Self-Deception - Part 1

By Leo Gura - January 15, 2018 | 59 Comments

Why self-deception is the #1 problem of all personal development

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Karn says:

Thanks Leo for another enjoyable episode!

Reality deceives itself, to see itself in differentiated form. Does this process of self-deception have a start? Our deceptions are perception based, and sense perceptions are also deceptions. How does this whole process of differentiation and self-deception start from an undivided whole?

On the other hand, I feel these might not be the correct questions to ask if this deception called ‘the world’ is perennial and there is no start or end. This is pretty mind-boggling to think if you can’t reign in your mind which tries relentlessly to explain the inexplicable.

Max Gron says:

Nobody is believing that this reality’s perfect. I should be given the truth when the truth is ideology and religion are true, wrong isn’t a dirty word. People act as if because everyone’s agreeing on spirituality that it has to be true, people think I should bow to their pride, their poor choices, and should respect their views. This is great and extreme bullshit and you should know it’s bullshit!

Rob says:

The only theory you can give to the fact that people don’t agree with your, YOUR, theory, this is mad and genius, profound and ridiculous, which is the point you’ve been making about non-duality and counter intuitive stuff I suppose.

My Brain is saying “stay with it you’ll get to the win sometime soon” “Fancy a wank?” “Hmmm quiche..”

So actualized.org is a deception then, Leo, you are a deception? This comment is a deception, but at the same time this comment is the Universe!

Excellent!

Max Gron says:

How deluded can people get to think mad geniuses actually are mad? And how deluded can people get to think that the universe is your writing and just you, that’s disgustingly selfish, there’s no regard for other things that sustain things other than you. Am I the only one who thinks apart from myself you’re the second one commenting who’s got this stuff all wrong? I admit you state truth in all irony you didn’t mean the paradoxes you deliberately said. It goes to show you’re very much believing your own thing.

Marco says:

Of course that process is tough and needs time.

But doesn t it help alot to develop the “heart area” or “compassion aspect” to let go of our own selfishness ?

Leo Gura says:

Of course!

Mayur says:

After a week, first look at this video, got me tickling and butterflies, super excited !

Max Gron says:

Tell me I’m an idiot, the bullshit, that I must just be weird and don’t understand and don’t know what I’m talking about, the bullshit, like being uptight with me defending your opinion and being an emotional cripple and unprofessional, the bullshit, like pissing smart people off every time they have an opinion. Tell me one thing, that my self-deceptions are there like that of the rest of yours. And I can’t stomach men on the internet, there’s a lot of trolls, a lot of people who have a slap-worthy face, I should talk to you guys about what you think instead of assuming my beliefs are ever going to have any effect on my godforsaken life. As a matter of fact I’m happy for you, but things are giving me a hard time, making piece of shit out of me and it’s ruining my reputation. I repute myself as a good name and the internet should let me bloody write what I bloody well like. Smiles all round.

clem says:

Thanks Leo, the wheels are in motion and the objective of the exercise is being achieved.
Looking into my own mirror of self-reflection, I am confronted with the image of deception and lies that I have created over many years of life experience. I suspect this fabrication of “me” has been a work in progress from the moment of my conception. There is a overwhelming feeling of uncertainty as I systematically question everything and deconstruct the illusions of this shared hallucination of reality. The peeling of this onion to its core does not motivate me to continue, its very uncomfortable. However, there is no turning back; I too have chosen to red pill. The mystery of the matrix must be evaluated, its secrets revealed. The pay off is the pleasure of lightening the load of accumulated baggage that is burdensome to the soul. Washing off the stickiness of self-inflicted ignorance and suffering is so joyful. It is a strange feeling to acknowledge that I am participating in my own death; dissolving the fearful illusions of mind to “nothingness.” The fact that I am being proactive rather than ignoring this eventuality bestows peace of mind. It reminds me of sky diving at mid-night. I can spend the time learning everything about the practice or fearfully wait to be dragged out of a warm bed, loaded on a plane, and pushed out the door backwards, into the darkness at 2000 ft. On thing I know for sure, there are no exemptions. Everybody participates in this exercise. So do we want to meet the darkness kicking and screaming or dive into the unknown with the ability to fly. Thanks for the googles, Leo
Be well.

Max Gron says:

I realise all these self-deceptions aren’t the fault of any of you. I should’ve known it’s stupid to argue with a delusional person, good luck in your journey.

