How You Lie

By Leo Gura - December 14, 2015 | 76 Comments

All your dirty, sneaky lies and manipulations exposed!

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Leo Gura says:

ADDITIONAL POINTS:

Be very careful with how you react to the information you have just learned. Your mind is a giant web of lies. Layers upon layers of lies reinforcing each other, one lie pointing to another lie excusing another lie. Lies are the cement that creates the structural integrity of the self-image. This cement is what makes it very difficult for you to grow and evolve as a human being. Because the lies are there to protect the status-quo of your imaginary self. So if you’ve been struggling to get personal development results, one reason may be because you’re not being self-honest enough.

Notice that I never once said that lies are bad or evil. Lies are NOT bad! They are just false. They create suffering in you by forcing you to constantly fight and resist reality to preserve your lies. Suffering is NOT bad either! If you want to keep your suffering, that is your right, and it’s not bad. If you want to reduce your suffering, it would be a good idea to start being more truthful.

You DO NOT need to be 100% truthful to get the benefits of aligning yourself with truth. Even a 1% improvement would be a HUGE gain for you because right now you’re basically at 0%. So you could increase your integrity by a factor of 2 with a 1% increase in truthfulness!

It is unrealistic for you to be 100% truthful at this stage in your life. Start with baby steps. Start with just being more honest to yourself. How hard is that? Is that really gonna kill you? (Well, actually, it will in the end, but that’s another discussion

Telling the truth does not mean being an obnoxious overbearing asshole. I am NOT telling you to walk up to fat people and tell them that you think their ass is too big. That is not truthfulness. The truth has to be relevant to the situation. You don’t just go around randomly blurting out what’s in your mind.

You may wonder, “But Leo! At what point have I gone too far in telling the truth? When should I stop?”

The answer is: you keep going until your self-image is completely obliterated beyond all repair. Don’t worry, you would need to be a truly exceptional, wise, and determined human being to even begin to approach that point

Ms Black says:

I had mixed emotions going on inside me as I heard this message but I realize this is what I am coming to terms with. It makes so much sense to me!! I love knowing when I am lying to myself. I love to see why I am doing this. I love knowing when I am manipulating others for my own self agenda. I love knowing what the ego is really up to. I love being honest with myself!
Thank you so much for the RAW reality of our truth! You explained it so well. Now I can take responsibility for this and make up my mind about how I truly am. Now I have some control and power over this way of being. Bravo for observing this and sharing this very valuable information! You are a real social scientist Leo! And a real humanitarian too!

becca says:

This is a comment just in general.
Leo, I recently discovered you by accident, and the timing couldn’t have been more perfect
Not surprising, but I loved this video. And I swear that is NO lie. You delve into topics that others wouldn’t even think to touch, and you do so in a sincere, refreshing and entertaining fashion. I appreciate you every day. Never change those stellar qualities about yourself

James Michel says:

Extreme Awesomeness, Leo!
Truth: it is rare (and refreshing) find anyone sharing so much of it.
I really liked your reasons given for reducing lying: (0-increased integration and less disintegration in life sounds good but is tricky to measure. As the video ended I recalled Jesus told us to “Know the truth and the truth will set you free so there is a third, the best reason is to expand the selfishness of Leo Gura. Obviously you can’t rest well unless those who connected to you are doing better in their own lives thereby making more consistently enjoyable interactions with people you contact. So I actively promote truth mongering for the additional reason that by so doing they are actively enhancing the selfishness of Leo Gura. Reason #4, even though I have let out your dirty little secret, is a beautiful example of another of your videos that I reviewed just before this one.

How To Be A Strategic Motherfucker – The 7 Pillars Of Strategic Thinking

Seriously, thank you for sharing so deeply.

are you saying that in general peoples operative principal is their egoic agenda? and not their true nature? of course i know im splitting hairs here.

Jay says:

Hi Leo great vid one of the best yet. Thanks for all you do

Hengame says:

Every single word was tru. As u said we lie even we are aware of this lie. Great Leo Thank u for this fantastic video.

Paula says:

Great video Leo. I’ve been purposefully lying less the last years in order to help heal myself. It’s amazing how many levels of lying exist around us and by our own doing and becoming mindful about how I really feel and what I really think is so important for a healthier and happier life. In my relationship(s), at work, when I’m alone. Wherever really.
I also find that I have to keep doing reminding myself about this on a daily basis. It’s easy to fall in the trap of ‘that’s covered now’. Your videos help me alot to shake me up when I need it.
Thanks

stephanie says:

So glad “I” found “you”!

