zudrush
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Posts posted by zudrush
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5 hours ago, Robert Leavitt said:You can't run from yourself.
Figure out yourself, and make your current situation amazing...then you can take that wherever you go instead.
I am trying to improve my existing life, not run from it. I took several weeks off last year to "figure myself out" and it was an expensive and stupid idea.
On 2/14/2020 at 1:48 AM, Consept said:Hey man, sorry to hear youre in pain at the moment. Just wanted to ask, im from the UK as well so whereabouts is the place where youre living and where are you looking to move to? Just so i can get a better idea of the situation. Also youve mentioned many times that things havent worked out or the designing jobs you were doing didnt make you any money, but without sounding too simplistic, there are people from all round the world that make money doing that on fiverr or upwork for example so theres definitely people who need these skills and would pay (i did last week) and also there are many people getting paid from doing these and many different jobs freelancing or even in normal jobs. So what im asking is what makes you or your situation different from them, as in why do you think theyve succeeded relatively speaking, and you, as you say havent?
I'm from the south. I am looking to move to a northern city like Liverpool, Sheffield or Leeds where property is cheaper. I've not succeeded in design because I haven't been able to build a social network or get training. To be fair those people on fiverr are only doing work like that as supplemental income and they will nearly always have a day job and a large network of established industry contacts. I wish I knew that before trying to work in the field.
18 hours ago, flowboy said:What is a meaningful education?
- Which one?
- Did you start one? How did it go? If something went wrong, what? How will you prevent that in the future?
Make what of yourself?
If you don't know these answers, how can you be successful?
What is success? Succeeding. Succeeding at what?
Do you see the problem here?
Look how am I supposed to draw up elaborate plans and intricate objectives in isolation? To have extremely specific and precise goals requires a substantial amount of experience, exposure, vision, resource and support, and I just don't have that.
And why are you encouraging me to build definition when you are resisting it? Success is a fairly simple phenomenon; financial success means money, relational success means relationships, educational success means qualifications. Are you not able to define it yourself? Deliberately obscuring and subverting meanings is something I did as a child to get out of trouble. As an adult we already have established definitions. I'm TIRED, I don't want to play games where people hop around over blatantly simple concepts like success.
Here, I have no friends or family, no job as of Friday, no degree despite attempting it, a career filled with holes, and live in an isolated village with extremely limited access to transport. I'm a failure and my life is a wreck. I am still paying for decisions I made several years ago. That's not fair. Why can't I get a real chance for once at my life.
Do you think I'm just sitting around waiting for others to tell me what to do? I've gone out there and tried, and learned only what was obvious from the beginning: to have a chance at anything, you need a whole load of friends, family and money. It doesn't matter how friendly, intelligent or hardworking you are. Without that you are screwed.
I'm tired of turning up to interviews where the interviewer is 10 years younger than me and hopped into management because they're related to the managers. I'm tired of paying for courses where they take your money and tell you to figure it all out on your own. I'm tired of being punished every day for being powerless. I need real choices and chances in life to things and people that are meaningful on their own.
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58 minutes ago, Average Investor said:@zudrush I'm trying to point out the mindset that is really trapping you from getting those things that you want. You have made up your mind on relocating. If you get there and don't find them, then will you move again? I live in a fairly small town myself. I do drive to a large city over an hour away and get some opportunities for my business. However, I have developed many things here that have allowed me to find so much abundance that I hardly even need to get anything from the large city. But only because I changed my way of how I was looking at it. I realized what I had to do to find that abundance.
5 hours ago, Elisabeth said:I have not yet decided to relocate. If I can't find anything somewhere else, I'll move and keep moving. What else do I have left? Where else CAN I go? It's not like I came here with anything and I've experimented as much as possible. If I'm not wanted or needed by society what are the alternatives?
I've already explained how I've spent countless thousands of hours on the internet alone trying to teach myself everything and it's left me friendless, poor, and without any other option but to rely on the internet for everything. If anything, it's not shown me how to be free, it has taught me how to be oppressed. I can't make money, develop skills or build a future on the internet alone. Most, if not all people can't. It's a lie, one that suckered me good.
My mindset is that I am totally exhausted. I have no friends, no family, no money, no educational prospects and no vocational prospects, despite throwing myself at every challenge I could find. I can't even see my own reflection let alone consider my "mindset". Now what do I do? Stay here forever or do something about it?
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3 hours ago, Elisabeth said:I genuinely don't understand.
If you're making hundreds of websites, why not charge money?
If you're experienced and self-driven, how come that you're not in demand with employers?
Do find a job where you can "progress" and move cities. So much is clear. But the lack of both long-term employment and friends is confusing. Are you seen as 'weird', do you have Asperger's or something?
I said I made hundreds of designs and websites. Most of them are gone. I gave up with it. I couldn't market myself competitively or figure out what skills I needed, or how to make money. I spent thousands of hours trying to learn.
I am not experienced in any established field. But I am too generally experienced to be attractive to employers. I am also self motivated and employers don't like this as it is strange to them. I'm now not able to start from the bottom of any field and work my way up.
