JKG

17/06/27 Overall Habit Streak: 1 Contemplating and embracing the desire to eat (when I want to snack) - Streak 1 Intermittent Fasting - Streak 17 Doing something different - Streak 20 Apple cider vinegar in the morning - Streak 30 Programming my Subconscious Mind (10min) - Streak 38 Waking up my body outside - Streak 53 The difference: Explored a new, longer than usual, running route.

17/06/26 Overall Habit Streak: 0 Contemplating and embracing the desire to eat (when I want to snack) - Streak 0 Intermittent Fasting - Streak 16 Doing something different - Streak 19 Apple cider vinegar in the morning - Streak 29 Programming my Subconscious Mind (10min) - Streak 37 Waking up my body outside - Streak 52 The difference: I drove to a different location to run. It was fun there.

17/06/25 Overall Habit Streak: 2 Contemplating and embracing the desire to eat (when I want to snack) - Streak 2 Intermittent Fasting - Streak 15 Doing something different - Streak 18 Apple cider vinegar in the morning - Streak 28 Programming my Subconscious Mind (10min) - Streak 36 Waking up my body outside - Streak 51 The difference: I confronted my father with something, and had a lot of emotional reactions afterwards.

Bad news. I cannot attend the vipassana retreat. At the same time a maths pre course at university begins. If I would attend the retreat I would miss a whole week. And this course is important for the beginning of my studies, especially because of finding friends there. I could see this in two ways. Firstly I could be happy because I have a problem less that I would have to tell my parents about. Otherwise I am now less likely to meet my goal of two retreats in a year. Maybe I will do something like a solo retreat. I'll see.

17/06/24 Overall Habit Streak: 1 Contemplating and embracing the desire to eat (when I want to snack) - Streak 1 Intermittent Fasting - Streak 14 Doing something different - Streak 17 Apple cider vinegar in the morning - Streak 27 Programming my Subconscious Mind (10min) - Streak 35 Waking up my body outside - Streak 50 The difference: I did gardening stuff. I started listening to a new audiobook. I played with my sister. I got angry quite often today. I didn't eat nuts at lunch, nor some other snacks. This had somehow a good effect on the rest of my eating habit. I didn't eat anything in the afternoon. And when it got time for dinner I was actually a bit hungry. I wasn't hungry for dinner in a long time. But after dinner I ate some snacks more.

Those nights when you dream about programming...

17/06/23 Overall Habit Streak: 0 Contemplating and embracing the desire to eat (when I want to snack) - Streak 0 Intermittent Fasting - Streak 13 Doing something different - Streak 16 Apple cider vinegar in the morning - Streak 26 Programming my Subconscious Mind (10min) - Streak 34 Waking up my body outside - Streak 49 Programming Time: 4 hours The difference: I got attacked by a big bird on my run. I picked up my sister. I bake bread. To make this point clear to myself again: I will not allow myself to start another habit before I haven't reached the streak of 21 with my contemplating the desire to eat habit. I am currently just to lazy. When a such a situation occurs I think to myself "yeah, I will do this later." But no, I will do this now! Right in this moment when I desire to eat more than is reasonable. Common situations in which this happens: at the end of my lunch I just want to keep listening to the audiobook or to a video, so that I just get myself some more nuts. Or when I go into the kitchen to bring something away I open the boxes with the snacks that I want to avoid. Or in the afternoon when there lies some fruit around. Or after dinner when i don't feel totally full yet I often just want to eat much much more.

