kyle barnett

yeah It is the same for me. I just find it fucking bullshit there is barely anywhere to go to meet woman. Literally every place I go to is just guys guys guys

This is pretty unfortunate. It sounds like your parents lives are a living hell and your just getting sucked into it cause your her mother. I feel deeply sorry about the breast cancer and the trouble you's all had to go through from it, but I feel now you should just let her go and move on. Or at least set that as a vision. Seeming you want to be away from toxic people. Same here. It may seem selfish I know but she has no right to restrict you from living your own life. If you want to leave and live without her, do not feel ashamed about it at all. Also it seems like your mum is half decent time to time so you end up forgiving her and it goes into this spiral. Just leave her. You don't have to say fuck you and never speak to her again. But cut her out to the point where you don't get sucked in to her shit. Honestly bro, I have friends like this and it is terrible. You are missing out on so much happiness in life, life is amazing and these people prevent you from seeing this? Is that harsh. Yeah. But it doesn't sound like they are improving. Even if they are I feel there lives are so stuck don already it'l be a lot of effort to work up so I feel moving on is the best. Long story short, you never have to give away your happiness to anybody ! Even if it seems selfish.

I reached day 44. Tip if you like. Persist. You are trying to get to the 90 days to quickly. For example someone tryingt o reach 90 after spending a week fapping daily is going to be alot harder than someone who has fapped at 30 to 40 day intervals. It takes ages to fully wene off, but try not to fall into cycles when you relapse

Thank you

HI, I thought I would like to share a condition I have with you guys, see what you guys think, and how you guys would deal or respond to a situation like this or similar in your life. For a few years now gradually starting and growing overtime, my lower body from lower stomach to lower legs would go through episodes of numbness,lasted for 30 seconds to a minute then the numbness mysteriously disappears and my back becomes fine until it occurs again.It started around 2014.I had no idea what it was and never really bothered with it as it didn't affect the movement in my legs until around 2015 to 2016. It gradually grew worse. It started to occur only ever in my sleep once or twice. But as time went on, it began happening during the day. I will not explain the whole details but I will explain when it became a problem, a very very big problem, during this year. At the start of the year, I had appointments with doctors and physio's because me and my family believed I had a pinched nerve or herniated disc. Or anything physically wrong inside my back {As this was where it radiated from}. Doctors and physio's were confused by it. And I was referred to many different people and appointments. Which all had absolutely no clue what was going on or what it could be. Sometimes I would fall to the ground onto the floor from it. Now here is where it became a massive problem. You see,it got to a point where the numbness episode would occur longer around 1 and a half minutes and cause full paralysis in my lower bodies without anything triggering it. This would occur 4 to 9 times a day every single day. Everyday I would paralyse and collapse on the floor. I've had a large amount of injuries such smashing my head through a glass door, falling on concrete, almost drowning at public pools and breaking family items. It was hell. Nobody knew what it was yet it was far more severe of a problem than seizures. It has ruined many areas of my life such as me having no work experience and unable to work, leave the house often, drive, swim, walk alone, stand near objects, or get good sleep. I couldnt even approach woman, as I have tried and collapsed right infront of them with them immediatly freaking out. I have never been able to have any relationship experience. Iv'e never dated a girl properly or come close to intimacy and was very desperate. So as you could see, I was very emotionally distraught. I had and still have (Only a little bit now) of emotional scars from this. I have been to the hospital for 6 days, had an mri on back and brain, blood test, diagnoses for other treatments and been visited by specialists and nobody could even give me an explanation. The only explanation I had was somatoform disorder where ones anxiety disorder or nuerosis causes the body to manifest an illusory physical condition. I did have anxiety and depression from this issue. But after working very hard on myself and transcending all my emotional problems which I have now. It did not affect my back. I noticed also my anxiety moments and my episodes did not correlate at all with eachother and did not trigger them. So I believe this is ruled out. However there is a chance it played a role in making it worse, yet the problem is still here but now my issues are all resolved immensely. Now I have been on medication rhitilan and it may of contributed to the problem, but even after weening myself off the medication. it did not solve the problem. I cannot go into all the details of diagnoses that have all been ruled out. But to get to the point of the story. I wanted to just share this with you guys and see what you think, how you would of coped when nobody could give you answers on what you could do or not do. And feel completely helpless. Or if anybody has had a serious issue they would like to share and how they cope or coped with it. What would you guys do or feel in my position? and what do you think? I am currently still suffering from this problem, but it somehow has been reduced with the episodes, and I have started a new with my life, finding work, learning to drive (Hopefully its all better once I am on the road). Also, I may sound like a victim, but in 2016 I have grown a long way with controlling my emotions and my whole perception of life. I was still able to be happy and grounded (Despite a few meltdowns, and depressing and overly anxious moments here and there). Thanks for anyone reading this and I hope my story may assist someone in anyway or associate with this problem somehow.