Lucinda says:

This was an awesome video…now I don’t feel bad when I tell people to Fuck off…………………

Adrian says:

Another solid video, Leo. I’ve been watching your stuff for over a year and the content is going deeper, Your message is consistent and the quality is A+. Its amazing how infomative the videos are! i have to list a few times and STILL find bits of helpful knowledge. Thanks

Juuso says:

Is writing a fiction novel lying? Or creating surreal art?

Jim says:

I am really fascinated with the content of your latest videos, I think these staff were really missing from the self-help industry. By watching even you becoming better and better throughout your videos, is a strong motivation by itself to keep us working on ourselves. Thank you!

Uldis says:

I lived in Soviet Union for 40 years and if you didn’t learn to lie properly you go to jail or mental hospital. I’m terrified of thought that I could tell truth all the time or even most of the time.

Galyna says:

That would not be considered a “lie” but a mean to survive….( talking about USSR)

ED says:

Leo,

In general, I am sure people for the most part are aware of the deceptions in their life which they themselves create. That is, if they are in their right mind. It would be quite hard for them not to. But, it would be wrong for me to say that all the deceptions should be eliminated in their entirety. Our egos are as you know what fuel our lives to stay living; without which we would give up and commit suicide. I understand fully what you are saying and you are right to a degree. We should take note of those deceptions we create that are unnecessary at least. We need to first realize what deceptions are necessary from those which are not. Remember as you said yourself that we are hard wired to do these things, so it would be just as hard to stop them as they are to do them. I think trying to stop them would also bring stress and consternation into our life. I enjoyed the talk nonetheless and thank you for being so frank.

Mendy says:

Hi Leo, I feel a knot in my stomach. It makes me feel afraid and also excited to see what will happen. I already spotted a few areas and it makes me feel sick to have to tell what I’m feeling, will do it anyway, in the coming days. I do hope that it will become easier when practiced, or is that my self image that don’t want to get chattered? Haha

Anyway, thank you very much for being so thoroughly and for sharing these video’s.

Mendy

Marlene Miller says:

I LOVE this video !

Eric says:

Excellent video Leo. Sometimes I almost find it therapeutic to tell the painful truth to people. I think people know deep down that you’re lying if you don’t because they know the truth and they’re looking for validation. They may get pissed off, but in the end may be glad you told the truth. For myself personally I would rather people be straight forward with me rather than sugar coat the truth.

At the end of the video you mentioned the depth of the material that you cover and how it may alienate some people because of it. This is the reason I keep coming back here. The more I have to think, the more “ah ha” moments I have reflecting on my own experiences the better. The more in depth the topic, the better. Keep it up, and thanks.

Kathy says:

Leo,

One of your recommended books is “How to Make Friends and Influence Others.”
How can someone follow the advice of that book, AND this video? They contradict each other. Unless I am taking what you say too literally.

Leo Gura says:

A lot of self-help advice will seem to contradict, or actually contradict.

The stuff I’m talking about in this video is a much deeper level of self development than most advice you’ll read elsewhere. This is more like deep spiritual work, not how-to-make-a-friend style advice. This here will probably lose you some friends.

It all depends on your objectives too. Obviously if your #1 priority is to make friends, following this video isn’t your best bet.

Galyna says:

Leo, after reading tons of book regarding this matter, I made a conclusion that this road leads you to an absolute loneliness (almost), not a lot of people or your environment are going to support you in this venture ( self-inquiry, being honest) in fact, what I noticed is that I lost so many fake relations I was in and I am happy.

I really love Osho’s book “Intimacy”. I know exactly what you are saying here. He reveals lot of facts about being honest with people and yourself in this work. I love it and read it from time to time.

Leo Gura says:

Loneliness? No! That’s silly. Just an ego defense.

Once you’re enlightened, loneliness becomes silly. It’s a total lie! You don’t need anyone to make you complete, and from this position you can socialize with anyone easily.

Uldis says:

“The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.”
Niels Bohr

sammy says:

Hey Leo,

Ur so awesome!!

sunil singh says:

The truth is video is awesome and very very helpful.

Thanks You Leo for these videos keep it up.

Jecht says:

It is very clear that you have studied thoroughly. I love your content. I love that you are liberating themselves from their mind. The realization of no self. The constant focus of being in the present. Not connecting with mind.

Letting go. Being free. I’d love to go hiking with you dude and pick your brain. You are gold.

