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I’ve been trying something on and off for over 2 years, and I just cannot seem to do it. It’s the lefkoe process where you eliminate limiting beliefs. Many people are able to do it successfully right off the bat. I have struggled enormously with it. The trouble is, it feels so painful and unenjoyable to do it now because it feels hopeless. Part of me thinks I should be like, ‘fuck it, I just need to man up and commit to taking action on it everyday, even if it’s brutal. A bit like an overweight person turning their life around by committing to navy seals training. It’s brutal. But the other part of me thinks, I need to take a more gentle approach, really try to open myself up to the problem, and think of a more creative way of doing it that is more customised to me. I feel like I was close to being successful with removing beliefs in the past. But I’ve learned that what worked in the past doesn’t always work again in the future in the same way, sometimes you need a different approach to what worked before, you can’t always recreate success in the same way as the past. The one caveat I want to make though, there are different ways something can be painful or unenjoyable. In Leo’s videos on getting laid, he talks about going out to clubs and speaking to girls, which he hated doing and how painful it was. Don’t get me wrong, I’m in no way saying this is easy to do, especially if you’ve been rejected all night, sticking in there is incredibly hard, even just having the balls to go out there and make your first approach, so I’m not downplaying the brutality of that at all. However, I think one thing that makes it easier is that there’s literally no way around it other than to speak to girls, there’s no other way to improve, so in a sense it becomes easier to surrender to the brutality because you have no other option. Whereas with the work I’m doing, what makes it painful is that you have to visualise events and try to see that they don’t have meaning. I just finding working in this way, has always felt so unenjoyable to me, combined with a whole bunch of doubt about how shit I am at the process. A bit like, if you like to read books slowly, and then all of a sudden you're made to real books really fast with a timer. It can make the whole reading process feel so painful and unenjoyable to you. It's that kind of unenjoyment. And what happens now is, i'll try it for a week, and then it just feels to painful so i'm back to the drawing board to find another way of attacking it, or having another go using the same kind of method but with slighly more understanding or nuance than last time, I keep doing this over and over. I have tried both the brutal method and the more creative gentle method before but nothing really worked, but I just need to get this sorted. I naturally do a lot of introspection/journalling in my day I’ve tried to do the process in that way, but it didn’t really work. Just felt too logical and analysing, rathe than how the process is designed to be: experiencing the memories and feeling. In fact, any medium i've tried, it hasn't really improved things. My life situation has become so fucked up, I’ve been in a really dark place as I now have a lot of things riding on me being successful with this process, I just need to get this sorted but I don’t know how. Ultimately I feel like it boils down to either taking the brutal approach, or finding a more creative and customised way to do it. It's just that, after trying it for 2 years, something tells me, maybe the normal medium isn't gonna work for me. Maybe I need to find a different way of doing it. But then the other part of me thinks, I just need to be more consistent with the normal medium, because as I said I keep going back to the drawing board. This post has 2 intentions. The first intention was to try to get some more advice on the best way to attack this. The second intention was to be able to have people to talk to more about this. I've had all of this bottled up for 2 years, not really spoken about it with anyone. So I really think having people that I can speak to about this might help a lot as i'm navigating my way out of this dark place. Thank you for listening

You know, it’s really interesting because for the past 18 months I’ve been so cognisant of how important it is to take action, rather than trying to think your way through things. (even though I ultimately kept going back to the drawing board hundreds of times rather than taking persistent action) And I’ve felt a tremendous amount of guilt about how I should have just stuck with it when I had the momentum at the start and it was fresh, rather than coming back to the drawing board everything it felt like the process wasn’t right for me, or that it wasn’t gonna work the conventional way, and taking pauses to try to do things to work on my mindset to aid in the process. Often times in hindsight, you can look back and think, if only I had just stuck to it each of those times and hadn’t quit, I would have been successful by now, and that’s the way I’ve been feeling over the past 18 months. And who knows, maybe I would have been successful if I just stuck with it. However, in recent months I’ve started to think, I’m now not so sure I would have been successful with it at the start if I just stuck with it long term. When you try something this many times, for over 2 years and keep hitting your head against the wall, in my experience I’ve found there’s usually a reason for that, something isn’t quite right. Whether that’s my lack of fully getting the no meaning principles which I’m currently looking at, remains to be seen I guess.