Hey just ask yourself. Are you good enough for him yourself?I feel you may be a bit worried she is better than you. Realize you are just as good for him as she is to him. Ugh, whether he wants her or you is a different story. I personally feel you need to put everything out on the table. Tell him exactly how you feel. The problem here is the fact that you are worried he'l leave you. That is attachment. You need to be independent of him and completely fine on your own. That may even be what that other girl has for him that you lack. I know it's hard, but it isn't an excuse if you look deeper. If he ends up leaving you for that girl, take the scars, take it as a learning experience and see what you can do to better yourself. I understand that break ups and having someone you like leave you for someone is else is extremely painful, but that pain isn't going to bring you down if you surrender to it. Don't be afraid of that outcome. Do not hesitate to leave him or even cut him out of your life. You can be his friend if he gets with that chick but it may not be good for you, if you still lust for him. Look, if you can just love and accept yourself more, and learn to embrace being single, things will be amazing. You will be so proud of yourself and will totally be okay without him. Im sure you got tonnes of reasons to love yourself, the fact that you are on this path to self actualization is already an amazing feature about you, not many people are willing to even grow at all. As you get further down this path, you become more fulfilled on your own without attachments to guys. the thing is our ego feels more content with someone, but when you embrace the negative emotions of lonliness etc. it just expands your ego and your desperation fades. I hope I could help, this is just my advice, I am no expert

Hey dude I have the exact same issue as you except i never even got a girlfriend in the first place haha. First off, dont try to force yourself to get over girls. You absolutely can have the same happiness without girls. It's just that your ego prefers the flirtatious sexual type of intimacy over most things like I currently do. Who cares. Embrace it. Some guys just generally LOVE woman and sexuality. Don't worry about neediness. The mistake is that guys think girls hate guys who strongly desire them. That is not true at all. They love it, because it makes them feel alive. The difference is when you attach to girls and try to hold on to them. They hate that because guys like that are nuerotic, if the girl turns them down, they get depressed and it makes the girls feel like they are expected to make the guy feel better because he is unhappy on his own. I don't think you are like that so you should be fine. You need to be fully open and expressive with yourself. And... fully accept yourself. Single or not. That means when a girl says no, you let her. if you are generally happy by yourself, you'l be fine. Most guys do not embrace their sexuality. They are too afraid to be themselves. So the woman has no value for them, yet they need them to feel better. You get where I am coming from?

