Ziran

the best analogy I've heard is: "learning to dance with two different partners", simultaneously.

... beautiful. like climbing a ladder into the clouds, or, sometimes like the tick-tick-tick, creak-creak-creak, of the roller coaster climbing up the hill.

humor

@trenton, thank you

Have you come across any research regarding the manner in which the fixation takes root? Specifically, please correct me, criminal minds follow "signs" which trigger them?

Failure. My kids, whom I raised almost entirely solo, are spoiled, ungrateful, and indifferent. I do. "How am I going about it?" If the pattern holds, with nearly reckless abandon. Except for the music; I developed stage-fright late in life. I do. I would say it differently, but, yes. On careful consideration, I agree.

... I find bookworms particularly captivating ... Beyond that, I love love. And music and food. I love the feeling of releasing-and-returning. It's like flying, I suppose. I have a dear friend who credits me for helping them out of their darkness. When we meet she hangs on my every word. Lately, in my own darkness, she's been wonderful to me. The satisfaction coming from witnessing this, needing care and receiving care, from her. I gave another friend, deeply wounded from childhood neglect. I bring her peace and hope, ( her words, not mine ). I feel privileged to have these precious opportunities. Naturally, I desire more of this, Supporting others, for the purpose of witnessing their success, then watching it happen is, literally, splendid.

of course not, don't be ridiculous

Well. I'm not in the habit of seeking deception, delusion, and lies. Unless I'm watching a movie...

Gentle reminder, a great deal of communication is beyond spelling and articulation. Gesture, timing, and inflection are much less arbitrary.

If transience is irrelevant, then what is the root of the attachment? Maybe it's a manifestation of "Self <<>> self" ? Maybe it's attachment to "truth" manifesting as "beauty"? Or, maybe, a confluence of these and others?

the truth emerging from the beauty is eternal?

Maybe so, maybe not. I can't comment on anyone's experience other than my own.

Why does it have to end? I'm sorry if it sounds like a stupid question. I don't see it ending at all. The "unbelievable" just keeps going...

If so then either: the beauty described in the OP is not a transient form, or, the observer is not engaging in serenity? ETA: ... or a blending of both.

Then, it's reasonable to conclude transience ( or not ) is irrelevant in this case, right?

It's difficult in spite of the realization of transience and impermanence?

Because you too are beautiful, in like manner. And because you too are eternal, in the same way the beauty is eternal. There's one supernal attachment which is the foundation of the material world: Self << reflecting >> self. The experience described is participating in it. That's why it's difficult.

I'm sad for "you". Is there something I can do to help "you"?

There's nothing wrong with wanting to be seen, heard, and acknowledged as your authentic self.

Careful what you wish for " ... due to ..." is a red flag. It usually indicates the problem is "blaming". It's a consequence of relentlessly looking backwards in time with the mind's eye and asking "why?" then answering the question using avoidant rationalization. yup ~nods~ like a pinballs in a pinball machine, ricocheting off each other? No. Cultivating mutual understanding with the ones who raised them is the shortest path to relief.

"Do you really need guidance for developing spirituality?" Most need encouragement. Keep going. Consistent progress in the wrong direction eventually flips at the extremes.

Respectfully, "after" and "next" are out of context. All of it is concurrent, and omnipresent. The "choosing" is better described as "suspension-of-disbelief", or revealing an image within an autostereogram. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autostereogram

Maintenance in the form of God-the-sustainer.

The material realm, where there's appearing and disappearing co-exists and is concurrent with the realms beyond. After death, there's opportunity to visit, adopt, and/or integrate with the events, objects, concepts that appeared and disappeared. Don't try, just breathe. Follow the breath with the mind's eye. Even if sleep doesn't come, the body still benefits. It's taught in the military to deep sea divers.