what has kind of worked and kind of not: For most of the past 2 years, I think I’ve been trying to force myself to think through the questions, trying to visualise the events really hard, rather than letting go and just feeling, almost letting it come to me. I’m still not very good at this, I can do it sometimes. But I find it hard to direct. I’m pretty good at being able to just let go and relax, but I then find it hard to turn that relaxed state towards the questions, I often end up feeling in this light and dreamy state but unable to turn my attention towards the questions. In terms of thinking rather than feeling. I have a history of this. When I used to try visualising my vision for my life, I would almost try to force my mind to get excited and connected to the things I was visualising. And the harder I pushed, the less connected I feel. Eventually I learnt that when you just let go, relax, that seems to the thing that allows you to connect better. I don’t really know anything about chakras, but to me it feels like I’m opening up my heart chakra when I let go and relax. Although, the times when I was almost successful at removing beliefs (when I felt a decent shift and some aha moments, but probably didn’t quite get all of the steps) they weren’t all moments when I was in a relaxed, open minded state. So, although I think the relaxed open minded state might be important, I don’t feel that alone is 100% of the solution. I’ve felt an aha moment for each of the steps at some point during the past 2 years. Although, when I had an aha moment for the meaning step, it was a bit of an anomaly because the belief I was working on when I had that aha moment was quite a unique belief, and the method I used for that step was quite unique and I don’t think I’d be able to use that method for any other belief. I’ve also tried practicing the questions in a deliberate practice form, where I do like reps 10 reps at a time, 1-3 minutes each. Where I’m not trying to remove the belief, I’m just practicing the questions. It felt much more enjoyable because I wasn’t in a state of lethargy while doing the process, but it just didn’t really move me forward. The method which feels most painful and unenjoyable now, is doing the lefkoe process in the ‘conventional way’ spending 40-60 mins working on a belief trying to remove it. Honesty whenever I do it this way now, I just feel such a huge sense of fatigue and lethargy. Because I feel so shit at doing it this way, I have such low self efficacy doing it using this method. However, it is also the way where I usually get the best feedback and lessons from it. Recently I tried introspecting on some of the principles such as ‘events don’t have meaning’ I did it for about a week or two; and just found I wasn’t really getting any traction. Also I have a deadline about 4 months from now that kind of make it crucial for me to get this sorted and remove beliefs by then. And it just felt like by introspecting, I wasn’t really taking action towards it. It wasn’t really moving my forward. However, as I was thinking about this some more today, I thought…. Since I haven’t really got this concept that events don’t have meaning down, it’s probably gonna be hard for me to remove beliefs without this. So I think, maybe spending a few weeks really working on wrapping my head around this. I started doing this introspection this afternoon and it’s felt okay. Just But out of all these methods above, the only thing that has gotten me close to removing a belief is doing it the conventional way. But obviously it’s a lot more painful and enjoyable now that it was before, I have a lot more self doubt etc too about doing it the conventional way. But still, I just don't know if any of these other mediums are gonna move the needle. I think ultimately, the thing I’m wondering is: after I’ve got a better grasp of the events don’t have meaning concept, should I start practicing doing the conventional method, or find a more sustainable way of doing it. Part of me thinks, maybe I need to accept the brutality of it. Even if it’s brutal and painful, just keep doing it, that’s gonna be the way through this. But then part of me thinks, you can’t keep doing something for weeks and months if it feels painful, you have to find a way of doing it that makes it more enjoyable or sustainable. I mean, I’m under no illusions, I don’t think any way of working on this is gonna be ‘enjoyable’, but still, there’s some ways that are better than others. Do you think the brutality and pain would just remain for the weeks and months I’m working on it, or do you think it would reduce each day that goes by, I’m not sure if I become conditioned and find it easy to deal with (like an overweight person doing seals training who adapts to the physical demands of the training) or whether it would just wear me down more each day doing something I find so painful and unenjoyable?

