czar24

I've been struggling with something for the last 3 years. It's gotten to the point where I can't even focus on business anymore. Over the last 3 years, I’ve been building my physique and working on my web design portfolio—teaching myself web design from scratch and staying in work mode constantly. But here’s the problem: Women don’t seem to find that attractive. And most people don’t find that kind of tunnel vision appealing in a guy they’d want to be around or hang out with. I’ve struggled deeply over these 3 years to form any meaningful relationships with women. I thought that grinding hard and building a strong body would eventually make cold approach easier. I believed that if I became disciplined and attractive, things would fall into place. Three years ago, I moved from New York City to Marathon, Florida—a small, touristy town. I even posted on r/seduction along with a picture of my physique, and people there couldn’t believe I struggled with women. But the reality is: I’m a 6’4", jacked, muscular, good-looking guy… and still feel like an incel. None of it made things better for me socially or romantically. About two weeks ago, I got into a scooter accident. I fractured the radial bone in my left arm and suffered friction burns and contusions on my right hand. My right hand is healing—I can write and hold things again, although my pinky still hurts. I think the accident happened to break my reliance on my looks and force me into a position where I now have to develop real, core self-confidence… Unconditional self-love… An indestructible inner frame. But here’s the truth: I don’t know how to build that frame. I know it’s my responsibility—but I don’t know what specific steps to take. I don’t know what exercises or practices I should be doing. I’ve tried breathwork. I’ve tried meditation—and to be honest, I have experienced positive results from it. Whenever I meditate consistently, women seem to genuinely enjoy being around me more. But I’ve failed to make those effects long-lasting. As an actionable next step, I’m considering purchasing RSD’s Hot Seat at Home with Owen Cook. Has anyone here tried it? Did it actually help you? Have you seen results from it? It feels like the least I can do for now—until I find a more effective solution. Leo always says a “good wingman is worth more than any $10,000 bootcamp.” The problem is, I don’t even have access to a wingman. A guy offered to wing with me in Miami, but he’s only free on weekends. My job only gives me weekdays off, so it didn’t work out. So my question is: What do you think a guy in my position should do?

@Leo Gura Over the course of a few weeks, I spent my time fasting and engaging in deep contemplation. To be honest, the question I asked could've been worded better. It was born out of intense anxiety. Yet, I derived more value from your answer. I have also taken the time to thoroughly revise the summary of all the answers in this post. The mistake I made with making this post was looking for an answer that would be the ultimate "how-to" from a male perspective. Yet everything you've just mentioned is what I've already known for quite some time now. Moving to a major city with more women and more volume is key. My confidence is not a problem. I am actually quite bold and have been told that by many people. I'm actually able to approach women anywhere. In a town that has 10,000 people on average. How could I've hoped to get any good? I don't have any more to say on this post. Typing more and making more posts is not going to help me. Thank you, Leo. And thank the rest of you all for responding. Good night.

I thank you all for the book recommendations that I was given. I thank you all for the suggestions that you gave. My one last question is this: to the men in the group that had a demanding job that required logic and being in their head all day, when it was time to hang out and have fun how did you shift from logical non-fun mode to fun-mode. What were the exact exercises and steps you went through? Were there any exercises you tried by yourself that worked to make you more social when you went out in public? Breathwork seems to be the only thing that kind of frees me from this thinking and other people can feel it coming off of me as well but I don't want to rely on breath-work as a drug. For now, this is what I do, since I can't drink. There are no web developers here..lol @MarkKol you have already shed some great details on this. I don't want to bum people out when I'm amongst them when I do go out and try to be social. The thing I battle with is the negative habit trying to pull me back an encourage me to further isolate, which, I can confirm, is reinforcing the negative pattern. I have resolved myself to just trying to socialize even when I don't feel like it but am not sure how much progress I'm making there, being that people don't respond to me as well, when I don't feel like talking. I know the town I live in is small so I'm trying to make the most out of it but I feel like there is hardly anything here to do. If I can synthesize a series of exercises that other men have been a successful with that I can routinely try over and over again I think I'll be well on my way. Karaoke, has been my thing so far. I had my schedule changed so I could hang out with my buddy on Karaoke night. Last time I sung Days Go By by Dirty Vegas but no one gave a shit because the Cops came in, made some arrest and I guess it bummed everyone out I feel like I need another tool in my arsenal, maybe some other outlet as well besides that routine or maybe the universe is trying to tell me this is good for now until I discover something better.