Good Fortune to you My Friend,

Jecht Spencer

cyrille says:

Leo, your forthright clarity is so illuminatingly honest that it brings me to spontaneous laughter! I loved the scenarios of people saying their real thoughts. Great stuff. Have really enjoyed all the videos I’ve seen, highlights have been your Actualized Self Vision and your video on Sex for Women, which was truly spot on, even taught me a lot as a woman! Thanks for your excavations! Good you seem to have a light.

Arnie says:

Hey Leo

The most astonishing take-away from this video for me wasn’t the fact that we lie all night & day, mostly to ourselves, but the connection you make between them and the self-image in terms of personal integrity. This was an eye-opener.

Since I am currently involved in pick-up, I wonder whether you would call pick-up-techniques lies. In fact I feel that I learn more about myself in applying those, because I break through my limiting beliefs, past conditioning and personal insecurities. In a sense this is the “fake it til you make it”-concept. Is that a lie?

Lastly: I never saw you smile that warm-hearted before as at 33:46 as you mimiced a woman who lied about her sex-life. It made me smile genuinely with you

Regards
Arnie

zvudock says:

Whenever I watch your videos I don’t really like to think about other people watching this stuff. Also the reason why I comment is just to look cool and smart.(Just spilling the beans out)

Alexia says:

If someone speaks truth just to seek validation, then doesn’t this kind of person gotta lie to escape the self agenda prison?

Arun Sathish says:

Hey Leo,
Probably in this video “list of lies” should be said before “list of problems created by self agenda”, because some of the problems created by self concept were confusing & doubtable one to track down to ‘Our Lies’. Mhmmm… anyway solution this one topic is quiet challenging. And as usual thank you so much for this wonderful message to communicated.

Thomas J says:

Leo you are a great piece of awareness or whatever we turn out to be, I’m fucking brainwashing myself with all your content. My old I-pod has finally found it’s purpose.

keep rocking!

Todd Hirsch says:

Great video Leo…..

I feel like I am more brutally honest than most people and
sometimes that gets me in hot water but It does reduce stress
the more honest you are in life.. good or bad…

good stuff

Sean K says:

Leo,

I learned a long time ago to be brutally honest with yourself, and to be tactfully honest with others. I think it’s important to be respectful of other people’s emotions. To be brutally honest with others could be hurtful and I’m not going to do that if I don’t have to. And I don’t mean being brutal with the honesty, I mean cutting away all the crap that isn’t true. To tell someone you cheated on them is being honest; to tell them you also enjoyed it, that’s being hurtful.

Sean

Todd Hirsch says:

I agree… you have to be careful with karma, if you are too honest with people and hurt a lot of feelings that energy will come back on you eventually and then you are in some shit… common sense needs to used and caution..

Galyna says:

hey Todd, do not self-deceive yourself about Karma, Leo also talked about karma in one of his video, basically karma in more internal, belongs to your own “little universe”, that is not a punishment from so called “God” or any other Higher Power, I feel like we have to question time first, because if we are not sure about time, the law of Karma is very irrelevant.

Rod says:

Leo,

Last year your videos on meditation made me reasess my faith(2015.)

This year,(2016), your video on lying, made me change my condition to a “no bullshit” truthful condition.

I expect things will only get better.

Rod

Hey says:

Saying there is no absolute truth = absolute truth by you
Is this correct?

Kaz says:

I enjoyed the video as always, but what’s with the sniffing?

WingWizard says:

Can I request you for something?

Could you make an episode about struggles and pressures in life and how one should go about being effective in the most dire of stresses and circumstances?

It’s so pathetic I need to ask for this one but I have truly forgotten this. Could you also make an episode or series of episodes on how to have fun in this one single life and how to relax? I know you stress on contribution and impact and eudaemonia relentlessly yet please consider this.

Caelis says:

What is truth?

Zabnoma says:

What if enlightenment is just a concept too, invented by humans which keeps us from mental suffering? How the hell do they know that its the ultimate truth?

Leo Gura says:

That’s the cool part, enlightenment is not a concept. It’s not even an experience. It’s completely independent of the flux of reality. It is the “space” within which the flux occurs. This “space” is prior to everything else and you can empirically verify it for yourself because you ARE that space!

Galyna says:

Love the way you have described, Leo, never heard anything similar.

Ana says:

“Prior” implies linearity, which is proper of the spacetime bound mind.
Enlightenment implies darkness, which is only an image of the mind for that which has no name, the apparent obscurity of that which seems to not be able to be known by the mind, just conjured upon.

Nothing is prior to nothing. Enlightenment is nothing.

Awareness perceives and there is the possibility it realize that it does.
How and why no one knows.
And if you do, you no longer are you.

