Xonas Pitfall

@Ampresus What if she obliged to all your desires, became the perfect girlfriend, and then once you’re hooked and in love, she starts suggesting you “provide” for her and give her more of your money, claiming that it’s in her "biological nature" to continue loving a man? Also, when you say "your heart has opened up more," are you sure that means you want to have multiple relationships, or is it just about exploring more sexually? Can you imagine yourself giving twice or even triple the amount of attention and focus you’re currently giving to your current relationship? I don't think there's anything wrong if you want to go through a phase with more sexual experiences, but at least show respect to your girlfriend and allow her to have her own fun (whether it's with guys or girls). I think you're misunderstanding the concept of "unconditional love." I’m not sure if you’re aware of it, but you're taking selfish desires and framing them as selfless and good in your mind. Being more loving requires empathy and understanding. Have you asked her how she would feel about this? What would her conditions be for making this work? Have you thought about what kind of actions or words would be necessary to reassure her that she’s still your primary lover? Have you considered the possibility of meeting someone you might love more, what if she does? Would you have the self-discipline to break things off with them so your girlfriend doesn't feel betrayed? Would you have the respect and humility to tell her to her face that you don't love her the same anymore, or would you just continue the polyamory until she notices your decreased attention and slowly gets heartbroken over time? And what about the other women? How would they feel if you presented yourself as a single guy with good game, they fell in love, allowing themselves to be charmed and trust you, only to feel completely betrayed when you introduce the idea of polyamory? Why not just be open from the start and find people who are genuinely compatible with the lifestyle? It’ll save you so much headache in the long run. People who begrudgingly accept something because they were coerced or tricked into it are a ticking time bomb until they leave, and can you really blame them? Wouldn’t you feel the same way? Again, if you want to take an unconventional path, that's totally fine. But please don’t use reframing tactics—whether consciously or unconsciously—to convince yourself that you're being “more loving, more open-minded, and more unconditional,” or that you have so much love to give to more people. In reality, your reasoning seems to be selfish rationalizations for wanting more sex and validation without fully considering what the other parties might want, or what would be fair and respectful to them in this situation. And by the way, if you just want to be selfish and keep your "main" girlfriend while manipulating other women into falling in love with you, only to keep them in a polyamorous setup by using their fear of losing you or abandonment, fine—but own that. Don’t mask it as “I’m more open and loving now, I can’t just love one woman, I’m so selfless and full of abundant love that I need to give to more people.” I hope it makes sense. My tone might seem harsh, but I'm trying to help you become more aware and genuinely unconditionally loving if that's truly your goal. The way you're approaching it now is quite the opposite.

Oh my! Congratulations!

