Brazilianguy

Hello guys, finally an update: I am recovering from agoraphobia now. I had another intense experience that made me seek help I'm still processing what happened, but I feel relieved that I am doing work to improve. The fear, anxiety, and toxic, negative thoughts are finally fading. I feel humble now and less reluctant to receive help and love from others. Although the future may look brighter for me, I am still struggling to find my place in society and discover a passion, but I will keep trying my best to honor my parents and my spirit. Love y'all!!!

Today I had my first panic attack. Two years ago, I started gambling and lost a lot of money. After losing all my money, I got depressed and didn't want to leave the house, so I quit my job. The last time I left my house was 10 months ago to go to my brother's wedding. Since then, I've been inside my room, ignoring my family's requests to go outside, socialize, etc. I live with my parents, and they think I just don't want to go outside because I want to spend all day on the computer. Recently, I've discovered that I have agoraphobia, and I cry every time I search for this subject on the internet. My parents are old-school religious, and I am afraid to tell them that I am sick and need help. This panic attack episode was the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I didn't know that such a thing existed. It was horrible. The fear took over my body; I could not breathe, and I cried a lot during the whole thing. During this panic attack, I felt something really weird: a desire to tell my family that I love them and that I need them; a desire to tell them that I need help. It was almost like I surrendered to love. I felt humble at that moment, despite the fear. After the panic attack all I felt was shame, I know I need help, but I don't know how to tell my family.

Thank you for the reply, I want to get treatment, but I'm scared to open up to my family. Despite all of that, I'm feeling confident.

It's funny how this people think white people aren't capable of violence