Truth is nowhere to be found.
It simply does not exist.
That is why it can be – and lie in – anything.

Li(f)e. (f) stands for facts. And fiction.

Li(f)e.

Love
Is
(Finally)
Endless

The mind can’t handle it.
It can only think in terms of beginnings and ends, creating its own infinite loop.
It goes mad in its own contradicting nature.
There is no solution because there is nothing to solve.
Soon enough it will give up.
Thank God, because it’s exhausting.

How fun are these lies?

Galyna says:

Absolutely everything is a concept/belief, until acknowledged through empirical investigation/experience. Everything that is not “YOU” is a lie, basically. But then we have to go deeper and even jeopardize that “I” because it is also a lie.

Sorry Leo, for using your space here.

George says:

Is that the same rubber band you were wearing from the ‘Curing Perfectionism’ video?

Jens says:

Fuck Leo!
My EGO is bleeding. And I’m not lying. Or am I?

Your inspirations kick my ass.
Your work is so amazing. This is so powerful.

Thanks!

Pierre says:

Hi Leo,

Great video, you seem to have taken an other step towards waking people up! Still, I wonder about the idea of becoming totally honest. It can easily be another Ego-trap. I think about our “irreducible element of rascality” which, according to Alan Watts, we should accept in order to be whole and true to ourselves.

Do you agree with that?

With my warmest regards from Switzerland,

Pierre

Brian Greendahl says:

I am a liar

VL Hollenbeck says:

love it! made me life – bottom line admission – half the battle for me – thank you

Lerena says:

Hey Leo! It’s been a while since we did our coaching, but I’ve still been following you and am currently taking your life purpose course. I was floating yesterday in the sensory deprivation tank and this thought came to me to share with you. Have you ever thought about an Actualized community? Like something as simple as a Facebook group of people who follow and believe in your material. Basically it could be a way to connect with like-minded people in different areas and make new friends who take self-actualization seriously. What do you think about that? Have you tried that before?

Leo Gura says:

Hey Lerena,

I’ve been working on a community. It might launch soon. Although no promises yet as it’s still in the development stages.

William says:

I wanted to thank you Leo for this amazing video it really does help when u put something in your wrist to remind yourself to be truthful. One problem in my experience i found myself running into and would like to report in case other ppl go thru it is that i took it to the extreme. sometimes i would find myself questioning even the little things i would say and asking myself constantly if i was lying or not. I noticed that by doing this i was causing a lot of anxiety to myself. What helped me is study again the Buddha’s middle way. Only what is in my present experience is what i should be concerned with. if i don’t catch my own lie in the moment fuck it is ok. I still sometimes find myself unconsciously going thru the thoughts but when i notice i just laugh to myself and let it go. knowing that this is a process and that its almost impossible for me to jump over an abyss in one leap. Instead am going to jump from stone to stone until i get to the other side. Thank you for the video again Leo i will definitely continue to put it into practice.

Jonna says:

Another great video Leo.
I truly look forward to hearing your messages.
Thank you for sharing your gift.

Zain says:

thanks for your spiritual talks… i wanna ask that how ‘moralizing and all d should be’ are lies?

Zain says:

i lie to ppl to make them feel happy… thought of keeping these lies hidden causes me anxiety. but what should i do in this situation??

Paz says:

Totally with you there.

I remember some time back hearing you say in one of your videos: “don’t bullshit yourself”, and that really stuck with me in my self actualisation journey.

Watching this video, I have realised that by not bullshitting myself, I haven’t bullshitted others either (because that would be bullshitting myself) and I can totally vouch for its benefits, possibly the key to personal freedom.

Admittedly I had an easier start than most (single, no kids, family living in a different country, very little, if any, friends, a job I love where I can be honest), some (most?) people will have a hard time admitting to themselves what you say is true because of the upheaval being honest would cause in their “pay- off” lives. Still, I believe it is the only way to personal wellbeing.

Suds says:

Wonderful, wonderful video. No words!

Kate says:

But instead of going to your boss and saying that you fucking hate him (due to your mindfulness and the desire to be honest) what if you made yourself change perspective and not hate your boss anymore? Wouldn’t it make you feel much better to actually not hate the person anymore than to walk up to him and say that you want him to die? It could apply to most situations I think. you just change your way of thinking. But I mean really work on it and HONESTLY change it. Isn’t it a much better alternative?

Chris says:

wouldn’t a person get a sense of enlightenment when the self dissolves, and there is no self once that entity is gone.