So Good They Can't Ignore You Today I have been listening a lot to my audiobook. Its so good, you shouldn't ignore it . I listened to it while running, while eating lunch, while cooking, while eating dinner... Probably a little bit too much. I probably cannot remember all the juicy details at once, but I will relisten to it a lot of times. It made me really inspired today. It makes me so motivated to build up my career capital, to do a lot of deliberate practice... It makes the process of pursuing my life purpose more practical. Through the Life Purpose Course it seems to me like the process gets as follows: decide on what you want. Then build up your skills. Make small bets. Build a business... Yeah, this seems okay, but what do I actually want? What kind of business should I grow? Do I even need to build a business? What?? This all seems way to complicated. Now I have a slight different attitude. First things first. Build a tone of career capital. And get to the cutting edge of your field. Literally become world class and spent 10,000 doing your work. And build up your skills through deliberate practice - something that challenges you, is outside of your comfort zone and builds up your skills a lot. Then with enough career capital you will be able to gain more control over your working life. Its not bad to be employed and work for someone else. When your skill set is so valuable, you will be able to gain more control and your employers will permit it. And at some point you will be able to move your work more in the direction of what matters to you. The next aspect he mentions is a mission - or the impact you want to have. For me this is "creating technology that advances consciousness." Its pretty vague and I have no idea of how to accomplish this, and even if its possible. What Cal Newport says is that the mission will develop with the time. When you are not at the cutting edge of your field yet, its hard to see what is worthwhile and possible to create, and that has the impact that you want. These are good news for me. I don't have to know yet which technologies I want to create. I rather just should build up my skills to create such technologies in the future. The opportunities will arise along the way. My App I have been having a very interesting conversation yesterday with @Dragallur. He gave me a lot of ideas for my vocabulary trainer app. With these ideas I could now build a pretty good business model which could earn me money in one or two years. This would contribute very well with my goal of financial independence. But I don't know yet whether I really want to to this. Is Android App development really the thing that I want to do? Web development with Ruby on Rails would be another part of this big big project. I don't know. I will firsty finish the first version of this app and website. And this will still take me another one or two months. (Its funny that I said at the beginning that it would probably take me just one month.) After the first version I would like to do something else. Maybe dabbling around a bit with Ruby and Rails. I I jump to Python and finally do artificial intelligence stuff. Then I might want to compare which I liked more. App development or AI. But what concerns me is that if I would chose the App, I would primarily do it just for the money and for the seak of financial independence. But I've heard self help gurus saying that its not the best idea to start a project for the seak of money. Well, its not just the money, I also would build my skills with it a lot. But wouldn't my potential AI skils be more valuable in the long run? But on the other hand, financial independence is my number one goal for the next three years! My mind jumps back and forth between these two possibilities. Let it do its thing J, and concentrate on building your skills. Excitement At the moment I am also very excited of finally becoming a university student. At the end of next week I am officially no longer a high school student. And the week after that I can apply for university. Such exciting perspectives. I am excited of finally learning all the stuff about computer science. Now I already really enjoy that what I am doing is more challenging that school stuff. School stuff was just so easy, mostly not interesting, and boring. The stuff that I learn now on the other hand is highly practical, can enable me to build the life that I want, and is interesting. My current daily routine might not seem very exciting from the outside - like @Mango1998 pointed out to me privately. But I am intrinsically motivated and have a huge vision. Almost everything that I am currently doing is contributing to my future vision. My current work that I am doing - programming - might also not seem so exciting. I am sitting there, writing, google-ing for solutions to problems, reading tutorials. My emotions are also not that positive all the time. But there is still this slight emotion underneath all the time, which comes from doing something challenging. Right now on retrospect it seems like I am in a flow state sometimes. I am also reading The Path of Least Resistance - like already mentioned several times. At the moment Robert Fritz talks about the creative process itself. In the phase of Germination (the start where you build up your vision and slowly start to take action), in which I am now, is a lot of energy building up. Its exciting, yes! Then the phase of Assimilation comes, when you work on building your vision. There this thrill of the initial energy is gone. But there comes a different kind of energy. You build momentum, and embody the vision. And then the phase of completion comes. And what I have realized that this is the most important phase. Why are you even doing all the work in the first two phases, if you are not finishing your projects? I have seen in my past that I am not finishing much. Most of my programming projects I have quited because it became to complex. But I need to master this phase too. This insight made me continuing with my vocabulary trainer app at days where it was not very nice and rather frustrating. I want to finish it! I am also reading The Book of Not Knowing. (Wow, my beginning sentences are so creative!) I see that I have missed a lot while reading it the first time. Its more challenging, and I am making a lot of notes. I like the stuff that he talks about: self, being, interpretations, emotions, thoughts, concepts... A lof of stuff is there for contemplation purposes. But somehow I am too lazy to contemplate that yet. We'll see. These all are the main thoughts that I am having at the moment. There are also some rather personal thoughts, but - like I mentioned - I don't want to get too private here anymore.

