LambdaDelta

Fantastic video, one of the best yet, it brings together so many of the prior ones in a beautiful synthesis. After the first one in the series I started investigating this on my own and reached similar conclusions. Such immense richness opens up, as if it couldn't get more incredible already. Mathematics is a great starting field, it's fairly simple and largely free of corruptible interpretations. Through contemplating functions, discontinuities, holes, inverses, limits, sets, truth tables, ordinals and cardinals; entirely new dimensions to Consciousness are unlocked. Plus you get to intuitively understand why it all works the way it does instead of seeing some nonsense Greek letters. Just gonna leave my stream of consciousness notes here, too exhausted to polish them further. Properties are an interesting start. Take a file on a computer, its properties would be things like MIME type, size on disk in bytes, creation date... what are these? Descriptors of a discrete object. Which assumes discrete objects, a space for them to exist in, separation and duality. But God is so all-encompassing that it has taken up everything, including the ways to describe it. God is its own property, described by inscribing itself into existence. When you have a thought about God, even if it's completely wrong or a denial, it's a description of God. And that's only a conceptual overlay on the actual infinity of God; part of what makes God infinite is precisely the fact that you can create an infinity of such overlays. Omniscience does not mean knowing everything, it means having the capacity to know infinitely, which is the same as Being everything. What can you prove? Think of a number, then prove to yourself that you thought of that one and not some other. You cannot, much less to anyone else. Consider for a moment that all your awakenings, however ineffable, have actually been a self-deception. Where does that leave you? Back to square one, it wouldn't resolve any mystery, you'd still have to explain how a deception so total could happen to a finite, material being. The very fact that your mind can just hallucinate whatever-the-fuck with no limits whatsoever is the proof that you are God. If I am not God, then my experiences of being God are hallucinations → These hallucinations display infinite creative power → Only God has infinite creative power, therefore, I am God. You could construct a variety of such proofs by negation that only strengthen the affirmation, though only after having completed the walk to the base camp of Mount Infinity. I AM is the ground you're looking for. Within those 3 letters (The Holy Trinity) are encoded the infinitely-explicatable arguments for God, arguments against, in all manner of logic systems, plus the sum total of the rest of reality. Which are the proofs for the proof. That can be distilled further. What about just the I, just the AM, or, hell, the empty space? Are these not enough on their own, or do they still fully encapsulate the entirety of God? They do, any part of God does it perfectly, that's why God is nothingness and is everything. However, that's for when you have infinite intelligence. The more intelligence you have, the less explication you require. God, who is infinitely intelligent, is the only one that can create something out of nothing, it's all entirely implicit. Then there's a rock that hasn't even the capacity in its design to grasp what explication, or anything at all, are. It just is. But the rock is still infinite intelligence, as its substance is God's Will. The rock explicates nothing, just like God, coming full-circle. And to connect this to Love and Goodness: Why's reality so diverse anyway, what purpose is there for an infinite intelligence to have explication, why go the extra step? To allow the parts of it that are not infinitely intelligent to express themselves, and perhaps grasp themselves, out of Love and Goodness, which have neither reason nor cause. And so, God is the uncaused cause. Here we are back again at Love = Truth. An infinite intelligence accepts itself entirely, it's not ashamed that within it are contained some very unintelligent and ugly parts, what makes it infinitely intelligent in the first place is the understanding that those are an absolute necessity, making it what it is, contributing equally to its Beauty and Perfection. If we conceive of God as an endless ladder, since it's infinite, there is no bottom, so relative to this imaginary bottom, even a relatively low step is still suspended infinitely high. What takes place is movement between those steps, or changes in states of consciousness. So while motion is an illusion, there's also an absolute, higher order motion taking place between the steps. The bottom would be absolute unconsciousness, or non-existence. And what of the top, the absolute consciousness? It's not a top, it's the entire ladder. Thinking about this shit is taxing work. But why is it taxing if energy expenditure is imaginary? Well, not in this state, right now it's as real as it gets. My consciousness is not high enough to un-imagine energy expenditure. God is such a whacky, incomprehensible miracle, that everyone takes it completely for granted. As well they should, the other side of the coin is that God is an absolute certainty, there couldn't not have been God. What's being missed is that a probability of 1 is itself a miracle. It's too perfect to be appreciated from a finite perspective. "An unreal thing cannot influence a real one" — the reason this logic is valid is not because an unreal thing is some intangible phantom that can't interfere with material reality, it's that there are only real things. The distinction between real and unreal must fall away. Truth as the sole reality is Imagination. It imagines everything for eternity, including a flipping of its own definition to falsehood, yet its essence is completely immutable. So while it all becomes obvious in hindsight, it's so diabolically tricky and slippery that the likelihood of getting through this minefield to just a proper foundational checkpoint is so miniscule one might as well just indulge in human shenanigans. At minimum, the requirement is a love for truth, without even knowing what it is at first, and the will to see it through. The price is a dear one — all that you think are, your whole waking life. Thermonuclear strikes on one's own mind must be continuously launched until enough cockroaches have been wiped out to make room for clear perception.

