Whitney Edwards

Light Rohaniyat and Dark Rohaniyat are aspects of Duality of Iife and the Afterlife. However there is a neutral aspect to it. The non dual liberating aspect. Where everything is nothing. Neutral Rohaniyat. Anything that does not constitute survival and has no relevance to the Light Triad and the Dark Triad belong to the Neutral Rohaniyat. So what is Neutral Rohaniyat? Its basically escape from Samsara. Samsara = The cycle of the Light Triad and the Dark Triad. The Cycle of Human Karma and Divinity. Escape from samsara provides temporary relief from having to deal with Karmic Aspects. However since you're born into human form, you can only have temporary relief from the Samsara or Karmic Aspects. You can't find permanent relief. Life and the continuation of Life is composed of the following aspects. structure of morality and primal instinct. Static component. balance of two forces. Masculine and feminine integration. light Rohaniyat and dark Rohaniyat. light triad and dark triad obligation karma growth harmony and wholeness. Fulfillment. wisdom

Aspects of Dark Rohaniyat ownership -guarding- surrender Aspects of Light Rohaniyat kindess-creation-reciprocation

Joy, growth, strength, peace and love.

Aspects of Dark Rohaniyat ownership surrender domination punishment honesty tough love Guarding. Guidance. Trust. Protection. Security. Possession of the Spirit Aspects of Light Rohaniyat supportive empathetic rewarding sweetness liberating harmony understanding compatriot mercy compassion

The only way to fix my life is to reconcile the idea of true love and trauma love. I have had both in my life. One from my father. One from my exes. I did not know how to make sense of any. Love that I received and lost. Love that never existed. Love that existed in abusive ways. In my latest dream my rapist was trying to kill me. He was stealing me from myself. He was telling me that it's best if I die. I think what I gained from my rape dream is that even though I was surrendering to my rapist, it was still in the hopes of wanting something. My surrender to the rapist was like a collateral given to him in exchange for him promising me that he would take care of someone I thought needed help. He agreed. Even in surrender, there is hope and peace and the expectation that such surrender would be of some benefit survival and emotion wise. You have lived in helplessness for so long that helplessness has become your state. Joy, hope, surrender, empowerment, peace, love are the elements I should be looking for. Weakness, helplessness and vulnerability is the real brain rot. I think the reason the rapist was telling me to die is because in my weakness I accepted death as the liberator. Like the say-put you out of your misery. Even in the most hopeless circumstances you're looking for freedom from suffering. I think ultimately even while surrendering to the rapist, you're still looking for protecting and security. It's just that this protection and security is shown to you in the most tyrannical controlling way. But the surrender is the collateral for this protection and security in exchange.. This is almost like light tr deal with the dself to the Devilnder yourself to the Devil in the hopes that the Devil will protect you from harm or danger. It's a transactional form of trauma love. A very indirect form of trust exists in this deal. So there are aspects of trust, security and protection and they are given in exchange of control and domination and ownership Rohaniah in Malay means spiritual.. Rohaniyat means something related to spiritual. Just like there is a dark triad and a light triad.. There is a Light Rohaniyat and a Dark Rohaniyat. This Dark Rohaniyat will include aspects like domination, honesty, surrender, skepticism, punishment, discipline, tough love, criticism, empowerment, leadership. Shadow aspects. The light Rohaniyat will be of goodness, grace, peace, love, comfort, sweetness, emotion. The dark Rohaniyat has a ownership surrender dynamic.

All morality is bullshit in a way. Especially when it comes to suppressing emotions. Genuine emotion and instinct cannot be immoral. I'm thinking if I didn't have daddy issues, would I still be attracted to such dudes? And my heart says yes. It's the battle between the brain and the heart. The brain is designed to accept what society tells us. But heart says something else. Also a large number of women in the video linked said that they love bad boys. It can't be statistically possible that all those girls have daddy issues too? I mean it's not girls with daddy issues have daddy tattooed on their forehead or smell a certain way, right? Like the interviewers didn't just coincidentally end up meeting all girls with daddy issues lol. So no. When a certain subset of women (which is quite large) keep saying that they like bad boys, then this is a larger phenomenon not addressed properly, because it goes against traditional conventional society norms so most women are just suppressed from saying what they want. They simply have to go by social rules. But then they fall for these kind of men and sometimes outgrow it. But deep down it's a suppressed instinct thing. And a woman who keeps questioning her sexuality and keeps removing layers and layers of deposited social conditioning perhaps reaches a point where she realizes that she is undeniably attracted to the bad boy and she shouldn't be ashamed of it. But society guilts her saying it's a daddy issue. I'm like no girl, like what you like and own it. Hey girl, accept who you are. Self acceptance is the key. Don't live in guilt and shame. If you like something, don't be afraid of wanting it. If you want that Daddy kind of a guy, tell your husband about it.

