Terror after Leo's Guided Exercise For Realizing You Are God

michaelcycle00
By michaelcycle00 in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God,
I'm gonna share with you my thoughts and experience on this video combined with the Solipsism one (which I watched before Leo took it down). Yesterday night I reached new levels of terror and panic contemplating my bubble of consciousness being all that there is. That there is no Universe, no planet Earth, no science or biology, heck not even my damn house since I can't perceive it in its entirety at any given moment, and most importantly, no other people. Simply put, no external world. At one point after deconstructing my mind and looking at my hands I actually realized how weird it was that they existed, or that I had a POV at all. Watching my hands felt very bizarre but I didn't have any profound revelation about me being God, although it felt kinda obvious at that point, it's like it was at the back of my mind and didn't really move me. Things got even harder to manage once Leo started saying that there were no others out there and that only my bubble of consciousness exists, next 2 hours were really hard for me mentally. He also said this in the Solipsism video. And what am I supposed to make of that anyway?  1. Leo is a completely deranged individual with a big audience, spreading a message that could end lives. 2. It's the Truth. If it is number 2, honestly, it's a never-ending curse, and that shit terrifies me. How am I supposed to cope knowing that not even my family is real? (in the sense of them having a POV and sentience). That everything is an outright lie. Not an illusion, which I already knew (and is a million times more preferable), but a complete lie. Being completely alone forever no matter what limited form God chooses to imagine. Just the infinite fooling itself for eternity in order to cope. Why can't infinite intelligence find a way to split itself? But you know, it doesn't make sense. It is already able to hide aspects of itself from me; notice that I'm not currently omnipotent or omniscient, let alone infinitely loving. Isn't this literally the biggest, most irrefutable argument against perspective/limited-bubble bound Solipsism? If it can hide that much from me, why wouldn't it be able to hide the perspective of every other human? Seems idiotic to think the opposite; you know, that it's just me, and that now I found out, I'm wishing Space X's Starship would fall from the exosphere and crash land on top of me. I just could never bear the thought of my POV being all there is and ever will be. Living in this shithole as an underage coal miner in Asia **with others**, and giving away my omnipotence and omniscience forever is infinitely more preferable. Eternally alone, living a total lie in limited form is the biggest nightmare one could endure. At least while knowing it. Why tf did God allow me to even entertain this thought as actuality rather than just some horror fantasy? I'd imagine an infinitely loving being would've kept on fooling me indefinitely. Then Leo uploads the Infinity of Gods video and now I don't know what to think. Why would you tell people watching your video that they're all alone in limited form and then come up with "oh wait, actually there's an infinite amount of you and your bubble isn't all that exists, but yes, they're still all ultimately you". Like telling us that it's just our perspective in the first place is trippy enough because in doing so you're implying that you yourself are not real anyway, and then you come up with this other Infinity of Gods thing, and so I wanna ask you, why say something so baloney when you're well aware of your own existence/bubble of consciousness? (Even if in limited form) and therefore making your claim nonsensical.
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