Xonas Pitfall

@theleelajoker is awesome!

Being with a girl is gay. Being interested in a girl is gay. Being jealous over a girl is super gay. Talking to a girl? Totally gay. Holding the door for a girl? Gay. Smiling at a girl? Yup, you’re just asking for it. Sharing your fries with a girl? Full-on gay. Looking at a girl’s shoes? Don’t even try to deny it, that’s some serious gay energy right there.

@Basman That’s it. Back under the bucket you go, kitty! 🥡🐈

Super interesting! Do you feel like you had a tendency to attach to one partner more than the other, or have a fixation point? I know for me, this is one of the blockages with polyamory, since I tend to have a singular fixation on a person and desire it reciprocated as well. So I’m super curious how it feels without it. Is it more that each party has traits, hobbies, interests, and ways of loving that soothe you better for one role, and another soothes you better for another? And therefore, you don’t really care if the other party reciprocates the same amount of love compared to the other? I’d love to hear about the mental processes and attachments, and how they play out, but obviously, no need to answer anything you’re not comfortable with ^^ I can just be curious at times. And my condolences... they sound wonderful. 🥀

How did it feel and unveil for you?

HAHA, what does this mean?

That's what she said... (˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) (Hahahahahaha...)

Thank you very much! It's designed to have very little to no meaning whatsoever. I like creating my usernames from,̵̩͓̊̈̌͒̑͛͒́̄̍̅̐̚͘͠ ̷̢̺̳̣̜̪̦̻͖̱̂͆̉̋͝͠ư̷̰̘͕̋̐̀̈́̔͆͂̄̓̔̈́͑͠n̷̨̡͕̲̤̖̪͇̙̉̆͐̋̍̅̚d̸̯͈͎̭̩̫̍̃̋̿̐́͑͐̋e̵̛͓̒̑͒̍͛f̴̢̨̮͚̗͍̺̱̫͕̥͒̇̌̓̊̓̅͘͜͠i̸͇̾̑͛̌͒̆͐̊͝n̸̡͖̖͎̺͓̘͈̟͇̠͚̠̞̬̿̽̃̎̈́̌́̌̚e̷̬̫͚̠̪͙̞̓̈̈ͅd̴̻̠̬̠̱̺̟̳͑̆͂̒̿̓̆͋͗͝͝ strings by humming random patterns as they come to me (perhaps a reference to Unfiltered Infinity? ). And for the answer... I’m very open to that. I probably should just do more trips and keep contemplating during them, as you suggested! I think the issue is that I still have some lingering 'otherness/materialism/separate reality from the mind' arguments in my brain that I can’t seem to deconstruct. I keep thinking: "Sure, I can conceptually and even experientially understand how the mind works, and how it uses concepts and experiences to define infinity, beauty, God, oneness, and the reality it’s perceiving." But I think the fact that I cannot truly control reality in both my waking and higher consciousness states makes me believe there is 'otherness' independent of my mind, with properties and processes I can never know. And this whole concept of God is just the ultimate way my mind can understand itself and ponder on itself, but the actual source, or the Creator, who is able to mold, spawn, and twist reality, is far different from what I could ever imagine. The best way I can describe it is: There’s reality, then there’s my mind, which evolved from that reality into consciousness to try and understand how reality functions. Sure, my mind is trying to understand reality, and it has plenty of infinite properties, processes, concepts like Infinity, God, and Solipsism, and psychedelic experiences it can create and explore, which is fascinating. But who’s claiming that it’s what created that reality, or is that reality? That's a huge assumption to make. I don’t know if I’m making sense. Leo’s post about being able to manifest a unicorn from pure thought and consciousness was curious to me, but I’ve never really experienced that, nor seen anyone actually do it, just claim it. The closest I’ve ever heard of it is Tesla and how he created his inventions, but even then, he still had to go through a process of materializing those creations. It’s not like it just poofed in front of him for all eternity. And also, this idea that the only present moment is the actual starting point of creation, and from there, I create stories to make sense of it, feels very weird. I had some psychedelic experiences that denied this idea, but it faded sadly. I guess I’ll just keep updating on the forum as I keep breaking my mind, teehee . Thank you!

Agreed! Hence, why I put the HUGE WARNING at the start, haha. Let's pray so!

Nope! It's not a choice; it's a tautology. Basically, it's infinity (all), and it cannot be anything but all. It must be, and include all because it is all. And in order to be all, it has to be both finite and infinite. That’s really all. It didn’t 'choose' anything, it just had to be everything from an absolute perspective. Choice implies an inherent preference for one thing over another, which can only occur from a non-dual, finite perspective.

Yes, please! Moving, maybe...?

