Following are my observations of my bpd behavior      Borderline happens due to bonding, attachment, intimacy and pathological issues. Their main problem revolves around  trust, attachment and intimacy.  Who can keep a borderline happy?    - An extremely manipulative smart person  - a total narcissist - a very sociopathic person  - a very psychopathic person  - an equally crazy psycho obsessed person  - a very possessive person/needy person  - cult leader type - very intelligent intuitive person      That's why borderlines will mostly choose bad boys. And cult leaders as Partner  A good normal healthy individual will become a nightmare to a borderline. They can't cope with such people. They will feel odd or deserted      What does a borderline want in a relationship    - High trust  - high safety  - high intimacy  - high protection  - high loyalty  - openness  - high empathy and understanding    Borderlines are very sneaky and secretive, they have many many onion layers. You have to peel off their layers to get into their inside world. Or they block you      They are a mystery to people. They hide from people.  They don't get intimate quickly    They have deep fear of judgement      They are very sneaky. You have to expose them to win their trust.      Borderlines are pathological liars. Compulsive liars. Stems from fear of judgement. They act juvenile.    Deal with a borderline the way you would deal with a child who steals candy, without threatening the child, but also winning their trust.  You can't be friends with borderline.. Very difficult. Because they don't allow you into their world  Borderlines don't wish to be dictated by their partners, they want the partner to objectively explain them why something needs to be done instead of being commanded or ordered. The last thing they want is confusion, explaining them with proper evidence and facts reduces their inner confusion over their doubts and conflicts. Dismissing them and not explaining to them can make them suspicious and confused causing them to feel unsafe around such a partner. Explain to them the way you would explain to a child and dismantle their confusion and they will calm down.  You can be their friend, Only if they trust you  otherwise you are out They can be pathological liars and manipulative. Borderline psychopathy Basically a borderline is like a frightened child. You gotta win their trust They look at the world with a very black and white way, no nuance  They either love you or hate you    Everything for a borderline is absolute.      They love with passion. They hate with passion   They are very avoidant    You are either their friend or their enemy    They feel attacked even for the slightest things. They are super fragile emotionally    They suffer distress if you come close to them especially if you are a stranger. They will hiss at you and tell you to leave them alone  They will act very hissy and feral if they don't trust you. Or if you failed their trust  They don't want a Stranger to comment in their journal. They absolutely hate intrusion. They don't like anyone (who is not intimate) to show personal interest in them.    They don't want any personal attachment with strangers.    Their avoidance can be mistaken for narcissism easily    They do a lot of self harm and hostile to any kind of help or treatment.  They are resistant to therapy.  Best to leave them alone if you are not intimate with them  They get into abusive relationships in fact they have a long list of abusive ex partners because they do a lot of people pleasing to their partners, zero boundaries causes partners to abuse them.  They generally attract narcissists and psychopaths due to attachment issues (normal people get bugged by their Hyper attachment but psychopaths enjoy it) they find it difficult to leave narcissists. Borderline are commonly in relationships with narcissists because of unique dynamic between the two.  They worship the person they regard highly to the point of blindness. They might even die for them. Defend them even if this prized person is wrong. But they might even kill this person (if they are wronged by this person)  Borderline can be selfless, devoted Empathetic but fly into rage under distress and even plan murder if they are wronged. In essence they don't have a structure to their view of the world. It's either this or that. They are extremes. They live dangerously. They can have an addictive personality. They can be broody and dark. They have extremely low impulse control and go out of control under distress. Borderline psychopathy. They hard to calm down once in rage. They get psychopathic when threatened and mistreated. They do better with supportive partners who win their trust and intimacy without judgement    Although they themselves are extremely sneaky in their communication, they can't tolerate a cold partner, that will drive them crazy. They want to be challenged if they are having a short fuse, they want a partner to argue with them and then diffuse their confusion and stress  Borderlines crave attention from their partner constantly and get very needy to the point of annoyance. Being ignored by their partner or being left for long without attention can make them panicky, nervous, insecure and Abandonment anxiety can set in.  This happens due to lifelong anxiety arising from childhood neglect from a dismissive narcissistic/bipolar parent. The last thing they want is a partner who reminds them of the neglect their parents caused them  Being neglected and ignored can exacerbate their anxiety, loneliness and trauma.  Borderline want physical affection like pets. They like being petted every once a while.   Affection and attention is important to them. The fear of neglect, rejection and abandonment anxiety is quite debilitating to them. They are very needy, generally more than others. Their neediness causes them to keep pursuing relationships. Their neediness can sometimes be exhausting to the partner.  Leaving a borderline person in the middle of an argument can be fatal. They will lose trust in the partner immediately, they will fly into rage and storm off the place and never return back. The relationship is over right there. Instead talking to the borderline, arguing with them and calming them down helps them. They want their partner to talk talk talk and talk and zero dismissal. They want their claims and rants and whining to be addressed properly and challenged. Because its a matter of trust and they are looking for closure during their explosive arguments  Borderlines might even appreciate their partner being mad at them during an argument because this will signal them that their partner is truly emotionally invested. They might appreciate a partner who is critical of them, because it means the partner is involved and paying attention and not being dismissive. Also borderlines like the shit out of them exposed, they see it as heroic and appreciate guts needed to challenge them. They won't appreciate a cowardly passive partner. They want stimulation from their partner whether it's argument or affection. Love or war, both need to be stimulating. Being defeated and owned by their partner during an argument makes them surprisingly happy and elated.  