jbram2002

I'll just say I have zero experience in psychedelics, but I might be able to address some of the last sentence. Rituals have as much power as you give them. I know people who read tarot cards and have a very elaborate ritual surrounding drawing the cards. They essentially meditate or even pray over the cards and will follow a specific pattern of shuffling and caring for the cards. If you ask them, they'll put a ton of value in the ritual, not because the ritual itself is valuable, but because it puts them into a certain state of mind where they feel more receptive to the lessons in the cards. I would assume the shamans feel similarly about their rituals, although if they have pre-rational magick like Leo suggests, they may put a lot of value into the specific ritual itself. You'll find this strong belief in rituals in a lot of places. People will follow specific rituals in meditation. Religions follow pre-determined rituals in their services. If you try to take away those rituals, some people will be completely lost. If you create a ritual, it makes the action feel more purposeful, even if the ritual by itself does nothing. (My opinion though is that rituals have little purpose in an awakened person)

I'll just reiterate that this particular problem is hypothetical because I don't feel comfortable sharing actual issues that Mandy and I have without her permission on it, so there's maybe a little bit of specific thinking below that doesn't really apply super well, but I'll do my best So, is it my problem? In the example I've given, I could say it's not my problem. But if the wife is looking for more assistance with housework and so on, then housework in general becomes my problem. I could STILL say it's not my problem. I don't care if the house gets a little messier, or in this scenario, I don't have to clean up the dogshit, so does it really affect me? Nah. BUT it affects someone close to me, which in turn affects me. If I can do something to make her life easier, I want to help out. But being an egoic and selfish human, I only want to help out if it's within my comfort zone. I've been previously scolded for saying I'm a creature of comfort. So there are some things I'm simply uncomfortable doing. As an example, Mandy grew up mowing lawns with her family, and I've mowed a lawn a grand total of once in my life. We have a big lawn. Standard gender roles say I should mow the lawn, and she should do other things like cook and clean, but she is far superior in lawn-mowing than I am to the point of being able to criticize my inept attempts at mowing the lawn. In that way, I'm outside my comfort zone. Second question: is it out of my control? Again, with this specific instance, it's not out of my control. I could take on both halves of that chore, but I would feel bad for it. In that scenario, my feelings would be directed at the fact that we had an agreement that she broke. However, if the dog needs to be taken out at noon time and I'm 40 miles away at work, that one is completely out of my control. I can't simply take over if I have to drive an hour and a half to do so. Other instances where this might apply better to my actual situation... sometimes I feel like I'm working really hard at improving myself (but I'm actually focused more on improving us - this is a separate topic I need to address eventually as well). I'm doing a hundred things such as eating better, exercising more, being more open minded, trying to keep my mouth shut when it's not appreciated, etc. Each of these things is very difficult for me to do. But I look at what she's doing for "us" and I see very little. She's focused on herself, which is not in itself a bad thing. She knows I feel this way because I've told her. But it still hurts because I want "us" to grow at the same pace she is, and that's not happening. So that one very well might be out of my control, even though it's something I desperately want. So in my trying to improve things, I've been focusing on suggesting she do ABC while I'm doing XYZ. But she's not open to most of those suggestions for a wide variety of reasons (some of which I can't really get into). Instead, I need to focus on my things. But at the same time, I'm worried that if I focus on my things and she focuses on hers, there's no one focusing on the rest of the issues and that they could end up growing to a major problem. I suppose not all "problems" are bad. But there are some problems that should be addressed. For example, the piles of dogshit growing and growing. Someone has to clean that up, and if sits for a while, even more problems can happen. Floors could be stained; kids could get sick. I'm not saying this particular problem is happening, but other problems with consequences just as bad could happen. So in this case, how could I question the negatives and create a positive out of it? The dog still needs to be taken care of. What's the positive side of ignoring an issue and letting it fester? Since I've already written a novel here, I'll skip on to the last paragraph - I know I definitely have a lot of blocks and limiting beliefs. I'm working on trying to push past some of them. Let's take getting in shape as an example. Despite my best efforts, I still constantly feel like it's futile. I'm never going to be at a healthy weight. I'm never going to be even a moderately good-looking person. I never have been in my adult life, or even in high school. So for me, working towards those goals is as useless as David fighting an army of Goliaths. There's only so many lucky shots he's going to get in before he's overrun. I just went to a checkup and the doctor said I've gained 24 pounds in 4 years. That's 6 lb a year, which is nothing. But it adds up to 24, which is a lot. He said if I cut 500 calories a day, I'd lose about 1 lb per week. Again, that sounds like nothing, but over the course of a year, it's 50 lb, assuming there's no curve. If I lost 50 lb, I'd still be overweight, but I'd be a lot closer to where I want to be. But I look at that and see that I can't do "enough" to reach that point in the amount of time I want (obviously ASAP or instant, which is impossible). So every time I think about that, I try to force my mind towards the 1 lb per week instead of the 50 lb issue. 1 lb is doable. 50 lbs is not. I look at the 50 lb and think it's futile. I (probably obviously) don't like talking about it as my self-esteem when it comes to looks is basically zero. But it's important to deal with. I can't just ignore it, but I also find it extremely hard to look at it positively. I just see the negatives. If I don't fix this, I could get diabetes and cost the family hundreds of dollars a year. The inverse is we save money and the wife is happier with how I look, but those simply feel less pressing than the overwhelming negatives.