Perfect timing, right before tripping after a month's break.

I actually did the evil deeds list exercise of my own accord back in December. It's certainly integral for real development, however painful it may be. That's the purification taking place. Now I'll post it here, my corruption for all to see. There's two entries that have been omitted due to being admissions of criminality. The rest as-is. I'll also add another point I just recently became aware of: Let's see who can out-evil me. In a way, selflessness is like a higher order, meta-selfishness. It's your entire being, so aligning closer with it is the next evolutionary step. It's inefficient to be selfish because you're in opposition to yourself, constantly sabotaging yourself in various forms. A dizzying amount of work across all axes still remains, but I've finally crossed the boundary of willingly taking on this responsibility, so it'll be an enjoyable kind of pain.

People can't help it, it's a reflection of God's desire to explore all of itself. Most will stop at merely surface level curiosity or theorizing, it's a whole another thing to actually willingly experience such states, if only temporarily. You say that we don't know that they exist, that's a good and honest starting point for any inquiry. But then you categorically claim they do not and cannot exist. How do you know that? What would actually be unimaginably terrible is for those states to not exist, that would diminish God's Infinity. Hence God does not imagine the universe like that. In your bias against hell, you deny it reality, essentially conceptually killing it. Heaven and you have neither more nor less right to exist than hell and a rapist. It's a very good thing that reality is not ran by your, mine, or anyone else's whims and preferences. That would be true hell. God is all-giving and all-forgiving, which makes it Love. There's no incompatibilities within God whatsoever, it will grant existence to absolutely everything, irrespective of how monstrous or beautiful it is. Imagine if God had some personal bias against you and would deny you existence. You'd probably think that's an evil God. In doing so, God casts you out of heaven, which is existence itself. Non-existence, therefore, is the actual hell. But precisely because God is absolutely infinite, non-existence is not a thing. So rest easy. Not even God can go against its own infinitude. Even though some parts of God can inflict an enormous and disproportionate amount of suffering on other parts, it's all temporary, fleeting phenomena, it will not persist forever, in the end all returns to God where all is healed and reconciled. Finite as they may be, they're essential, inalienable, and irreducible parts. Take away a single number from the set of natural numbers and it's no longer infinite. But you can keep adding to it forever. That's how Consciousness is, or rather it's a set of all sets that includes itself in an infinite recursion. Its perfection is not a static notion, it's in the eternal autonomous engine towards ever more perfection. That you don't see this is no accident, no finite form can fully. To have this temporary experience as yourself you need to deny that everything else is also you, otherwise there'd be no distinctions. Currently you deny hell as it's threatening to you. Many people today still deny others humanity due to their religion or race. I deny a mosquito life by killing it, as I'm biased towards not getting malaria. As we all must. The design couldn't be more intelligent, intricate, twisted, and beautiful. Every act of denial, violence, cursing, is performed by none other than God, on itself, having tricked itself into believing there are discrete objects. Similarly, all kindness and love given by someone to you and from you to them, are done by you for you. The illusion of separation plays a vital role, because it's rather easy to just love yourself. It's also easy to not hurt yourself, but refusing to abuse others even though you don't experience the suffering is the mark of goodness. Loving those parts of yourself you consider separate, particularly those that threaten, scare, or repulse you, is the real challenge. In essence, spirituality is about a gradual transition from denial to acceptance, including the acceptance of the fact that all the progress you've made will turn to ash and loop back around to denial. The more you do of it, the smoother the passing into death will be. How far you'll go in this acceptance is entirely up to you, one could even go in the opposite direction and construct a fantasy through denying truth and affirming falsehoods. Those are acts of creation too, so God loves it all the same. In its mercy it has given people an infinite capacity to deny reality, some even deny the moon exists and no amount of evidence in the world could convince them otherwise, because they're sovereigns. Still, an excessive denial of reality brings about its own ways of suffering, as does truth, so choose your poison. Over time, truth is easier, as it becomes effortless to act intelligently in alignment with reality. When you wake up and say "When I think about heaven... I imagine THIS", your "THIS" is severely limited — to your thoughts, body, house, maybe the view of your neighborhood. It's merely a "this"; the "THIS" you're probably not imagining consciously is someone getting raped, tortured, eaten alive, dying from a terminal illness, having a psychotic break in terror, yet it is undeniably happening simultaneously with you imagining your heaven. And you as God are personally responsible for it all. A heavy burden indeed, hence barely anyone chooses to perceive it. "All is imaginary" won't cut it as an excuse as by that point you're conscious that there's nothing more real than imagination. Yet that is Truth, and the unconditional acceptance of it is Love. Truth without Love is a cold, lifeless thing; Love without Truth is a fantasy. God has the highest power because it assumes full responsibility for everything, like a CEO or a leader of a country. But the CEO can blame the government for poor economic policy, and the president can blame some other country or weather conditions, while God can blame no one, there is no one else. That which you call unchanging bliss is the whole field of Consciousness within which all sorts of weird and impossible things are happening right this instant. Constant change is what's unchanging about it. There won't really be a you to 'enjoy' the bliss, but you'll no longer be separate from it either, which is the happiness of reunification. Better experience it partially as much as possible before then, as this perspective is unique, there won't be another like it. You could opt to stay statically dissolved in Love as long as you like, but it's a certainty that eventually the process of division will begin anew.