Computer Time If I want to become a world class programmer I have to spend a lot of time in front of the computer. But I cannot handle this so well. Today I spend about 8 hours in front of the computer and I feel that the tics become stronger slowly and that I should turn it off. Therefore I should minimize the time that I spend in front of the computer while I am not working. That means that I should not be so much on the forum. I should not watch many videos. I should not be on the computer while eating... I should rather spend my non-work-time outside, because I feel like nature relaxes me more. I also don't have to watch videos. I could listen to audiobooks - I love that.

Deliberate Practice Yesterday I have listened So Good They Can't Ignore You where he talks about deliberate practice. Leo talked about this concept too in the LPC, but this book made it clear to me again. I have to practice deliberately to constantly improve my programming skill. I have to practice so that I just am outside of my comfort zone. Chess players don't just play chess, they also study stuff from chess players. Transfered to programming this would mean: programmers don't just program all the time, programmers also have to practice to improve their skills. Programming itself will improve my skill. But sometimes working just on the project becomes repetitive. Its not always that challenging. For example I am already comfortable now with designing the layout of an activity (one window in an app) and to make the objects inside of the activity act a certain way. Or I can query stuff from the sqlite database easily. But I have problems with some parts of my app development, which I should practice: unit testing with Mockito, Espresso... - I hate it clean architecture design patterns making my code understandable for others communicating with a server I am also very familiar with Java now after working with it for multiple years. But I still don't know everything about it. I have seen some weird code stuff, that I just have copied, but I have no idea what I am doing there. It something about generic variables. Or working with exceptions. Or stuff with these <bla> things. Or these @Override things... There is still stuff that I can learn about Java. I also have researched a bit about deliberate practice for computer programmers. understanding ones mistakes, archiving them to avoid them in the future competitive programming applying best practices (understandable code) understanding code from more experienced programmers and learning from it And of course learning a new programming language will also get me outside of my programming comfort zone. Today I have studied a bit Ruby and tried to write a little tic tac toe game. At some point I was so frustrated because I just couldn't figure it out how to do it in Ruby. In Java I directly would have known how to do it. Happily my father could help me. "Learning by doing" is still one of the best ways for me to improve my skills. But shouldn't just work on my project and make it more complex to challenge me. I should also try to improve my skills with improving my language skills, patterns... Maybe one hour each day.

17/06/22 Overall Habit Streak: 1 Contemplating and embracing the desire to eat (when I want to snack) - Streak 1 Intermittent Fasting - Streak 12 Doing something different - Streak 15 Apple cider vinegar in the morning - Streak 25 Programming my Subconscious Mind (10min) - Streak 33 Waking up my body outside - Streak 48 Programming Time: 5 hours The difference: I was biking and I had problems with my brake. Somehow it was constantly pulled and I couldn't drive properly anymore. The front wheel had so much resistance that it was almost impossible to drive and to wheel. I stopped and couldn't figure out how to fix the break. I almost thought that I would have to walk back home carrying the bike all the way. That would have taken me about 1.5 hours while the sun was burning on its highest point and it was 35 degrees outside. Happily an old man stopped to help me. He couldn't figure out how to solve the problem neither, but he did something so that the resistance got a little bit weaker. I biked home, which was harder than usual, but it was okay.