I watched a video about the law of attraction last night. Well, five videos from Abraham-Hicks. I had a hard time focusing down on what she was saying in that video because she spoke so quickly. My brain kept saying "I wish she spoke slower so she would be easier to follow" or "I wish she would have it all in one video instead of spread across five so I didn't have to hear that intro and outtro back to back every 8 minutes..." But those things didn't matter. That was just my brain trying to pull me away from what was being said. More importantly, I found I had deeper questions that seemed to get passed by. The Law of Attraction is basically the same as a verse in the Bible. Matthew 7:7-8 says this: “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened." The Bible goes on to talk about how if someone asks for a fish, would you give him a stone instead? No, you give people what they ask for. I never thought of this in an opposition manner. If I focus on the negatives, I'm probably just going to get more negatives. But here's where my questions started to get ever so slightly below the surface: How do I fix negative things without focusing on the thing I want to fix? If I see that I'm lazy, how do I fix that laziness without focusing on fixing the negative? I suppose one method could be to focus on what you want instead of the laziness: the sense of accomplishment, gaining money, having things done around the house etc. But if I only focus on things being done and I'm still too lazy to actually get off my ass and do it, what did that solve? Another way to look at it: If I see a flaw in my relationship, how do I fix that without pointing it out? I can try to change myself, but I can't change the other person. I can't even suggest a change to them without pointing out the negatives even if I say it as positively as possible. Also, isn't it sometimes useful to point out things we dislike so the other person can avoid them? Let's say hypothetically that my wife and I have a dog. We're trying to divvy up responsibility for the dog. I agree to take it out at night time and feed it supper while she agrees to take it out in the morning and feed it breakfast. Then a week later, I find out that she hasn't taken the dog out or fed it breakfast even once. There's two ways I can "fix" the problem. One is by simply doing those chores myself. When I wake up, I can take the dog out and feed it breakfast, and when I get home, I can take it out and feed it supper. But that's not what we agreed on, and it puts responsibility on me that I wasn't ready for. Maybe I'll eventually start to resent having a dog or the fact that my wife doesn't do anything to help with it. The other option is to point out that she's not doing her part. This will probably lead to an argument in the short term, but the goal is to fix things in the long term. If we have the argument and she ends up doing her part, she could start to resent me for starting an argument over something so minor, especially when it's obvious that she's busy in the morning and doesn't have time to do what she agreed to do. (There are obviously more options such as switching chores, but let's ignore those for simplicity.) In both scenarios, the person giving up their side of the agreement is unhappy. Law of attraction states that I brought this on myself by focusing on the negative. I noticed a problem, and by focusing on the problem even while trying to fix it, I caused more pain and unhappiness. If I try to fix too many problems too quickly, I'll just compound this pain as well. But ignoring the problem doesn't fix it. The dog is still shitting in the house and starving. Ignoring a problem just makes it worse. So my second important question is: How do I use law of attraction and not ignore my problems? I currently only really have two ways of taking care of problems: fixing them or ignoring them. One of them doesn't do anything about the problem and the other seems counter to LoA?

@seeking_brilliance I think that's a good idea. Since you were the one with the idea, feel free to start up the topic. I wouldn't mind a ping when it's up!

@Truth Addict Are you still in the middle of Ramadan (and/or following it)? If so, how does this practice help you? This isn't a challenge or anything; I'm legitimately curious.