Pat says:

Would you say the only way we could “win” against the mind is to simply be in the moment as much as possible?

clem says:

Hi Pat. The simple answer to your question is Yes. This is what I have experienced.
When I meditate, I notice there is a space between thoughts where an awareness of entering into the “moment” arises. Mentally my sense of time changes as I grasp the concept that there is only one reality of time, the NOW. This makes no sense to my logical mind that works on objectivity within the polarities of past and future. My mind becomes restless because it depends on contrast to define its map of reality. In the calm meditative space where all the dualities of Past/Future, Positive/Negative, Black/White, Win/Loose, etc. are neutralized, my mind has nothing to do but “observe” its own thinking; bor-ing. I note how thoughts arise and attempt to pull my attention out of the moment. At first, my mind will succeed in distracting my attention, but my intention to remain in the moment alerts me to when I am thinking again. This is an exercise of non-thinking. Framing this situation as a “fight” that I must win is a futile struggle: just more mind. Like a dog with a bone, my mind loves to keep my attention engaged. My responsibility is to learn how to observe and control my mind and stop allowing it to control me. As I practice mindfulness, my awareness of the Now is becoming more ingrained like a good habit. Thoughts come up, I note them, and I let them go while maintaining a conscious awareness of being in the Now. The practice of staying centered and grounded in the Now continues to grow into a “walking meditation.” As I devote more attention to the practice of maintaining conscious awareness in the Now, I note how the recognition of this state of timelessness is expanding. It is no longer viewed as a novelty of meditating. The daily routines become more interesting for my mind when I am engaged with conscious awareness. Just knowing that in the Now, anything could happen and everything is possible adds some unpredictable excitement to the mundane. My mind also appreciates how well things are going when I am not making reactive decisions, dwelling on negativity, or being motivated to act out by emotional triggers like fear and anxiety.
So, I would say, yes! Life is better when I am consciously aware of being in the “moment.” There is no fight to win. Training my mind to work as my advocate keeps it busy and satisfied. It is an amazing tool box for solving problems, negotiating the physical world, and creating new realities.
Hope this info is helpful for you. Be well clem

Max Gron says:

Now we see the common marketing techniques in your argument, when Leo got you. Due to low value marketing meditation isn’t going to do anything. Reality isn’t these foolish things like meditating and believing the truth isn’t all that you think or that happiness is outside your thoughts and that you need to study happiness. I say no, I don’t do foolish things, do you think you can grasp the truth through meditation? Meditation, the heart, local prejudices, your biases, your doubts, and your defence of ghosts and goblins and pixies is all living in a fantasy world. This is the real world so stop believing Leo, can’t you see valueless marketing in ancient wisdom, can’t you see that ancient wisdom isn’t true? Just use your brains and say ahh, that’s true, point at something and you’ll arrive at the truth.

Gavin says:

Hey Leo, this video really hit me with some crystal clarity. Thanks.

I had a bit of a synchronistic moment, where after watching your video and you talking about the illusion of pixels on a screen – which I was logically aware of – that I came across this video…

Not sure if you’re familiar with these guys… the channel initially seems very kind of popcorn-entertainment-like, but after watching a few videos in the past – the HYPER SLO-MO speed they film various things at is actually quite magical and seems to give extra insight into the bizarre and miraculous nature of reality.

Thought I’d share anyway! (You’ll never fully talk me out of my love of games!)

EDIT: Ah crap no URLs allowed.

The title of the youtube vid is “How a TV Works in Slow Motion – The Slow Mo Guys”

(Unrelated Gavin in the video)

Leo Gura says:

Very cool.

Yeah… much of our technology is built on self-deception.

Andrea says:

Check out some of the talks of Nassim Haramein about the unified theory.

He talks about quantum physic, sacred geometry, origin of life, God, origin of matter, black hole and so on.

Best,

Andrea

Pat says:

Clem,

Thank you for the thoughtful and insightful reply

Andrea says:

Physic meets spirituality

youtube.com/watch?v=tbE5bVl8r2g&feature=share

Worth to watch it.

Best,

Andrea

Xain says:

Unfortunately there are too many flaws to pick apart in this video. He fails to end up proving his own original premise, that we are being deceived. He doesn’t tell us what the truth is. Everything is a non-sequiter or making wild assumptions about existence, other people, and reality. He assumes too much.

For someone who claims to question what he knows as certain, he seems sure about what that is. The existence of the self is debatable, the existence of the mind is debatable.

