Grant6

I am emotionally reactive to the world. I'm reactive to my girlfriend's bad moods, Im reactive to people in general who I interact with, family members, also events that happen in real life: I become overly excited about things and also overly dramatic/sad about things and come to assumptions. It's affecting my growth because I try to talk to someone but I get discouraged everytime they look uninterested or if me and my girlfriend are going through somethibg between us I always get down instead of being a man and helping the situation. This reactivity is turning me into a wimp. How do I stop being reactive and start being happy?

I'm too much in my head all. of. the. time. I am depressed, and I worry often about how I come across to other people, not physically, but socially. I can hold a conversation okay, but I'm not really good at those conversations where you feel like you connect with the other person. And small talk is not something I'm great at either. So I worry about these things. Also, sometimes I feel like I'm disconnected from reality. I feel like I can't tell what's real or not sometimes... And I have self-attacking thoughts often where I will say to myself, "you don't deserve this," if I have something good happen to me or, "you're not good for anything," and etc. So how can I begin to stop being so self-centered, get to the root of this depression and eliminate it, and how can I be more kind to myself even when I feel like I deserve all of those self-attacking comments?

From one of your videos you talked about how after you got your business at a stable place, you were able to work on getting better with women, how was that whole journey for you and what kind of challenges did you face (inner and external)? What were the most valuable life lessons or wisdom that you gained from the whole experience? And what kind of things do you look for in a girlfriend/what kind of things immediately turn you off? And do you prefer certain girls (tall, short, white, long hair, etc.)?

Do you have any daily positive habits in your life? For example, a daily mediation habit will build up willpower within you which will help you get through those temptations that come up. See Leo's video on Self-Control. Also, watch his video called Awareness Alone Is Curative. Next time you have a temptation, you might want to try this. Simply let yourself watch porn, but this is the key here: be aware while you're watching it. Be aware of the feelings you have as you're going to the website, be aware of yourself as you're watching it, and even afterwards how you feel. This way is counterintuitive but it's very insightful. Also, what will help is creating a bigger vision. I encourage you to create an even bigger vision for yourself beyond just stop watching porn, or getting rid of anxiety while talking to girls, etc. Keep these things, but just expand it. Not 5x bigger, not 10x bigger, not 50x bigger, but 100x bigger--or even 1000x bigger. Find your life purpose. What are your values? What gets you excited in the morning? What do you want more of in life? Set goals. Get inspired. Imagine your life where you get so excited about living your day that porn doesn't even cross your mind. That's a pretty cool goal to strive for. And that way you won't even have time for porn because you'll be too busy with your own life.

@FindingPeace So let's say you're already in a "conditional loving" relationship, is it possible to grow the relationship into an "unconditional loving" relationship? So, if you realize that you conditionally love your partner, can you grow yourself to love her or him unconditionally while still maintaing the relationship?

Leo, when strategizing for your life, how do you know which of the things you want are neurotic desires and which of your wants are authentic? Also how did you go about discovering yourself? Were there any traps you fell into?

I see it as false. To me, saying, "If you know what you're looking for, inquiry is unnecessary," is like saying, "If you know you're trying to find the easter egg, there's no point in actually looking for it." But of course, even thought you know you're looking for the easter egg doesn't mean you stop there; you have to actually go FIND it, which is why inquiry IS necessary. THAT'S the looking part. However, I can see how it could be true as well. Perhaps if you truly knew what you were looking for, you wouldn't need to go FIND it, because you would already know where it is. Intuitively, I suppose. But I'm curious, why are you trying to convince yourself that it is right?

Hi, I'm 18, a freshman in college right now, and my problem is that I'm struggling to find my passion and decide on a major. First, I want to tell you about my relationship with music, as that is my questionable authentic passion right now; and to clarify, when I say authentic passion I mean the thing that is most aligned with your authentic self. In short, I have a very on-and-off relationship with music, specifically playing piano, and composing. I like piano, it's a great instrument, and when I first started back in Jr. year of High School, I was so excited to learn as many pieces as I could. And during that time, I also really wanted to compose music. I am very passionate about video game music and every time I heard my favorite pieces in a game or on my iPod, I would say to myself, "Wow, I wish I could create music like that," and so I actually composed a few stuff in Garageband (and I'm actually surprised how hard I worked on them, even though they aren't even that great). But now, I don't feel as excited about playing piano or composing as I did when I was in High School, and there's a reason for that...I believe it's because I either lost sight of why I like music so much in the first place, or my fears of, "How would I be able to make a successful career out of this?," "Would people actually like my music/playing?," and "Would I be able to put in all the work that's necessary?" get in the way. Most likely a combination. And this is where my question comes from: how do you know that something you're passionate about is what you're really passionate about? Just because I don't feel the initial excitement that I got in the beginning, does that mean it's not really my authentic passion? Or just because you don't like one aspect of it, should you still go along with it? What are some good indicators to know that you found something worth pursuing? What are some of your stories about finding your passion? The reason I'm asking this is because I want to be able to identify when a passion has potential, and thus you should keep going with it; and when a passion doesn't, and thus you should move on to something better. On a final note, being in college, I see this as a prime opportunity to find my life purpose early, and I don't want to squander more time with music if it's not what my authentic self really wants to be doing; although, I always seem to gravitate back to music one way or another, like I don't want to let go of it. And with that, thank you for reading this, and all and any helpful answers are appreciated.

@Samuel Thank you, I will try this (after exam week :P)

@The Village Idiot One time I was meditating for 20 min., then suddenly I wanted to go longer, and so I did. I stopped after 5 min. because I had to be somewhere, but at that moment there was an eagerness in me to sit for as long as I possibly could... kinda weird, I had never got that before. That happened after one month of 20 min. everyday. Do you meditate at the same time every day, and do you think it matters at all? Would meditating at the same time everyday have any advantages?

I have one question for 'ya: are you doing the gratitude lists everyday?

@The Village Idiot This is quite the commitment you're taking on! Sometimes I can barely meditate for 20 min, let alone 5+ hours, that's very impressive. It's good that you're staying aware of your thoughts, that you could be deceiving yourself, that's an important thing to notice. Stay vigilant and I'm curious to see what things you discover through your journey.

Great find!

I love all of Albert Einstein's quotes, but this one's my favorite: "Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." -Albert Einstein