LambdaDelta

Travel lots, dedicate most of my time to spiritual work, learning in various fields, contemplation. Do some charity work, take good care of my health. Being serious or even half-serious about these would fill up my entire schedule.

This is interesting to think about. If one does manage to get to a state where everything is undifferentiated bliss, then in a way they'd be losing something, which is the ability to see distinctions. Now how you regard that is up to you, but it is a tradeoff to consider.

Continuing on this analogy from your blog post, I'm curious how do you think people that have an inexplicable innate desire to be like werewolf boy, but cannot for whatever reason, reconcile that? To give an example, Salieri from the movie Amadeus who was jelaous of Mozart's talent I wonder if there no hope for such people, are they fated to be stuck in that state for their entire life? And I mean more psychologically, I can't really see a good way of how one would 'practically' get out of a situation like that. More broadly and existentially speaking I understand why this happens and that it has to happen.

Maybe I don't, who knows. Had my fair share of immense pain and suffering, physical and mental. It wouldn't be wise to assume about other people or make comparisons. "Disconnected from God" is a duality, everything you describe is still within God. But that doesn't matter, as long as our perception of the issue remains different it'll all just be semantics. I wish you a speedy recovery.

I understand. It is a valid argument that a highly conscious person would not experience hell as hell, it would all be heaven. On the other hand, if you consciously choose to see hell, nothing will prevent you from that. The trouble is if one stumbles there on accident, which of course the various addictive and unhealthy patterns will reinforce. Getting trapped in a self-feeding nightmarish loop is a real possibility, where all your inner filth is reflected back at you amplified by a hundredfold, with you having no control nor capacity to handle it. I've read dozens of trip reports gone awfully wrong and experienced a good deal of that myself, though I won't make claims whether mine were harder or easier than anyone's.

I don't regard it as "unfortunately". I've experienced being trapped for thousands of years in a dimension alone with no need for food but feeling of hunger didn't go anywhere, among other crazy stuff. Looking back fondly at all those, even though in the moment it sure doesn't feel nice. In the end it's still all about perception. Understandable why most would avoid such things, but for some nutjobs like myself experiencing the full spectrum of existence is a necessity, it's not enough to just intellectually understand that such places exist.

It's totally possible for a psychologically healthy person to experience hellish dimensions, especially if they're interested in all aspects of reality and seek these out. Substance abuse, mental illness, poor setting, etc. will increase the likelihood of it and also color your perceptions negatively, but it doesn't have to be that way.

Doable, but it's like walking on a tightrope. The chances of you falling are extremely high, odds are very much against you. Chances can be improved through various means and efforts, but the truth is sometimes you may fail due to randomness or some predetermined conditions. Thing with Truth is, once you stumble upon it, you intuitively give it priority over everything else, even if rationally you understand there's survival concerns and the like. It's also irreversible, once seen it cannot be unseen. The sacrifices you mention are an undeniable reality though. In the end it's a matter of priority, which's more important, happiness or truth? I believe the two can be squared to a large extent (but not fully) if you're very prudent, careful, and also lucky.

Consider that contradiction/paradox is a crucial feature of reality. It's not an either/or, both can be true at the same time. But one might be more true than the other.

Bit like the Buddha eh. Indeed, as Christians like to say, the Lord works in mysterious ways

This reminded me of a practice I came up with some time ago and wanted to implement, but never did. Every night before sleep taking a good look around, then closing my eyes as if for the last time. A real 'rest in peace'. Did that during a disso trip once, such fucking levels of peace and stillness that it's not possible to put into words. Emotionally I'm also at a point where I'm prepared for death and content with it, though I wouldn't mind living to old age either. As for the actions, who knows, would probably say my goodbyes to family and then perhaps something reckless, YOLO style.

Sounds about right. The PCEs tend to be more manic and cold, especially if it's 3-ME/MeO. The HO balances that a bit. It's not a common substance, so I haven't tried it, but having done 3-MeO-PCE, 3-HO-PCP, and 3-ME-PCPy a bunch gives me a good idea. Some potentially relevant reports (not about it, but still very interesting) https://www.reddit.com/r/researchchemicals/comments/1brxgyo/3meopce_hole_didnt_know_it_wasnt_a_nightmare_5/ https://www.reddit.com/r/Drugs/comments/p5rzzl/absolutely_floored_at_the_addictive_power_of_pcp/

Business as usual

I believe so, if you feel authentically called to this spiritual path, you oughta walk it with your best effort. The reason nobody is awake is that it's hard. "God helps those who help themselves", "Man proposes, God disposes", etc. But, there's also "Whichever way you turn, there's the face of God", so while you may pursue God, don't forget he's already always here.

In my opinion, if you only wish to ease your social anxiety and not trying to do pickup, start treating her like you would any other person, ie other guys. And I don't mean talking about football and beer, but maintain the same attitude as with everyone else. The fact that she's a girl should change nothing. As someone who has zero interest in dating and the like, that's how I approach all my interactions, and I believe in many cases women actually appreciate this, being treated like a human being without some underlying sexual motives or subtle games being played. Also don't be too hard on yourself, we can't always be at our best. And maybe teasing is just part of her personality, not to do with you in particular. If you don't feel like playing along, then simply don't. I take it this is a work situation? Otherwise if you're not stuck there it might be much simpler to just find someone else to interact with, can't vibe with everyone and that's ok.