Also that's good bro. I hope all the best for you

Dude, just let it go. Whether your single or not, it does not matter. First step to being happy is to change your perception of reality. Start having love for reality and the world, it's not hard at all. You can be fulfilled right now just by smiling and breathing. The trick is you don't want to. Your ego isn't comfortable with, it wants that girlfriend, I know. Do not take life so seriously. I want you to ask yourself, do you really need to worry about it? If you do, your ego has an attachment. YOur deeper spiritual self does not care whether your single or not. Listen to the quite stillness, that is always heard despite noise. You are always that complete stillness no matter what strife you go through my bro. Life is life, let life just happen. Stop worrying about girls. But at the same time, it is totally okay to desire woman and sex. Allow it. The resistance is why it is a problem. Next time you feel strong desire for woman, or a girl, be happy. Life is not about getting every single thing you desire. Tip. You don't have to get over it. You just have to realise, it is okay. Im saying for my old self who was willing to kill himself because he thought not being able to have a relationship with a woman, is lack of living. Be in the moment. I know it becomes cliche but just ask yourself, why do I need something else to satisfy me when I am already breathing? Maybe even just go out and start spreading love to people, give for people, and don't worry about yourself. Good way to realise you don't NEEd something for satisfaction. I can explain all this for hours for you if you want, but only you can love yourself man.

Show us a picture of your face bro. Put it as your profile pic. And I'l help you out. Just because you had an accident, does not mean you will never get with a woman are you fucking nuts? It doesn't matter man. You have to accept your fate and start walking like a king. Stop trying to be good enough for woman it is honestly fucking stupid saying from my experience. Let me tell you something about looks. No matter how hard you try to look good, you will inevitably fail at being attractive to woman unless you start being a man, and you are not afraid to show the floors of yourself. A lot of guys actually do like good, but unfortunately they are not confident and emotionally mature so they way people perceive them changes. Why do trends occur? It's not that the new look actually looks good, it may look shit, but some celebrity made it work just because of his identity. A girl would love a strong man who is able to accept himself with love, and spread it, despite what has happened to him. That my friend would make her love you ! Before you say "Oh girls are shallow and only care about looks" start noticing the guys who are able to be fully expressive and authentic and the guys who pussy foot and try to act. You will find the authentic guys get what they want. Even if they are pussies ! The fact they don't hide anything already is enough. Look man. another thing is even if I tell you this. It is going to go straight over your head. How do I know? Cause I been there. Go out and talk to girls, and try to have fun with them and connect with them. Stop worrying if they like you or not. Forget that. Stop clinging to wanting a girlfriend for fulfillment. Be fulfilled. It's not hard. You just don't want to do it cause your attached to your identity. Just surrender completely and accept with love who you are. The fact you are on actualized.org shows you know your stuff bro. Society is stupid. They run on emotional stimulation. Not logic. Physical appearance is believed to be logical, when infact is completely emotional. Much love bro, accept yourself fully, don't just accept what is good about you

Play video games if you want. the only reason you play them is because you got nothing better to do. Go and do cool shit and you wont want to play them. Stop kidding yourself. It's that simple. But go to bed early. You can do it. Its not that difficult once you really want to set up better habits. Get away from xbox live friends too that distract you.

Why become Hokage when you can become King of the pirates like me !!

What do you guys think. Actualized.org has some pretty big goals to strive for such as life purpose, enlightenment and the new becoming a sage. BUt what peaked my interest is what would it be like to strive to grow to "Turquoise" on Clare Graves model. This inspired me because it seems like an important accomplishment of living. I wonder what the life of a turquoise person lives? Or even Yellow for that matter

Hey dude. I am in the same position as you. It is totally normal. You are not nuerotic or have any problem. Remember, you cannot stop thoughts. You can only get caught up in them or let them come and go. If you are constantly getting caught up in them. You are a big day dreamer like me. I love day dreaming but if you are dwelling on negative thoughts then you need to start adjusting your perspectives on life. Its okay to think excessively about movies and stuff and have lots of silly thoughts. Its okay to have negative thoughts or even any thoughts no matter what. The thoughts you have do not matter. However the thoughts you cling to do. I read a buddhist book by ajahn sumedho who spoke of a man saying he thought he was a bad person and should hang his robes up because his thinking was wrong. But it's not. You can't control the thoughts. They just appear. Your thoughts are creations of your ego and if you change your perceptions. Your thoughts change to. Now if it is a problem because you can't focus. That's different. Mediation will help you step out of the excessive thinking helping you focus more. But it will not get rid of the thoughts.

