creede

Did your ADHD get worse after changing to the raw vegan diet? Have you ever looked into or tried a ketogenic diet or very low carb?

I've stopped saying something in the middle of saying it... and my friend was like, what? What were you going to say? I said, it was just bullshit. She wanted me to tell her anyways but I couldn't because it seemed absurd. It's weird when it starts to happen, because you're so used to swimming in the flow of bullshit and nothing ever calling you out on it. Next question: what is noticing the bullshit?

Hooray for you! There is no authority over you that can limit you to an autistic experience any longer... I am impressed with the plan you have laid out for yourself, and support you in your mind opening future!!

@Aquarius I loooove your poetry, it's got that something special, your art is cool too.

It doesn't happen to you.... the you falls away. There is no warning, suddenly there is nothing where everything was. There is no feeling of fear or confusion because there is no you to feel it. It could happen at any moment and then you might be back in your life a moment later. Like as if a movie system glitched for a second or a few minutes and then restarted and eveything went back to "normal". When it happened to me I wasn't alone, I was actually getting busy with a guy. Suddenly I was gone...everything was blackness, but it was not a deadness, it was an aliveness. I don't know how long I wasn't there. But then... I can't exactly explain this, but it was as if a single thought rose up in this emptiness and the thought was I don't know where I am. Another thought started to rise up that I was in a barn, but the guy said, you're in your apartment, so I must have said it out loud. And I was back... no fanfare, no trumpets, no honorary license to become a spiritual guru. just the resuming of the movie/life. I did wonder later though, if I would have resumed a different movie/life if he hadn't been there to bring me back to this one.

@General 2 I hope you'll write down what you want in a place to live. It's easy to dismiss this simple task because you feel like you know it can't happen. If you don't write down your request you'll never know.

The only thing to do is to be truthful about who you were in your past and how the work you've done has changed your life. Then you are not at risk of being exposed because you have told all about yourself and you are also showing that the work truly works. You can even hashtag your stuff with all of the crappy attributes you used to have to draw in the crowd who is secretly trying to change their behavior too.

Leo's answer was great... read that as many times as you need to to really let it absorb. Don't buy more booze or smokes. You'll deal with the ego's backlash for not listening to it when it tells you to go buy it, but it will pass. watch Leo's ego backlash video I have been reading about L-theanine... look it up, and see if it seems right for what you are feeling. remind yourself this is only a temporary feeling that seems like it will last forever. I agree that writing about what your mind is showing you as your present reality is a good way to see the manipulation it is using to keep you down.

@How to be wise that's a beautiful insight... I wonder if you'll also be able to join them now that you've seen them in a whole new light.

The action of looking for an apartment took place... I would prepare for a move. In the meantime, write down what you see as a good situation for a future living situation and let it come to you. Examples might be: a one bedroom apartment for $_____ a month. Or a room in a large house with others on the same path for $______ a month. Spacious, light and airy. With a view of a tree that is frequented by birds if you like that sort of thing (I do). A quiet street, off street parking, or close to public transportation if you use that. Close to grocery store, libraries, a park... whatever you desire. Let everyone know that you are looking for a place, this includes people at random, in grocery stores, in classes, at work... wherever you go. You won't know where the place will come from, and who will answer your call, but that's the fun in receiving.

I'm with @Zigzag Idiot a Course in Miracles is an incredible book that is very focused on forgiveness. It definitely brings forgiveness into a new light. I too was often challeneged by the language of it, but followed through with my commitment to finish the years worth of lessons and got through the text as well and it was worth every minute. This is not a book recommendation but it might help you. Just some things I have experienced first hand. When we think we've forgiven someone it's kind of plays out like this: The ego might back down in a situation and say, okay sure, let's forgive this person. It's like an act of generosity, and the ego uses it for a feeling of exhaltation, or as a look at how cool I am to have forgiven such a horrible thing, story. But it's not really true forgiveness. The ego is still holding the situation in mind and using it to keep up a defense. Using the situation to control the whole rest of the life with fear, uncertainty, and doubts, so that you'll trust no one. It seems that in every case of true forgiveness I have had I honestly saw my part in the drama. When that occurs it's like you're pulling the curtain back on the ego and seeing the game it's been running on you. What I have seen each time I've truly come to a place of fogiveness is that I was caught up in the ego's game. How I had been duped into believing everything it was telling me and why I was justified in my defenses (the defenses it had designed). The thing is, you could talk to a million people and they'll justfy your defenses, but that doesn't help you does it? All it does is support the ego story. When you truly forgive someone you know it because you experience an absolute sense of freedom. You are free from the bondage of hanging on to an old story that has nothing to do with your present life. You are free from dragging around a thousand pound weight each day. You are free in one more way, because you unraveled one more way the ego was playing you like a puppet. I wish you the best in uncovering what is truly happening in your desire to forgive.

Assuming you are on a path of self-actualization... you could question the statement "my emotions" Are emotions a phenomena that just rise up? Or are they something you own? Can you command emotions? etc... Do some writing, inquiry, check it out.

A Course in Miracles will change the way you perceive the world. 365 lessons, one a day for a year, which will make you question the whole structure you have built as an identity and use as your reality. There is also a large body of text and a manual for teachers, which is not what it sounds like... we are all teachers. The way this is written is often confusing but don't let it stop you if you are on the journey of self-discovery. This course is a powerful tool to loosen the ties that bind. The beauty of this course (book) is that it's available for free online so anyone can do it regardless of their money situation..