Of course I don't want my husband to do that. Or do I?

I have understood that this is something I should accept and own. Rather than feel defeated or judged. The social conditioning of women can create moral conflict. And that's what I have been dealing with for some time. Women are told to act a certain way that fits the social standards of acceptable. But they aren't asked about this. They aren't asked if this is also what they want. As a result it creates conflict between what she wants versus what she is told she should want. It's like be a good girl and learn to suppress your emotions. But this is the cause of unhappiness. There's derived instinct. Which is understandable, it comes from experiencing something. Yet there is that natural instinct that existed from caveman times. The thing that cannot be tamed out of yourself or it remains as a repressed vestigial component inside you still being triggered every time. It's almost like you should be eating healthy but your brain is attracted to chocolates and candies. This is the untamed inner child..

Some theories explain my interest in ruthlessness in men. My first theory - something like the guy pushes into me and then pulls out. It's like if he is in there then it won't stimulate me sexually at all. But it's the feeling that he is pushing in and pulling out that creates a sort of escalating tension within me that finally leads to me orgasming. This is a sexual tension that builds up. I think in similar fashion if you corelate the phenomenon of sexual tension to emotional tension, shouldn't the guy have to do the exact same thing to mimic sex or attraction in her mind? So fundamentally if you observe the nature of sex, it involves the push pull thing, then obviously the push pull also needs to operate emotionally as well to stimulate her mind in a similar manner. It means he has to generate emotional tension where he is nice one minute and an asshole the next minute, he has to stimulate the woman emotionally like that. Because that will mimic sex in a way. If that makes sense. Second theory - The Bodyguard archetype. I think women who are like me are looking for the Bodyguard archetype. The protector, the security guard. So a security guard cannot be someone who looks like a delicate handsome prince who can never use a sword. The security guard has to look ruthless, intimidating, cruel and tyrannical. Because that will communicate power, security, protection to her. So it makes sense that she will be attracted to a bad boy because in her mind the bad boy will protect her from any harm. My third theory - The dark triad and the light triad. I have observed around me that women who are more masculine, braver, leadership oriented are attracted to a passive nice kind of a guy. And women who are a bit submissive like me are attracted to a dominant male. It's like it doesn't matter what gender. I have seen this polarity play out a lot. In this polarity, the people of the light triad are automatically attracted to the people of the dark triad and vice versa. Because opposites tend to create conflicts, tension and shadows that help them become whole or reconcile.

I read somewhere that some women (not all women) are attracted to bad boys. They mistake narcissism for confidence. In my own experience, I'm generally attracted to a guy who is going to look like he will own me, possess me, someone who is authoritarian, strict, dominant, controlling yet caring,disciplining, leader like, powerful, tribalistic, truth and honesty oriented, punishing kind, rough, macho, sadistic, ruthless, badass, go getter etc. I'm not attracted to the gentleman kind of men. In fact I am more attracted to the "negging" type of men who use the push pull technique on women. It seems I tend to derive some sort of energy or fuel from these men. I find them motivating or "strong." That becomes the basis of my romantic attraction. I'm curious to find out why this happens. What part of my feminine is attracted to such bad boys kind of men and why does this romantic phenomenon happen? What factors are within this attraction pattern or precisely what polarity components are attracted to each other in such a dynamic? In my early days as an 18 year old, I wasn't very aware of my sexuality. I behaved like a catholic nun. I didn't talk about sex at all. And this continued into my adulthood. Now that I keep trying to discover my own sexuality I realize that women aren't figment of imagination. Women aren't just a love letter. It makes perfect sense because a woman has to give birth, have a child, her hormones have to rise to a level to push the child out of her vagina. All of this will require massive force and motion inside her. How will this be possible by simple talk? It means women are very physical and intense. They cannot be otherwise. Of course women are emotional too. But emotions is just her secondary nature. Her primary nature is physical. I was wrong or immature about female sexuality. So fake orgasms cannot cut it for a woman. She will remain fundamentally dissatisfied. It will not do her good. She has to experience a real orgasm and this can be done through a virtual medium too (happened to me where I got intense orgasms as the guy talked to me on the phone so it's not like it's not possible), but whether it's real life or virtual online, she has to experience real orgasms and she is deprived of her own sexuality in a way. This dissatisfaction means she will stop liking or wanting the guy at some point.