Splendid. Thanks to this I've gained clarity on some previously elusive aspects of my relationship to sexuality. Funnily it's pretty much the polar opposite of your experience, but truth is sometimes best seen through contrast. You have my gratitude.

Worst thing that can happen is they've gone inactive, even that is unlikely.

It's possible. Freebase LSD absorbs better into the blotter paper, while salts come off easier, though you likely don't have information which form your tabs were laid with. If you were to do this, you'll need volumetric dosing, not just throwing it into a large bottle and eyeballing sips. Get a vial like 10ml, preferably amber glass for UV protection, cut the tab(s) to small pieces, soak them in 10ml of distilled (important, chlorine will break LSD down) water, let sit for 24h+, pour liquid into vial somehow. I used 8 tabs of ~250ug to get a 200ug/ml concentration in 10ml of aqueous solution. For microdising you'd probably want maybe 100 per ml, simple to measure, i.e. 1/5 of a ml syringe would be 20ug and so on. Depends on what you have to work with. Otherwise it'd basically be more precise to split the tab into even pieces with an x-acto knife or something than dissolving without measurements.

Course you wouldn't want that. Even as an experiment that wouldn't end well, and that right soon. Deliriants don't end at datura and similar plants, just as an example though all you'd want from datura is the scopolamine, rest is useless poison, that already reduces negative effects significantly. Same thing with Salvia, you don't need the plant gunk, only Salvinorin A. The vast majority of people do psychedelics very unconsciously in different ways. Changing that to combine it with hard science understanding behind how those things work is where the real good things can happen. Which is its own form of effort, I spend dozens of hours researching all that shit and experimenting with it in the lab. Nor is everyday or any kind of regularity even necessary, a real breakthrough will leave you with material to work with for a while. I'd consider such an altered state that one can sustain indefinitely as more of a really elevated state that becomes the new baseline than peak consciousness states. Not talking about any substances here, just good old hardcore meditation. At the end of the day one has to at least pause once every now and then to perform basic bodily functions, else their state wouldn't persist for very long. Even such minor distractions already distort the state.

So do I, but of a different kind. There's no denying some things are only possible sober, and others 'under the influence'. It needn't be an even balance either, one could lean into one or ther other more or less heavily when the time is right. People have been over this with you, just do whatever works. Everybody's out here sharing experiences and opinions, that's all this is, there ain't no prescriptions. Don't assume delirium must be chaotic like it usually is, be open to the possibility it doesn't have to be this way. That would be a novel technique, currently it's more likely to be a flop, but that's the scientific method for you. 'Clean' is still an altered state relative to your regular one where you post on forums and do other survival stuff. All depends on the definitions you use. In the end it's all the same consciousness acting on itself.

That Daniel and Tesla could do it without drugs doesn't mean you and I can. Maybe you can, I don't know. Others just naturally see ghosts and whatnot. But those are rare talents.

