MovForward

i care when people say what i have done is not enough in project i care when people say stop it like it stings i feel like i'm the only one being treated like this

when i visualize myself walking in public i'm calm but still protective from the outside and people if i run i see people staring at me or when i do something vison of people staring at me also comes up

immediate assumption that people hate me

i am angry at nature and how my brain works and jealousy

i hate it when people dress well even though i have the same brand cloths it makes me feel disconnected

felt a little resistance in me disappear felt safer within me , able to trust myself jan 27 2022

my main concern is how i am going to provide for myself

people who are social have surrendered to how reality works and what is they are not complaining and saying it should be this way

the world is changing in every shape every single year in sexuality, money, lifestyle etc

to be funny it depends on many factors but some i noticed are your voice depends much on it

also respect and fear it is caused by how open your psyche is your voice expresses what you would do [YOU] it is represented in your voice tone guys with deeper and clearer voice can do anything ,hurt

my past memories mostly are remember on shaming myself you were about to do this running around, how pathetic are you for this they saw you doing this what will they do if they see you do this (future)

when i look at beautiful places in videos my brain says my consciousness won't change there , what can it do? i will still feel the same and my life will be the same even if i moved into that beautiful grass field or mansion i will still be alone and the same life it interprets a place while relating it itself but it just is it is just a place

had a dream where someone to take my phone and a fight broke and got stabbed on my right side of my face near my ear but still saved my phone but first i tried to throw it through the window

reading a book in the beginning he thanks editors labors, why would he thank her isn't that her fucking job

i feel like i wouldn't be able to handle if physical thing were to happen (mentally)

was programmed to fail and hide from the world in the shadows die crying cursing the world for how i turned out glad i'm getting out of that

i can't improve my verbals right now i can't even focus blocked

fear of falling behind others or not reaching my potential how i would move out and make something of my own and if i would be able to handle that

what i would do if my purpose if not connected to the subject i graduated from and my gpa might not be above 3 so how i would handle that and seeing my classmates getting jobs and making more money , and what i would do to develop a skill that would allow me to make money money and also if my purpose is in programming would i choose a specific programming language or what

wondering if i would find my purpose and if i did if it would be a purpose i could make money off of

my mind not ready to learn or communicate or put it into action

would i show off my accomplishment to other people cause right i wouldn't i wonder how much i would change to put myself in the middle of the crowd and realize that its safer in the middle(48) jealous people trying to stop me from succeeding or that thought real or fake or am i adding to it that it gets created