Late Boomer

Interesting thought. I figured out a long time ago that everyone has a persona or more than one personae, meaning mask or masks. That's pretty intuitive. You have a "self" or "selves" that you present to others in public, online, at work, etc. You don't talk about your fetish porn at work or cuss like you do at home when you're with your religious relatives (Christian bro is coming to town...). But sounds like you're getting at the idea that "self" is itself a persona that your self wears for itself. Your self doesn't like to think there's anything under the mask because it thinks the mask is itself. So is whatever you "mean" under the mask of self? Or under the illusion of self? But are we assuming that we start the same before we develop a persona? If you're a sociopath for instance, were you born a sociopath? Does that mean you're only a "self" or an ego and have no meaning underneath? Going deeper. My head is trippin'.

Then I would have said, "what does the mean mean?" or "what does being mean mean?" or "what does means mean?" Know what I mean?

It was a thought I had when I was a kid, that I had no way of knowing the people in my life weren't imaginary. Last night I dreamed I was someone who was not me. Sometimes I can switch characters within a dream. I don't know. I would be a blank slate? Is it possible not to learn anything? Now I think you're talking non-duality. I can consider it, but I can't really grasp it. That I can't really capture the meaning of an object or concept with words give me an inkling, but it still doesn't feel true to me. Experience? Observation?

@Tim R I've come to that conclusion. It's the divide by zero of words.

@James12345 Are you talking about solipsism? That is a mindset I have experienced before and can again if I contemplate it hard enough. I still can't get over the idea that we all stand on the same ground, that there's a world that exists independently of me, but I agree there's no way to prove I'm not coming up with that as well. There's ultimately no way to really connect perception and reality. As far as learning myself, I was told about how I was born, about illnesses I had as an infant that I don't remember, but from my point of view, I came into existence when a mousetrap snapped on my finger when I was 2. What came before that I have to take my parents' word. What came after that I might have dreamed or imagined, I can't prove that I didn't. I can find some evidence, like school notes and old photos. I suppose this could all be a dream. Is it your position that this is someone else's dream?

How can you explain that without words or sentences?

I have subscription-based Microsoft, which includes OneNote. This version uses the MS cloud. Does anybody else use this? I've messed with it enough to determine that it could help me organize my thoughts, but I've seen Leo recommend installing an older version that saves to the computer. I can't decide which way to go. Not a big fan of the cloud in general due to potential privacy issues - the next US administration might not be kind to people like us and no guarantee the service will remain accessible in the future - but I have already been using Google Drive to store documents because it's convenient to use on my phone. Cloud-based has advantages. For one thing I spilled a drink on my previous laptop and lost everything and I'd still have my stuff if it had been in the cloud. Is it worth waiting to get the installed version or is there another program folks would recommend? I'm itching to get started. Should I just do so? I don't want to have to do it over again. Also can the cloud-based OneNote be made to store locally? Supposedly it can be used offline and will upload to the cloud later.

@asifarahim Are you using MOCs and/or Zettlekasten? Just downloaded Nick Milo's Lyt kit and trying to learn the system.

@Hello from Russia Are you by any chance using the LYT kit for Obsidian? Trying to learn the Zettlekasten system and about MOC's. I feel dumb for asking, but I downloaded his kit and opened as a vault, but I had another one that I was already starting on. Can you combine vaults? Trying to figure out how to start using his system and keep the stuff I was working on.

@jimwell Thanks so much. I'm kind of committed to exploring Obsidian at this point, but I may go back to it. I know my wife is in love with OneNote, so I may show her your comment.

Could you tell me a little bit about what you're putting in your commonplace book and how? Are you putting in longform content, etc.? So far I'm just going through tutorials and I've written up some longish trip reports. At this point I can see where it could turn into a disorganized mess if I'm not careful. (My longterm goal is to put anecdotes, insights and other material together and see if I can fictionalize them and create short stories and maybe a novel.)

Thanks. Looked at a couple of tutorials. I think I'm going to start with this.

Reading Subtle Art. Liking it so far. Unconventional advice and I'm an unconventional person, so I'm hoping it will help.

Austin, Texas

Good advice. I've been interested in way too many things in life. Thought I was going to be a visual artist, realized I was mediocre then got an English degree, really into reading and music and culture (other people's), but I feel like it's time to quit consuming and _produce_ something. I think what I want to do most is write at least one very good book, getting it published optional. I just want to feel like I made art. I've had some life experiences that make good bar stories. I had an interesting life as a small town reporter and editor. I also had some traumatic events, especially one in particular, that changed my life and possibly should be written about in some manner -- but those would be dangerous stories. My problem is fear. These are real stories about real people and I would be very easy to doxx. I'm old and really what is there to ruin at this point? But I can't afford a lawyer and I don't want to dredge up things up that could hurt other people. If I could figure out how to fictionalize them maybe... But the only writing I've done is journalism. That and writing on social media. Maybe start with a blog and go from there? I did start a blog and a YouTube channel. But the blog was apocalypse themed and I've decided that's the wrong tack. And the YouTube channel was from a me that isn't me anymore. I feel like if I could just find the right angle, I would be off and running.

Thanks for all the nice comments. I would have responded quicker, but my blood pressure has been kicking my ass. Speaking of which, does anyone who has experience with psychedelics have issues with high blood pressure. I've had it since I was in my 20s, but it's been managed. Since my last trip, I've had to change meds three times and gone to the ER twice. I really have to stay away from the hospital right now for obvious reasons. I read that mushrooms would give you a rise in blood pressure during a trip, but nothing about any long term change. My current theory is that it has to do with weed. I was smoking and eating edibles for 10 years. Started late in life (except for one bad experience with edibles in college). After decades of Just Say No, I fell in love with weed. I loved what it did for my imagination and it was a great marital aid. But I went way too hard with it during the quarantine and the stress associated with my job's descent into right wing madness. After a few mushroom trips I found my appetite for it mostly went away. Now I don't like it any more. Two hits and my heart is racing, even high indica stuff. My latest blood pressure problem started after I took an edible a couple of weeks after the 3.5g trip. I've also noticed that thinking and writing seems to raise my blood pressure a lot. I wonder if the shrooms rewired my brain so that I can't handle weed and so that my thinking brain sets off my blood pressure too much. I love to write and read and think about interesting things, so this is a big problem for me right now. It's like a log jam. I have seen a lot of psychonaut types on reddit say they had panic attacks and bad trips trying to mix shrooms and weed so maybe I messed myself up? I think I can help myself a lot if I can get a regular meditation practice going (I've had a few good streaks but I keep falling off the wagon) and get some decent exercise, but both of those are where the sciatica comes in. Sitting for too long hurts and the sciatica is so bad I can't walk for long distances. I have a couple of doctor appointments next week to deal with BP and sciatica, so hopefully I can get some forward motion in my life.