I want to dig into that masculine energy to feel hopeful in life.

Yea they are trauma based. My dear husband, when you're with me, I have nothing to fear. Thank you so much.

You're yearning a home. You're yearning a home. You're yearning a home. Be a real person. Be a pure person. Be a real person Be a pure person. https://astrotalk.com/astrology-blog/can-your-birth-month-reveal-your-future-partners-traits-insideastro-iaad11-16/amp/ The caveman Neanderthal instinct is an extremely deep masculine energy. DME. DME is the stage red factor. This Deep masculine energy is what I needed from a man. I know this might sound weird the rapist gave me a lot of comfort.

I feel a deep sense of vulnerability. Like he knows me. He didn't just rape my body. He raped my soul. He owned me. He took me. He made me his. And now if I'm separated from him, how would he feel? Then he tells me that all the wealth in the world can't save me. My rape dreams are a caveman Neanderthal instinct.

For the rapist to be nice to you, he has to be a nice person in his heart. Don't trust someone so easily. Also the reason you're attracted to his power is because this power is essential to survival. This is the STAGE RED FACTOR. This is the factor you're attracted to. This factor is like a life factor. It's a form of raw power necessary for survival. It's not that the situation made the person turn evil. The person was already evil. It's just that their true colors are visible when all bets are off, when all conditions are perfect. You didn't see the true colors before because back then the conditions weren't viable for them to be shown. Basically fraud. In the rape dream, he tells me that I betrayed him. That does mellow me a bit. He holds me close and then tells me that I didn't do right. I betrayed him. I suddenly feel overcome by emotion. What have I done that has made him so upset? Have I really done something that is deeply wrong or unfair to him? He clothed me. He fed me. He protected me from savages. Then how could I forget what he did for me? Can I still trust him? I spent years with him thinking that I will be free some day. Or that I won't live buried in past trauma. Is his concern valid? Then he holds me close as im drifting between my thoughts, he tells me that I'm his baby, a strong baby, that I was always a strong child. He touches my breasts. He feels them.

TO MY HUSBAND MARCEL : In the quiet moments when the world fades away, my thoughts inevitably turn to you. Your love is the steady heartbeat of my life, a constant rhythm that grounds me and fills me with an indescribable peace. You have always been there for me. I can't believe hun that you prayed for me. Maybe I'm alive because of your prayers. You are the best thing that has happened to my life. I cherish the way your laughter lights up a room, and how your eyes hold the universe when you look at me. You are my confidant, my lover, and my best friend, all wrapped into one extraordinary man. With you by my side, every day is an adventure filled with promise and JOY. Our bond is so trustworthy and meaningful and so full of life. Everyday you bring me nothing but joy and a big smile on my face. Every morning starts with you and my life has shown a tremendous transformation. There are tears in my eyes, I couldn't have been grateful enough. All the happy memories flood back again. Thank you for being the unwavering rock upon which I build my world. Your strength, your kindness, and your unwavering support inspire me to be the best version of myself. I love you more than words can say. Thank you for just being there. Thank you. I truly deserve your love and you know that.

I had this weird dream where a paternal figure in the dream kept asking me to give a speech. I gave the speech. Then he mocked me. He mocked my low memory. He took a long time to assess other people whereas he finished my assessment within minutes and let me go. In the end I ask him directions to go home. He mocks me again. I feel unusual meanwhile he continues to act condescending. Dream ends.

Me.