Uhh... First tip Delete all the unnecessary people on your friends list or just create a new one and have close people. Second Join pages and groups that have positive stuff to look at like reminders and stuff. like some self help coaches such as infinite waters posts a lot. This is if you want to keep facebook. But yeah otherwise you can just keep messenger on your phone.

I used to be a gamer, stopped because i also thought it was a distraction. However for me I needed some way to plug in after a long day, or for a holiday, now I am a gamer again. video games can be a huge distraction but in my opinion, they are way better than t.v. and social media.

I get what your saying. However sympathy does not wake you up. Yes he does give a harsh judgement to anger but if you take offense to his perspective upon anger then there is work on your part to fix. We all experience tough times in our lives and things that make our blood boil, but most of these videos aren't for making you feel better, of course when you are in these rough patches it is wise to talk it out and be sympathized but as you go along this journey although you may have empathy for aggression in people you'l also see the futility and lack of awareness within the person. Leo has expressed his thoughts on the issue and stated "his" solution and perspective. It's up to you to consider what he has said and if you don't agree and find a way that works better for you then great. Now for me I personally thought that video was amazing, especially due to his hard nosed approach. That video really helped me a lot too. It made me see that the tough circumstances I was in weren't that tough and that coming at it from anger did nothing but validate my victim behavior. Sometimes we need a good slap in the face, but maybe like you were saying, that approach may not work for everyone as we are all in different stages. It's good you expressed your point but there's no use telling him to take down the video, there are many great self help coaches that have great sympathetic ways of teaching you, also yes leo is changing so his ideas in the past are different from now but that's all part of growth.

Hey man, I'm sorry I couldn't understand it all. Your English isn't the best but it's getting there. I will however try to answer your questions. 1) I used to have the same problem of acting like a child and being immature and not being able to change. It's okay but you need to be working on yourself so you have better mindsets on reality. Fastest way to grow is surround your self with better mature people. You don't have to stop hanging with your other mates but your view of reality gets affected by other people you surround yourself with. You probably to caught up in your past, remind yourself that a lot of us have done stupid things in the past, had the dumbest views on reality and etc. like leo says you must take 100 percent responsibility for your life that even means take responsibility for your past and your current circumstances. 2) I'm guessing you feel that guilt because you have your self image and being sexual goes against who you think you are as a person. Overtime you ego will adapt if that's what your trying to do. 3) Yes ! I have this same issue, I feel that I don't have the right to tell someone I have a crush on a girl because I haven't even talked to them and I don't want to come across as desperate. But just get it out, tell people, even if it sounds stupid, not telling anyone is going to make you stuck. Trust me it's worth it. 4) There's nothing wrong about being fussy with woman, trust me settling for someone you aren't attracted to is going only going to harm you. If you want a girlfriend but can't find one you want. You'l just have to be patient sadly. Just socialize more and try to meet more people i guess. 5) yes in reality you don't exist. But you don't have that truth yet so don't let it get to you. Unless you are really committed. Just worry about living the kind of life you want. Maybe when you have everything set up then you can start working on enlightenment. I may not of read your questions properly and I am sorry about that, I just thought sharing my wisdom may help you, at least a little.

