LambdaDelta

Heh, nope, no such thing for me, though I'm very glad it's working out for you, sounds lovely. I generate the love required within myself, skipping the middleman so to speak. There's tradeoffs either way

I agree, also sometimes keeping the truth hidden is the most loving course, but on the other hand getting it out of the way once, even if painful, is more freeing. I see, thanks for sharing. For me I believe discovering solipsism has been the final nail on the coffin of romantic relationships. I'd really like to discover an actual reason for those kinds of innate biases, or why for instance wasn't I born an animal or alien. In other words, see the process which infinite intelligence used to determined all that. Of course trouble is once you're in the appropriate state, such trivial questions seize to hold any meaning nor enter your mind. No need for that, it ain't unlucky, they're exactly how I imagined them

In all honesty, your plan was poorly made to begin with. It should have been apparent since high school that you do not have an aptitude for mathematics and such, so why go to Physics? A dream job sure sounds nice, but it's an idea in your head, the reality may differ significantly. For a brief period my dream job was to become an accountant, then first semester of college after a few classes I realized how immensely boring it actually is, nothing like the picture I envisioned. The fact that you're now going to remain a loser after failing the degree is also something your mind has constructed. Are you a prophet? The future is fluid, and can change a lot in unexpected ways. Maybe when (IF) you're 35 and working at McDonald's barely able to afford rent in some shithole, revisit the suicide route. But right now your situation is not a dead end at all, in fact it's likely going to feel liberating once the initial depression wave passes. Hold tight and try ro recontextualize it into a positive. Few other things, there's no need to beat yourself up for repeating the same mistakes, in fact that's the best way to deeply learn a lesson for many people, you step into the same pile of shit over and over, and finally decide enough is enough, that determination will be so strong it'll hold for life. Also, practically speaking, an average sociologist has better employability prospects than an average physicist. You'd have to really excel to achieve the prestige you wanted, so simply passing a class wouldn't have made a difference in the end.

Have you perchance explored the reasons for that? I ask cause for me it's the exact opposite, holds zero value. My inquiries as to the cause have been unfruitful thus far. Could just say it's my bias/I'm born different, but I'd like to be more rigorous than that. Said the same to my parents, and that I'd also choose it over my life. Weren't fine with that, still love them though

Precisely, I've been in a playful mood to consciously explore the aperspectival madness since the PM video. We basically agree on everything, I just chose that style for my responses haha You hoarded them all If I interpreted it correctly, yep. As my intellectual understanding deepens, the emotional rift grows further. I no longer experience the world from those states, they're more like concepts at the back of my mind. That's the burden of higher awareness, it's on you to bridge the gap. Which's why I can outwardly seamlessly interact with all sorts of people (basically channeling/translating whatever is required in context), but internally it doesn't feel authentic (I'd be in the looney bin otherwise. Or on this forum), so it can be energetically taxing. It's like the difference between a chameleon that can camouflage really well, but its essence remains, and Teotl, that can completely shift into any other mode of being. In human mode the chameleon is about as good as you can realistically hope to be. Paradoxically though my empathy and compassion are at all time highs, probably because whatever challenges I'm facing, the other states have it harder, without even knowing why. But anyhoo I rambled on long enough. Absolutely

Probably true, to me it seems like 70/30 to Harris rn, Trump has fallen off massively, ironically he's now the low-energy Biden. Not even fun to watch his antics anymore, only bs remains.

You can, I meant in a more abstact sense, given the concept of ownership (incl. over one's body) is made up, we're everything, yet nothing. The "you're already enlightened" sort of perspective, which granted doesn't help so much with the work nor survival, but fun to think about. True enough, though there's no such thing as a lower stage attitude when you yourself are at such a stage, you aren't construct aware. Still a pain in the ass, but in a different way. I sometimes wonder about 'ignorance is bliss', it's been so long I forgot how it's like to live from that perspective, can only observe it in others. Sweet, so when can we expect to quit Leo's cult and join yours? coralized.org has a nice ring to it. Have not, but I will soon.

Maybe so, but it's effective

Or frame it like that, one of the base requisites for being a psychonaut is to die. What is losing really? Can you actually lose anything, or gain? Why's it matter to transform the world? (yes I'm kinda abusing postmodernism for fun, but it's something to contemplate in spare time) Ironically my summer break has been full of human bs and business, the real vacation will begin next week in some whacky hellish realm. Looking forward to more of your writeups. True, Leo's videos are an Awakening cheat code. Though once in a while it's very beneficial to forget it all and stray off to some untrodden path.