17/06/21 Overall Habit Streak: 0 Contemplating and embracing the desire to eat (when I want to snack) - Streak 0 Intermittent Fasting - Streak 11 Doing something different - Streak 14 Apple cider vinegar in the morning - Streak 24 Programming my Subconscious Mind (10min) - Streak 32 Waking up my body outside - Streak 47 The difference: buying water, bananas, strawberries; swimming Tomorrow I will contemplate whether I still need to eat nuts after lunch. Probably not, but I do it out of habit.

dependency on family overeating not getting out of my comfort zone limiting beliefs laziness to meditate

Life Purpose I start to like working on my app more and more. I understand more and more about android stuff. Today I have been able to connect the phone with the server and receive a JSON string from there. And I have written a lot of code to read the strings and add the data to my database a few days ago. I have put the pieces together and it actually works really well!!! A few days ago I got the idea that I could make money with this app at some point. I could sell it to schools, which then provide access to all the students. They could import all the vocabulary from the books they use. I could take each month 50 or 100€ from the school for providing them the app and the server stuff. And then i could go to more schools, and then at some point I could make a living from this app. I was reading a section from The Path of Least Resistance today and he talked about not limiting oneself with ones vision. I immediately recognized that I limited myself. I said that I would just finish the app so that my sister could use it. But making money with the app is a good step to independence. It will be scary to convince the school people and selling it. But what about my bigger visions? If I am not able to speak to teachers or directors, how could I make a own business... Now I am much more motivated to make my app better. I see so many things that I could improve. I also need to make the performance better, clean up the code (its quite messy), comment all the stuff... Then I need a nice website... But a bigger problem could be that the app is only available for android. But there are also students with apple. That means that I might have to learn iOS app development too, which is completely different, and even with a different programming language - I don't even know which one. And I don't have an apple device... The best way to learn programming at the moment is by doing! Learning by doing. Now I am also more inspired to become better at programming because of So Good They Can't Ignore You. Today I have programmed for 5 hours. And it was good.

Audiobooks Audiobooks are a much more efficient medium of gaining knowledge. I have found the audiobook from So Good They Can't Ignore You by Cal Newport on YouTube. I have started listening to it today while eating lunch, stretching and cooking. Now I have already listened to two hours. That is almost one third of the book! I will probably not remember everything, but I can listen to it again and again. And I guess I remember more from listening than from reading. I need to get this audible account!

Independence What I need the most is independence. Dependence on my family is limiting the most at the moment. So my number one goal for the next years should be reaching independence from my family. I want to be in a position where they have no influence on my life anymore if I don't want it. I want to be able to do whatever I want without them being able to limit me - "physically" and mentally. The frustrating thing about this is that its only possible in a few years time. I firstly need the money to pay all the stuff for myself. And then I need to move out. After my bachelors degree in 3 years I could get a job. But then a masters degree would be harder. But while doing a potential PhD I could earn money. Well, I don't want to look to much into the future. Lets focus on the next 3 years first. While studying I could take a part time job at the university. They often have some of those jobs for students. Or I could be a freelancer and provide some of my programming skills. Or I'll take a real part time job while being a part time student. But I would prefer the freelance option. Or I could apply for a scholarship if my grades are good. Or I could take a German financial helping system for students, but this amount of money would not be so much because the amount gets calculated through the income from the parents. Another thing I could do is to study for one or two semesters in a different country. But even after the 3 years its likely that I will stay stuck here at home for another 2 years in the masters degree. To prevent that I could say to my parents that I want to study in a different city, because there are more possibilities for my interests... Or even making the master in a different country. Lets make the goal here: I want to be independent from my family in three years (after my bachelors degree). I will reach this through freelance work, scholarships, and studying abroad.

