Hello ladies and gentlemen,
hello from Germany.
So right now, Im 28, working my first ever job after college (graduated in late 2023) and still live at home with mom and sister.
Ive come across Actualized and Leo in 2016, so Im many years in. It first started with basic self help stuff like boosting creativity or videos about female and male psychology and lead to topics like God-Realization and Absolute Solipsism. Leo greatly benefited me in my journey so far. He changed my ways of thinking and my perspective on many different topics. He introduced me to so many fascinating topics and models no other teacher showed me. I’ve learnt so much about myself through his videos and through this Online-Forum.
And lately Im asking myself the question again and again: Where is this all leading to? Is this what I truly want? Will this lead to my personal happiness? And especially what kind of life am I wishing to live?
And slowly Im coming to the conclusion that I don’t want that much out of life. My ambitions aren’t that high, more the opposite is the case. I want a “normal” life. Having a religion, marrying a woman, having children, working a stable enjoyable job, enjoying entertainment, meeting with friends, travelling, buying a house. I especially realized that I want that in summer 2023, when we went to Canada to visit my relatives. They are basically living this kind of life. Deep down I know that I also want that.
But: The more I try to aim for that life, the more I realize that it is just a fantasy, maybe not for other people, I don’t know that for sure.
Life seems to be really chaotic and order and structures will fall apart sooner or later: Jobs aren’t that stable as they seem, you can get fired out of the blue. Passions and interests for all sorts of things come and then they also go. Friends you had for years disappear in a second. Religion has so many interpretations as there are number of people on this earth. Getting laid is an almost impossible challenge. Getting in shape (I mean building muscles here) is really limited by genetics. Family comes and go. Mental disorders will come and they sometimes won’t disappear, same for physical illnesses. Interests for topics are there and will turn to disinterest next month. And Im pretty sure that this feelings of chaos and dis-order led me to Actualized (also feelings of depression).
There are so many things you cant control and this leads to chaos and dis-order in ones personal life and also all around the world. That’s my personal experience.
I feel like this kind of life that I wish for is not possible for me. For most people however it is. They seem happy and they have order and structure in their life, which cant be shaken. They can let themselves fall back and enjoy life.
What are your takes on this issue and on my experience?
I really appreciate your comments and Im happy for the possible advice that you can give me. Thank you.