Again, the point is to present a very 'biased' and myopic perspective to highlight the silliness! I realize there are a lot of things missing here, but that's the point, hehe! I'm dividing consciousness, splitting it in half, with the hope of uniting it once again! I suppose we can use this post to present biased perspectives and then show the reverse, with the aim of countering that bias.

What would be the male version of this? Attractive interaction with men is about one thing: Openness? Reactivity? Or maybe it all just points to "play", just expressed through different playstyles. Haha, funny... the key insight to 🎮 🕹️ GAME is PLAY! 🎮 🕹️

@Princess Arabia Your profile picture looks like it’s straight out of an epic retro 80s musical aerobics and Pilates weight loss training video! I'd totally get your tape, neon headbands, and leg warmers!

Again, this behavior isn’t gender-specific. People love hearing things that soothe them. That’s how cults persuade people, how political parties gain support. Who do you think brought Andrew Tate, Trump, and Hitler to prominence? Do you think it was women? Men also love hearing things that soothe them, and once you can whisper those things into their minds, they, too, can be easily controlled, manipulated, and will submit to whoever the authority figure whispering sweet words is. Another good example is when it was publicly believed that women were too stupid for schools. "Women can't do this... All this logic thinking it's a 'guy thing'!" Now that the majority of women are outperforming men in schools, suddenly the 'narrative' is: 'Well... uh, schools are just made better for women because it’s all about brainless memorization and people-pleasing to authority. Men like sports and activity more.' Instead of acknowledging that men are failing currently in the very system that was originally designed to cater to them. Plus, I think she was just accepting a cute compliment. Teehee >.<

100%! I was just pointing out the gender bias happening, both can be crazy crazy ones! 😅

Nisssse Silly Gueuïeoosee!

The hotter the guy, the more difficult it is to handle their ego, greed, lust, and narcissism. It goes both ways, haha. The more attractive you are in general, and considering you haven’t faced much backlash in life and are still relatively young, the more you can get away with things. This is an attractive-people thing, not just a guy or girl thing. (Also edit: As @Schizophonia pointed out, it’s more of just a toxic person thing, to be honest haha. It’s just that the more attractive you are, and if you’re a toxic person, the more you can get away with. But yeah, still non-gendered.) Again, you can’t call women the crazier gender when men, throughout history, have been more aggressive, impulsive, cheating, causing unnecessary wars, domestic violence, and creating laws that benefit them and disadvantage anything not like them. It took thousands of years just to get some gender equality, who do you think was electing for this? History alone shows plenty of blind spots on the men’s side. Again, I’m not saying women are the better gender now; I dislike these gender wars. I’m just trying to point out the biases here. You have to remember that anger, inability to control lust and horniness, and inability to be vulnerable are also unhealthy emotions that should be seen as "crazy" and incredibly toxic as well if not regulated.

Also, just a note: being 'outward' doesn’t have to mean bungee jumping or suddenly flipping to an extrovert; it can be as simple as 'speaking out loud,' 'writing out your thoughts,' or focusing on a movie/video game you enjoy. You can still be heavily introverted and contemplative, but just 'articulating' your thoughts helps, so you’re not just stuck in your head, daydreaming. That’s what you’re really battling, since that's the main cause of that 'trance-like state' that leads you deeper into depressive moods. It’s a meme, but... to not depress, you need to express. As corny as it sounds, it’s true. So, honestly, even taking time to write on a forum or slowly expressing your thoughts will help you get off to a better start. You’re not necessarily battling introversion and reflective interests; what you’re battling are ruminating thoughts and maladaptive daydream-like behavior. Anything that gets you out of that is much better. You need to externally keep explicating yourself in any way possible.

I think it's also about how relevant and helpful education is perceived to be. With the internet, kids are more likely to stumble upon "anti-schooling" content and realize how irrelevant many of the things taught are, so it’s even less motivating when online learning feels like a better alternative to traditional education. Personally, and for many of my friends, this has been a significant issue. When you compare traditional education to online resources, and also become aware of how little school guarantees a job (if anything, it might just get you into more student debt), it makes school even less appealing. I guess in the past, there was a sense of security that if you got a degree, you could get a stable job and stay with a company long-term with little fear of sudden laid-offs (though maybe that’s just a myth, I am not well-versed here). Education fundamentally has to feel like a worthwhile investment compared to other alternatives, which is why people are pushing for school reform. There are (for example) plenty of AI tools that can potentially be implemented to personalize teaching for children, and that’s just one of the ways the system could potentially improve. Before, students didn’t have as many distractions, so even if the teachers weren’t great, they could still get by. But that’s not a good situation, and it shows how many flaws have been overlooked in the system. Not saying teachers should be disrespected at all, but it’s clear that the education system has long been ignoring some key issues. It could push us to rethink how we engage students, allowing them to explore subjects they’re truly passionate about and helping them discover what interests them. This, to me, is what real education should look like. Obviously, it sounds somewhat utopian for now, but I do think many of the flaws in old-school approaches are slowly being more and more exposed. Which is good!