In short the only evidence he has for “self deception” is “because I said so”.

Max Gron says:

Well done for stating the truth there, if you’re not in line with unchanged truth you can lie to and deceive yourself. I can figure this stuff out for myself, that I’m not self-deceived and that Leo’s telling the truth. I don’t take any of his videos as belief anymore. The reality is I’ll come across everyday life everyone but me forgetting this “mental masturbation” and being part of social matrix, it speaks for itself, your mind creates a society that feeds you bullshit and you’re the only honest one in your reality. Of course, but there’s one thing missing, people forget that the people on this website also believe and are also defending their personalities. It’s so. And given that I’m not arguing with you, the other comments or Leo there’s nothing I can say to convince myself of what’s true, the only “truth” is my infinite imagination and consciousness, it’s so, and the art of truth-telling is so simple it goes over your head: just see life for what it is, sitting in a chair which some people don’t wanna see, listening to the radio when dad can’t see that, making coffee, a table there, no evil. It’s so simple you can’t even begin to believe reality is just real things, and just what you’re really encountering. Data is almost never underscored of reality, it’s unbelievable. It’s so.

Ian Corral says:

Except it isn’t accurate and you just ignored everything I said regarding truth. A man who is straight isn’t deceiving himself. In fact it’s odd to say deceive yourself because to suggest that is to mean someone knows what is true yet says otherwise, which is hard for you to prove.

Also gospel doesn’t mean truth, just say truth. Not all interpretation is false either.

I really suggest you reread what I wrote because you have a screwed version of reality.

Mayur says:

It’s confusing and disturbing

Sinz says:

So guess that makes “loving” your significant other the greatest self-deception force of all!

Xain says:

No, no it does not.

Chris says:

Leo,

do you have anyone you talk these stuff with? I mean do you know anyone in person you can have a dialogue with and you feel they can feed your soul?

I don’t know anyone like you, but my cousin who is into spirituality and he was the first one to ever tell me about psychedelics and consciousness and he’s always been a loner, a learner. He was this way since he was a kid, has no brothers.

I wonder how many people are this deep and naturally contemplative to such a degree that they can become sages? As you often say this is your nature, you don’t need to make any effort to be profound and observant cause you were born this way, and your high IQ it’s only there to help you even more.

As you develop more and more you realize that the people around become so boring to you that’s annoying, you develop this need to just distance yourself cause you find no joy in launching yourself in shallow conversations and meaningless situations that only drain you. It’s like all you need is to sleep and someone just keeps coming to disturb you, when you need that rest so badly.

Does one risk to isolate himself? To lose everyone around just because the others don’t feel any inner need to evolve, nor any calling to something more than just a stupid meaningless repetitive life that leads nowhere? Cause this nonsense is so painful to an evolved person they just can’t bear it.

I haven’t seen my cousin for years but I always recall him saying he needs peace, he needs peace. He has a normal life, quite simple, but a sort of a second life where only he has access, like an escape to his average life.

What do you do when there’s no one close you can relate to? how you live your life among normal average people with normal, average lives? do you pretend to be like them? or do you isolate yourself? What would be the best choice so you won’t hurt?

Ian Corral says:

Leo considers himself evolved but it’s really just his ego trip.

Max Gron says:

I don’t have a screwed version of reality, I think you’re trying to believe Leo like a wanker and all of you are wankers, you appeal to authority, bullshit! Leo taught not to, not to believe him, he’s not God and he’s not an object of worship and he’s not a fucking religion to see him as supremely important with ardour and faith, he’s just a dude, he’s teaching out his arse inventing his own religion and I didn’t fucking ignore your statements, I was responding to what you said, and furthermore what I say is accurate, I don’t appeal to authority or fucking ancient wisdom! It’s irrational! Don’t you see you’re being irrational? I can’t accept your fucking delusions! I just said of sitting in a chair, it’s true, it works, we all sit in a chair. I think the internet has smartarses like you who say idiotic things about obviously true things not being accurate, how are you going to stop your deceptions, how? It’s ridiculous, truth is what I think.

Flynn says:

Awesome video. Question for you – you mentioned ‘ownership’ as a self-deception; you’ve also mentioned that you have a girlfriend. How is this reconciled? How would an enlightened being react to something like “cheating”?

I, like many others I know, can worry about my partner despite being in a trusting relationship. Logically, I understand that she is not mine – would love to hear your thoughts.