Yes, the lack of purpose or direction in my life is very crushing, but there is no way to solve this. No, I don't try with friends because it is an expectation for me to have purpose, and this is not possible because I can't find meaningful education. No, I am not crazy or mentally impaired.
2 hours ago, Elisabeth said:You omitted this question, I'm not sure if that was on purpose. I consider it an important question, because there may be paths to get into some fields even without education, you just have to figure out how.
I answered it already. I want to find meaningful education and work in an industry. That isn't possible. For instance, I could give you some things I am interested in, but you wouldn't be able to offer how to access work or training in them, because there are no ways. It's not worth spending more time figuring out what paths exist, I don't get a chance at them because of my circumstances. So they are meaningless.
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10 hours ago, Hello from Russia said:In today's economy you don't really have to do business locally, you can do everything via internet. I'm doing my design business through internet right now as many other people
I spent years trying to work online in design, put in thousands of hours, made hundreds of designs and websites. It never earned me a dime sadly. Well done that you've managed to earn a living from it.
9 hours ago, Elisabeth said:@zudrush - Larger city usually means higher rent, not lower rent. Have you checked? Do you already have an area in mind where (the kind of wage you will realistically get) vs. rent is more advantageous?
- Why is it difficult for you to keep a job long-term? (100 jobs by age 35 is insane)
- How long are you willing to commute to work?
- You keep talking about education. What kind, what field? What do you expect education to give you? Why have you dropped out in the past?
- If you already had the necessary education finished, what kind of job or business would you like to do?
- As for finding employment, have you asked about opportunities your "weak social ties" - distant relatives, acquaintances, friends of friends? (For this, however, you'd have to be specific about what you're looking for.)
- You also talk about a lack of social opportunities, you hope people would be 'friendlier' in the new area. What does that mean? Have you previously lived in an area with 'friendlier' people?
- What kind of "dating opportunities" are you seeking? Clubs and bars? Hobbies where you meet like-minded people?
I believe you can get out of your rut and a move might help. But doing stable work that you're somewhat good at is most important. Once you have that, dating becomes easier too.
Yes, I'm doing my research and finding rent to be cheaper in other cities. My current city is well known for having above average property rates. In some places I could rent a 2 bedroom house compared to what I rent now, a large studio flat.
It's difficult for me to keep a job because the only ones available are low skill and entry level, and I'm experienced, intelligent and self-driven. I have never found an opportunity for development or progression in the companies I've worked in, or an opportunity to employ myself.
Education: I've spent a long time in education. To me, education, if it's worth it, has it's own meaning. An education that forces you to google everything is a waste of money. I've dropped out in the past before because I learned more in the years training myself than going to school.
If I had the necessary meaningful education, I would be employable in that field. Note: it is not me bringing the meaning, it is up to the education to be meaningful, and lead to real work. I cannot force an educator or a curriculum to be meaningful, they must do that themselves.
In terms of relationships, I have virtually nothing. No family, no distant relatives, no acquaintances, no friends or friends of friends. It has been extremely difficult to create relationships out of nothing. This is what I mean by meeting friendlier people - those that will come out of their comfort zone.
Please bear in mind, I have tried everything here, studying at a university, studying online courses, meeting hundreds of people, trying many jobs, volunteering, researching how to make a company, I have been googling for answers since google existed. Google has been all I have ever had and it's not enough.
6 hours ago, Nahm said:Takes a while to “reprogram”...to focus on what you do want. But, everything changes, in accordance with what you do want.
I am looking for meaningful jobs, opportunities, relationships. If you need further elaboration from that point on, please feel free to develop this elaboration yourself. I am trying to have a conversation about physical relocation from one city to another in order to find things that are happy to be meaningful in themselves, and are not looking for others to bring meaning to them.
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12 hours ago, Elisabeth said:- You have nothing to lose by moving, so you can as well live anywhere you can find a job that can pay your rent.
- As for "repeating your past", people have pointed out that you're blaming your circumstances quite a bit. Or so it seems from your posts in this thread. While this is understandable, it doesn't help, and its a mindset you're taking with you.
To start noticing this, Leo's videos "Responsibility vs. blame" and "Stop being a victim" might be helpful.
12 hours ago, Elisabeth said:12 hours ago, Elisabeth said:There are things to lose by moving away; I would be unfamiliar with the local area. But there isn't much else.
And I'm not blaming anyone or anything, I'm trying hold my circumstances accountable whilst holding myself responsible. There is virtually nowhere I can grow here and it's not good enough for me. I only moved to my current address because I was about to be homeless and it was also for a job which laid me off 10 months later. Now I can't move back into the city anyway because it would be economically unfeasible to me.
12 hours ago, Average Investor said:What are you expecting the new location to have?
Jobs. Cheaper rents. Opportunities for friendship and better social scene. Opportunities for education and growth.
12 hours ago, Average Investor said:What does that look like though? What environment is going to permit those things?
Well, what does that appear like to you? I'm living in a small city, and I'm thinking of moving to a larger city for work and opportunities such as education. Would a larger city offer better chances to you?
12 hours ago, Average Investor said:Would you consider doing it, if nothing was stopping you?