1. Protagonists and Central Figures Protagonist: The main character driving the story. Tragic Hero: A protagonist with a fatal flaw leading to their downfall. Anti-Hero: A morally ambiguous protagonist with flaws but redeeming qualities. Reluctant Hero: A protagonist hesitant to embrace their heroic role. Chosen One: A character destined to fulfill a great responsibility or prophecy. Fallen Hero: A once-great figure now facing their downfall or moral crisis. 2. Antagonists and Villains Antagonist: The primary force opposing the protagonist. Villain: An evil or malicious character. Tyrant: A domineering, oppressive leader. Puppet Master: A character manipulating events behind the scenes. Double Agent: A character secretly working for an opposing side. Turncoat: A traitor who switches allegiances. 3. Mentors and Guides Mentor: A wise figure offering guidance to the protagonist. Sage: A character of great wisdom or spiritual insight. Oracle: A character with prophetic knowledge. Mentor’s Apprentice: A character learning from a mentor. 4. Side Characters and Companions Sidekick: A loyal companion offering support to the protagonist. Confidante: A character who listens to the protagonist's inner thoughts. Guardian: A nurturing protector figure, often parental. Protector: A selfless defender of others. 5. Comic Relief and Entertainers Comic Relief: A character who lightens the mood through humor. Jester: A character using wit, mockery, or absurdity. Gossip: A character who spreads rumors and secrets. Charmer: A smooth, persuasive character who wins others over. Celebrity: A famous or influential figure. 6. Philosophers and Thinkers Philosopher: A character who contemplates deep moral or existential questions. Voice of Reason: A character providing logical, rational advice. Idealist: A character driven by high principles and optimism. Pessimist: A character who focuses on the negative side of things. 7. Action-Oriented Characters Avenger: A character seeking justice or revenge. Survivor: A resilient figure who endures great hardship. Rebel: A character defying authority or societal expectations. Crusader: A passionate fighter for a cause. Adventurer: A daring figure seeking excitement and new experiences. Renegade: A defiant character, often challenging the status quo. Rival: A character in competition with the protagonist. 8. Magical and Supernatural Figures Supernatural Being: A character with otherworldly abilities or powers. Shape-shifter: A character who can change their form or identity. Siren: A seductive figure luring others into danger. Alchemist: A character with knowledge of transformation, science, or magic. The Cursed: A character burdened by a supernatural affliction. Time Traveler: A character who navigates different timelines. Vengeful Spirit: A ghost-like figure seeking revenge. Enigma: A mysterious character with hidden depths. The Seer: A character with the ability to foresee the future. 9. Outsiders and Misfits Outsider: A character who doesn’t fit into societal norms. Misfit: A character whose differences make them alienated or misunderstood. Loner: A solitary figure who avoids close relationships. Recluse: A character living in isolation, often with secrets or wisdom. Lost Soul: A character searching for meaning or a sense of belonging. The Exile: A character cast out or banished from their home. 10. Visionaries and Dreamers Dreamer: A character lost in imagination and ideals. Visionary: A forward-thinking character who sees possibilities beyond the present. The Seeker: A character searching for knowledge, understanding, or self-discovery. The Romantic: A character guided by love and passion. 11. Power-Hungry Characters Ambitious Climber: A character seeking power or success at any cost. Ringleader: A charismatic leader organizing a group for a common cause. Mastermind: A highly intelligent planner and manipulator. Deserter: A character who abandons their responsibilities, often facing guilt or regret. 12. Victims and Martyrs Damsel in Distress: A character needing rescue, often due to vulnerability. Martyr: A self-sacrificing character enduring hardship for a greater cause. Scapegoat: A character unfairly blamed for others' actions. The Cursed: A character burdened by a supernatural or personal affliction. The Orphan: A character who has lost their family or support system. 13. Deceptive and Mysterious Figures Trickster: A cunning, manipulative character causing mischief. Con Artist: A character skilled at deception for personal gain. Disguised: A character hiding their true identity. The Chameleon: A character who adapts or changes to fit different environments. 14. Healing and Caring Figures The Healer: A character who can heal physical or emotional wounds. Caregiver: A nurturing character devoted to the well-being of others. Nurturer: A motherly or fatherly figure providing care and support. 15. Neutral Observers and Narrators Narrator: A character telling the story or offering commentary. Chorus: A group offering collective insight or commentary. Witness: A character who observes a key event and reflects on its meaning. 16. Specialists and Thinkers Polymath: A character with expertise in multiple fields of knowledge. Inventor: A character focused on creating new technologies or solutions. The Machine: A robot or AI character exploring themes of humanity or consciousness. 17. Love-Oriented Characters Love Interest: A key romantic partner of the protagonist or another character, often driving personal growth or change through the relationship dynamic. The Romantic: A character deeply driven by love, often focusing on passion, emotion, or the pursuit of meaningful relationships. Hopeless Romantic: A character with idealized views on love, sometimes to the point of naivety or unrealistic expectations. Seductress/Femme Fatale: A character who uses charm, allure, or sexual attraction to manipulate others for their agenda. Star-Crossed Lover: A character who faces insurmountable challenges in love, often leading to tragedy due to external forces beyond their control. The Protector (in love): A character who fiercely guards and defends their romantic partner, motivated by love and loyalty. The Pursuer: A character who is relentless in their chase for a romantic partner, often overcoming obstacles for the sake of love. 18. Innocent, Pure, or Childlike Characters The Innocent: A character who embodies purity, goodness, or naivety, often unaware of the darker aspects of life. Child Prodigy: A character with immense talent but retains a childlike curiosity or innocence, facing the pressure of their abilities. The Naive Optimist: A character who sees the best in everything and everyone, often to the point of being gullible or easily manipulated. The Child: A young character with a childlike demeanor, representing innocence and wonder. Pure-hearted Hero: A character whose moral compass remains untainted, driven by a sincere desire to help others. The Angelic Figure: A character who personifies purity and selflessness, often inspiring or healing others through their innocence. 19. Unusual and Oddball Characters Eccentric: A quirky, unconventional character. The Drifter: A character moving from place to place without commitment. Misunderstood Genius: A character with great intelligence or creativity not appreciated by others. 20. Justice Seekers and Whistleblowers Whistleblower: A character revealing hidden truths or corruption. Spy: A character engaged in espionage or gathering intelligence. The Crusader: A character championing justice or a moral cause. The Avenger: Someone seeking retribution for a personal grievance. 21. Oppositional and Contrasting Characters Foil: A character contrasting with the protagonist, highlighting their traits. Skeptic: A character questioning beliefs, authority, or the status quo. Doubter: A character who challenges others' convictions or decisions. 22. Everyman Characters The Ordinary Person: A relatable character with no special powers, wealth, or abilities, representing the common individual in extraordinary situations. The Bystander: A character who witnesses events happening around them, often dragged into the story by circumstance rather than by choice. The Worker: A character whose life revolves around daily routines and responsibilities, such as a blue-collar or office worker, symbolizing the average person's struggles. The Average Survivor: A character who, despite being unremarkable or ordinary, manages to endure difficult situations, often representing resilience. The Rational Outsider: A character who doesn’t quite fit into their surroundings but reflects the experience of the average person who feels different in society. The Family Person: A character who represents the everyday concerns of family life, such as a parent or spouse, driven by common goals like providing and protecting loved ones. The Conservative: A character who questions or doubts the extraordinary events happening around them, grounding the story with a realistic, questioning attitude. The Underdog: A character who represents the average person facing challenges that seem insurmountable, often earning the audience's support through their persistence. 23. Peacemaker and Mediator Characters The Diplomat: A character skilled in resolving conflicts between opposing parties. The Empath: A character who deeply understands and feels others' emotions, using this ability to mediate tensions and bring people together. The Conflict Avoider: A character who goes to great lengths to prevent or stop conflict, often through passive means, such as appeasement or dissuasion. The Peaceful Leader: A character in a position of authority who leads not through force but through diplomacy, kindness, and fairness, ensuring peace within their community or group.