Ana says:

Lying could be used at the service of truth, like a lot of art does.
It could also be used at the service of more lies, like we all so well know and have witnessed, experienced and done, throughout personal and collective history.
Truth can also be used at the service of lies.

Layer stripping, there is no real “I” lying.
Ultimately, the first lie is the “I” so anything stemming from it, is a lie.
Creation and art are, ultimately, lies.
What matters is how they serve you and others around you.

How do you like this lie?

Roz says:

Well Leo, bloody hell u have done it again with another awesome video. I find myself lying all the time, bit of a shock really I have also noticed that when I summed up the courage to tell the truth life took at turn for the better. Nice one Leo. Btw I love the deepness of the videos keep going there please

yukti says:

hey
I have a question. You said we tell these lies to preserve our self image. what if a person has a negative self image of himself/herself? then do the things like Im not good enough, all bad things happen only to me etc are also lies we tell ourselves to maintain our view of our self? Ive noticed myself getting caught up in my thoughts. I feel like Im lying to myself and Im utterly confused about what is true. My mind throws contradicting thoughts and I dont know what is true ? How do I know what is true? Please respond. Thank you

Leo Gura says:

It doesn’t matter that’s negative. What matters is that is bolsters the self-image. Negative ideas are often times much more ego-building that positive ones, so the mind keeps them around. The mind’s job is to maintain a sense of self.

What’s true? No content of ANY thought is true, doesn’t matter if it’s positive or negative. The ENTIRE self-image is a lie, including the “good” parts.

But if you’re struggling with low self-esteem a lot, then it does help to first increase the positive aspects of the self-image before you move on to transcending the whole thing entirely.

You can try this though: next time you get thought arising which says something about you like, “I am this way…” or “I am supposed to be that way…” << just notice that it's not true. You are not equivalent to a thought or an image of yourself. Every image and every thought is just a story. Only a story. Always false. Only true when you say it's true.

Kasia says:

Awesome video, thank you for sharing it!

Jamie says:

Another great video Leo. I like the way you don’t pull any punches! I did a lecture series on integrity that covered all this but it is good to be reminded of it and shaken out of what I would have previously called my comfort zone, which is actually my un-comfort zone !
Thanks again!

Valerie says:

Dear Leo,I basically fell over one of your videos not ling ago.. and my first impression wasn’t good.You seemed altogether much too smug and “Mr.KnowItAll”to attract me as a teacher…my bad,I am pleased to say.I compleatly agree with everything that you have enspoused so far.I just am hoping that I am personally strong enough to stay the course.I look foreward with a renewed sense of hope and determination.
Thankyou,
Valerie Angell

bahaa says:

great video. God bless you

bahaa says:

Great video. God bless you Leo

Dina says:

Wow Leo. What a way to wake up. Fuck. I’ve watched almost half of your videos but this one really hit a nerve in me to the point where I’m disgusted in myself. I lie all the time. And I realised that’s how I grew up in my family. Lying was necessary to save face, to not hurt others, to keep the status quo. I was taught to hide the truth. No one wants to here that. It might disappoint them or make them angry. So I had to hide my feelings and thoughts as a child. I became a master at deception while dying inside with bulimia and depression. You’re right. I’m now in my 40s, still depressed with high anxiety, hating my life and ruining my marriage and family life and feeling as though I have no confidence, self esteem or purpose while blaming others. My whole life feels like a total mess made of bullshit lies and intricate manipulations, all for the purpose of being safe and loved and accepted. Shit.
I’m so afraid of being honest now. Where do I even begin? And even though I’m hurting myself and others, I don’t want to cause more hurt to those I love by telling them the painful truth. It’s torturous to watch someone else suffering because of me – of what I’ve done or said. And admittedly, I’m ashamed and not ready for the consequences. How do I get out of this hell hole before I lose myself and those I love, without causing an emotional tsunami? Please.

Leo Gura says:

Start by just being more honest with yourself. Self-honest is by far the most important kind of honesty. Even if you lie to others, at least tell yourself the truth that you’re doing it. That way awareness with develop and the behaviors will tend to auto-correct.

So focus on building up self-honesty first.

Dina says:

Leo, your in-depth insights have changed my thinking and therefore my being. I am so grateful to you for providing me with the answers and tools I’ve longed for over the last two decades to understand my inner world and live a truly fulfilled life. Your dedication, clarity, honesty, humour and mastery are refreshingly inspirational. THANK. YOU. SO. MUCH. Dina x

William says:

Thank you, I now realize why I tried to kill myself at 15.

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