17/06/20 Overall Habit Streak: 0 Contemplating and embracing the desire to eat (when I want to snack) - Streak 0 Intermittent Fasting - Streak 10 Doing something different - Streak 13 Apple cider vinegar in the morning - Streak 23 Programming my Subconscious Mind (10min) - Streak 31 Waking up my body outside - Streak 46 The difference: running as the first thing in the morning, chicken stuff, going to school to collect some stuff I didn't fast until 12. The number 12 is just a good number. But its not always practical. So I have changed it to intermittent fasting. Because I was running early in the morning and doing other physical activities in the morning I was not able to concentrate when I wanted to program. So I ate a little bit of fruit at 10am. And this is totally fine. I didn't overeat so much, but still I broke the streak. I have to be radically honest!! I snacked a bit in the afternoon and I didn't contemplate.

17/06/19 Overall Habit Streak: 3 Contemplating and embracing the desire to eat (when I want to snack) - Streak 3 Fasting until 12 - Streak 9 Doing something different - Streak 12 Apple cider vinegar in the morning - Streak 22 Programming my Subconscious Mind (10min) - Streak 30 Waking up my body outside - Streak 45 The difference: picking up books, picking up my sister from school, gardening, skyping

A Day I haven't been journaling much in the last weeks, nor in my private journal. Just about some thoughts. So I thought it would be a good idea to capture a usual day. I woke up at 6:30am without an alarm. I stayed in bed for a while and read a The Path of Least Resistance. Then I got up, did my usual morning stuff (washing, changing clothes, oil pulling, drinking apple cider vinegar, making cistus tea, programming my subconscious mind, running around in the garden), and started programming for about 1.5 hours. I worked on reading an JSON string and to add all the data into my database. Later I worked on receiving this string from the server. At around 10am I went into the city to pick up two books that I have ordered - The Wheel of Time by Carlos Castanada and Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, which both are in German. Then I did some gardening and then I had to pick up my sister from school. Then I ate lunch and watched the rest from Leo's video about Why People are Crazy. I liked it. I ate much more than I needed, as usual. Then I wanted to read a bit, but I felt like I couldn't concentrate properly. So I did some tasks that didn't needed much concentration. I looked on websites from banks, because I finally want to get this bank account. Then I skyped with @Gabriel Antonio. Then I meditated for 30 minutes. I now want to try out doing two 30 minute meditation sessions instead of a big one. I want to boost my mindfulness. Then I read The Book of Not Knowing. I felt like I really go some ideas from Ralston. We live purely in a conceptual world. How the tell can I know anything. I don't know where this sense of self comes from. Its just made up... Then I programmed a bit, snacked a bit, ate dinner, did some household stuff, and now I am standing here in front of my computer and write this stuff. It has been a good day. Better than the days before. I was not super happy, but at least I had no much suffering or negative emotions.

Your cognitive style is... Pragmatic Your organizational style is... Focused Your energy style is... Introverted Your stress management style is... Responsive Your interpersonal style is... Collaborative Openness Traits Your level of imagination is low. Your level of artistic interests is low. Your level of emotionality is high. Your level of adventurousness is about average. Your level of intellectual interest is low. Your level of liberalism is high. Conscientiousness Traits Your level of self-efficacy is about average. Your level of orderliness is high. Your level of dutifulness is about average. Your level of achievement striving is about average. Your level of cautiousness is high Extraversion Traits Your level of friendliness is low. Your level of gregariousness is low. Your level of assertiveness is low. Your activity level is about average. Your level of excitement-seeking is low. Your level of positive emotions is low. Neuroticism Traits Your level of anxiety is low. Your level of anger is low. Your level of depression is low. Your level or selfconsciousness is high. Your level of immoderation is about average. Your level of vulnerability is about average. Agreeableness Traits Your level of trust is high. Your level of honesty is about average. Your level of altruism is low. Your level of cooperation is high. Your level of modesty is low. Your level of sympathy is high.

