Metacognition is the awareness and regulation of your own thinking processes.
It involves two main components: Metacognitive knowledge – understanding how you think, including your strengths, weaknesses, and the strategies available to you.
Metacognitive regulation ,actively monitoring, controlling, and adjusting your thinking while learning or problem solving.In short, it’s thinking about your thinking & both knowing how your mind works and managing it deliberately.
this seems to be something that’s reduced or inactive in the average human head, if not most. For me, it’s hyperactive. it’s none stop. a constant. i think it derived from that time i put myself in total self isolation which lasted a few years. i’ve stopped the beginning process as i’ve begun to map out my entire psyche to myself down to the subconscious level that is typically, inaccessible. I’m 20 years old now but i remember in high school, i was probably 16-17, i wanted to know who i am. it was something i kept pondering deeply in the midst of my despair. i’m extremely perceptive. religious people call it, “discernment”. academics call it, “hyper pattern recognition”. so i think maybe me being able to read everyone, made me feel like i didn’t know who i was. it was even more difficult when i realized society suppresses & rejects individuality, with conformity. at the time, i didn’t have the words for it but i think that’s what it was. that’s what started it. so i began to map out my psyche , not only to understand who i was, but to become a more efficient human. i am extremely vindictive person, i’ve always been like that since i was a child. always wanted retribution. & as a child i was also very impulsive. i grew up in a household where punishments were practically torture. yet i still lashed out at both parents & did stuff like destroy my room. (i had to eventually be put in therapy for it throughout my life. )this would still develop through my teens. eventually at age like 15-16 i started to realize that my impulsiveness, didnt give me a satisfying ending to the retribution i desire. i wanted people to feel pain tantamount to death & torture without me ever having to practically do anything. & i realized to achieve that, i need patience & control. this was very hard to do in the beginning due to being born with heightened emotions. no matter how badly my parents would punish me, it didn’t put fear in my impulsiveness. so i started that journey. instead of impulsively attacking someone or doing something harmful, i would sit & wait. i would even be their best friend. all while planning the satisfying end. & yes, from experience, it is much better that way. psychological warfare. i can’t read minds but i can read behavior. & not necessarily even the surface level behavior, rather the psychological structure that motivated the behavior which in a sense, gives a me clear open door to that persons soul. & when you know a persons soul, you know what hurts it, what triggers it & what destroys it. i’ve never been so egotistical to try & destroy someone. there can be lawful repercussions for even psychological warfare. & i never really need to go that far in the first place. i realized that i didn’t even need to say or do harmful things at all to hurt someone. i just simply needed to show them their soul, ask them a question about it that makes them realize, have an epiphany about it. usually awakening them to something that’s in it. in the retribution sense, this would be something negative. something you reject about yourself. typical insecurities you think you’ve hidden. or maybe even past trauma. a person doesn’t need to know the full story or even of it, they just simply need to know the right trigger words that triggers the story & emotional fallout for the person.
Once i realized the power in perception & control ? it became an obsession. because from my perceptive, it quite literally is the ability to manipulate reality, fate & see the future just from sheer intellect & average predictability. from that point on, i stopped trying to control, analyze or do anything for the sake of anything except being more smarter, more perceptive, having more control etc. i think this is where my metacognition truly was born. i fail to comprehend its beginnings because it was instinctive & only gained awareness of it when i was 19, a few months away from 20. metacognition, i didn’t realize it, was the reason i eventually gained control over my emotions. i had instinctively mapped out all of its causes, triggers & even reasons for even existing in me. this allowed me to always watch over the source via metacognition to control output. from a medical standpoint, that was the start of my ASPD. me being a sociopath in simpler terms. because once i had mapped out & gained control over the source, the price was detachment . however that was always my wish in the midst of despair because of how painful my emotions were. but it wasn’t detachment in the sense that i couldn’t feel anything at all, rather , me controlling my emotions so much had lifted the threshold for activation. in simpler terms, nothing could activate my emotions anymore unless it was specific things that i personally found stimulating, funny, fearful or irritating. from an outsiders perspective, if i show my detachment then i’ll 100% seem like a psychopath simply because none of what they’re saying stimulates. & even if it does stimulate me, because i had wired myself for control at peak brain development, it often would not show on my face. so, because i have enough self awarnes due to metacognition & awarnes of people’s perception & perspective based on pattern recognition, i did the typical sociopath/psychopath super, became a chameleon. in my case, i quite literally have no choice or i risk being exiled from all communities, being the black sheep or that weird person everyone stays away from.
this is all i have to say for right now. i guess i’ll call it Part1. Going to bed soon.