@Leo Gura Amazing! Super hyped for it. Thank you!

@Nemra Got it! Very interesting! Are you into femboys then (not joking, kind of joking 💫)? Would you say you'd find a male who presents more femininely more attractive than a guy who presents himself as fully masculine, even if you do like masculine qualities? It makes sense why you showed only female examples of androgyny even though you're attracted to both, or why it's a "fetish." Someone born female would need to show a different polarity to fit the masculine desire you have, whereas a guy would need to almost "minimize" his masculinity to an extent to be seen as androgynous. What do you think?

@Sugarcoat Sugarcoat likes to be Evil. 😈 But that's okay . . . For a brief moment, even if it wasn't real, I felt Connected. I felt One. I felt the 😈 Embrace. ❤💞💓💗💞💕💟

@Sugarcoat I love Sugarcoat. 💚 She always understands me.

⡏⡥⠀⠀⠀⠠⠠⠀⠄⠄⠀⢠⣴⠾⠟⠻⢷⣦⡄⠀⠠⠠⠀⠄⠄⠀⠀⠀⠄⠄ ⡇⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣤⠶⠟⠛⠁⠐⠆⣰⡟⠋⠛⠻⠶⣤⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⡇⡇⠀⠀⢀⣴⠞⠉⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⡀⠀⠹⣧⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠳⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⡇⡇⠀⣠⠟⠁⠀⠀⣠⣴⠟⠋⠙⠻⠷⠾⠟⠋⠙⠻⣦⣄⠀⠀⠻⣄⠀⠀⠀ ⡇⡇⣴⠏⠀⠀⢠⡾⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢷⡄⠀⠀⠹⣦⠀⠀ ⡇⣿⡏⠀⠀⣰⡟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢻⣆⠀⠀⢹⣇⠀ ⡇⣿⠀⠀⢠⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⡄⠀⠀⣿⠀ ⣿⡿⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⢿⡇ ⡿⣿⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⣿⠇ ⡇⣿⡄⠀⠈⣿⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⠁⠀⢠⡿⠀ ⡇⡟⣷⡀⠀⠘⢿⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⡿⠃⠀⢀⣾⠃⠀ ⡇⡇⠘⣷⡀⠀⠀⠻⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾⠟⠀⠀⢀⣾⠃⠀⠀ ⡇⡇⠀⠈⠻⣦⡀⠀⠀⠙⠻⠶⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⠶⠟⠋⠀⠀⢀⣴⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀ ⡇⡇⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⢶⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⡶⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠁⡃⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⠻⠶⣶⣤⣤⣤⣤⣶⠶⠟⠛⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Two eyebrows converging into a single Unibrow—an undeniable testament to its true, unified nature. The UniBrow. Ouroboros. Unibrowours.

