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During high school I was way too socially awkward to ever ask anybody out and I felt much the same way throughout college in my 20s. I've had sexual flings here and there but I've never been asked out and I've never felt compelled to partner up with anybody. I was wondering if this counts as an issue for personal development or does it not matter whether you're single or not in general?

It depends on the contents of what's being written and what the intention is. Something dead simple like a single-line entry on what made you happy today (drinking a coffee, eating an ice cream etc.) has value. If you feel writing too much isn't doing it for you then just keep it short.

What are the things that normally make you laugh? Is there anything you've enjoyed doing in the past? Anything that makes you lose track of time?

Thank you both for the replies. I'm noticing a pattern where I feel pretty alright for a few weeks and then certain memories bubble up to the point where I start to spill out emotionally. I don't wanna turn into someone who only comes on a forum just to rant so I'll be sure to more vigilant in future. The past happened and some things I can't change, better to just accept the here and now and let go as @hyruga said.

@Dauntment I'm a male irl

The fact you're aware of it is pivotal for keeping it in check; you're only a douchebag if you don't realize it. Just know you can keep your ego self in check and you're all good ?

I was concerned this was 32g dried and was like what the fuuuuuuuuuck You might have a more mellow/pleasant experience if you just tone it down a little. 1.5g or something.

Peace ❤

It's okay to not have a clear answer off the bat. It helps sometimes to observe the things you know you don't like or don't want to incorporate in your own life and think of what the opposite could be. For instance, if a person believes they were neglected as a child, if they ever have a child of their own they may have a much greater tendency to take responsibility as a parent and be there for their child as often as they can. Or a person who knows someone close to them who suffers from an illness, there might be a inkling to study medicine and become a nurse/doctor, since healing others from their sickness feels most authentic to them.

Sexuality isn't something I'd rationalize that much. You like whoever you like.

It's been years since I've looked up anything but Udemy had really nice courses for Python. If you check in every month (might be every 2 months, can't remember) they do promotional offers on pretty much all the web scripting/programming courses so you can pick up a course worth £200 for like £20. If money is super tight you can't go wrong with Youtube. Traversy Media and Net Ninja were the two channels that taught me 90% of what I knew about scripting.

I had this happen recently - you just move onto the next person. Stay active and let things fall into place on their own.

If you have a background with mental health issues or traumatic past events - both avenues can lead a person to the concept of suicide - then it's possible for a psychedelic substance to bring that out in you during a trip. This isn't necessarily bad imo. It's an opportunity to face it from an elevated state of consciousness head on if it pops up in your head. It's when a person doesn't consider this a possibility that could occur during their trip that can lead to them feeling disturbed/freaked out. To give a personal example, my first trip was 1g of ecuadorian cubensis mushrooms. I had a long record of passively thinking about death and feeling like my day-to-day life was numb and shitty before taking them. Not once did my mind throw me anything like that during the trip though. It was surprisingly smooth sailing all the way through and I came out the trip feeling restored and healed. As long as you set reasonable expectations (go with the flow, don't fight whatever thoughts come up) you'll be fine.

Spirituality is about easing your suffering and healing old scars incurred from past/childhood trauma. Personal development is about finding new, more functional methods of coping with every day challenges and discovering a higher purpose. While you can mix and match the two, you can choose to focus on one over the other depending on what you feel is currently best for you.

Unless there's a monetization aspect I'm not aware of I don't consider the clips channel a failure, at least as a follower from the main channel coming over. Some of the best tidbits of information I carried with me were from excerpts of episodes I didn't expect e.g. Outrages Experiments on Consciousnesses had a lesson on love which I hadn't picked up on before. I liked how some ideas from various videos seem to overlap each other and form a bigger picture.

I suffer from ruminating thoughts about violent/abusive events that happened when I was young. Not a single day goes by where I don't have any reprieve or a brief moment where I'm not being bombarded with such distressing images and flashbacks. I've been on anti-depressants. I've been referred for counseling which never fell through because the NHS is crumbling apart. I've been meditating consistently for 30-40 minutes every day. I've been reading about the ego, impermanence, the false self and letting go. I can understand these ideas intellectually but these flashes keep re-appearing and I keep getting sucked into the midst of it all, not realizing I've just been affected until it's too late. I eat fairly healthy. I'm at a balanced weight. I don't drink or smoke. I've recently gotten into mushrooms which lifted the depressive fog I was under but that was only an underlying/minor issue compared to this. I'm honestly at my wits end and I'm reaching the verge of not having any desire to go on if my head is going to torment me continuously like this. I tell myself repeatedly to take responsibility and just stop thinking about it all. Then it happens out of nowhere and I'm so frustrated at myself for allowing it to have an effect over me. The only way I can describe it is that it's akin to a sudden punch in the face and I'm almost trembling and crying in fear from re-living these old experiences. Sometimes I flinch as though it's really happening again and I feel so fucking ashamed and tired of it happening over and over.

Thank you both for replying. I'm feeling much better than I was when I made my initial post. I've learned that I definitely have the capacity to heal and to let go of all my unhelpful traits in time.