@whoareyou I see a lot of resistance to religious ideology from what you're saying, although I understand my perception is limited. One question I had to ponder for several years was this: "What is the difference between faith and religion?" Even in a highly religious context, I was taught that faith was something beyond religion. Faith is, according to the Bible, "the substance of things hoped for, and the evidence of things not seen*." Faith can aid us in getting closer to the truth. Yes, you have to be willing to be wrong, but that doesn't mean that you have to lose faith. This is far different from the religion you're discussing, in my opinion. Religion is a set of rules and structure. Those get in the way of truth, while faith enhances the journey, in my opinion. I believe your discussions are absolutely valid when looking at the close-minded structure of religion. But I also think that faith is something quite different from what you're talking about. I see faith in the few statements from you I've read. You have faith in the Truth, for example. I believe that having Faith in something is extremely useful, and maybe even important. * - side note: I always had a hard time with this verse as a kid. I didn't understand it at all. How could a hope have substance? How could something that isn't physically there have substance? This is one of many amazing nondual statements in the Bible, in my opinion, and only once I started looking into the difference between faith and religion was I able to actually grasp the concepts behind this verse.

Hard to type on the phone sometimes. I suppose being beautifully rotten is an interesting concept too~

I had a realization this morning. Somewhere between yelling at one person for wanting to put up a paywall and describing to another that Jesus isn't a religion, I began to notice something that probably anyone else finds obvious. I don't talk about myself. This is a self-improvement forum, and I use it to point out flaws in others' thinking. This is a place where I need to focus on myself, but all I do is point fingers. In the past, I've always been discouraged from talking about myself. I learned that it was arrogant, selfish, self-serving, and that those things were evil. I learned to help others before I help myself. I learned the advise given in an airplane where you affix your own oxygen mask before your child's was simply wrong. I don't know where exactly I learned this. Maybe I taught myself as a way to keep myself at arm's length. If I don't see my problems, I don't have problems to fix. If I'm helping others, I'll magically be better myself. I don't have to waste time on myself. But that's stupid. I'm stupid. I'm flawed. I have big gaping holes all over the place that I've covered up with pretty pictures. Nothing to see here. There's no man behind the curtain. There's no black hole of emptiness hiding behind my accomplishments. I'm fine. I need to focus inward more. Mandy was telling me this last night, and she is right. She is amazingly insightful and I'm ever so lucky to have her in my life. I've been focusing on anything besides me, because focusing on me is hard. I'm doing what I can, but it's not enough. I feel that it's not enough, and I resent that it's not enough, but that doesn't change the truth. I can still help others, I think. But not by pointing fingers. And it shouldn't be my priority here. Maybe it's ok for it to be a priority elsewhere. I'm hiding behind a Persona that everyone here can already see through. It's a thin, silly Persona anyways.

I would encourage you to separate the religion of Christianity (and its thousands of forms, each unique) from a spiritualist belief in Jesus. Religion is a set of rules governing a specific belief system. Christianity suffers immensely from having many religions around it. People see these religions and assume all Christians follow those rules. For example, they see that Catholicism abhors birth control in all forms, then assume any Christian must also hate birth control. They see the fallacy of many priests and their sexual misconduct with altar boys and assume that the entire church is hypocritical and spiteful. Although it's true that a lot of Christian religions have rules that many non-Christians strongly disagree with, that doesn't mean that all followers of Christ follow those rules. A spiritualist belief in Jesus transcends the religion and focuses on the truths that Jesus spoke. Mandy talks about this in her beautifully-wrotten post. Keep in mind that you can find religion anywhere you see a dogma. There's religion in atheism. There's religion on this forum. Whenever you place rules on someone else in order to accept their beliefs as valid, you are creating a religion. The turn from New Age spirituality to Jesus is not a backslide, but rather an expansion in a specific direction, grasping onto new and beautiful truths that were previously held hidden.

@inFlow I'm not sure where you got that critique of her husband (me) from. The person she complained about in this post (re calling her crazy; I don't actually do that) was her father. I definitely have a lot of work to do, but I'm not trying to drag her back. I'm fully encouraging her to embrace this, and am working on my own issues in the meantime.

@DrewNows you're fine, bro. I normally wouldn't say much about that, but I know such sentiments have been bothering Mandy lately. It'snot about insecurity, but rather about showing respect to someone I believe deserves a lot. Let's put it behind us? I personally have greatly benefited from the wisdom you've shared in the past, and I hope to do so in the future.

@DrewNows Thanks for your apologies. If you've followed her videos, you know she's a bit sensitive about that sort of thing. I didn't take major offense from it, but I also feel like she has far more to offer than just her looks, and that statement was directed solely at looks. Don't you agree?

@DrewNows Not appreciated from either her or me. Just being honest.

I think Drew said a lot of it, but I've found that using the journal to say things about yourself that you don't actually want to say is a good idea. Be vulnerable. That doesn't mean saying things that area easy to say. Dig in deep and find what you're ashamed of, own it as part of you. Obviously, there are some things you might decide would be unwise to say, but make sure that you aren't hiding it based solely on shame or ego.