@Nemra I see! Do you think you like androgyny because you are fundamentally attracted to women, yet you wish for them to embody masculine qualities like assertiveness and confidence? So, a woman who is androgynous would more likely exhibit that mix or contrast?

@Schizophonia TeeHee. Definitely a lot of defiance, an "outcast-y" feel, questioning the status quo, along with a playful, childlike "jestery-ness." A goofy side while also embracing some familial responsibility as a caretaker and guardian! Sweet!

Hmm . . . Alien Intelligence, Sacred Geometry, Transcendental Knowledge, Quantum Mechanics, Meta-Spirituality, Higher Consciousness, Cosmic Awareness, Multidimensional Realities, Esoteric Wisdom, Celestial Beings, Universal Energy, Divine Proportions, Eternal Life Codes, Spiritual Technology, Akashic Records, Interstellar Communication, Bio-Digital Evolution, Astral Projection, Neural Pathways, Morphogenetic Fields, Consciousness Hacking, Quantum Entanglement, Zero-Point Energy, Stellar Cartography, Hyperdimensional Mathematics, Etheric Bodies, Holographic Universe, Psi Phenomena, Astral Navigation, Galactic Frequencies, Superconscious Programming, Soul Architecture Trans-Human Design. This is the ISIS terrorist Taliban in an alternative inverse universe (-1, -2, -3). (Ɛ- 'ᄅ- '⇂-) ǝsɹǝʌıun ǝsɹǝʌuı ǝʌıʇɐuɹǝʇlɐ uɐ uı uɐqılɐ⊥ ʇsıɹoɹɹǝʇ SISI ǝɥʇ sı sıɥ⊥

I very much like androgyny too! What does androgyny represent for you? Does it make the person seem more unique or "quirky," hence the appeal? Do you appreciate the potential projection of someone rejecting traditional societal norms of femininity and masculinity? Or perhaps it's their freedom and openness for self-expression that draws you in? Or is there not much depth to it, haha? Do you like aliens? 👽 Bald people? 👨‍🦲

Self-Love (Self-Preservation, Stability, Security - Exploration, Expansion, Ego-Dissolution) Conservative-Liberal → Tradition-Progress → Stability-Flexibility Safety-Expansion → Security-Growth → Comfort-Exploration Ego-No Ego → Selfishness-Selflessness → Individualism-Collectivism Rational-Emotional → Logic-Intuition → Reason-Feeling Practical-Idealistic → Realistic-Visionary It's another duality, you are very correct! This concept is reflected in Maslow's hierarchy of needs: the necessity of establishing self-boundaries to preserve your ego and meet survival needs. Without these, you can become unstable and unsafe—because in order to experience life and grow, you first need a secure foundation. If these basic needs aren't met, life inevitably forces you to confront them. On a practical level, this looks like falling behind on rent, declining health, insufficient finances for necessities, or lacking social support to stay grounded. One reason childhood often feels like a happy and magical time (assuming the experience was generally positive) is that your core needs for security and self-preservation were met by your parents. You had a loving safety net that allowed you to explore freely—everything was new and exciting, not weighed down by the worries that come later in life. This balance between security and exploration is something worth striving for throughout life. However, focusing too much on comfort and self-preservation can be limiting, especially in a world that is constantly changing. Reality is fundamentally impermeant. If you ignore external realities (for instance, assuming your job is safe from AI disruption and not staying informed), you risk becoming unprepared to care for yourself in the future. Once your foundation is stable, you can then turn your attention to self-actualization, transcendence, and the exploration of new possibilities. Growth becomes a natural process, as the core of who you are seeks to continuously expand and understand itself more deeply. You just need to allow it the freedom to do so, without the weight of constant worry of self-preservation. --- When I refer to self-preservation and self-barriers, I mean both mental and physical aspects. These concepts reflect in everything you are. There’s no reason why it has to be a constant battle between self-preservation and expansion—they support each other. For example, if you desire to go on a five-month retreat for consciousness exploration, your "self-barrier" instinct will naturally kick in. Rather than viewing it as an enemy, think of it as a protective, yet supportive, voice like a concerned parent who's being realistic and pragmatic about your approach. If this desire persists, the question to ask yourself is: "Okay, I really want to expand my consciousness in this way, so what do I need to do?" You’ll need to inform your close relationships about your absence, arrange for someone to check in on you in case you lose your mental balance, and prepare for personal mental challenges you may face such as boredom, lack of perseverance, and mental strength. Then, plan how to overcome these obstacles. Treat any incoming self-expanding desires as clues for what you're motivated to do next. Use your self-preserving knowledge and past experiences to ensure you expand properly, safely, and without harm.