Victim Thinking What is annoying me the most at the moment is my father. It feels to me like he only allows me to do the stuff that he thinks is right. He wants me to become the second version of himself. I should study what he studied. I should develop the character traits that he has. I should take a similar career as he did. I should study at the same university as he did. I should get a family and get two children. I should stay living in Germany forever. I should never do anything that might be dangerous. I should do only stuff that looks good on the CV. I should........... This pisses me off. This pisses me off so hard. I want to live my own life. I just want to be free. I want to be free to decide to do whatever I want. I want to be independent from him. I don't want to live here at home anymore. I want to live in my own flat. I want to earn my own money. I just want to be INDEPENDENT from him. Why are people so narrow-minded, ignorant, deluded... He thinks his perspective is totally right. Everybody should live a life as he did. BUT I DON'T WANT THAT. I WANT TO LIVE MY OWN FREAKING LIFE. I don't want to be a victim to his wants. I see how I am developing myself into being his victim. My mother is already his victim. I don't want to end this way. arghh. These are just projections. He is just concerned about my safety. I have this story in my mind. And only the story is causing my suffering. The only problem is my uninvestigated story. Lets do THE WORK.

17/06/18 Overall Habit Streak: 2 Contemplating and embracing the desire to eat (when I want to snack) - Streak 2 Fasting until 12 - Streak 8 Doing something different - Streak 11 Apple cider vinegar in the morning - Streak 21 Programming my Subconscious Mind (10min) - Streak 29 Waking up my body outside - Streak 44 The difference: I learned about JSON. And I contemplated emotional problems. The key to mastering habits is: CHANGING ONLY ONE HABIT AT A TIME!!!!! I see this here just perfectly. At the beginning of this journal / of this year I sticked with this rule well. Then I started adding more and more. And after I have removed the habits from the list I started slacking off with them. I should keep them here on the list until I have reached at least a streak of 90. Really! I WILL ONLY ADD A NEW HABIT WHEN I HAVE REACHED A STREAK OF 21 WITH MY EATING CONTEMPLATION HABIT!!!

17/06/17 Overall Habit Streak: 1 Contemplating and embracing the desire to eat (when I want to snack) - Streak 1 Fasting until 12 - Streak 7 Doing something different - Streak 10 Apple cider vinegar in the morning - Streak 20 Programming my Subconscious Mind (10min) - Streak 28 Waking up my body outside - Streak 43 The difference: eating almost fully raw, visiting my grandma with my sister, speaking with my father about stuff

Contemplating the desire to eat I want to eat now. I would like to go up into the kitchen, grab a bowl, put oat meal into it, some raisins, a plant milk, a banana, some strawberries... Why do I want that? Well, I don't feel as full as I normally would at this time of the day. Its 7:35pm. For lunch I had a green smoothie, a big salad, and a peach. For lunch I had a big fruit plate and some nuts, because I was to lazy to cook something. And because I ate today mainly raw I am not as full as with a big starch dinner. Am I hungry? No, not at all. My stomach is pretty full, but as I said not as full as normally. I only feel really full, when I am really really full. So why do I want to eat then? Its not hunger. Its a desire. Its a habit to eat so much until I am really really full. And I don't like withstanding a desire. I am used to giving in to the desire and to just go into the kitchen, eat, and feel a bit guilty afterwards. There is probably something deeper behind this desire, not just the habit. Leo said that all addiction stem from the main problem that we feel empty inside - a fear of emptiness. Do I feel emptiness right now? Maybe I just want to feel this emptiness by eating, or I want to distract myself from emptiness through eating. Probably. But I don't know. Lets make a deal ego. I will wait now until 8pm. If I still feel the desire then, I will meditate for 10 minutes and embrace this emptiness. And then I will see.

17/06/16 Overall Habit Streak: 0 Contemplating and embracing the desire to eat (when I want to snack) - Streak 0 Fasting until 12 - Streak 6 Doing something different - Streak 9 Apple cider vinegar in the morning - Streak 19 Programming my Subconscious Mind (10min) - Streak 27 Waking up my body outside - Streak 42 The difference: radical honesty