@LordFall @Natasha Tori Maru Thanks for your replies, and good points! It might help if I first give a breakdown of what the process invovles so that you have some more context Essentially it’s looking at childhood beliefs. A belief like ‘I’m not competent’ usually comes from being criticised by parents when younger, for example: leaving the milk out and a parent criticising you for it, getting annoyed or angry. Hundreds or thousands of similar events like this between ages 2-6 usually form to these beliefs being formed. The first step is, looking at some alternative interpretations for those events. For example:Dad criticised me because he had a lot of insecurity around Money, not because I’m not competent. Or, Dad might think I’m not competent, but other people such as my teachers at school, and my grandma didn’t think I wasn’t competent. This section is just about creating some other possibilities for what those events could have meant aside from ‘I’m not competent’ The next step is: looking back at those events it seems like you can see evidence of ‘I’m not competent’ in the events of always being criticised, because one of the reason people believe these beliefs is because it seems like they saw it/saw evidence of it. This step is about realising you didn’t see evidence that you’re not competent, you just saw a parent criticising you. There’s a few different ways to do this. The next step is about meaning: essentially you have to realise that the meaning ‘I’m not competent’ came from your mind, not from the events. there’s a few different ways you can do this The feeling step: One of the other reasons people believe these beliefs is because the feelings they felt at the time feel like proof that the belief is true.If someone criticises you and it makes you feel not competent, that feeling feels like proof the belief is true. So this step is about imagining those events happening again, but this time you give it one of the other interpretations such as ‘dad just criticised me because he had a lot of anxiety around money’ When you reimagine the events with this new interpretation, you should get a very different feeling. And here is when you form the connection that, you experienced the same event, but when giving it a different meaning you got a different feeling, so the feeling you initially had wasn’t proof the belief was true. And then at the end, if done correctly the belief is eliminated I struggle with all the parts at different times. But the meaning step has been the hardest for me.

3 days ago I decided to quit listening to music for a while until I can add it back into my life where i'm using it in a healthy way and not a crutch. My withdrawal symptoms started today, how long you think i'll experience withdrawal symptoms for?

I'm doing this course / process which will give me the complete self confidence i'm after. But I have a dilemma between what to set as my vision I used to think, my vision should be around having full self confidence, and this is in fact what I want more than anything in the world, however... This process is about removing limiting beliefs, and the beliefs don't get weakened through repetitive efforts, it's binary, either they're eliminated or they're still there. Comparatively, if the process involved something like talking to strangers, doing public speaking etc, then each extra effort would make me that little bit more confident each time. But with this course i'm doing, each extra effort doesn't actually make me more confident, it just makes me better at the process, until one day i'll be proficient at the process so that i can remove the beliefs. Hopefully you can see the distinction? Also, if I base my vision on having the complete confidence I desire, this then becomes an extrinsic motivation, where i'm doing this process in order to get the confidence. The Alternative In comparison, if my vision was that I want to master the process, become really proficient at the process, not because of the confidence or the other things, but for the fulfilment of learning this key skill. That's much more intrinsically tied to the process itself, and each extra effort makes me slightly better at the process. (btw, this process doesn't just work for confidence, it works for other areas too). But as i mentioned at the start, the thing i truly desire is the full self confidence. I have tried both of these visions multiple times, the full confidence vision doesn't inspire me, and i think because it's extrinsic to the process but the mastering the process vision doesn't inspire me either, i think because it's just not as compelling to me.

Don't know where jokes go, might have to get moved A man walks up to Picasso and says: I don’t like your paintings, they’re pointless, you should paint real things. Picasso says: what do you mean by real things? The man pulls out a picture and says: this is real, this is my friend fucking your wife last night. Picasso replies: your friend, he’s awfully small

Does anyone know which video Leo said this in: "How do you build a strong work ethic? by f*cking working hard, there's no magic pill'

Firstly I want to clarify what I mean when I say alpha female. I'm not talking about a female that earns a lot of money and is independent, i'm talking about a female that tries to boss men around, tries to lead. As an alpha male myself, i'm naturally attracted to really feminine women when it comes to dating, so i'd never date an alpha female. However, in terms of family relationships, my sister is an alpha female, so she's pretty bossy for a woman, she often tries to lead and take charge. Which is a problem for me, as a man, I naturally want to lead people. It's not a one way street, I do still take the lead with her too, but it almost feels like we're competing to be the leader, not a good dynamic. Just wondering the best way to get her to stop being so bossy? I don't want to have a conversation to make her stop it, I want her to naturally stop it because of my energy/actions etc Any advice appreciated

Nightclubs in the U.K are set to become extinct by 2030 at the rate they're currently closing. I don't know if they're including bar-clubs within that, but either way i'm concerned about opportunities to go out and get laid. Day game has its benefits, but clubs are where there's so much volume.