Borderlines are very clever, sneaky, secretive and evasive. The partner will need to interrogate and almost grill them (without making them feel rejected/nervous) to get to the bottom of the truth.    Borderlines greatest fear is rejection, Abandonment and not being taken seriously enough. And lack of intimacy. Their core values are safety and trust and they feel threatened easily. And go into panic which manifests into manipulative behaviors to escape being detected or rejected.  Acting coy, avoidant or giving them silent treatment will make them lose their shit.  Once they lose trust, they will act avoidant and never talk to you. They are extremely loyal but expect the same from the partner. In fact they go to great lengths to test their partner's commitment and loyalty, even spying.  Borderlines are Hyper possessive in a relationship. They want to obtain and keep even the littlest things that belong to their partner  Cheating is the worst crime in their mind and the punishment will also be huge.  A borderline Wil continue to talk to an ex only to see them suffer in pain. Since the ex hurt them, the borderline would expect the ex to suffer forever as punishment  A borderline will secretly enjoy the pain of their ex.  Language that they generally use is like "what the hell is your problem? Leave me the fuck alone? Answer me? What the fuck?" they will swear a lot and get  directly confrontational and spazz out.  Their anger is very intimidating. They explode like a volcano.  They have explosive anger, volcanic anger or borderline rage where they will go into panic and are impossible to calm down. Their rage and whining can last upto hours and days. They don't forget if someone did them wrong  even after 10 years.  They will secretly spy on the partner and the partner will not realize it. They are very sneaky with their spying. They spy out of lack of trust    A borderline's communication is very sneaky. It's like an onion. You have to peel off layers. They will never say anything directly and they will make contradictory confusing statements. You have to read between the lines because they use cryptic language. They are mysterious in their communication. You have to learn to understand them. You have to intuitively know their feelings. They expect you to understand them without having to tell you anything. They are hard to open up. In fact they almost never open up. They Keep acting sneaky. Fear of judgment causes this. They won't share everything. You have to be smart enough to discern and catch their feelings and thoughts. They only open up fully  when they reach deepest intimacy with their partner. That takes time and patience from the partner  They will never directly tell you how they feel. They will use metaphorical language and expect you to pick up the clue.    Borderline will only hurt their partner only when they are significantly distressed. As long as the partner hasn't hurt them, there is nothing to worry.  Borderline don't go around hurting random people they have no karma with.  Borderline will only hurt those who wronged them especially in a personal relationship, they are cool to  deal with as long as they are not fucked over. They can be super nice and sweet as long as the partner is on their right side. Being on their wrong side is an invitation to collapse of the relationship. They have internal unprocessed rage. Borderlines have powerful strong and intense emotions and such emotions can't be taken lightly.    They will only talk to a person who finally got intimate with them    They want extremely few people who are deep, intimate and super  close to them. They will cut out the rest  They will usually be sweet and popular and people won't realize they have anger burning inside them.  Borderline will attract attention because of their unique behaviors    A borderline Ioves over attachment and obsession. If a partner is obsessed with them, the borderline will enjoy this obsession and might even appreciate being stalked by their partner. It will make them feel wanted and belonged. Because they want high attachment after all.  The last thing a borderline wants is a cold uninterested detached unemotional partner. That will drive them bonkers.    A borderline can create intense confusion in a partner although they themselves don't want any confusion at all.    They sense inauthenticity from a mile. If you act fake around them, they will immediately dismiss you  Borderlines are prone to suicide due to loneliness and rejection and the fear of not being understood.    They are territorial. Don't go near them. Don't act personal with them if you don't really know them. They will get defensive and throw you out.      If you ever approach a borderline at least try to be sweet, or they immediately cast you away    They have very low trust and they perceive everyone as an enemy. They will hiss at everyone like a wild animal.    Borderlines don't mind being criticized by those that they consider to be friends or are intimate with, they don't even mind being offended as long as this person is their friend. This is because they feel carefree around someone they trust so such criticism does not create a threatening feeling in them. They can even laugh it off.    They look at everyone suspiciously. They feel threat because of childhood trauma    You have to win their trust. Or they move away     They hold deep deep grudge. Don't fuck with them. If they feel wronged, then they can kill you out of revenge      You can't fuck with a borderline. There is borderline rage that can lead to murder if they become desperate      Don't trigger them. Don't get too personal. Don't get too close(if you are a stranger) . Don't be fake. Don't fuck with their emotions. Don't rub into their wounds. Give them privacy. Don't attack or criticize them (they see criticism as threat/attack). They are hypersensitive. Don't try to help them because they Don't want help    They are aggressive and introverted, child like and very Hyper protective of their own space.  They are self destructive and usually depressed, bad mood, low mood.    They don't like people talking about them. Any personal touch triggers them. They have intimacy issues  If you come around them, they will look suspiciously at you  Borderline can experience insecurities and jealousy in relationships but their sneaky behavior Will not show it. They will be calm and sweet from outside but raging from inside.  They will mostly tell you to leave them alone and if you don't leave them alone they will lose their shit. If a borderline commits a crime, they will mostly use a knife. Because they are highly emotional while committing a crime, there is a strong sense of purpose or reason and they want to hurt maximum.    If they experience rage, they might plan to kill the person who is responsible for their rage. They will become psychopathic.      Best example of borderline is Jodi Arias who killed her boyfriend. Best example of borderline rage