God consciousness is rather tricky. You exist as a limited human self, currently anyway. There are many things you cannot do in this state. These constraints were placed on you by yourself, but you're also not conscious enough to see exactly how that was done or how to undo them. And if you do manage to temporarily reach a state where that's possible, you'll no longer have any desire to generate riches out of thin air or similar human concerns. I'm open to being wrong on this, and to an extent such things are possible (Think and Grow Rich, etc.), but this tends to be my experience of God mode.

Remains to be seen how she approaches the cartel issue, that's still a major problem

Many here are likely in the same boat, myself included. I've given it some thought, but no concrete answers so far. The idea of holding out till you can reach a certain financial goal or whatever doesn't seem right. Most likely you'd be miserable along the way, and it's necessary to learn to enjoy the process, which'll also bring about better and faster results. I'm contemplating how to make the survival process more fun. One avenue could be to apply semi-spiritual knowledge and practices to it - spiral/ego development, intuition, mindfullness, various psychological lenses, etc. and see what kind of results you get. That way it's more like a game. Ideally survival should end up running itself, with you paying minimal attention. That alone is very difficult to achieve, but also rewarding if one can learn to appreciate the work and intelligence that goes into it. Perhaps you do need to quit spirituality cold turkey for a time. Pursuing extremely high consciousness states is almost like 'chasing the dragon' on heroin, the deeper you go the worse the withdrawals will get. Consider doing a trip where you specifically ask yourself "How am I not appreciating the beauty of earthly life?". Look up evidence that there is in fact a lot of beauty and intelligence in it, even in the stupid and boring stuff. Personally I'm thinking I need a radical shift to shake things up, a shock to the senses. One of my problems is my life is too comfortable for my own good, maybe you can relate. Something like locking up a major portion of my savings somewhere inaccessible s.t. pressing survival concerns will force me to act, or else. The issue is my self-awareness is too advanced, which's a double-edged sword. On the one hand it's helpful, but since it all passes through an ego structure, it may also get co-opted to keep me in homeostatis. Hard to trick yourself into doing something once you know it's a trick and how it works. It's a constant struggle with yourself, an inner jihad. This spirituality stuff really is a one-way ticket, huh? Once seen it cannot be unseen, for better or worse. Anyhoo that's some of my ramblings, hopefully somewhat useful.

It's not common practice to throw modafinil in the mix, but anecdotally people appear to be having decent results with that, for more clarity during the experience and better recollection afterwards. I'm gonna add some armodafinil to my next disso trip and see how that goes. Combining stuff is just fine as long as you don't go completely overboard or something stupid like coke with opis. AL-LAD is rather weak, so I don't think adding only 75ug more will produce a particularly noticeable difference.

I don't have experience, but based on its properties it will surely require higher doses than traditional DMT freebase, plus I don't think it'll be active orally if you're interested in that ROA.

Surrender is tricky. On the one hand, it shouldn't be a struggle, quite the opposite in fact, it's a beautiful thing. But it's also challenging and emotionally painful due to all your attachments. Way I see it, it boils down to being able to realize and accept that all this 'hell' is really just perception and a part of your own self/reality, no better or worse than any other. Hell is not devoid of love, the love is there, you're just blind to it because you're too busy attaching negative meanings to the events around. But be extra careful with all this when in an unstable mental state, could end up doing more harm then good. If you're expecting hell, it just might become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Trust your intuition and assessment of your current capabilities, if you don't feel up to it then it's wise to back off for a time.

They do? That's usually not the case, but energy shenanigans can certainly take place. Perhaps it's precisely your chronic burnouts that make you unable to handle these experiences without feeling drained. Tryptamines are pretty gentle overall, especially the 4-sub ones.

The duration of LSD makes it really great for creative work, lots of time to generate and write down ideas while you're in a free-flowing state. Though for this purpose the visuals might become a bit of a hassle as you'll have letters jumping around and such, making it difficult to read, paint, etc. Even for classical tripping the duration isn't that big of deal IMO. Worst case scenario if I get bored of the plateau I just pop a benzo and it stops fast, then a nice sleep with muscle relaxation. Also somehow I never managed to break through to the highest levels of God consciousness on LSD, even at a large dose of 2250ug. Some higher planes of existense for sure, but nowhere near the top. As someone immune to the 5-MeO series, my top for consciousness work, in no particular order, is 4-HO-MiPT, 3-HO-PCP, and 2C-E

That's an interesting experience. I agree that it makes you very comfortable with whatever you're doing and feeling in the moment, like a flow state. Recently I took some and went to gamble at a casino, something I usually never do, but on molly it was super fun and felt natural. Definitely more of a recreational substance, yet it can also be very therapeutic for some people. The neurotoxicity is a large disadvantage though. Plus that horrid sweet smell, gives me nausea just thinking about it. There's 6-APB which has a better safety profile and similar effects, but it's also a good deal weaker. The body sensations are sure nice, though I've had better on DMT once. Also apparently 5-MeO-MiPT is stronger in that regard, plus there's all the opis, especially the zene territory, if one's reckless enough to go there

Woah, that's quite the mix. Very nice!