I've had some recent success with online dating, and as a result of that, I'm speaking with about five women right now. One women I met in-field at a wedding, and we actually ended up hooking up that night. Since that night, I've been thinking about taking a step back and reassessing my practice to institute a more ethical approach.
As Leo mentioned in "How to Get Laid - Part 3" (and alluded to in "A Rant Against the Pickup Community"), sex is a very low-conscious part of human life. I didn't get decent with women until my early 30s. I had some deep insecurities which prevented me from approaching, many of which I've now addressed, reconciled, and/or actively working on. I have more options now than I ever did throughout my 20s. But now, because I have more options, I believe I'm acting in an unethical way.
The thing is, when I was with the woman from the wedding, my feelings toward her were genuine. I genuinely wanted her to feel pleasure, both sexually and emotionally. I'm incredibly affectionate, and I expressed my adoration for her not only through purely sexual mechanics, but also connective ways: holding her in my arms, putting my head on her chest to listen to her heart beat, kissing her brow, rubbing her back, etc. We spoke for hours.
This cocktail of emotions has made me reconsider my cold approach practice and dating in general. Much as Leo advised in "A Rant ...", I want to put the woman's needs before my own. "Is what I'm doing best for her?" If I'm practicing strong affection with a woman, that conveys to her that she is the exclusive object of my affection (at least in the moment). Now, logically, she may know I'm dating other women - and I'm up front about that - but that doesn't change the fact that I've manipulated her emotions. I don't want to wound her in any way that would compromise her ability to receive and deliver love with myself or another partner.
So, here's the heart of the issue: I feel I have karma to burn through. I still have a warped, toxic perception of beautiful women shaped by porn, Red Pill ideology (I know, I know), and embarrassment from my past. That perception is transforming, but I feel that metamorphosis isn't complete. I feel I need to do cold approach to imbue the following ideas into my unconscious behaviors.
Women are human beings, and therefore, are just as complex as men. They are not two-dimensional. Some beautiful women are narcissistic, but many are kind, loyal, and have interests as far ranging as those who aren't as attractive. I want to stop prejudging women - and people in general. It's unhealthy, and not what I want to contribute to the world.
Women do not owe me sex. This idea has become more integral to my mindset over the past year, and I'm proud of that. I didn't realize I unconsciously believed I was entitled to their affections until my self esteem improved.
Handle negative emotions well. This is something I've struggled with my whole life because I'm incredibly sensitive (if you couldn't tell by this post, hahaha). I want to develop that solid, grounded integrity despite the unpleasant or embarrassing interactions I may have with cold approach.
Live as brazenly as I did when I was a kid. I was straight up shameless about approaching girls in Kindergarten. I'd go up to any one I thought was pretty, and ask if I could kiss them. If they said no, I'd ask another girl. Throughout my adolescence and adulthood, I lost that fearlessness. I wonder how it would manifest itself as a man.
With this self-development in mind, I want to approach women with the intent to sacrifice my own desires for the sake of what's best for them. That means if I ever get the sense that a woman would be emotionally wounded by my practice, I'll walk away even if I hook her. I think a part of that entails only dating one woman at a time. Sure, dating multiple women may get her attracted to me, but what I'm really doing is just stimulating what may be an anxious attachment style.
My main question is: How do I engage in the personal development pick-up can deliver while minimizing or eliminating the risk of emotionally wounding the women I'm intimate with? At the same time, I want to avoid having disconnected sex with women.