Thanks!

Lindsey says:

This video is just amazingly great. Not only businesses are selling constantly, but the messages and information we subscribe to are a huge marketing problem to our minds.

I would have never figured this out and would have been suffering the traps and tricks had I not listened to this one.

This is great.

Leo, Thank you!!!

Paul says:

Hmm. Leo doesn’t like Donald Trump? Does that mean that Mr. Everything caught up in politics? Interesting.

Cheryl says:

too political

Paul says:

I know Trump took away your Obamaphone?

Volaine says:

Thank you Leo. I keep looking for the like button but never see it, so wanted to announce that I like all the videos I’ve watched. Where ‘s the button?

Mike says:

Awesome video mate!

Manshuk says:

Hi Leo,

I just want to share about Crow House YouTube channel where he(forgot his name) talks about similar topics as its here in actualized. Maybe you can check it out.

Regards,
Manshuk

Sam says:

LEO,WHAT ARE THE NAMES OF BOOKS HAVE YOU READ TO TRULY UNDERSTAND SELF DECEPTION.

Sam says:

Leo,Are there any more facts about self deception,you forgot to mention in your videos?

Chris Cates says:

Your view on theism and god is exactly how I view it.

Sam says:

Supresssed inventions
Water car dimwit right batteries hemp car free energy water fuel cell flexible glass
Flying inventions , time machine, free electricity,cancer cure

Trapped game show cbbc 2020 – 2030 more saboteurs for everyone
Suppressed inventions are Indian cotton hemp vehicles harmless free energy some books about a cloud buster to solve the real routs by making rain clouds under their control to solve all the droit in the world

Xain says:

To anyone who actually knows anything about the world around us, Leo is the last person to be talking about self deception considering how incredibly wrong many of his videos are (especially quantum physics and science).

Max Gron says:

Self-deception allows a lot of room for defending and getting paranoid, e.g. the individuals defend individuality, your true state doesn’t need defending. The reason you defend that you’re telling the truth is slightly more complicated than just being false, you defend it because somebody doesn’t believe you, as deviants will defend their sexuality, a straight man defends his heterosexuality against fairy notions.
It’s the same thing, you defend a belief because you want to convince people that it’s the gospel. So when you have a self-deception you wonder why everyone thinks you’re wrong. But there’s more, self-deception is collective, of course you wouldn’t believe it if everyone doubts you, you believe it precisely because everyone takes it on faith as true, with the exception that you had experience, in which case you could be self-deceived because you experienced it, you perceived it. If that elephant’s in the room I can unveil myself and see a thing for what it is. I could be drunk and not remember that one thought from yesterday’s video, that one truth alcohol leaves you with no memory, then when you’re sober you look it up again and remember, drunkenness isn’t a good idea because there’s no thinking, alcohol doesn’t let you think, then a drunk is in denial of reality and can’t see his mental disorder from a normal person, a brain dead drunk deceives himself into thinking he’s normal.

Xain says:

But you’re defending your point of view by commenting on here and also trying to reinforce his point as well. So where exactly are you going with this?

Xain says:

Additionally some views are grounded in truth and evidence and others are not. Leo hasn’t really given evidence for self deception, but uses that term in a way that is easy to just dodge legitimate criticism by laying the burden on the other person or accusing them of deceiving themselves.

The hetero man isn’t defending his sexuality but trying to enforce his view on the world instead of seeing things as they are. It’s the same with the white man trying to make fact what simply isn’t so. The black isn’t inferior, that gay isn’t inferior. There is no evidence for such claims but if one is loud enough and makes it a moral issue then people will buy it.

You post misses a LOT on the nature of truth, belief, society, and what is ACTUALLY self deception. It’s not about gospel, it’s about getting close to what IS (which is what science is for). But there are matters science can’t really help us like with morality, ethics, and how to live. Those require philosophy.

But to say one defends because they think what they believe is gospel is simply not true. I’m sure black people knew they did nothing wrong simply by existing, same with gay and lesbian people. They were just living and harming no one. it’s just fact that there is no difference between gay and straight. When defending one’s belief you need to give evidence for that belief or there is no reason for people to buy it. That’s what science and philosophy are about, you need to back your statement/argument.

And personal experience isn’t always a good account of truth, and science has shown us repeatedly. Though there are exceptions.