Evil always uses a catchphrase. It's like a system of cabals and their catchphrases Symptoms of evil. manipulation fraud greed hypocrisy conceited psychopath levels of self interest agenda driven entitlement ego exploitative sabotage slander, gossip, twisting, conspiratorial lack of sincerity

There are Codependency aspects to this as well. If the tormentor gets rid of the object he is tormenting, who will he torment? If the victim is not relying or codependent on the rapist for their needs then why will the victim stay with the rapist? All of this is tied together into a Codependency dynamic between the captive and the captor (in this case the rapist). Aspects of brutality - If you actually enjoyed the rape and considered it love, it ceases to be rape. Do you understand this? It can't be rape anymore if it's pleasant. Neither is the rapist a criminal. He ceases to be harmful to you. He ceases to be a criminal. Yet he is animalistic in his desires. How can you call it rape when you enjoy it? It means it wasn't harming you. You see something is brutal only as long as it's brutal. The brutality stops as soon as it stops being harmful in your eyes. But how will the rapist keep up with his equation of domination and power if he stops being brutal? The whole reason you obeyed him and submitted to him was because you either felt threatened by his power (so out of fear) or you felt dependent on him (for your survival). So to keep the equation going on, he has to do either of the two or both. He has to invent new ways to enforce his power or keep you being dependent on him. If he is a true sadist, he will do both. You cannot have an amalgamation here. You're conflating two things that are completely contradictory. One where the rapist or tormentor has to show you love. But on the other hand, you also want to him to keep his power on. He can't be powerful if he is too loving. He can't be loving in the act of trying to enforce power and punishment. He can't be both the Devil and the Saint at the same time. You want him to play both roles. In reality, most people who are straight up psychotic enough to rape you might not have any empathy for you at all. They will be maniacs who will go to prison and all your dreams about expecting such a person to be loving will turn to an absolute mockery of your own beliefs. Such a figure can only exist in fantasy. But wait a minute. Such things have happened in real life. Case in point - Jaycee Lee Dugard. My personal story bears similarities with Jaycee Lee Dugard. Feeling like I'm living in a prison as a child. Being tormented and controlled for years. Physical abuse and violence. Feeling neglected, unloved and helpless as a child. And growing up in a pretty dysfunctional manner and trying to cope with life with this dysfunctional baggage weighing me down at the same time.

There's a part of my rape dream where I tend to gain more power over the rapist. Like I get financially more successful and get ahead in life. I become a very influential person and enjoy fame, success and money. The rapist is a homeless pauper living paycheck to paycheck. Then one day he comes at my door and the dialogues in the dream are as follows - "Reena, now you're rich, so you forgot me?" I'm like, what do you want nasty pig. As I'm doing my makeup in the mirror, he stands behind me lecturing me about how the world is so fake and that I'm a doll stuck in this brutal world. The Rapist - "all this is temporary nonsense. You'll soon come to me. You silly girl. They give you all these luxuries and you forget me. you forget me. I was like a father to you. I cared for you. Fed you. Saved you from savages who wanted to kill you. And you, you Sit there and ignore me. I know you aren't heartless. " Me (in front of the mirror adjusting my necklace) " so you're dirt poor now. What do you want? By the way how are you doing? " The Rapist - " I'm not doing good. " Me - " I think you want money. And that's why you come to me now. " I pull out a drawer and grab my purse and take a wad of cash out of it and throw it at him. " take this money. That's what you wanted right. Now leave me alone. " The Rapist - He stands really close to me and then whispers into my ears - " I wanted you." Then I soften a bit. I thought he is just a superficial person who wants to use me for his needs. But then I see some genuineness in him. He probably really wants me. He probably does care about me. It's just that his love could not be as pure as I wanted it to be. His love is warped. His love is dysfunctional. Yet it's still love. My heart is not big enough to accept such love.