First of all, I grasp the duality of selflessness and selfishness. This question is on a more practical, grounded "human-relative" level. I often hear people say that selflessness is the best way to live your life, to truly align with happiness and fulfillment, and to give yourself in service to others. But I'm not sure that's what I'd personally advise. I think "authentic alignment" might be a better way to phrase it. A part of me really enjoys the idea of a self-expressing artist who creates masterpieces out of a sheer "selfish" drive to express their feelings and emotions, or an inventor advancing modern technology out of a genuine curiosity for growth, intellect, and a deeper understanding of reality. Or a comedian who amuses himself endlessly with jokes, regardless of their reception by others. None of these scenarios require acts of service or selflessness toward others, yet they seem like beautiful ways of living. You could even argue that some of the most helpful or useful things for humanity come from this raw, authentic drive—not because they are created with others in mind, but because the creator is purely driven by personal passion and curiosity. I'm not saying selflessness is bad or that I advocate for people to be more selfish. I think selflessness is beautiful. However, part of me wants to elevate the form of selfishness mentioned above and make it equally beautiful, if not more so. Perhaps I sense some imbalance in society's overemphasis on an "other-centered" mindset, to the point where it blinds us to the beauty that can emerge from self-amusement and authentic self-expression. How would you define these things? If you had to choose a word to describe the direction one should take for the best, most fulfilling life, would it be more selflessness, more authenticity, more awareness, or something else? I think I'm also asking this because I've heard Leo talk about selflessness in a very elevated way, which makes sense. However, I do wonder how this would play out practically. Playing devil's advocate for a moment—who would you say feels more fulfilled and at peace: a monk sitting alone under a Bodhi tree endlessly exploring consciousness without serving any other human beings; a writer locked away, spending day after day expressing their philosophies out of pure personal drive; or a nurse who adores giving herself in service to others, healing them? Would you say all of these people could be equally happy, or would the nurse (or any other example of a highly service-oriented life) be better off because it's supposedly more "selfless and giving"? I guess I'm trying to understand the semantics of the word "selflessness." Could it also include people acting out of pure personal drive, or does selflessness have to involve service to others? And how do we distinguish between higher and lower drives, or between what’s truly good and beneficial versus what's simply selfish? Thank you!

@Keryo Koffa Could you elaborate on this a little bit more? I find the statement interesting . . .

People of Springfield, please don't eat my cats Why would you do that? Eat something else People of Springfield, please don't eat my dog Here's a catalogue of other things to eat 🐶They're eating the dogs (Woah, woah, woah, woah) 🐶 🐱They're eating the cats (Meow, meow, meow, meow)🐱 🐈🐕‍🦺They're eating the pets of the people that live there🐈🐕‍🦺 🦮They're eating the dogs (Woah, woah, woah, woah)🦮 🐕‍🦺🐱They're eating the cats (Meow, meow, meow, meow)🐱🐕‍🦺 They're eating the pets of the people that live there💛

@Evelyna Thank you! Beautiful answer. 🤗💛

@LoseYourvelf Never! We are merely expanding your Consciousness, Lose Yourself in the Breaking.

