21:22 me laying in bed feeling pretty shitty.
Wondering and thinking that my life is quite okay, but I am still not happy. Feeling more and more stressed, depressed recently.
There are some topics/decisions in my life that are itching me since some time. While thinking about proactivity and making my hands dirty to really change something about my life, I noticed that not only these thought loops about this life topics are annoying me, but also that bright light besides my bed is blinding me again and burns in the corner of my eyes.
So just thinking about how bad or not bad my life/circumstances/emotional sensations/thoughts and beliefs are, I just had the idea of why not throwing some textile over the light to lessen the immense brightness, then got the fuck up and did it.
ahh.. much better .. so simple
maybe this is also the answer to my question or what I need to do to create/life a happier life for me.. to proactively go out there, speak my truth, cancel what doesn’t align and build on my core values.. make this life happen
but then on the other hand, there sneaks a thought in of: no matter how far you travel or change things in the outside, the real journey begins, when you travel inside..
Sounds all nice and so. Probably there is some truth to that. That it helps to become still, get a bit out of the mind and reconnect with my intuition so that I don’t come into this unauthentic jobs/decisions again and can learn to live life more intuitively.
Listening to the small whispers.
But from just sitting there, meditating all day the only thing that happened last time I meditated daily for 1-4 hours was, that I just went crazy with an even louder mind than before. Not getting the magical answers of my higher self ..
Maybe there doesn’t even exist something like a higher self.
Maybe Leo is Right and all there is, is the self.
The one, me, you.
maybe the one experiencing this right now is just so good at making up stories and believing them. playing hide and seek with itself. in one minute I am aware of this and one day later I again belief to be this separated, lonely, lost individual with all this fears, worries and identifications...
what a sacred dance..
any thoughts?
E