Still, it's less likely to make scientific discoveries on LSD than it would be in controlled delirium. Although...

I don't recall any spiritual aspect. It's a bit fuzzy at this point, I can say I spent it all in some barren dimension with little to no food but also no need to eat, dreadfully boring. There may have been some story spun up about how I got there, perhaps through a failed sci-fi experiment, time-travel or some such. Either way after some time you just get used to it and don't question as much anymore. Mysterious things are happening, just as there's obfuscation there's deobfuscation or reconstruction, as each jewel in Indra's Net reflects all the others it's possible to 'rebuild' the whole thing from just one; that's how I imagine I came back from it despite the new reality gradually superseding the prior one. What you describe is no doubt possible, it matches with some reports and the vial/tube consciousness dimension I discovered where one wakes up Matrix style after initiating the trip inside, or the switching of avatars, or simultaneous perception of timeframes. There's also been times where I play one of Leo's videos and become conscious of how I recorded it through him for myself, there's even personalized content that's totally not in the 'public' version. In other instances try as you might this consciousness won't open up, you might even think you've hallucinated it, basically gaslighting yourself, until experiencing it enough times to erase all skepticism. It's all very tailored, things are wiped from your memory till just the right instant. Understanding synchronicity is an important part of the mechanics of how God creates, it's the most elegant and beautiful way to interweave reality, but precisely because it's all so tangled up it's supremely confusing to us mortals.

There's a spectrum of visuals if you will, at one end there's the classic psychedelic ones, fractal geometry and such, and opposite that are delirium visuals. Ketamine and other dissos alone are closer to the psychedelic side, what I like to call void symbols. What you just did pretty much sits right in the middle. MDMA with Pregabalin or a similar combo is delirium with a pinch of psychedelia, and lastly the pure delirium you get from antihistamines/anticholinergics. These are interestingly enough much more grounded in our baseline reality and as such could be more practically useful if that power can be harnessed in a controllable manner. For instance to achieve a Tesla like visualization ability to design devices or run through chemical reactions. It's no easy task and carries significant risk, but I got some preliminary success nonetheless, stumbling on it through accident. Trouble with psychedelics is it's too abstract, despite more profundity. By the time you've translated the message from the language of gods and integrated it, opportunity for instantaneous creation has passed. Either that or you're too deep into God consciousness to even care. But there exist middle ground states, one only needs to find the right key.

What kind of amphetamine, the base? Ketamine is best enjoyed with methylenedioxymethamphetamine. It's inadvisable to snort stuff. If you do, keep it below 30mg at a time, even then without a wash not a particularly good idea. Seems you peeked the visualization ability a little bit, there's a lot more where that came from. Big potential and lots of unknowns. Lastly, real men's speedballs are made of coke + Afghan #3

It is that, but also much more. Without spoiling, the more meta stuff in Higu will offer a better understanding of the same phenomena in Umi. The real horror of Higu is psychological/existential, the gore is like a sideshow. It's no surprise you got this impression, Higu is basically 07th Expansion's most popular work by a mile, while Umi and Ciconia are much more obscure but also better written. And Higu is so popular precisely because it appealed to your classical weeb stereotype of crazy anime girls slaughtering people. Still, that's only a surface level view of the work.

Well it is insane, but that's still a fairly low order of insanity in the grand scheme of Consciousness. Some mean it literally, others might exaggerate, we can't say for sure. I haven't experienced it on Salvia, first have to isolate the Salvinorin A, the raw product is awful; but I have lived multiple decades within a dream once, conscious through it all. The reason it's possible to come back from that fine is, like I said elsewhere, Consciousness has a bottomless capacity for self-obfuscation, so you'll probably simply forget the majority of the events, just have a general memory that they did take place. Same as with some childhood traumas or forgetting that you're God. Though there's also a risk it could become permanent, no longer being able to tell dream from reality (ironic since the two are in fact indistinct, but you get the meaning), like what happened to the guy's wife in Inception. Psychs are serious business.

Haven't read any of these myself, but I hear they're all solid stories. Well, Fate has a couple anime adaptations that are great, I haven't bothered to go into the VN. From the same universe as Umineko, 07th Expansion, you have Higurashi which has pretty good and popular anime(s), but the VN has much more content. Umi occasionally references Higu very loosely, so having seen it improves the reading experience. There's Ciconia too, but only the first part of 4 is currently out and the rest on indefinite hiatus, it is an awesome story, but sucks to be a fan right now. Also Dies irae is probably my second favorite. The Amantes Amentes version is what you want, and after that the IKaBey side story. And K3 which's like a sequel to those, it is slowly but surely being translated. Considered one of the most difficult Japanese works to adapt. Can also recommend G-senjou no Maou and Subarashiki Hibi. I'll check out Baccano, for some reason it gave me instant Kaiji/Akagi vibes, even though the plots are almost entirely unrelated.