@Keryo Koffa💢 Yₒ, ₖₑᵣyₒ 💥ₖₒffₐ, cₒₙcₒcₜᵢₙg ₖₒffₐ’ₛ bᵣₑw,💗 ₛₜₑₑₚₑd ᵢₙ ₑₙᵢgₘₐ wᵢₜₕ ₐ cᵣyₚₜᵢc ₖₒffᵢₙ’ cₗᵤₑ! ₜₒ ₖₒffₐ’ₛ fᵤₛᵢₒₙ, ₐ dₐᵣₖ ᵣₒₐₛₜ ₛᵤbₗᵢₘₑ, bᵣₑwᵢₙg ₘᵢₛcₕᵢₑf wᵢₜₕ ₐ ₖₒffᵢₙ’ bᵢₜₑ ₒf cᵣᵢₘₑ! ₚᵣₑₚₐᵣₑ ₜₒ ₛₐᵥₒᵣ ₜₕₑ ₑₛₛₑₙcₑ ₒf ₖₒffₐ’ₛ ᵣₑᵥₑₙgₑ! 💫n 🥳 Liminal 😁 Psychic 🥰 ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤 Synergy ☯ Your ❄ Fractal 💗 Heart Hyper-Space ! 𓂙 𓃦 𓂀 Koffa Means more or less idiot but in a loving way. You usually say that to your best friend or a better friend. This word is more often used in the area of the austrian alps. Mike goes skateboarding without skate shoes and skateboard Chris: Haha you koffa.❤️

Hmm... I'd suggest setting tangible goals. To be "world-class charismatic" would imply influencing and wooing people in general, not just those you want to be in a relationship with or pick up. Although, that depends on what you want out of it. What would a world-class charismatic person be able to do to consider yourself one? 1. Would they have a large audience with an almost cult-like following? (In that case, starting some sort of social media would be the best practice.) 2. Would it be fluency in speech while exuding confidence? (Then, honestly, recording your interactions with others or even talking to yourself on a recording, almost like a podcast, might be the best approach. You could mirror people you want to talk like and compare how they sound to how you sound.) A goal could be: I want to get to the point where, when I listen to my own speech, I feel as equally mesmerized, inspired, or wowed as when I listen to [insert a world-class charismatic person]. 3. Would it be how quickly you can get someone to fall in love with you? How would that look? Obsession? Them confessing their love first? Wanting to have sex on the first date? A goal could be: I want to be able to pick up two girls by the end of the night. 4. You could also set more concrete goals such as: Can I make five people cry from joy or laughter this month? What about this week? Can I help seven people change their lives or get into a new career in three months? 5. Maybe it's about humor. Maybe it's about how easily you can blend into a random social group and stand out as a leader. How many people have you seen actively mirror your behavior or even outwardly admit they'd like to learn from the way you express yourself? The more precisely specific (even "autistic") you make your goals, the more you'll be able to track your growth. Recording or getting outside feedback is crucial as well. There's no reason why you'd need to do this outside of a relationship unless you specifically mean charismatic in the sense of charming women and sleeping with as many as possible, which is also a valid goal. However, if you just want to be more charismatic, then being in a relationship won't necessarily suppress that. Good Luck! 💛

@Sugarcoat Thank you! Would you mind if I asked what things tend to bring you the most fulfillment, and if you've noticed any patterns in the past? Where would they fall on the selfless-selfish scale? 🐾🐈💛

@Sugarcoat Fully agreed. I suppose the question is more about the individual’s focus. People often say they feel happiest when their focus is on others, in servitude, or dedicated to some higher cause. So, the question would be: Would that leader feel more fulfilled by improving themselves or by serving and helping others grow, or could both be equally fulfilling? Why do you think people tend to place so much importance on service and selflessness, if both selfish and selfless behavior can be fulfilling?