Max Gron says:

My comment is accurate, it’s so, I just said the self-deception of a straight man, a sexual deviant and an individual are the same, notice your disagreements with me precisely because you’re self-deceived into not believing my truth. But notice between you saying what you just said is no different to what I said, and you said I was reinforcing”views” with my “own” views, bullshit! My views are Puritan religion and when I mentioned gospel I simply meant truth and I wasn’t talking about gospel, I was talking about false versions of “the truth”, does anyone agree that I completely understand Leo and understand that all interpretation is false?

Ian Corral says:

MAx your comment is not accurate but there is no point in telling you why anymore

Max Gron says:

My comment’s accurate. Truth infinite consciousness and imagination, Leo says so on one of his videos, and furthermore I have the truth right here, I self-relect right back at myself, jailbreaking my mind to uncover what’s revealed in my self-deceptions. It’s so. And it’s so because of my position of authority, do you see that I could be wrong and so could you? I’m not saying that I’m definitely right, but the forfeiture o the mind speaks for itself, it tells of what a dishonest lying mind you have, including myself. Do you ever say that you could be wrong? Because of your delusions of doubting when it’s you you should be doubting, but I suppose you just wanna remain with homeostasis. That’s a mechanism the mind fights for considering it’s always wrong to someone else and never yourself.

Xain says:

No you don’t you’re literally stuck in your own delusions when anyone can easily point out the flaws in your worldview.

I just explained how your stance is pragmatism, which is a school of philosophy. However the weakness it has is how utility isn’t a measure of truth and how something can be true but not work. Truth isn’t what works, we know that to be the case.

You’re clearly unhinged and mentally unwell. There’s really no arguing with you.

Again, just told you how your comment is not accurate. The deceptions are not the same. There is no such thing as “your truth” there is just the truth. You keep stating things that are easily proven wrong. You’re just reinforcing your views with your own views.

YOU’RE the one stuck in delusion not everyone else. And judging by your incoherent ravings (and clearly wrong statements) no one will buy what you’re selling.

You need severe psychological help.

Max Gron says:

It turns out I’m wasting my time, nobody believes me, they act like it’s human not to get into my thing and if I was making it up even worse, they treat it like it’s not good, just a freak who’s no good and rotten, god forbid if that’s not the case that I ever make you care what I think. I never here said what I think but I think all the people under this video in the comments section are self-deceived and I’m not. Am I the only one who cares about this? Am I the only one who cares about not believing Leo, not taking him on faith, and questioning his authority and taking my own authority seriously? Everyone should do this, I should be the one dipping your heads in the soup for taking profound words like it’s accurate, like it’s better than me, that’s appeal to tradition, you think something from olden days is better and truer than my newly invented statements, wake up to yourselves, I’m not going to accept that shit, I only accept Leo taking him with a grain on salt and I don’t believe any profound faith from some freak!!!

Xain says:

No dude, you’re just wrong on all counts.

Sad thing is…you can’t see it and never will.

Max Gron says:

This religion is a fucking poison, a toxic cult of Leo Guts that sucks everyone into not giving a shit about me, get out of here fast, it’s sucking out your self-esteem.

Max Gron says:

Leo Guts, typo, I meant Leo Gura.

Max Gron says:

It’s like I said earlier now I can’t reply to myself, I must’ve been wasting my time convincing people I know I’m wrong and that they’re wrong, that interpretation is a self-deception, that the straight and unstraight guys deceive themselves, don’t get me wrong I’m not arguing that I deceived myself, I didn’t, and I’m not arguing about the thinking of a straight man, I’m arguing that you think I’m wrong and you’re right, you constructed your understanding with your own mind, you constructed your perceived reality of me and all your idiotic interpretations, you’re a bunch of wankers, it’s not the meaning of how right you are or how right I am, it’s the meaning that we admit we’re self-deceived, it’s not about being right, idiot, it’s about truths you won’t admit to but of course you’re going to reject this, you’re going to reject my consciousness and imagination and not care that it’s true. Real truth, as it actually is is people are asleep at night, be it otherwise a life I can’t bear, I don’t even like you, then I’ll be under the blanket ashamed of life, it’s so, this really does happen to me, I’m wanting money, and in want of consistency, when truth and money is that life sucks and there’s no money, and it turns out I was a success in something else, your minds are inherently self-deceptive, it’s so, but you guys don’t take that seriously, I feel attacked, attacked by trolls and cynics on the internet who don’t listen when I say it’s unprofessional, you’re a useless piece of rubbish and your festering trolling is one mistake you undergo, if things weren’t so then just admit you’re wrong, just admit to truth by admitting you don’t have the truth, and admit that your mind is a lie, admit it, we all lie subconsciously, you’re floating around in that bubble and you hate it when I burst your bubble.