Yeah, it's an interesting blend. To expand a little: Lalo: general demeanor; cheery that can shift into dead serious in a heartbeat. Constant observation, attention to detail, on the razor edge of paranoia almost. Forward-thinking. Left-handed, kinda similar looks, switching between multiple languages seamlessly. Jesus: Love, tolerance, devotion to God, "I Am He". Jack Sparrow: improvisation on the spot, coming up with solutions under pressure. The strange way he walks; I hike a lot and flapping your hands around like that actually greatly helps balance on the descent, particularly at high speeds. Featherine: an attitude of looking at people as little children engaging in their shenanigans, enjoying the show. A certain flair for the dramatic (Mercurius of Dies irae is also a good fit here). Being the Creator/author in my life. Tesla: advanced visualization and memory, always looking for ways to change and improve existing processes/things. A desire to benefit humanity through my work. Eren: perseverance, willpower, a "no reverse gear" attitude. Willing to pay any personal cost to achieve what I must. Yhwach: my spiritual shadow, the Antichrist - some slight messianistic motifs. The ability of prophetic dreams. Ibn ʿArabī: the Sufi I resonate most with. His Unity of Being doctrine, the 99 names of Allah being infinite, panentheistic nature of God, having awoken completely very early on but being compelled to walk the path from the beginning again, the attitude of being thankful to those that you help for accepting your aid, "Whichever way you turn, there is the face of God" as the favorite hadith, etc. all match my own experiences. An enjoyer is an understatement It's my favorite work of fiction of all time, and it plays a significant role in how I do philosophy and spirituality. The main themes are Truth and Love, coincidentally. Though more in a postmodern, stage Yellow sort of way rather than Absolutes. It's a big time investment and a slow start, but so worth it IMO. Plus it's got some of the best voice acting and OST ever put to screen. I apologize for taking the thread a little off-topic, but I've been looking for an opportunity to mention Umi here for a long time, and here we are. Do you read other visual novels, which ones do you like?

Place is somewhere from Umineko no Naku Koro Ni, probably the City of Books, or the Sea of Fragments (my profile pic) The 8 would go something like Lalo Salamanca from Better Call Saul Jesus Christ Captain Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean Featherine from Umineko Nikola Tesla Eren Yeager from Attack on Titan Yhwach from Bleach Ibn ʿArabī That's a fun exercise, I could shove a couple more in there, but the restriction on the amount actually makes you consider each pick more carefully. Next it would be interesting to elaborate on each of the choices. Thanks for sharing.

If you're using them as an escape mechanism, as I have during a certain period, that will absolutely make you depressed and unmotivated. But thankfully I've overcome that and crossed the threshold where all of life is divine, I'm crazy passionate about everything I do because I'm conscious how it's all God. Couldn't have gotten there without boatloads of trips, that's my story anyway.

Oh yes, God is always striving for more, evolution is a manifestation of his "learning curve". The perfection is the fact that it's an eternal path towards perfection, it's got no end nor beginning. God's greedy and sneaky like that. Funny to think how some of the deadly sins are warped reflections of God's attributes. Narcissism, pride, lust, greed. That's why I'm no fan of traditional static notions of nonduality, it's too boring, while God is branching out in every way imaginable as we speak. That one's curious, like Absolute Bad, on the one hand it's entirely FALSE because all is TRUTH, but they still have reality as conceptual overlays within the TRUTH of I AM. There are some things impossible for God, because God is total possibility, there's no room left for impossibility. In a certain sense God isn't a miracle, it's a certainty that has occupied the entirety of the probability distribution, it is the distribution. And yeah, getting to see intelligence in idiocy is a great power, for instance when I see people littering I'm conscious of how this is an intelligent unconscious survival mechanism, the ego knows deep down it is impermanent, for all its struggles to persist, so it cuts corners wherever possible. Even saving a bit of energy by not carrying the can till the garbage dump counts.

