Bombardini

Makes me think of the book "Radical Honesty". Where you express your resentments even though you might know you have no grounds for feeling the way you do. You express it anyway, because it is true. Is it similar or am I completely off track here?

@Mal I like you.

I'm in a situation very similar to yours. To me it seems like you have many answers yourself. You've identified your bad habits. And many things you could do. Bad habits - Break them! No Hobbies - make some! The emptiness does not fill with other bs automatically, you choose what fills it, so take responsibility for that choice. There is no shortcut or someone coming to save you. The good news however is once you start taking action, you feel better almost instantly.

I like Shinzens instructions on this technique. He says you just stop doing what you can stop doing, for example intentional thinking. Everything else is not intentional so you don't have to worry about it. Some people see no difference between ordinary day monkey mind and doing nothing monkey mind. I believe the difference is you don't allow intentional thinking just the kind of thinking that sort of just happens to you (thoughts you have no control over). Some instructions I've read or heard about this technique make it almost sound like you can just sit and intentionally daydream for 30 minutes and expect to get some peace.

@brovakhiin Cool! Thank you very much!

@charlie2dogs Ok! Thank you!

Thank you for your reply! Without having actually tried it I can imagine what kind of questions a 'sitting' like this would raise in me. Sitting down trying to experience and feel my core beeing. It's somewhat of a seeking, is it not? At first I might just notice body sensations, my mind will probably come in and say "Well you know that's not really you, this person(insert random spiritual teacher) told you so, who is experiencing the sensation?" It seems to me that it would turn out to be (again, without having actually tried it) a continous looking/searching for 'me'. Kind of like an Self-inquiry. Am I on the right track here or am I overthinking this? I'm going to try it out either way.

In your own experience, is there a 'way of meditating' that takes you to that place of oneness more direct than others? Or do all paths lead to the same destination eventually? I'm currently using the mindfullness technique, just noticing whatever I notice. While I feel that this sometimes relaxes me and creates space between me and my thoughts I've never had the experience of beeing anything other than my body-mind.

Hello! I share your problem with beeing a people pleaser. I can recommend "No More Mr Nice Guy" and "6 pillars of self-esteem" they brought some new awareness to my behavior and explanations behind them. Remember, no one can give you self esteem and no one is going to save you. Two general "rules" I'm trying to implement are; 1. Never lie. And if you do (because the lies happens fast while in reactive mode) then just notice it. Also understand that laughing when you don't really find something funny just to get approval or fit in or not voicing your opinion because you're afraid of disapproval are also lies. 2. If you fear something - Make it your challenge to do it. Breaking out of the Nice Guy syndrome will require some cojones, but once you get some momentu, you will start to get an understanding for how you are responsible for your self esteem and what you can do to raise it. OT; I'm really interested in that book as well. Another book I think might fit our cause is "Radical Honesty". Cheers!

Beeing mindful in your day to day routines and encounters with other humans is what its all about. If you sit for an hour a day and go straight into unconscious "reactive mode", then what good does it really? I'm not saying meditation doesnt help. In my experience it makes a big difference! But I belive the choice to be present and aware must still be made. Anyways, good for you! Keep at it

Hi! On Leo's booklist there is a book about effective reading. Personally I always underline parts that I feel I should implement in my life and so on. After each book I usually write a short summary. If I would want to get back and reread the main points and message the book has I can just read my own summary.

@FindingPeace Thank you very much! I will implement this mindset and see if I come up with anything. As you mention it most likely has to do with validation and self worth. My confidence could be alot better. Im curious however, does simply beeing aware of the actual root casue, make the need go away?

Great post! I've been trying to do introspection myself but it's not easy. The specific problem I'm having is that I get the feeling that I "need" a certain girl. For love, appreciation and sex. Even though I know logically that my happieness doesn't depend on these things, the feeling of needing is very much real. The questions I've been asking myself is basically like: Why do I feel i need these things? But I'm drawing a blank on the answer. It doesn't seem to be in me. It's so frustrating because I don't want to feel this need any longer. It's affecting my behaviour and furthermore making our relationship less than it could be. Am I asking the wrong questions? Should I come at the problem from a different angle? Or just keep at it? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciatet! Thank you all!

Thanks for this!

I've bought this book along with No More Mr. Nice Guy. Any recommendations on which one to start with?

Have anyone bought the premium ebook? Did you found it to be well invested money?

I've come to the point where I am supposed to figure out my actual purpose. And it's soooo frustrating. I'm answering the questions, but I'm really not sure about the answers I give(I don't feel "yes, this is it, in my gut). I find myself sitting with a single question like, "What am I most passionate about?" for HOURS! I'm drawing blank, it's like the answer is not inside of me. Although I know Leo says it's my mind beeing lazy. And the visulization about the 100M$ question, I came up with absolutely nothing. I'm going to try it again of course! But this process is killing me. At times I just want to give up and lay down and cry. I know this is not an option and I will give keep searching and doing whatever it takes to find that thing that will give me a sense of purpose and passion about life. But right now, it just feels hopeless. Any thoughts or perhaps advice about this? Thank you all!

@Quizzer This is my experience as well. Unhooking from external stimulation is also recommended. I've never tried it myself but I guess it's suppose to give the mind a chance to really think about your life, I mean really think. Instead of stimulating your mind as soon as you're feeling bored or restless. Isolate yourself (perhaps in nature, if possible) and just sit and be. No phone,tv or any kind of external stimulation. Doing this for a week or so is supposeddly going to give you deep insights. Im going to try it myself during a 10-day vipassana retreat.

The way of the superior man by David Deida - Goes really deep on what it means to be masculine.

I have a big problem with beeing a people pleaser. It's really stoping me from beeing the man I want to be. Do you guys have any book recommendations for this subject? Appreciate it!

I experience the same thing. It's like I can't be in the present moment and watching a continuous thought stream. The thought just disappear, and then a new one comes up, of course.

When doing this technique, is it allowed to get lost in the content of the thought? After a session of using this technique I really don't get the usual sense of calmness as I might get from other styles. I just feel like I didn't do shit for 30 minutes. I guess it might come around with time. I really want to give this a fair chance.