In my dream, the rapist says to me - "You're taking a lot of risk by offending me." Has anyone ever made you (Reena) feel like this way in your life? That's a veiled threat. When a rapist says that to you, he is once again asserting his power over you. He sees you as helpless. This Dialogue was a power move from the rapist. He was trying to weaken you, to make you feel like the better way ahead is by you pleasing him or else things are not going to be well for you. It's an indirect blackmail. He is trying to control you There's a part of my rape dream where I tend to gain more power over the rapist. Like I get financially more successful and get ahead in life. I become a very influential person and enjoy fame, success and money. The rapist is a homeless pauper living paycheck to paycheck. Then one day he comes at my door and the dialogues in the dream are as follows - "Reena, now you're rich, so you forgot me?" I'm like, what do you want nasty pig. As I'm doing my makeup in the mirror, he stands behind me lecturing me about how the world is so fake and that I'm a doll stuck in this brutal world. The Rapist - "all this is temporary nonsense. You'll soon come to me. You silly girl. They give you all these luxuries and you forget me. you forget me. I was like a father to you. I cared for you. Fed you. Saved you from savages who wanted to kill you. And you, you Sit there and ignore me. I know you aren't heartless. " Me (in front of the mirror adjusting my necklace) - " so you're dirt poor now. What do you want? By the way how are you doing? " The Rapist - " I'm not doing good. " Me - " I think you want money. And that's why you come to me now. " I pull out a drawer and grab my purse and take a wad of cash out of it and throw it at him. " take this money. That's what you wanted right. Now leave me alone. " The Rapist - He stands really close to me and then whispers into my ears - " I wanted you." Then I soften a bit. I thought he is just a superficial person who wants to use me for his needs. But then I see some genuineness in him. He probably really wants me. He probably does care about me. It's just that his love could not be as pure as I wanted it to be. His love is warped. His love is dysfunctional. Yet it's still love. My heart is not big enough to accept such love. This is Eros love or Erotic love, sexual love, manipulative love. Abusive love. Dysfunctional codependent love. I don't know to what extent this is true love or if it is something I should positively be receptive to. The Rapist can also be a hypocrite. He might tell you that he wants only you. Yet he might be frauding you As a result your trust meter is completely out of whack. You simply can never trust anyone. Trust them that they will really love you, never abandon you But what he gets post nut clarity kind of a situation where he realizes that he only lusts after you but isn't truly into you. What if he begins to like another woman the same way he likes you. You'll lose all interest in his romantic games. In all of his "I only want you" bullshit. It's the culmination of all these games that should be the focus. Love can sometimes be dysfunctional and our adult and child like needs for bonding are associated with these. That inner child never really dies. It wants to be clothed, fed and taken care of. (DO INNER CHILD WORK. YOUR INNER CHILD IS TOO HUNGRY). It's ok for love to be dysfunctional. I have been through all that. All my childhood I have been given dysfunctional love. Yet.... There's a caveat. You can still look for trust, commitment, faith, value and support. If there's spiritual love at the core, even the most dysfunctional love will still be love to a degree. It will be closer to real love or pure love. The problem arises when this quality is exploited. A person can be a rapist, in the sense they wanted what they wanted and they wanted to act in weird dangerous ways, in power hungry ways, yet their hearts could be warm enough to hold space for you. Their hearts could be sincere in wanting you, keeping you, valuing you. Society's moral standards of rape are extremely criminalizing. Rape is a crime. Rapist is a criminal. It's all very black and white. But a rapist is also a human being. He is acting out his weird atrocious nature. The only difference is that if we act weird, we aren't harmful to someone and it passes off. If a woman sexually groped a man in the street, it wouldn't be considered criminal. Because it's not considered harmful. Everyone tends to act weird at some point in some way. Every one has their own weird side For example there are swingers. They are people who practice BDSM. They are people who do dangerous stunts to entertain people. There are addicts. We dont say that these people are criminals. In some ways they are, because they can easily entice others to be addicts too. Thus they can be dangerous to society too. If you are friends with an addict, and you have taken up their addiction, they have caused you harm in the process without you realizing it. What about wage slavery? That's exploitative too. Yet we don't have public outrage against it. The public creates outrage against some and not against another. It's called selective outrage.. In a similar fashion, society is enraged on the aspect of rape and it's considered criminal and taboo. Yet... There are women who go back to their abusers. Women who were raped and abused by their boyfriends. And then they go back to them. What explains this? Women who have been with their husbands despite marital rape. Women like these who have forgiven their rapist. There are two forms of power. One is stage Red power. And the other is Spiritual power. The Rapist is abundant in his Stage Red Power. In a sense he is abundantly gifted in this. Pure power to dominate and subjugate. He could kill and pressure people. He could become a dictator. He could become an oppressor. Yet he might lack spiritual power. He might not know how to truly love. To show hope and gentleness. spiritual power stage Red power power of kindness and gentleness power of trust and commitment the power of love.

