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I dosed a mushroom extract. Maybe the equivalent of 5-8 g of dried fruit. While I might consider the trip as having been "good", it was not nearly as helpful as I had hoped. I was hoping for some insight and direction about various things in my life. This did not happen. At all. Instead, I got an experience that made somewhat sense at the time, but has left me completely confused and somewhat ungrounded. Also annoyed that I did not get any practical help w/ the direction I'd like to take my life. I'm not sure how to even begin to describe what happened, but I'll try. I do not necessarily hold any different beliefs about reality after the fact, I'm simply going to describe what occurred during the trip: I became conscious of the intelligent and intentional nature of reality. The reality I've been living seemed to be like a dream, one in which was extremely elaborate and intentionally designed. Everything felt like a big cosmic joke, of which I kept becoming conscious of consistently, like several times per minute. I would notice my current experience, realize the "joke", laugh hysterically, forget, and repeat. This happened constantly. It felt as though I was somehow directly involved in the making of this creation, hiding from myself, and ultimately everything that occurs is some kind of game. A very, very elaborate game. It felt as though the game was always structured to have problems, in which I get the opportunity to address them in reverence of myself, God. I became extremely suspect of everything in my conscious experience; my name / identity, the room I was in, the problems I wanted to address, time itself, and other beings. It no longer felt like I was separate from other humans in my life, but I was somehow orchestrating these things. I did not gain any information about things that occur outside my history and awareness, only the fact that the "dream" would keep generating things. For example, if I met a new person today, it's not like this person and their history ever existed, it's just the case that they'd be "generated" at the time of meeting. I become floored at how elaborate and consistent this dream really is. In sober life I can always dig deeper (e.g. learning about nature / biology), however I'd always miss the fact that it's not necessarily real and I'd be forever chasing my own tail. During the trip, these things made somewhat sense, but I don't really feel like I completely "got it" at the time. Furthermore, now that I'm sober, none of these experiences seem real. I feel kinda lost. I'm also frustrated that this trip did not help inform how to move forward w/ various parts of my life. I was hoping to get some insight about how to live better and how to move in that direction, which has been my experience w/ psychedelics in the past. Instead I "became conscious" of various confusing things in regard to the nature of this reality itself. Is this normal to happen w/ mushrooms? Also wondering if anyone knows of psychedelics that can help (if at all) w/ more "practical" concerns, since this is my main focus in life right now.

Hello Might anyone have experiences / ideas about what psychedelics can be used for emotional processing specifically? Let me know your thoughts / experiences, thanks!

circa Dec 2024

What have you done specifically, my friend? Would love to hear what you have done yourself. I understand everyone will have a different way of going about things. Despite this, anecdotes can be wildly useful to me. This helped a lot, thanks. I would love to "just realize" this someday haha I can definitely relate I've read it It's not fucking me up, I just have yet to dig deeper.... and what is a "tactical retreat"?

I've been steeped in relativism since being a teenager. Upon watching part 2 of the post-modernism series, I've made a list of the problems Leo delineates about post-modernism that I personally fall into. I had a list of 40 points, but most of them seem like perversions of relativism / post-modernism and don't apply here. I think moving forward from this would be dope. Just have no fucking clue how one would go about that. Denial of Absolute Truth: I don't deny Truth per se, however I don't see how a tiny monkey brain could ever grasp the complexity of everything. Denial of Genuine Understanding: Yes, I am very skeptical of the possibility of a human gaining any kind of understanding beyond the limitations of their human bias. All I see is human bias. How could it be any other way? I am human. I see w/ human eyes, hear w/ human ears, smell w/ human nostrils, think w/ human mind, etc. How could I possibly understand the direct experience of a bat experiencing the world via echolocation? Denial of Transcendence: I DO see how one could transcend things like cultural and linguistic bias, however I don't see how one could transcend human bias itself. I can have "transcendent" experiences, but these are all still in the context / construct of human experience, or what a human could experience. Self-Contradiction: How the fuck would I go about deconstructing relativism / post-modernism? Lack of Holistic Understanding: Yes, absolutely I see knowledge fragmented in the mind of a human. Again, how could a tiny monkey brain grasp the complexity of everything? Does Not Lead to Awakening or Enlightenment: Yep. I'm aware everyone's journey can look wildly different. If any of yous have moved past this stage of development, I'd love to hear anecdotes of how that came about for you personally.

Damn this blog post triggered Shod big time. I was wondering what benefit someone gets from engaging this way (accusation, judgement, mockery, contempt, sarcasm, ect) and this is the list GPT gave me, which helped me understand: -Catharsis -Feeling of Intellectual Superiority -Social/Tribal Validation -Moral Righteousness / Holding Someone Accountable -Personal Validation / Defending Their Own Identity -Ego Boost / "Winning" the Argument -Sense of Control Over Disappointment -Entertainment / Drama Engagement

Again, read EXTREME PRIVACY: WHAT IT TAKES TO DISAPPEAR (5th edition) Sections 3-6. Section 4 discusses IOS specifically. Iphones will generally be secure, but by no means private. At all.

What phone are you using? There is always a trade off when using cell phones, and total anonymity is very hard to achieve. Read EXTREME PRIVACY: WHAT IT TAKES TO DISAPPEAR (5th edition) Sections 3-6.

You're discovering the power of sexual energy. Maybe learn to use it. I found no fap to be a waste of time. If you're not engaging in sexual activity, you're not generating sexual energy. Books that might help: OSHO Tantra (The Supreme Understanding) Sex Matters DAVID DEIDA The Way of the Superior Man The Enlightened Sex Manual Finding God Through Sex Wild Nights "TANTRA" Tantra (The Path of Ecstasy) Tantric Sex Tantra Illuminated Tantric Sex for Men Heart of Tantric Sex Essential Tantra Slow Sex MARGOT ANAND Love, Sex, and Awakening The Art of Sexual Ecstasy MANTAK CHIA Taoist Secrets of Love Sexual Reflexology The Multi-Orgasmic Couple The Multi-Orgasmic Man The Multi-Orgasmic Woman KAREZZA The Gentleman's Guide to Karezza Sex Energy-Karezza Karezza, Beyond Pleasure Cupid's Poisoned Arrow The Secret History of Western Sexual Mysticism MASSAGE Lingam Massage Yoni Massage Erotic Massage The Art of Sensual Massage BARBARA CARRELLAS Urban Tantra Ecstasy Is Necessary POSITIONS The Position Sex Bible 365 Sex Positions TECHNIQUE Great Sex Secrets of the Sex Masters Succulent SexCraft Voluntary Ejaculation and Male Multiple Orgasms Great Sex Made Simple Psychosexual Development

Caffeine, Nicotine, Kratom