Speaking of, there's a promising new tryptamine, 5-EtO-DMT, currently at R&D. Said to be longer lasting than 5-MeO-DMT and active orally, same dosages. As nothing 5-MeO- seems to have an effect on me, hopefully this one will, so I can finally see what all the fuss is about.

Holy fuck, we got almost the exact same setup, the mod, juice tank, microscoops are identical, the RDA is similar too, and you even have a Pixel phone I like the shape of your mesh, the plain mushroom one from the DMT videos is so inconvenient, the powder always falls off, which drives me up the wall. With my lack of sensitivity I need to dump large amounts in there. I also want to try making a fenced mesh for even better stability. What's that metal funnel thing, did it come with the RDA or something you can purchase separately? Looks really convenient!

That's on point, I had a similar reaction to that announcement. Bittersweet. While I might actually need the practical stuff more at the moment, what I truly desire is God. By practical I also mean the advanced PM, relativity, and such understandings, that are for the top 1% epistemically, but still human level. That said, I can see the potential for how integrating those will deepen and clarify the metaphysics. My speculation as to the reason for the shift of focus, is Leo has seen the need to build a super solid foundation first before returning to the more advanced teachings. They're simply too radical, even for this audience. As seen by some reactions in the monkey torture thread and what Leo expressed there, plus many times in the past. It's far from the most challenging truth/insight to integrate, and yet even that is troublesome. Still, stay positive, as even with the lack of new content on those topics for a while, there's tons of breadcrumbs in the previous videos + blog + forum posts to explore. For instance, some time ago Leo mentioned an inverse of consciousness. What the fuck even is that? It challenges the paradigm that everything is consciousness. Though it probably still is, the exact mechanism is bound to be an epic mindfuck. Could take you years to uncover if that's what interests you. I'll certainly be moving in that direction in my trips now. The more insane the better. As Leo said, go explore infinity instead of asking him for stories (however amazing they are). We've got the means.

Absolutely, some of the biggest growth can come from them if done right. I basically purged all of my fears in one big 'bad' trip, by manifesting my deepest fears and other horrors, and powering through the terror till it no longer held any power. Won a staring contest with the abyss so to speak. There was also total surrender to whatever was happening or would happen next. And in any case a bad trip can be later recontextualized into something insightful, especially if you contemplate what 'went wrong' and connect the dots. For instance, I once experienced psychosis/identity crisis as my mind turned into a giant random mess of memories, beliefs, experiences of other people, even fictional characters, which made me question what the hell am 'I' really. On a later trip when I accessed God-consciousness and began to properly manifest as others, integrating that, it finally clicked - oh, so that was what happened in that other trip, identity is infinitely fluid, which I couldn't see then and therefore panicked.

They can be more dangerous in a way. The long term effects are usually unknown, plus if it's like really new, you might not even know the safe doses/ROAs, not enough data to build on. There's been a couple neurotoxic RCs released on the market over the years, but they've been spotted decently quickly, and it's almost always some cathinone/pyro/synth. cannabinoid trash from China that's causing trouble. None of these are suitable for spiritual work, even recreationally I'd say they're more for degens. But anyway, the other side of RCs is since they're sold as legal alternatives on the clearnet, at least in Europe and Canada, there's actually better quality control, as there's a company (legal entity) selling them, that can be sued and more if customers started kicking the bucket (yes they're labeled as not for human consumption, but everybody knows what's going on). So there's incentive for them to get their stock from a nice professional lab and test the product for purity, some even offer CoA when purchasing. For that reason I generally trust clearnet RC vendors much more than the stuff I get on the darknet, where everybody's anonymous, so the vendor can sell you NBMOEs as LSD with no consequences.

Don't get attached to changing the PFPs while thinking you're practicing nonattachement At first I thought a new pic every day is the schizo way, but maybe it was the 10th Ox-Herding step all along.

Sure. Not always though, if I have no lights on at all, there'll still be weak reflection on the outside due to street lamps

It's still daytime in Murica, hope's not dead yet, but I have to go sleep soon

But can you trust your vision? And other senses.

Indra's Net everywhere indeed. Best part is how it can go from 0% content to 100 within a structure of nothingness Oh yes, for Umi the anime is inadequate. VNs with PS3 mods is the way. I love Higurashi animes too, actually preferrable to the novels as they exclude a lot of unnecessary slice of life. Some stars definitely aligned over here. Also my previous reply was #34, lambda = 30, delta = 4, would you look at that.

