Recently I have been making massive strides with my meditation practice. For whatever reason, doing half an hour just isn't enough anymore, and I've began to meditate for up to 45 to 50 minutes. It is now becoming clearer to me how concepts, ideas, thoughts and any form of content whatsoever is for lack of a better term, a distraction. However, I just finished a meditation session before, and my awareness felt as if it was being raised significantly. Not only was I aware of the content arising within my mind, but i was seemingly nearly transcending my state of normal consciousness. I didn't feel like 'Sam' anymore. I felt like I was . . . I don't even really know how to explain it. It was like emptiness. I was going further and further into this emptiness, like almost ascending levels of emptiness. This might not make a lot of sense, as it doesn't really make a lot of sense to me.
Anyway, afterwards I felt a sense of loneliness, a sense of emptiness in my being. It wasn't as if my mind was clear and I was content and relaxed. The emptiness was harrowing. It felt alienlike to me, and somewhat uncomfortable. I still really do not understand anything about reality or even spirituality, and this experience, I'm not too sure why it has left me so depressed. Is this an ego backlash? Perhaps it was the clash between 'Sam' and that experience. In all honesty, I really do not know what to make of this. I feel like tomorrow I need to meditate as much as possible, to really see if I can get anywhere with this. I felt like during this meditation I was making new ground, but perhaps I am being naive in assuming that this experience would lend itself to immediate joy or tranquility.
Any responses will be highly appreciated in advance
