would like to share this video in hopes someone can relate to it particularly.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fpYo-Oeaiu4

So I first had intentional conscience experiences after I first began reading about 3rd eye awakenings, believing in chalkras, experiencing chi voltages in throughout my brain and body. I was on high school break before my senior year and at first I decided to stop contemplating everything and go on as if nothing happened until I had enough money to ditch society and live in the wilderness for the rest of my life. Now 5 years later I am 22. I dropped out of high school. Now mind you, I was a popular kid in school who did what he wanted. I left school and decided to live as it comes. How much I have taken for granted. I have been in numerous homeless shelters. I have multiple felons. I have no more family (never really did). I continue to lose interest in everyone including myself nearly once or twice a week. I have lived without money for a long time now. I have a habit of knowing when to blow everything behind me, drugs to say the least, and take what I can into the woods and walk and walk and walk and walk. I have been lost in the middle of nowhere, the desert, the redwoods, the jungle, (left the country once). Everyone I come across seems to have strong projections towards me and I understand this. I don't want to be around anyone really. I think about just working quietly a 9 - 5 but it's everything in between that takes that away. I can't commute in society any longer with or without a positive attitude. Not because It's uncomfortable but simply because it ultimately means jack shit. I have a girlfriend which whom knows me well. Without her and the suffering I put myself to be around for her I would probably be dead. I live in a household and like to smell good these days. I'm sick of it because the comfort is utterly consuming me. I enjoy being helpful and there are times now where I can see in peoples eyes how little they sense the world around them and it makes me angry but there isn't anything to do besides internalize it and take drugs out of compassion to feel better about myself. I don't trust anything and I should go redefine my reality by myself in solitude of being with non ego driven creatures.

Divinity is divinity. Men and women can have the same amount of it (never understanding each-other completely) all the way until one sees it through as a man or woman. As a man accepting and surrendering to femininity 100% would entitle you to unconditional love. Women get the power lol

Thanks, I tried

Everything is all an ego of it's own sort unless you're looking at it without a mind. At that point ego never existed.

Swell I am curious as if anyone has ever thought of quitting society and having the choice of dealing with people on a regular basis. Not that I want to be homeless but I'm strong in who I've become and I just figure I might take this lapalooza to a self made cabin in the trees. Fish, cook, quiet in my own time. I will still probably use society more than I expect ie music. Other than that I believe it would take less than two months to become mostly self sufficient. After that I have no idea. Anyone willing to put in their share for there own stuff I'd be willing to help. Taking place within the month @&%

What could be more mind expanding than to know you're shooting electricity out of your ears literally all the time manipulative by every aspect of time and space. I'm shocked and defenseless

I am curious because I would just like to work on cars. Can I be enlightened and totally forget trying to teach directly? I think I have actually. It's way to large of subject, constant peace of mind.

Learn to listen and not think so selfish. I'm here listening to peoples sob stories for some reason and I mean well. It's odd because the old me wouldn't give a shit. It feels nice though knowing I can help, outside of my own head.

Trying to make sense out of nothing all the time, is a waste of time. There is always something beyond to see through, to understand, to proceed further into mastery. No short cuts at all. Trying over and over to get start from assumption zero is another thing, which also takes intentional movement of sorts. I just felt as if that hasn't been said very often. Good day,

Idk if you have already covered this, but I'd love to know your thoughts.

I feel as if naturally being sober is the only "state" of being which you can authentically grow in terms of a forever type basis. Becoming enlightened I believe is being able to experiencing non-duality through all preconceived notions of it, the process, in the most comfortable mundane state of mind. That it shouldn't matter what I have seen it to be out of my ego. As that may as well be changing all the time. I have been high as a kite in the past and I have had some deep influx emotions that have been on completely new levels but I don't feel as if it matters at all as long as I am forever knowing it gets deeper.

Would it not be an egotistical move to operate on a "wanting to separate myself" in a dual way to experience these things?

That means nothing, at all.

Fastest way to understand it gets forever deeper? The level to which you are in tune with that? I'm struck.

Okay, so I am planning to go off to an ideal city to live on the edge of it near a nature preserve where I will be safe to concentrate as long as I want. I have been homeless in the past. I am actually quite a relaxed person but being placed recently in a small suburb has exploded my brain with ideas of what I will become. I honestly don't care to make an impact on the world if that requires giving up on the full time commitment to myself of seeing the true nature of any scenario. It sounds like a cop out to think I should act now in humanitarian views if maybe by chance I will learn something universal shattering for us all anyway. I'm not very nervous about it as I have actually been to many places around the country on my own, without money. I only struggle to understand what feeling content in one place may bring, if I will lose myself without anyone around to talk sense. I guess that's what it takes.

I am finding it difficult to find anything with reliable reviews.