@ExploringReality I’ve had this book on Audible forever, just sitting there doing nothing. Since you mentioned it, I’m thinking it’s time to actually crack it open—not just read it, but turn the concepts into stuff I can do. I’ve got this AI tool called Kortex that I use as my coach/design assistant/book summary machine. I can feed it the book and get an actual course with homework out of it. Heard about the book from some YouTube guy teaching visualization. I already do 5–10 minutes every morning as my “future me” who’s already crushed my goals. Not easy making visuals that push me past my current situation, but I still get it done. Ive just been trying it for two weeks. By the way, do you have any experience with visualization? Would love to hear your experience if so. Thank you Bro

@theleelajoker This is a cool idea! I started taking breathwork classes down here in Key West but I had a falling out wih one of the instructors. I might look for a Vipassana class in my area. How long did it take you to see a difference?

@Joshe i am having friendly interactions with women but most of them are rejections. I know its my fault. I suffer with anxiety and self-doubt so I probably project that onto women when I go out. I am trying to correct it but I feel like I took a wrong turn somewhere. I wonder if I am even applying the right methods.

@ExploringReality I'm trying to feel free within my own body and tap into the playful side of my personality. I want to find exercise routines and practices that help me access that side, so I can become a much more approachable person—someone people genuinely want to be around. I just want to stop feeling anxious all the time and constantly battling a head full of self-doubt. Right now, I’m able to access this state temporarily through breathwork and meditation, but the effects don’t last very long. Eventually, I want to reach a point where this way of being is a natural part of who I am, and I no longer need breathwork or meditation to access it. I wish I wasn't super logical all the time.

Everyone is ignoring the second post I made. lol.. i love it

@ExploringReality Thank you for your input.I see the point your making and I apologized for the misunderstanding. I made another post that clarified the point I failed to make in the initial post that gives further context to my situation.

@Miguel1 Im currently looking for the blog post now. Not seeing it. Was there ever a period in your life where you were too serious or had a lot going on in your head and you weren't good with women?

This post has helped me understand the importance of communicating things clearly—which I haven't done well. I'm going to talk a little bit about my web design journey, how I taught myself visual design, learned apps like Webflow, and even got into some coding—because I think it ties into the issue I'm dealing with. There are things from my childhood that I won’t go into detail about right now, but they shaped who I am today: very serious, very stern. I’ve gotten feedback from friends—honest dudes—who’ve told me I come off like I don’t want to be bothered. But once someone gets to know me, they realize I’m actually a cool guy. I bought into hustle culture. I built my portfolio, made business cards, and created impressive websites—but it put me in a logical mindset that isn’t helpful when it comes to seduction. It made me way too serious. I created a narrative that I was at war—with the company I worked at, with my inner demons—which is what led me to waking up at 4:00 a.m. every day, lifting weights on an empty stomach, and building everything I’ve built. Also, I’m at a job I hate. One thing I do feel proud of, though, is that I never blamed women for my issues. Growing up, I always blamed myself. Even now, I still do. I guess what I’m trying to do with this post is reach out to any men who’ve dealt with this—being too serious, not enjoying life, taking things too hard—and who found routines or exercises that actually helped them get out of it. I’ve gotten advice in the past like “just be yourself,” “don’t take things too seriously,” “smile more”—and yeah, those things worked for a bit, but I’d always fall back into that same serious mindset. I apologize for any misunderstandings anyone had with my previous post. And if you’re a guy who used to be like this—depressed, overly serious—and you managed to tap into your playful, carefree side and build a strong inner frame… please let me know how you did it.

@Princess Arabia I feel like this is the case whether women are attracted to muscular body types or not. Even if you were attracted, I would still have to have "personality" as you put it.

@aurum Too expensive to move to Miami.

@aurum3-4 a day. I know. In most circumstances, that is considered a warm-up. However, I don't live in a major metropolitan area where beautiful women are in abundant supply on sidewalks, park benches, movie theatres..etc

@UnbornTao I’m not sure if you’ve seen the picture above, but my right arm’s wrapped in bandages and my left arm’s in a cast. That leaves me with only one option—voice-to-text typing. The problem is, it sometimes throws in a few grammatical errors, so I run it through ChatGPT to clean things up.

@theleelajoker This post has disappeared for some reason. I think @Joshe managed to convince them I'm fake. I enjoyed talking to him as well. Was looking forward to learning more about the dating scene in Key West. Anyway. Thank you for responding. I have tried this being that most of my approaches tend to be direct openers and I get rejected right off the bat. I noticed that when I go indirect I can feel them pulling away from me but most of my approaches have been in grocery stores. Not an ideal place for sure but it is the only place I meet multitudes of beautiful women.

And i'm not a bot

I sing karaoke at the brass monkey every Monday. Why should I stay away from there? Also, do you currently reside in Key West? I think I have lost most of the muscle now and won't have it for at least seven months now that I am recovering from an accident where i broke my left wrist. Do you think it would still benefit me to try and game in Key West? Why would it be easier in Key West than Marathon? What would you say the difference is?