DEVELOPMENT OF SEXUALITY There are five general levels of sexual exchange between partners that are a direct reflection of their physical, psychological, and spiritual health.197 Similar to the unfolding of the spiritual realizations outlined above, these levels can be experienced as a temporary state or become permanently accessible state-stages through practice with a partner.  1. REPRESSED SEXUALITY In this lowest stage, the body and sex are viewed with suspicion as something negative and dirty. Usually driven by shame, guilt, and fear that originate from childhood trauma and abuse, adults at this level either avoid sexual activities altogether, perform out of duty in a dissociated way(with closed eyes, under the sheets, in the dark), or develop forms of obsessive-compulsive disorders around their sexuality that can lead to sexual addiction and other abusive behaviors. Oral sex or similarly playful sensual activities are usually out of the question for people at this stage, where modesty is confused with shame. 2. FUCKING In the fucking stage, sexuality is instinctual, self-serving, and limited to the physical, hedonistic pleasures of the body. Sex partners tend to objectify each other without seeking a deeper personal connection. They want to have fun, “get off,” and don’t care much about their partner’s emotional needs, feelings, or sexual desires. There is no shame or guilt, and “everything goes,” which can be confused with the higher, unrestrained forms of transcendent sexuality (see below), which is another form of the pre/trans fallacy (see above). In this stage, males often dominate and manipulate females into having intercourse and to engage in hurtful practices such as anal sex or deep-throating/gagging. In the fucking stage, everything is seen as OK, as long as the partner cooperates or at least does not call the police. Rarely is there a prior conversation about consent, sexual preferences, sexual history, sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), no-no’s, expectations for a monogamous commitment, or possible consequences such as emotional/sexual dependence or pregnancy. Women at this stage often have an unspoken expectation of their partner to make an exclusive commitment after intercourse and feel used and abused if he moves on. They may also become intentionally pregnant without their partner’s consent to “hook him” and/or to collect child support and social security payments. Once the excitement of the newness vanishes, couples in this stage often lose interest in sex with each other and stop having sex or seek a new fuck buddy.198 3. HAVING SEX In this stage, mindfulness comes into play. Sex becomes a conscious choice between a couple that has a mutual understanding and agreement about the implications and consequences of being sexual. Having sex is seen as a beautiful and important activity which brings two people together and provides many physical and emotional health benefits.199 There is usually an agreement for monogamy or openness about multiple lovers, and partners try to find the time and energy to be sexual with each other. Sex partners in this stage go beyond the pure physical aspects (fucking), and see each other as conscious subjects. They focus on pleasing the other within the context of individual boundaries, rather than trying to openly express and meet their own sexual needs, desires, and fantasies. This leads to sexuality at the lowest common denominator that often leaves both partners unfulfilled over time. Relationship difficulties such as power struggles or emotional withdrawal tend to be carried into the bedroom, but don’t get resolved there. Instead of working on deeper issues to improve their sexual relationship, couples in this stage sometimes try new positions or locations, engage in role playing, apply sex-toys, watch porn movies, or join swinger clubs to keep their sex life interesting. Unless they evolve to the next higher stage of sexual development, merely having sex will eventually turn stale, die completely, or become so difficult that their partnership ends when one of them falls in love/lust with a new sex partner.200 4. LOVE MAKING In the lovemaking stage, a couple’s sexuality becomes the expression of their genuine love, mutual acceptance, deep emotional intimacy, and the joy of being together. Body, mind, and heart are integrated in their lovemaking which is no longer just “a thing that couples do,” but an expression of who they are as sexual human beings. No special effort to find the time or energy to be sexual needs to be made by them. Their lovemaking is a life-giving and rejuvenating affirmation of their bond and the depth of their connection. They are open to talking about their desires and exploring all forms of healthy sexual play that bring pleasure and deepen their union. They naturally stay in verbal and non-verbal communication(eye contact) with each other during their love making. Sex at this level is not used to cover up conflicts, to keep score, or to manipulate each other. Instead, sexual and emotional blocks that may arise are worked out between them, and therapeutic help is sought if they can’t resolve the problems that they face.201 5. TRANSCENDENT SEX This stage represents all advanced sacred or tantric practices that lead to spiritual state experiences through sexual union (such as Kundalini),202 that transcend the lovers’ sense of separation from each other and the universe. This kind of sexuality emerges as a stage between partners that share a deep soul connection, enjoy a high level of physical, emotional, and relationship health, and have reached an advanced stage of spiritual development (see above) with the ability for intense presence and full surrender. Spiritual practices such as meditation, partner-yoga, and ecstatic dance are often interwoven in this form of lovemaking. Partners who consciously engage in transcendent sexuality allocate ample quality time for their lovemaking (instead of waiting until they are in the mood); create sacred space in their home or away (think of a tastefully decorated warm room, soft sheets, various sized/shaped pillows, dimmed lights, scented candles, burning incense, veils around the bed, oils and lotions, and soft sacred music); and co-create a wide range of experiences through rituals such as sharing sensual food (think strawberries, chocolate, ice-cream, etc.), eye gazing, erotic dance, synchronized conscious breathing into the seven chakras, reciting of mantras, reading poems,203 alternate giving and receiving of arousing touch and massage, playfulness with objects (think feathers, boas, silk, flower petals, ice cubes), gentle intercourse, or unrestrained ravaging (that may be falsely interpreted as a form of rape).204 A common position for deep tantric connection is for the man to sit cross-legged (or on a chair) and the woman on top of him, allowing them to meet each other face to-face as opposites and equals.205 The goal of transcendental sexuality is not solely to pleasure and to reach orgasms, but to move (Kundalini) energy up the spine or through the seven chakras, and to deepen the soul connection between the lovers that leads them to consciously experience the divine, instead of unconsciously exclaiming “oh my God” during a short orgasmic release.206 This requires the ability for men to delay or avoid orgasm, and/or to have orgasms without ejaculating by squeezing their PC muscle.207 Often, deeply rooted emotional blocks that are embedded in the body and inhibit a further spiritual awakening get revealed and can be released through transcendental sex.