God wanted to be stupid for once And tiny bits of our DNA can encode exabytes of data! None of the 3 is actually LambdaDelta lol, but I just love that pic. The fusion ended up real nice. Maybe you'd enjoy Umineko btw, it's one of the most meta works of fiction out there. Assuming you got a bunch of time to spare. Speaking of synchronicity, I've been reminded of one of my fave remixes Now if you'll excuse me I'll go attempt to visualize a square circle, got a burst of inspiration. The first step towards alien mind, gotta make the best I can of time w/o access to psychedelics, all hopefully as a foundation for the craziest trip I have planned.

I bought my apartment nearly a year ago, which might not yet be the 'ideal' home, but I'm fairly low maintenance, so it will more than suffice for the next 10-15 years at least. The essentials will partly depend on location, your lifestyle, etc. But for me I found an RO system for water filtration is a must, living without one is like going back to dark ages. Another indispensable thing is reflective film on my windows, I've another house right in front, so when it's daytime from the street it's a mirror, feels private without the need for blinds, and at night the opposite, turns into a mirror from the inside (cool when tripping). Plus it filters UV and reduces the heat a bit, very important for how hot it gets in central Spain. Also all my lamps are LED, adjustable color temperature and brightness + remote controlled. Some have a fan on them. Wooden floor is definitely nice too, I don't have to clean it as often and usually walk barefoot even in winter. I got the fastest internet available, 10gbps, and organized every cable such that they're nearly invisible. Then there's an infinity of little things that in their totality make up a lot of my comfort and convenience - a kettle that you can set and maintain certain temperature for, a sponge holder in my sink, numerous hangers for small towels all around, an anti-fog mirror in the bathroom, workout equipment, extendable coffee table, foldable buckets, and so on. I can highly recommend getting a couch with a reclining mechanism, they're fairly inexpensive these days and super comfy, we got one for mom's house recently, and now I want to replace the regular one I have with that at some point. I sleep on the floor, no bed, but have a good memory foam mattress that's just 8cm thick, and a proper orthopedic pillow. I use percale cotton sheets, they have a nice texture, perfect for sleeping naked, and don't get dirty easily. Lastly, I picked a relatively quiet neighborhood, but with close proximity to metro, buses, and lots of infrastructure nearby (gyms, supermarkets, pharmacies). I get the benefits of living in a large city without much of the negatives, except perhaps air quality. When I'm older a separate house somewhere up north or in another country altogether would be ideal, but that comes with its own set of challenges and a lot of what I'd want in it would also change. Good luck with your planning, just don't get lost in fantasyland too much and actually make the moneys for that dream place

That's awesome, just the right kind of trippy, thanks for brightening my evening! Somehow I made the cut Guess you used alien intelligence if you really learned to edit like that in a few hours. I accessed that shit once, and holy fuck was it easy to learn human stuff in minutes though hyper-holistic understanding, but I was too busy being amazed and didn't actually retain anything lol Love how everyone got a fitting role, i.e. DocWatts as the teacher

At this point I've had several deep awakenings to solipsism and its mechanisms, but perhaps at the cost of ever having a romantic/intimate relationship. It just feels so strange now. As to why this type of relationship specifically and not others, I can think of a couple reasons - one is simply force of habit, prior to the awakenings I've had lots of experience with family, friendship, and regular social interactions, but never anything beyond short-lived school crushes. Two is I never particularly craved that type of relationship to begin with, I'm 23 and never had a girlfriend, which doesn't bother me at all. Three is the unique intimacy these entail. I'm also highly introverted, but have no trouble interacting with people after doing lots of development work. I find it's generally simpler to talk to men, but women are just fine too in normal contexts. Whereas with 'game', after watching Leo's 3-part series and some other pickup advice out of curiosity, I've found no way to make it authentic for myself. Put together, these factors now make romantic relationships seem very alien (speaking from the dualistic human perspective here). I'm open to the possibility this is all a bias/limiting belief in my head, though I'm completely certain I have no hidden insecurities about my looks or social skills, so it's not that kind of problem. In my latest trip I pretty much accepted that it's a sacrifice I had to make to experience God's Love, one I'd gladly give a million times over as nothing 'earthly' can compare. Not looking for a solution per se, but I am interested how others with similar spiritual experiences handle this aspect of their lives, might give me a missing hint, as I wouldn't want to miss out on something potentially nice due to ignorance. Thanks for reading.