Specifically because of this is why it's important to not throw away all of the dualistic definitions when dealing with those societies and cultures. Speaking in nondual terms to dualistic minds is like speaking Latin to a Korean. It's a completely different language that sounds like hokey to those who don't understand it. The trick is to be able to see both the nondual and the dualistic points of view. If you only accept nonduality, then you can't communicate with nondual people. If you only accept duality, you never see beyond your ego. It's like Inception, just with nonduality!

@Leo Gura the definition of America was created before I was around. And although it's true that we are all one, and that definitions change, having these definitions is immensely useful when dealing with dualistic people. Putting aside all dualistic definitions makes it impossible for me to communicate with anyone who doesn't know the nondual lexicon. Thus, to 99.9999% of the world, I am an American. That's not by my personal definition. But it still applies. The difference between myself and, say, Trump in this regard is that being an American does not define me. It's just one of a million words that describes the conditions I live in.

I have a feeling I would post a challenge to you. But I appreciate the effort you put in! <3

Hmm. I just realized I do actually love myself because I can't subject myself to torture akin to that sandwich D:

Vegan sandwich? What would that be, two slices of bread? I don't understand vegan diets very well. I'm mostly a carnivore.

@Shin Mandy gets today off from making sandwiches. I'm a merciful husband. And always need cheese on those sandwiches. How could you not? I wouldn't divorce you for it, Mandy. I would just be very very disappointed in your failure.

@mandyjw Your username is still your old name though. It should be mandywr now. Still hiding!

@Truth Addict We're all already perfect. But we're all also really fucked up and imperfect. It's interesting balancing those two ideas in one's mind. I definitely appreciate your post though. Somehow, people don't appreciate when I say I'm perfect though . What I mean is that I am okay with who I am. I am what I Should be. However, that doesn't mean I can't improve. I can list off a hundred things that I can improve, and I'm working on several of them constantly. There's a difference between being content and being complacent. I love you. And you suck.

Except... it is true. It simply doesn't mean anything. Someone who lives in America is an American. But they don't have to identify with it.

I got complained at today for not posting in my journal. There's a few reasons why I haven't. One is that I just haven't had much to say. I'm busy doing lots of things, and those things have taken priority over writing here. Another is I'm just a bit mentally tired at the moment, which isn't really something cured simply by a night's rest. But tonight, before I head off to bed, I should probably write something down. The biggest block I currently have to writing religiously in this journal is precisely that: I don't want this to be another religion. I've lived in a religion that was a borderline cult. I don't need to experience that again. I don't worship the same gods as this religion does. I don't have the same dogma. I don't follow the same rituals. There's a difference between trying to better one's own spirituality and joining a religion. A religion is all about the rules: you must meditate an hour daily and listen to the great teachings of the wise and powerful Leo. Religions have gatekeepers and purposeless rituals. I've seen all of that here: people meditating solely because they need to fill a quota and not because they believe it's helpful for them; people shouting down opposing ideas simply because they are enlightened and the other side is assumed to not be. I don't want to be a part of that. There's a lot of good that can come from this community. But there's also a lot of bad. The rules here are lax (perhaps a lot more so than I'm generally comfortable with), and arguments are encouraged even when they stray from helpful debates. Leo randomly swoops in and yells at people for being the devil, or decides for them that the only path forward is if they take mind-altering drugs. Leo is not my savior, and I feel no need to take his communion. And because of this, I've been largely quiet. I've been working on my own things. I still have a massive ego problem as I desperately want more recognition for the hard work I'm putting in. I'm cranky because I'm trying to change my diet and habits for my own health, while at the same time, my ego hates that I'm giving it less attention. I want things how they "should" be, and then I remind myself that they should be as they are, and I want it changed. I want my child to sleep in her own bed for once instead of eating up an hour or more of my free time every night while I try to give my wife a break while she's exhausted. And, of course, I'm dealing with a spontaneous spouse who has ten years of preconceived notions about me that are hard to change, and so she doesn't want to talk to me even when she's feeling lonely or misunderstood. It's easier for her to talk to someone else, ignore my feelings, or even just ignore the family entirely to go off on her own spirit quest while I juggle two screaming kids. But her retort to that is the three plus hours a day she has to deal with it. The thing is, I know what I need to do to improve, or at least some of the things. There's probably about a hundred different things I need to do, and I can only do so many at once. As an example, if I focus solely on mentally fixing my ego issues, I neglect my physical health and my relationship's health. And so I'm trying to do all, and I've never been that good at juggling. So here, I got my journal entry in. I'm sure you'll see it tomorrow morning at 4:30 am or some other ridiculously early time. We all have things we need to improve, and I'm trying. But there's going to be rough days before everything is perfect.

Masticate?