South Park makes me nostalgic :') ❤

Yes, this is how depression feels or "comes to be": you're overactive in your 'ego' or neural default network. Research suggests when depressed, there's a heightened activation of areas of the brain involved in self-referential thinking, like the default mode network (DMN), which is responsible for mind-wandering and processing personal memories, and when it's overactive, it can lead to persistent negative thoughts and a sense of being trapped in your own mind (just as you are reporting). Here, if you want to read more about it: https://www.pnas.org/doi/full/10.1073/pnas.0812686106 That's how I feel myself in the 'emptiness' stages, especially if they are prolonged. As I said above, you're completely immersed in the Default Mode Network (DMN), stuck in your own recursive thought loops. It's a completely different state of consciousness from normal. And... interestingly, psychedelics have been shown to reduce activity in exactly that area of the brain (the DMN). This may explain why they are one of the few things that actually seem to work for you. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1119598109 Changing anything in life (whether it's your body, your career, or your mental state) follows a similar process. To change your weight, for example, you need to make gradual adjustments to your diet and exercise routine over time. Only after consistent effort will you eventually return to, or even surpass, your "prime body" and healthy state. The same principle applies to switching careers: you must let go of your ego, admit that you don't know anything about this new topic, and start from scratch, which is painful. Only by taking small steps over time can you reach the same level of success, or even exceed it, in your new field. However, this slow, long-term process can be incredibly painful and discouraging, especially since with all of these you have the motivation to push forward. But with depression, the unique challenge is that you start feeling more exhausted and tired, and you lose any apparent reason to do things. It’s as if you have to work against your own mind and rationality if you want to make a change. It's like you're fighting just to have motivation; you're developing a habit/goal of being motivated. The same goes for overcoming depression. To break free from the negative thought loops of the Default Mode Network, you need to deliberately engage in activities that pull you away from introspection. Movement, social interaction, self-expression, engaging in speech or communication, meditation, or focusing outward, anything that interrupts the recursive, self-referential state. Only then will you begin to feel a shift. Basically, think of the nihilistic impulse of "Why does any of this matter?" as your mind saying, "Hey, eating another doughnut isn't that bad, is it?" or "Who cares if I lose weight? I don't want to be motivated by shallow reasons." It's like the devil on your shoulder. You can point out the trickery in those thoughts when it comes to something like losing weight, but with nihilism, the argument feels more intellectual, more convincing, and therefore, harder to challenge. It feels more "personal", "true," and "correct," but it's ultimately the same kind of illusion. Alternatively, you could opt for a quicker fix: plastic surgery to change your body, a career referral to bypass the grind, or a psychedelic experience to temporarily step outside of the DMN. Both approaches work and are fine; one is gradual, long-term, and often painful, while the other provides immediate results (and sometimes only short-term). In the psychedelic state, for example, you get a brief glimpse of what it’s like to function beyond that exhausting, numbing, self-referential state. It’s a temporary break from the cycle, which can be incredibly helpful, I know it was for me. But if you don’t have access to psychedelics at the moment, I’d strongly encourage you to try sticking to a routine that forces you out of your mind. See how you feel after a week (or even a couple of days). Your mind is highly self-deceptive in its nature, so it could be worth a try; nothing to lose really, in attempting something different if possible. I believe in Sugarcoat ❤

Thank you very much! I highly suggest this tip, to be honest. I feel like my thoughts got progressively clearer once I started doing it. I guess seeing them written out 'prettier' and properly motivated me to push extra hard to keep redefining my logic and communication style.

I write it myself first, but I can't be bothered with grammar, capitalization, or spelling, so my original is very wonky. Then I run it through AI and say, 'Hey, correct grammar and capitalization.' It's an awesome combo, hehe!

This I understand conceptually, but if I truly ask myself if I’ve experienced, believe, or know this, I’m not quite sure. That was my original question in this post. How do you know this isn't just how the mind works, and that it’s all happening in my mind? Sure, the mind has an infinite looping property, and yes, it's contingent for reality to exist; but can’t I just say it’s contingent for reality to be perceived, not exist? How do I know if my mind dies, then everyone separate from my mind in this "reality" will die too? I cannot ever know this. Nothing I ever experienced points to this, both logically and experientially. So, I wanted to ask: how do I contemplate this further so I can grasp what is being said? Thank you so much! ❤