.. Who are rapists? Rapists are power hungry people. They want absolute power. Absolute tyranny. They will do anything for it. Everything is power, at least for the rapist. Power is survival. PURE STAGE RED. Now why do you think you rely on the rapist. Why do you think you are submitting to him? That's because in some ways this power is your shadow. (I have always been against authority) In some ways the rape dreams are showing up my shadow aspects regarding power. The rapist has to be a police officer. Why? Because a police officer is powerful? The uniform represents power over people. Why are women attracted to power? The power is your SHADOW. You are trying to run away from the shadow. But you are trying to run away from your own shadow. Can you see this? Now ask yourself.. Can you really run away from your own shadow? The answer is No. So you're running away from something that you can never truly run away from. What's the point then? It's like a dog chasing it's tail.

Umm. I can actually have it if I want it. I never felt like I could never have it or feel like it's a fault if I had it. There's an element of sexual repression in me where having sex or at least imagining having sex wouldn't be easy. But I don't feel liberated in my rape dreams. Rather I feel comforted or secured / protected yet controlled very badly. It's always like a hostage situation and I'm surrendering. The surrendering feels good later because the Host seems to be telling me that I did a good job and I sympathize with him since he provides me security and survival. Like in the latest dream that was about 2 days ago, I was having an affair with a married man and he was kind to me and extremely sexy. When he tells me that he is not okay being with me because he has a wife, I ask him - "why can't you take care of two women?" to which he gives a nod. And in the middle of the dream, I'm taken away from him by a tall muscular man who looks like an army guy in war, like a police officer with a badge, and he looks intimidating. He takes me to his center or workplace and it looks like a dystopian fantasy where everyone is too strict and crazy like the Nazi and he tell me that he will rape me brutally and tells me that I'll love him more than the first guy. He will make me do it. He will do it through coercion. He will show me what submission means. And I'm filled with fear. And I'm scared and I ask him if he is going to be sadistic with me. And he says yes. He adds that he will be so sadistic that I'll absolutely obey him and will be forced to beg him for mercy and even show perfect obedience. And not just that. He tells me that I'll completely forget the other man and obey him and consider him my new master and that's how he is going to make me love him. I tell him that that's not possible. So he rapes me brutally. He doesn't abandon me. He makes sure that I feel safe that I'm taken care of. When some of the men try to beat me up, he protects me from them by beating them. He does this to show me that he cares about me. In the end of the dream, I'm submitting to him in a subservient way and I forget the first guy and I begin to fall in love with this man. Although I never thought I would. His control makes me do it out of pressure and I get used to it. It's like in every dream, this intimacy is forcefully extricated out of me against my will and the captor or host or rapist is the winner because he wins my love but out of coercion and force. I end up showing him love out of extreme pressure for survival that induces Stockholm Syndrome and attachment. Like abusive love. My dreams were a manifesting of what I had been through. Why did I find comfort in them? Because that was the only way to find closure with the cruelty of the situation! If it did not end well in real life, it at least ended well in my dreams.. This looks like a great explanation of my rape dream as it corelates to my trauma. I think it was a way to have closure and peace with the abuse I went through. I liken it to something like this. Imagine being bullied in high school by some terrible person who tortures you, pours gasoline on you. Makes you suffer. You suffer trauma as a result. Of course the memory is painful. Years later when you are all grown up, you get dreams, really bad dreams. In these dreams you're being raped. Man or woman doesn't matter whoever you are. The person who is raping you is the same person who poured gasoline on you in high school. Now they are grown up too. But in the dream they torture you and rape you again. You surrender to this power. Although you escaped them in real life and were terrified of them. But in the dream, you build a sado masochistic relationship with them. You surrender to their power and authority. This sado masochistic relationship helps you heal the trauma you went through with them and because of them. Since you could not find justice and peace with them for what they did, your way to find closure was through these means. In hard core reality you couldn't have expected justice. Yet in the dream world this is possible although not in the perfect way, not in the way you would want it. What's not possible in real life is happening in the dream. They wanted you to submit but you didn't want to. They didn't want to give you closure in real life yet they have to do so in the dream. The karmas of both meet at a perfect point. The manifestation through rape. At the end of the brutal act you submit. It's not justice, yet it's closure. They