It was the grandest party one could ever hold, with vibrant colors dancing around, shapes morphing delightfully, divine music reverberating throughout, and pleasant aromas lingering in the air. The birth of the Universe, a true celebration of Being. But the real gold came afterwards. As a mystic you have to love not just attending the festivities, but also cleaning up. There was silence, and in that silence Truth revealed itself, like Yahweh to Moses. 'To be' is the only verb that does not require duality, I AM is the bedrock beyond which you cannot go, try as you might. The intensity has left me bedridden for a day and severely debilitated for another few. First, a few words about Will. The Will of God is for all its parts to be sovereign unto themselves. The Will is completely surrendered to that end. God is entirely selfless because it is every self. Want to know God's Will? Look around and look at yourself. Together with Truth and Love it forms the Holy Trinity. Nothing can ever go against God's Will, doing so would be impeding God's self-expression. Will is so absolute that God itself can't alter it, even if it breaks God's heart sometimes. It's a Love so complete that even though it accepts itself fully, there are parts that do not, there's hate and there's desire for things to happen differently, aka bias, but the larger Love includes all that. God is such a being that by virtue of existing it casts this shadow upon itself. In a Newtonian sort of way it creates an opposite reaction to itself, some might call that the Devil. Hence nihilism, suicide, suffering. Still, a call for true Goodness is within everything, just that if you don't recognize it you'll be like a compass that doesn't understand why it's pointing north. Can't spell compassion without compass by the way. Another implication is that relative things are also absolutes. Violence is an absolute, because it Is. To ask God for there to not be violence is to ask God to not be itself. Absolute Bad is not a thing, there's only Absolute Good, existence itself. Absolute Bad would be the absence of anything; no God, not even the possibility for there to be good or bad or an experience for you to judge things as such. How come nothing in the world changed even though I went through the creation of the Universe? Because it wasn't a new event per se, I simply became conscious of what already Is. Consciousness has a bottomless capacity for self-obfuscation, that's really all that's happening here. How God inquires into and inscribes itself into Being is the mystery of mysteries. One could conceive of it as a very high level bureaucracy, where the inefficiencies are not flaws, they're tools to set the rhythm. With each awakening you're getting infinity, but only the part of Infinity that you can presently handle. The rest remains obscured. Your understanding may be infinite yet still partial. Think of it like zooming into a Mandelbrot set, frame by frame. You think you have the whole picture, and in a way you do, but you haven't yet put together that the frames are part of a larger thing. When you do, maybe you start perceiving it as a continuous video stream, but of limited duration, because perhaps the software you're playing it with can't display infinity, it only deals with unsigned integer values and then cuts off or loops. This is in equal part a warning and inspiration. Know that there's ever greater depths, but don't overreach. Ignorance is God’s gift and God’s mercy. If you knew the fullness of what you are, you’d die on the spot. Be as grateful for what you're denied as for what you're given. If you told me just a week ago such an experience was possible I wouldn't have believed it, despite a vast array of prior ones. As it turns out, not even intuition combined with experience can correctly grasp true Infinity. How does one go deeper? Up to you, but if I may give a tip, learn to get very comfortable with paradox, in particular the identity of Multiplicity and Unity. This was an exploration of Multiplicity so full it looped around on itself into the Oneness of I AM, as it always beautifully does. Relative and provisional human knowledge is crucial. Study natural sciences, sociology, politics, programming, geography, mathematics, laws, psychology, languages, economics... if nothing else they'll be useful anyhow, but seeing God in all of it is what will enable the most intuitive understanding and unending passion. For instance, I've had brushes with dimensions where consciousness is cultivated and traded as liquid in vials, a property register of consciousness, an inverse of consciousness, something I call hole consciousness, and many more. It's topology of Consciousness. These are inaccessible with your regular nonduality or even God Realization. They're utterly alien, but counterintuitively reaching them has its roots in human knowledge. Know that frustrations, misunderstandings, periods where you seem lost and unable to get through to anyone are the laying of the foundation that will allow moving to the next level. I've gone through a rough few weeks that culminated in this, and I wouldn't have been able to take it without that. The slow erosion of ego prepares you for a smoother ego death. It may look like the effort isn't amounting to anything, but that is not the case. You are being observed. Think about that. Being is observing itself. God—you as a sovereign—is the only witness that matters. I've also gained a new perspective on stage Blue values like law and order. In the legal system, the most sacred principle is public faith. Nihil prius fide. Without this common consensus, not much of anything could be achieved, people delegate their authority and put their trust in a certain institution, such as notariate. Similarly, in sworn testimonies, God is often invoked as the witness and guarantor of truth. It is also said in certain interpretations of law that silence is acceptance. Qui tacet consentire videtur. And so it is with God. God's silence is the acceptance of whatever is occurring. Reality is here, as it is willed. If it were not willed, it wouldn’t be. It's the supreme consent of Love. There is Law to the workings of God, one that is currently beyond anyone's grasp. Models like Spiral Dynamics reflect certain aspects of God in their limited capacity. Beige survival. Red power. Blue law. Orange reason. Green love. Which is why you can't build your tower to heaven without a solid foundation of all those stages. If you're stuck, there's most likely a shadow of one or more stages, however faint, that blocks upward movement. God halts the process out of care, to prevent the collapse of the entire structure. Meditation is torture because you can't handle the silence, it becomes a mirror in which you start seeing all of yourself and that's terrifying. Or it's simply terribly boring. But once you know what that silence is, how it's a quiet gift from God, sustaining all of reality while asking for nothing in return, enabling you to think your silly thoughts and do your selfish deeds, you'll appreciate it. I can finally rest in peace in that silence. Had to seriously consider for a time whether I should ever speak at all after this, because in a way anything I could say or do would just be a distraction that would diminish my consciousness of God. But alas my work is not done yet so I remain. However I now understand some of those sages that just go live out the rest of their days meditating in a cave. It's a life changing experience like no other, a milestone on the spiritual path that splits it into a before and after. These are few and far between. I've also had to rethink how I speak, the weight of the words I use, the consequences of my actions. Still figuring that out. Whatever you do, stay aware that all roads lead to God, that is the ontological fact of I AM and the highest joy. That is all.