I admit I have an addiction to past memories that were harmful and traumatizing since they keep replaying in my head at least a few times per day, but I'm aware it stems from the ego, working on minimizing it as best I can.

I'd recommend doing a low dose on mushrooms if you can get your hands on some. Speaking from personal experience a low dose was pivotal for me to overcome the depressive fog I was living under for a long time. Assuming of course you've done research on what potential effects you can feel and just go into it with an open mind.

Caffeine is the only thing I really need to feel upright. One or two cups of coffee a day is enough for me although I've made attempts before to ditch it completely.

If evading the places themselves is out of the question then there's not too much you can do. I grew up with second hand smoke for a long time and I never noticed myself feeling any worse off, personally.

Since last month I've been traveling to the city in my area during the weekend with the intention to approach anyone I found attractive or someone I'd maybe just be interested in getting to know. I'd mostly walk around the mall area and stop by all the quirky/nerd places like the manga stores and hot topic. Most of the time if I saw a girl I liked the look of she'd be with some friends. I guess if I was super desperate I could've approached regardless and just spoke to them as a group. There were only a couple of instances where I could've approached someone but I got too passive and just walked on. The first time was when I noticed a girl making direct eye contact with me and smiling as I walked by - got the impression she just liked the look of me - but I only smiled back and just kept moving. I was kinda bummed at myself afterwards for not stopping to say hi even though it didn't cross me at the time. The second time was when I noticed a girl lighting a cigarette. I got the inkling to approach and ask if she had a spare I could take. I don't consider myself a smoker - I've never bought a pack, only ever smoked when I got handed a cig - figured it was just a good opener I could've used. I wussed out though which I beat myself up for but in hindsight smoking a cig would've been pretty yucky anyways. After a certain point I noticed myself only doing game during the daytime. One day I decided to stay out until it was night and hit one of the bars followed by this popular alt/metal club afterwards. I didn't get a hotel room; they were too expensive. I decided I would just hang around for a couple hours after the club closed until my train home arrived. I didn't drink alcohol since I've been out the door with it for a while and I knew it would make me kinda sloppy. I was just hanging out the smoking area for a while. I kept my body language open and I was just enjoying being there more than anything. I decided not to put any pressure on myself. Eventually there was a girl who came by and said she liked my jacket (I wore my leather one with some patches I sewn onto it, a trans patch and a Nirvana pog). She invited me to come over with her other friends and I got introduced to some of them. She brought her other friend out with her who was also new to the place and didn't get out much so it helped that we were both on the same boat. To summarize the rest of the night it was meeting and talking to plenty of other people and I eventually got to kissing her and got her number (her friend's too). I'm still a newbie but if there's pointers I can give from these experiences it would be these: It can be very easy to beat yourself up over missing approaches or having an approach turn out awkward and not working. As shitty as it feels it's also shitty to be sitting alone back home and feeling sorry for yourself. So from that perspective I didn't feel as vulnerable walking up to people at the risk of being rejected anymore. There's not really anything perfect you can say to open. It helps if you say something relevant to the setting you're currently in e.g. if you're in a library or comic store, you could ask him/her if anything catches their eye. Mention you're looking to try out a new series of a comic or manga. Ask if they like anime. D they like this particular author or this particular artist. There's all these different strands you can flow through that there's no right or wrong thing to say as long as it's relevant somehow. If you're doing it during the day, consider giving it a go during the night time as well. Even if you don't like bars or clubs. You don't need to drink or smoke. Generally speaking people who are out drinking are gonna be more receptive to someone approaching them since the alcohol's made them let loose. Have compassion for yourself but don't let yourself get too comfortable either. It can honestly feel like you're about to cry sometimes because of the overwhelming sense of loneliness and rejection. You can take pride in yourself for having an approach not working out. At least you approached. 90% of people simply don't have the balls to approach directly. You'll feel so much better about yourself when you're back home knowing that you actually took a shot at it. And if an awkward situation happens again it's not gonna faze you as much anymore.

I'm a newbie but I took 2g of shrooms about 3 weeks after my first ever dose at 1g and it came on way too strong for my liking. To summarize the whole experience it was basically 10 hours of having a huge headache, nausea and not enjoying it whatsoever.

Last time I was in the city roaming around and hitting some shops I had an inkling to try cold approach if I saw someone I found attractive. There were a few girls but the issue was that I felt the actual physical approach would've been too jarring (noticed this one girl but she was behind me on the escalator, didn't want to turn around 180 and approach her that way, circled around the store to look at some stuff then returned to see if she was still there). Another similar situation was in the food court. Saw a girl sitting alone. Brain told me to approach but there were tons of people walking by and it was overall just noisy as hell. Maybe I could've used that as an opener if I brute forced it haha ("boy it's LOUD in here right?"). But all this made me wonder if there is such a thing as an approach that's just gonna seem total forced and awkward? Or is it mostly just mental?

Even writing down something small every day can have a huge benefit. I went back through some old pages I wrote and there was an entry I wrote where I just enjoyed a cup of coffee. Not sure what it is but remembering particular moments you enjoyed something small is awesome.