taking care of you or providing you security or survival is probably out of guilt of having tortured you. You submitting to their rape is symbolic of you validating their power and sadistic intent thus satisfying their bloodlust and giving them the closure they needed out of you long time ago during the first encounter. This is not justice, but this is karmic closure. The reality was extremely brutal and takes you the time when bad things happened between you and that person in high school. Yet through the rape, both are able to forgive one another and satisfy each other in half baked ways like a dystopian fantasy. You find comfort in the rapist because they let you feel safe although this wasn't the reality. It's not a happy ending but it's not as brutal as what happened in real life and it's your brain's mechanism to cope with what happened and give it to proper ending in your dreams so your suffering and current trauma finds subconscious healing through the dream. A sort of reconciliation of what happened without letting your tormentor make it much worse for you and burying the memory of what happened and replacing it with a rape dream thus sealing the wound and not letting it fester any further. This seems like a powerful interpretation given that I'm a child abuse victim and the dream could be significant in trying to heal me. I think I can call this some kind of a karmic cleansing act. And it makes a lot of sense why I was getting such a dream repeatedly. Now I realize that it was some sort of a karmic cleansing going on. The rapist was my tormentor in real life or past life. Through raping me he was karmic cleansing himself. I was karmic cleansing by submitting to him. Both were cleansing each other's karma. My karma was my trauma. His karma was his guilt. This significant trauma in my life was spazzing out as rape fantasy These rape dreams are a form of trauma release. Don't feel upset by them. It will be ok. I have received significant amount of information on what's happening to me. I feel a bit more empowered than before. The more I negotiate this with myself. I have spent days not eating and putting all the hard work into understanding my mental problems. I am my own power. It's natural that I'll have behavioral issues given the amount of trauma I suffered.. Aspects Tribal - I think when someone suffers extreme level of trauma in their childhood and the world doesn't have a cure for it, it's like it's the tribalistic aspects that handle it better. These rape dreams could be an offshoot of those tribalistic aspects. They give relief by playing out the reptilian mind It's like when you traumatize a mind, the mind goes berserk and then the reptilian mind is triggered in the process. This is a bold move. A move toward survival. Again survival is not love. Remember that rapists program your mind to believe that survival is love. If they feed you, they love you. This is a false illusion. Realize that this is equivalent to someone pushing you off the stairs and then taking you to the hospital. Just because they take you to the hospital does not make them angels. But this exact recipe or method is used by rapists and hostage situations or captors who first take you hostage and then feed you and act like they did a service to you. It's like they did a favor to you. This is not a true friend. This is not a true helper. Can you see this? Can you see through this deception? Can you see the Devil? The devil is always in the details. In order to know the Devil, you have to know each and every detail of what's happening to you. Because there lies your freedom and the GOLD KEY that you needed to set yourself free. The rape dreams could also be a signal that you are struggling and trying to set yourself free or a caution that you should do so. You aren't surrounded by pure people. And that's your biggest problem. Remember "pure people." Now what are pure people? Pure people are those who genuinely want to help you. That is they aren't playing games with your head. They will not make conditions to help you. They will not blackmail you. They will not challenge your survival. They will not rape you and then tell you that they are going to feed you. This is a tactic. This is to control you the way animals are abused. It's vile. It's the enemy or the wolf in sheep's clothing. It's like how my mother was forced to marry for survival. How she was told that this was in her own good. She was pushed off the stairs in the marriage. It's like if her family wanted to help her, they would have helped her. They wouldn't have forced her into a marriage she didn't want Long ago my mother said to me - I won't let you be forced to marry a man who you don't want to marry. I won't let you suffer the way I did. THIS IS GENERATIONAL TRAUMA When a pure person comes to you, they listen to you deeply deeply deeply. Because after all they claim they want to help you. My last boyfriend (before I met my husband) was like that. At least somewhat. He gave me a glimpse into what pure love can look like but he quickly abandoned me after that because he thought trying to help me was overwhelming. I don't blame him because I was dealing with serious trauma. You will realize that fraud is a part of evil. Fraud is what the enemy does. They are frauding you. This is the first sign of NOT LOVE. If someone wants to truly love you, they will set you free. They won't lock you up and then feed you breadcrumbs. And then act like they are loving you. That's not Love.