Currently going through a specific process to removing limiting beliefs. Because i've struggled with this process for over a year, it feels so painful to work on it. My problem isn't procrastination, my problem is how slow and unengaged I am while working on it. Lately i've been of the mindset: i'm jjust gonna take action, brute force my way through the pain. But it's really not working well, It just feels like there's no way i'm gonna be able to succeed when I'm so disengaged while working on it. There must be another way surely. But i've previously tried everything I can think of, in terms of changing my mindset and psychology around this to feel more inspired, to take it more seriously, to enjoy it more etc, by creating many visions, trying to remove self doubt etc, i've tired to do the process in ways that naturally feel more suited to my style and preferences, but nothing seems to change how much I hate working on it and how disengaged Any advice appreciated

I'm really not into politics and don't know much about it at all, but I was curious: @Leo GuraIn the stage red video, you mentioned that people wished for Sadam Hussein to no longer be leader of Iraq, but him no longer being a leader actually turned out to be worse, because once he was no longer leader there was no longer anyone to stand up to bullies. Is this dynamic the same with Trump, whereby having him re-elected as president could change the situation in Ukraine, and could keep other countries in check?

@mmKay thank you, I really liked your answer and I fully agree. As i've been exploring this, i've realised that it's better for me to just work during my dedicated hours, and not try to work during the spare hours. With the caveat that there are some times when i'm intrinsically able to work in spare hours, but it comes very naturally. I've become a big believer in doing things that come very naturally in that moment, it could be tidying room, wriitng emails, working on business, introspection etc. What I often find in my life is, if i'm having a moment where i'm introspecting on something and great ideas are coming to me, it's important to do it in that moment. If I take a shower and then try to do that introspection 20 minutes later, my mind isn't in that same zone it was in before.

For the next 4-6 weeks, I’m putting all of my focus into a personal development project that is really important to me, so i'll be working in time blocks throughout the day, sitting down at my desk doing deliberate practice. I’m always conflicted on whether I should spend any spare time I have outside of my normal time blocks doing extra contemplating about my project and trying to come up with solutions to the problems, like when i've got an hour to kill on the train for example, or whether it’s best to strictly work in my time blocks and then any time outside of those time blocks I should relax. On one hand: it’s so important to me that I do everything I can over the next 4-6 weeks to hopefully succeed in this project, so I’m wondering if spending these spare hours contemplating on the project could be a good idea. On the other hand: these spare hours I spend on the train contemplating won’t be the same quality as if I’m in my room doing the work, which isn’t a problem itself, since this time was only an added bonus anyway, so i'm technically not losing out on anything even if I achieve little during these spare hours, but the issue i'm really wondering about is whether spending these spare hours in this grey zone where I’m kinda doing work but it's low grade work, will just lead to frustration, and actually develop limiting beliefs because i'll be trying to focus but it's not gonna be as successful as sitting down at my desk to focus, i'm not sure if that's going to create limiting beliefs so that when I sit down to do my focused work at my desk, i've got all these experiences of struggling to contemplate and figure out answers on the train? What do you guys think? Just to reiterate, this project is really important to me, so I do have that mindset of 'i wanna go all out on this thing, and give it everything' but at the same time, I don't want to cause any potential limiting beliefs in the pursuit of trying to get as much done as possible.

@Leo Gura Interesting point about energy, I'm glad you bought that up. Within high energy, would you say there's different strands of high energy? For example, a loud and joking high energy might be someone like Kevin Hart. But i'm guessing there's different types of high energy, what would the other kinds of high energy be?

I'm curious what the different styles of game are: I don't really know much at all about all the specific PUA terminology, my version of pick up is just going into clubs and having conversations with girls, I don't use any specific strategies. So 'negging' might be seen as a teasing or bantering style of game. So if teasing or bantering is one style of game, curious what other styles are?

Was just curious what makes female pornstars stage red, I thought they would be stage orange because they're chasing money and sometimes fame. The overall impression I get of stage red is that it's revolved around violence, overpowering others etc, which doesn't seem to fit the category of pornstars, especially female ones.