@Evelyna Love the answer! Very similar thoughts here. May I ask further, what type of fulfillment and satisfaction do you think come from each of these "roles"? Are they things like: "I love how free and expressive I can be with my artwork," "I feel in tune with my creativity," "I love helping guide my children to a better life," "I love supporting my husband," "I love feeling like a good person," "I love seeing my friends grow"? I'd be interested to hear your thoughts on what you "tell yourself" when you feel happy about the choices you make, if possible, of course! How many of them sound more "selfish" (self-validating) and how many of them sound more "selfless" (other-serving)?

This is just an assumption, but a lot of times, people who become overly obsessed in terms of love toward someone often hold very strong values around relationships or possibly have anxious attachment or other attachment issues. Over-obsession can result from this, or there may simply be a negative pattern where the relationship slowly consumes their life and becomes their main and only source of happiness. You even mentioned it yourself - it feels like infatuation, and it’s probably very addictive and overwhelming. The issue with this is that, over time, people can neglect or diminish other aspects of themselves as the relationship progresses. So, even if at the start you seemed like "relationship material," as you start feeling this obsession, you become more imbalanced. This imbalance can make even slight indications of unreciprocated feelings or obsession seem extremely hurtful, especially since you've placed yourself in such a vulnerable state where much of your happiness depends on them. You may also begin to hyper-fixate—what if they don’t feel the same? People with these tendencies also tend to be attracted to those who seem more independent, avoidant, or self-sufficient in the relationship. The more attached you become, the more you feel the polarity between your own emotional investment and their independence, which makes it more painful for you. Please be mindful of this pattern and check whether you possess any of these traits. If so, you may find yourself repeating the same cycle in all your relationships, constantly chasing that "high" of infatuation and hoping someone will reciprocate. While it's fine to desire reciprocity, it’s crucial to seek it from the right people. Again, this is not a gender issue. In fact, I believe women often struggle with this more than men due to social conditioning to be agreeable, anxious-attachment prone, and neurotic. As a result, many women may report experiencing this same trend: “All I see is women being infatuated, while the men are the selfish assholes who don’t care about us and just want to use us for sex.” But this is not about gender - it’s the classic dynamic of dependent vs. independent, anxious vs. avoidant, borderline vs. narcissist. It’s a one-sided relationship where one person is far more emotionally invested than the other. You need to learn how to recognize when someone reciprocates your feelings and deal with rejection. If you don’t like the types of people you’re attracting, either "increase" your value or expose yourself to more people, dating is a numbers game, just like many things in life. As for the feeling you mentioned of "loving them simply for being them, loving just their presence and existence", you need to understand where that feeling comes from. You’ll see that everything is just values stacked on each other. You said it yourself in the post even: So, that feeling of "loving them for who they are" is just the result of multiple layers of value (whether it’s their looks, personality, life views, experiences, or humor) stacking up until you reach a threshold where you tolerate most of what they do, or simply feel happy thinking about being around them. Do you think you’d get this feeling if they didn’t have that combination? Probably not. They are already exhibiting massive value by hitting all those key points, and you start admiring them and how they operate. Do you think they, "as they naturally are," had all of these categories perfected? No, not at all. They had to stop being whatever they were "naturally" and go against themselves to become better. I’m sure most people can impress someone if they feel solid in all three of the categories you mentioned. You, yourself, included. You just have to be in front of the right women. Ask yourself: when I say I want to be valued for who I am, what is the "me" that I want to be valued for? What traits or aspects of yourself would you want others to see and be attracted to? Once you have a rough idea, you’ll want to try and expose yourself to those types of women. If you don’t know who they are, then you either need to ask others what they value about you or gain more social experience to see what patterns emerge with the people who like you, and be careful (!) not just the people you like. You need to recognize what aspects of you captivate others to begin healing from this. Getting stuck in a negative mindset will only hurt you in the long run, please try to fix it. ❤

Perceived Lack of Autonomy or Control, Isolation and Loneliness, Persistent Mental and Physical Health Issues, Suffering and Hopelessness, Fear of a Meaningless Existence, etc. People who consider suicide often experience a pattern of inescapable suffering. Imagine being abducted and taken to a secluded island where you know no one will ever find you for 150 years, and you are tortured every day. Wouldn't you be tempted to end it all to escape the unending agony? This is similar to what people who feel trapped by their suffering experience. They feel as though there is no escape, no end to the pain, and no way to change their situation, which can make the idea of ending their life seem like the only option.