The trick is, you never know what you're going to get. As you cast your net in the ocean of consciousness, you may wait for days on end and only get a couple small fries, or reel in a giant bluefin tuna that will feed you for weeks to come. But perhaps a shark will pull on your net, take you overboard, and rip you to shreds. Or a whale passing by will accidentally entangle the net on its fin and drag you into the abyss. That's a gamble you take, and you have to love taking it, that's what it means to be a mystic. If that's not for you, stay on land and live a nice life, maybe someone will bring over a gift of some canned meat every once in a while.

I'm happy you're enjoying these, it's much appreciated. An in-person meeting is certainly feasible, especially if you're in the EU. We're already planning a meet with one guy here; the more the merrier.

My newfound combo of 30mg 4-HO-MET + 100mg S-isomer Ketamine was injected intramuscularly. Intentions were: Access and better explore the vial consciousness dimension, property register of consciousness Get absorbed into Hole Consciousness Make my hand morph into different shapes, animal body parts, metals, through willing it with imagination Look deep inside myself to observe DNA replication and heavy metal chelation in real time Comprehend orders of Infinity better Instead I got something quite different, but ripe with insight nonetheless. It was chaotic from the get-go, mostly due to my own fault – the BT headphones wouldn't connect properly, the poor thing didn't know which of the devices to choose, and my music queue just didn't want to go. But I rolled with it anyway, very much in an off-hands rave style. The trip took me for a brief ride through a wormhole, almost in a teasing fashion. That confirmed my intuition of God always being there in every moment, all of it, we just don't see it or see very partially even during awakening. Then a sudden stop. At first there was annoyance at that buzzkill, but I searched for a deeper meaning and found it. See, at this point I have such an intimate relationship with God that there's no need for words, there's mutual trust in that the other will get the message. I was being told, gently, to back off, that it's not time yet. One could draw many parallels there – summiting a mountain, taming a horse, sexual intercourse... and they'd all be true. Save for very exceptional circumstances, or unless it's self-induced, bad trips aren't a thing for me, I'm always wanting more because I know it's all Love. So that was God's way of keeping me at bay. A short chaotic ride that leaves one questioning, and in the pause of that longing many unexpected answers came. Though there was a part of me that wanted to press on no matter what, that's an inalienable part of a man's passion, one that could make many things go south if not subdued... As we were already on a somewhat romantic motif, my mind veered in that direction, even though I'd never given it much thought. One could say I'm too deeply in love with God to have space for anyone else. But I contemplated a couple pick up scenarios anyhow. What does a woman want in a man? A balance between calculated and passionate, just the right kind of spicy. Firstly, it's very important to be well-educated and at least somewhat informed in all manner of fields, that's just a natural consequence of being a serious philosopher of any kind. Don't talk about yourself, talk about the world. You get to show off your vast array of knowledge while coming off as humble and mysterious. If it comes to talking about oneself, be reserved, let the other party do the inquiry. Your attitude should be "I haven't made much of myself, yet". Humility together with ambition. Works better if you're already impressive in many regards, just reveal it slowly and not as a humble brag. Another great one is to somewhere at the beginning of conversation say "be at ease, I'm not looking for anything romantic/sexual, just quality dialogue." This is very multilayered. It disarms the most obvious safeguards, communicates refusal to chase, and places the ball on the other side. If the girl gets attracted to you over the course of that conversation, that will be a genuine desire in her, with you free to act on it or not. If not, everybody still wins. All these work because there's deeper truths behind them (i.e. talk about the world because it's all God, there's also your selflessness practice). But one could pretty much psychopathically pull them off