Oh god... What are you talking about?!? I'm talking about relocation because of the lack of opportunity here. How would I launch my own my business in this situation without connections, skills, or capital and no plan or failsafes?? That's crazy!! How much crazier can you get??
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1 minute ago, Hello from Russia said:@zudrush
I see you've been dabbling across many different fields and carreer paths. I think this might be one of your main problem. Did yoonsider focusing on one path that you really like and go deep in it? Like, become a really good expert in the field. Perhaps, even make your own biz in the long run that is related to this path or is close to it?No, I don't get an opportunity. None of the jobs I work lead to long term development or progression. In terms of skill development, I'm completely baffled as to what I could ever do. Creating my own business is unthinkable, it would be impossible without substantial skills, experience and connections. I tried the education path twice and neither time did they bother with teaching about how an industry works. I used to have very specific ideas about what I wanted to do but I wasn't able to find work in those areas. So the only option left for me is to do as you've identified, experiment and dabble in different jobs until one works.
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54 minutes ago, Average Investor said:You are relying on circumstances to create opportunities for you. While that could be great if you ended up getting some that way, the likeliness is not that great. You are going to want to create these opportunities for yourself if you really want something.
How am I relying on circumstances? I came here with no job, no friends and virtually no money, and managed to build a small career. I went to higher education, attended many events, got jobs and qualifications myself. I'm now considering changing my entire location again. Isn't that the opposite of waiting for circumstances to change?
If I had stayed where I was before, there would have been no future for me. There were few jobs and most people I knew were either into drugs or getting out themselves. I've had to learn how to do things by myself and make things from scratch. And I've noticed that isn't something most people dare to do; they will instead "fall into" their circumstances. That's not something I can afford, because I've nowhere to fall.
54 minutes ago, Average Investor said:What do you want to do most? What is really holding you back right now? What new opportunities would you look for somewhere new?
Have a future. Lack of opportunity. Training, higher paying work, relationships.
27 minutes ago, Hello from Russia said:May I know what exactly stopping you right now and where do you live? Can you elaborate a bit more on details on your situation, what did you actually try? What jobs did you work on? You said something about education, did you manage to create some education for yourself to win decent jobs easier?
I live in a small city in the UK. I've worked many jobs from retail, to working in catering, kitchen porter, bartender, customer call centre, maintenance operations, utilities, telecommunications, outsourcing, anything attainable as entry level. No, my education didn't lead to work. Yes, I regularly go online and self-study so I can put courses on my CV, although it rarely leads to better prospects.
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I'm a guy in my mid 30s and I'm trying to work out the next step of my life. The best solution I can see is moving somewhere else and starting over again. However, I have done this in the past without success, and wonder if I am only running from my problem.
Several years ago I moved to this current city with nothing. I was poor and didn't know anyone. My intention was to get a meaningful education, make some friends, and make something of myself. I've been able to build a background in desk jobs and save some money, but I can't seem to stay in a job or find any training and meeting people here has been amazingly difficult. Jobs are becoming difficult to find, rents are increasing way above wages and the public transportation is unreliable. So my decision is to move away entirely where rents and jobs are a little more reasonable, and where people are friendlier.
My problem is that I am not getting a chance in life. Whatever I apply myself in seems to fall apart. Everywhere I go there are barriers. The only work I can get is basic and dead end. Education seems to matter most, if not entirely on what you can already bring to the table, as do relationships. I simply don't seem to get a chance.
I am not talking about having an easy life or how to get my lawn a little rosier. I am talking about having real life choices and chances. Things that lead to having a coherent identity, or a meaningful established-ness. As it stands, I'm nothing to this world. Somehow I have become estranged from society and I can't work out how to get in.
Growing up I was never interested in the popularity contests and scorned them as artificial. Looking back, I understand now how important they are if you want to be meaningful or relatable to the world. But I was a child then. How come I'm still getting punished now?
My moving away, I'm not looking to "start over" - I want to START my life and be allowed to have the same normal opportunities and chances that an adult should be allowed to have. It's not right that a human male has had over 100 jobs, no relationship history and spends 99% of their free time alone. That is more like prison, and I need to take action.
So what does that sound like to you? Do I sound like someone making a wise decision or someone just repeating the past?
in Life Purpose, Career, Entrepreneurship, Finance
Posted
Will you listen to me. The public transportation here is terrible and property has become unaffordable. That's nothing to do with mentality. Jobs have turned me down specifically stating my location. I only came here for a job and they laid me off, I tried leaving my last job for something better and to avoid the inevitable layoffs, and then the new company were suddenly laying people off. How do you think I can live like this.
Part of the reason I'm posting here is to try and get help. But I'm also trying to help myself face reality and posting here has helped me understand that I am not as far gone as I think, if anything my mental state is very positive if I'm able to formulate solutions.
If you are serious that I am not powerless here, prove it by offering rational solutions. Someone with a victim mentality would not be interested in hearing about that, yet that is all I have wanted to discuss. Disadvantages and disasters are facts of life and at least accepting them is better than denying they exist.
Look at how many things I've tried and how open I've been. I'm so downtrodden here that I have virtually nothing left to lose. That forces your mind to be open.