Hey guys I am 17 and I really wish i had someone to talk to about this that can help me out. I've been studying attraction and dating and all things along the lines of this area. Fortunately I've listened to really great dating coaches that go against main stream pick up and manipulation. Of course I do listen to a few that have a bit of manipulation but they also give awareness to this particular issue in pick up. To the point, Iv'e been studying self help for around two to three years now, But i just can't get myself to meet woman and have girlfriends. I feel that if i do not get any dating experience it will bight me in the long run as even i feel not working on this throughout middle school and the start of high school has left me in a huge rut. I've approach woman here and there but Iv'e never been able to have a date with a girl i am attracted to in my entire life. I'm too young to go to bars and clubs so I can't do that. I do go out, But it's extremely rare I'd ever get into something that has girls for me to meet. The only place I can practice at the moment is in my high school, But it's just too hard. There's so many girls I want to be able to meet in conversation but I've been around these people for years. I try to flirt with girls but i always fail, Due to the rare opportunities. Most girls are all in groups with their friends and other guy friends. I can't approach them because i feel as if i were to get rejected or something because i see these girls all the time and if I turn them off. Boom i'm screwed. I actually feel i am already screwed though due to me being immature in the past and having to make a big transition to change myself. I fear that if I fail (I fear i also already have) I will not have a chance anymore and I'l be stuck with them for another year and no relationship experience which is just going to ruin my opportunities in the future. Also I don't even think I have the right to say I have feelings for anybody in my school because I've never been able to have a conversation with someone that I haven't been friend zoned to. I am giving myself anxiety at school, due to this issue, and it has been a distraction, I also feel this was my only drive to improve myself seeming I still don't know who I am. I feel lost as my friends are either got abundance with woman or aren't willing to work or care about this area in life.

Thanks so much for the advice. I really needed someone who understands my situation. But are you saying my solution is outside of face to face? I have texted girls for years ! However I feel that it's just too unlikely to meet someone to date online. Also no matter how much I text it wont improve my face to face interactions and I feel I need to develop that skill. I found that girls just will NOT respond to you on social media as practically all quality girls already have options in face to face interactions and social circles. Also I can't use a dating website because I'm under 18. How would you meet woman and get options?

I believe in order to be in a happy relationship (Iv'e never been in one so I'm not a reliable source of information) you need two components. Without these two components the relationship will not work. first - Attraction, the emotional pull towards someone. This can happen due to how seductive the other person is which can be shown in their appearance, their body language, their personality and masculine/feminine lifestyle behavior. Also many other determining factors. These factors can seduce our emotional brain so to speak, however It is not just shallow traits that cause this attraction. Without this attraction there will be no drive to keeping the relationship and no emotional connection to the other person. It would be more like shallow companionship in order to sustain income and shit in our life, that is why we are miserable when we settle for our partner. second - If your partner has attracted you like this emotionally but on the other hand they do not logically have any benefit to your life, such as loyalty, independence, resonance with your lifestyle and intentions etc. You will also be miserable as you will be attached to someone who is toxic to your life and you end up stuck. That is why there are abusive relationships, divorces and all this nasty shit.

A lot of guys who fail with female attraction tend to blame it on there looks. They assume if only I looked better, maybe girls will give me a chance. I personally do not think looks will save them.

Unless your deformed, mutated or have poor health, such as being too overweight to the point where it's unnatural there's always a way to look attractive physically. Also you got to remember there's a difference between attraction (in terms of looks, sexiness and what not) and style. A lot of people worry about the irrelevant things such as hairstyle, what clothes they wear (How your clothes complement your body however is very important to physical attraction) and whether they should get a tattoo, wear jewelry, get tanned etc. etc. the list goes on. In society we have trends that we learn from models famous people and shit like that. People look up to these celebrities so what they do is considered cool or sexy or whatever. Think about it. No matter how stupid someones dressing style is, if they are loved by many people that will turn into a trend therefore that type of appearance is automatically attractive. This means if you are a confident attractive person your looks automatically become "sexy' by default. So i wouldn't worry about looks, As long as you take care of yourself you can still appear physically attractive doesn't matter about your genetics whether your nose is too big and all that shit.

There waay better than TV and social media i can tell you that. Of course if you have ambitious life goals you need to focus your attention on that rather than other things, it's not that videogames are bad, but if you have shit to do stop worrying about how good your k/d is on cod

dude that's crazy, I've been worried constantly if doing it once a day is to much. However when your feeling groggy it can be a real nice refresher. 20 to 30 times a day is stupid. Your just busting as soon as you feel it lol. instead of doing it multiple times why not just do it once for a long session. feels way better and isn't draining everything in your body.