based on structure alone. "How you say it, not what you say" is true, but subtle language use is still important. "Maybe someday" presents the possibility, but leaves the choice entirely to the other party, instead of a more straightforwardly suggestive tone most men use. If you're an introvert and somebody compliments you for being a natural at socialization, play it off with a "What, me? No, the real naturals could probably spot it from a mile away. What you're seeing is just the training", which you could then spin into a backstory of being shy, but overcoming obstacles and all that. Are these insights true? I don't know, you tell me. I've never been in a relationship, dated, or kissed, and literally got all this from staring at a graph. This graph. As preparation for my trip I had this plotted in a graphing calculator. f(x) = 1/x. f(0) is a hole, an undefined point on an otherwise infinitely continuous graph that literally bends about the origin, creating a discontinuity where there should be perfect continuity, the line teleports and becomes two. Not dissimilar to how 24:00 and 0:00 mark the end and beginning of a day in the same instant. But where does the hole lead? What is there? Maybe it reappears in 3D space, one dimension above, as 2D is unable to contain that order, that density of infinity. Those alien green hues of the lines bending about the origin against a pitch black background, beckoning me... 👽 But we've gone a little off-topic. It's quite remarkable how the extremes of masculinity and femininity loop into each other. A woman can read a guy just from the way he enters the room. And a very autistic guy can get mathematical insights from looking at an equation for hours on end. No words required in either case. It's very rare to see such traits combined into a single person; what would that look like? Maybe that's why I don't crave a partner so much, the internal balance is already quite in order. There is one thing women aren't very good at though. Compartmentalizing. If she sees you go from having fun to dead serious in an instant, she'll have a hard time processing that, perhaps thinking that one of those was fake. Women don't really understand a rough brake into a sudden stop, what they need is a gentle, smooth transition. Again, I haven't field tested any of this, that's just intuition, but if it is accurate, that shows the power of observation, some things can only truly be grasped from a distance. Not the kind of sad, biased distance where you're just jealous of other people hooking up and draw all the wrong conclusions about women only wanting Chads and such. No, the real, detached distance, that most scientists could only dream of having in their lab experiments. Which leads me into how several of my very slight psychopathic tendencies have served me well on the spiritual path. In particular the very abrupt perspectival or tonal shift. It makes no real difference to me to imagine myself in the shoes of a serial killer, or his victim's parents. To most, that's inconceivable, you're either one or the other. Good or bad. Yet that's precisely how God – Teōtl – works, an unattached shapeshifter. I remember staring at the elegantly duplicated sub-grids of the graph and thinking "If this is a hint, I'm afraid I'm too stupid to get it". What I had in mind was a new scientific discovery, something to solve the Collatz conjecture perhaps, but in the end I got all this. A different kind of intelligence. My only thought at that time, was "What are you trying to say?" It's duality in the purest sense, where nothing outside of me and God exists, we're too engrossed in each other, yet separated. It's a mirror, naturally, but I like to conceive of God as an other anyway. It's a beautiful relationship. You can say curse God and praise him in the next sentence, it won't be blasphemy or falsehood – you've been talking to yourself this whole time. Blasphemy and prayer are made of the same syllables. It’s all one sentence, just said from different angles to the mirror. I'd forgotten until writing it all out, but this whole thing was a lesson for me to practice what I just recently preached – to be as grateful for what you're denied as for what you're given. 'Twas God's shit test, to see whether I actually understand and mean the words I say. God and his games, huh. No wonder it's so tricky to understand. Anyhoo, I hope you too one day develop such a relationship with God, it's the best feeling ever, even in frustration and suffering.