Yeah in reality people have 1000s of aspects that make up their game, but what i'm looking for is 8-10 categories or archetypes of people when it comes to dropping game on girls. For example, one category/archetype might be the joker who's always cracking jokes and amusing girls? I'm interested in what the other main categories/archetypes would be

In the stage red actualized video, it talks about 'violence/control/submission-domination dynamics' as a separate point, it first mentions strippers and pornstars, generally speaking, are stage red. So I get how all of the violent porn is stage red, but I don't understand how normal pornstars / strippers would be stage red

what makes you conclude they're red?

I have different categories of hobbies like sports hobbies, self improvement hobbies, and I have a category of hobbies which is about connecting to life, but i'm looking for more in this latter category. When I say 'activities that allow me to connect to life' they're activities where i'm not physically doing anything like reading or cooking, i'm just sitting there and absorbing life in some way, and feeling this amazing connection with life. My current activities that allow me to connect to life are as follows, looking for some more similar activities? Going for walks Listening to music while watching the sunset Visualising Star gazing (although it's diffcult where I live) Btw i'm looking for things I can do everyday, not things like travelling. While travelling feeds the soul, it's an occasional hobby not an everyday thing. And Meditation isn't really my thing

I don't currently have a girlfriend, but just curious about something for when i'm next in a relationship. This is more a question for guys who have studied a lot about masculinity/dating/attracting women etc rather than a question for girls. Question: Do you think it's unattractive to a girl, if a guy initiates talking about the problems and the difficulties he's going through? (what I mean by 'initiating' is where the girl hasn't asked what's wrong, the guy just openly comes out and says 'i wanted to let you know, i'm having a difficult time going through x right now' Is it instead better to vent to close friends or family instead? I know open communication is of course very important. But if I start initiating conversations to a girlfriend about what i'm going through, to me it would feel like i'm asking her for support, asking her to console me, and it just feels very unmasculine. Maybe there's a way to communicate where it doesn't feel like i'm asking the girl to do anything for me, but instead it's just me being open about what i'm going through? Btw I don't wanna make this sound like i'm one of these fake macho people who can never be vulnerable with a girl, I'm perfectly happy for a girl to console me. But at least in my mind, there feels like a difference between a girlfriend seeing that you're feeling down and going through a lot and naturally coming to console you, vs me coming to her with my problems where it feels like i'm almost asking/hinting that I want to be consoled. The former feels very natural and something i'd like, whereas the latter feels very unmasculine to me, but i'm really interested to hear you guys' thoughts?

@NoSelfSelf Examples of typical problems would be: i'm dealing with some issues with my family, i'm having some difficulties growing my business, dealing with a foot injury that's stopping me from being out walking, and being hit with loads of extra costs to pay out for, when already struggling financially. So it's the combination of all these problems going on simultaneously. But as I said previously, if I initiate it by saying 'hey I wanted to let you know i'm going through all these issues right now' it feels unmasculine because it feels like i'm asking for emotional support. Btw, my motive in all of this is: I don't talk to anyone about my problems, I just deal with them myself, and i'm perfectly capable of doing that. But I feel it's not good to keep things to myself the entire time, i'm sure there must be a healthy way of expressing to others what i'm going through without it feeling like i'm asking them for emotional support.

thanks guys, non-alcoholic wine is a great idea, i'm going to use that! I'm going to look carefully at the labels as I hear some of them are just glorified cherry juice, but does anyone know if there's any unhealthy ingredients to look out for? Presumably in alcoholic wine, there's no bad ingredients per se, it's the process that makes it unhealthy because it turns the grape into alcohol? Hopefully non alcoholic wine is just the same minus the alcohol.

I don't like alcohol and don't drink at all in order to maximise my health. I don't currently cook with wine, but I love the taste of wed wine in food. Red wine vinegar is just not the same. I was thinking about starting to use red wine in dishes, because whenever I try someone else's cooking, I love the flavour, but I don't really want to start if it's gonna be unhealthy. From my understanding, the alcohol doens't completely burn off, unless cooked for many hours. and i'm not sure if there's also other things beside the alcohol that make these drinks bad? thank you