Max Gron says:

Yeah, everyone is right about me, I can’t see the truth, people are lying, of course there’s no truth, none whatsoever, I’m the only one in the world who tells the truth, what everyone else does is at best bullshit if not a lie, and they can’t recognise the truth when I say it because they’ve never seen the truth before. And Vegas my arse, Leo’s Australian, if it was American it wouldn’t be known in this country. I made the truth up in my head, there is no truth, reality is a lie, the police try to get the truth out of you but they get no truth because they don’t listen when you tell them the truth, they don’t listen to your thinking, they’re lousy at detecting you correctly, they don’t want the truth, they want to assume they got the truth by assuming you’re lying. I know the people here don’t have lying intentions, they think I’m American, yes I actually am, my cousin is from the USA. I’m also bullshit or not a no-nonsense guy drinking coffee in the morning, but fine, you don’t want to hear my life story, then you will never know the truth about me. To see the truth is simply to recognise the truth when it’s told to you, like me, I see the truth, I’m not seeing it any different. Do you know the real truth about normal people? They dress very different, they don’t dress like anyone else, they walk the same, talk the same, eat the same, drink the same, shop the same, have some of the apps on their phones the same, even though some of the apps are different, they’re not ultranormal people even though a minority group is like you and everyone exactly, not different in any way, I’m part of a minority, I’m so normal it’s uncommon. And something you don’t know, I might be foreign, why do you think I use things from foreign countries? My real nationality might be Chinese Caucasian, you’ll literally never know, the quiz said my real nationality is Asian.

Max Gron says:

What about the world waking up to itself? You don’t know me, I’m not Asian, the real truth is nothing religious is true, I’m bullshitting myself, based on things as it isn’t by appear, I’m Australian, American, and that’s it, people make assumptions, God is not real, there, the truth, nothing spiritual is real, reality is just things exactly the way they are. I had the truth before, of course you’re going to reject it, all my writing is pointing to the truth, I don’t bullshit, I don’t make Freudian slips, official information is the only truth, and half-hearted good is the only reality, I choose to be something of a realist, you wouldn’t know the truth if it kicked you in the head.

Xain says:

Dude your whole writings are bullshit. Reality is not a lie and if you make something up then that doesn’t make it true, not really. Like anything else it must be tested against reality.

TLDR: You’re just a moron.

Max Gron says:

Yes I must just be a moron if I’m not tied into spirituality, but I get what Leo’s talking about, that I’m not real, important or must survive, that God (me) deceives itself, that I’m inherently self-deceptive, and my self-deceptions are simply thinking that I would be treated like my intelligence is normal, not realising I’m a complete waste of time, that’s exactly the kind of putdown I’ve come to expect from you, nothing I say is ever going to have positive feedback, is it? Piece of dog turd! You wouldn’t think I’m mentally normal, would you? I have standards, I’m smart and should be treated with respect, but nobody treats me like I’m one of them, do they? You’re absolutely wrong, you wouldn’t know the truth if some egghead drew you a diagram!

Max Gron says:

It took me all these years to understand self-deception, but I understand, my mind has complete power over me, I deceive myself and my deceptions are so total it escapes my detection. Also nothing I know can be trusted, and truth shouldn’t be assigned a probability, also science can be where the truth’s found, which is a pseudo-truth, the real truth is what Leo says: that there’s only me, I’m God, and that I’m infinity, yes, I spent years figuring the teachings out, although I care to suck my dick, I can just as well look the truth right in the face without getting sick or horrified, I dared to look at it before.

Max Gron says:

My life is a lie, it’s blatantly, obviously, and totally the lie that if I did something, people are cool with that, and the lie that if I push something too far I will get away with it, with the utterly total deception of my freedom, that I can be anything I want to be, that I’m not in trouble, no it’s not, I AM in trouble and I CAN’T get away with it. Money really is a self-deception, it’s very difficult to be affluent. My money hardly exists. I vaguely knew Putin and his insecurity, since Bart Simpson and before that, people came up with the right to refuse medication, confidence has a circular definition, it’s a con game which is tricking you out of your confidence.

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