Last week I opened a thread about my evil intentions. I'm very ashamed of it but I did something evil. I dated this girl several times and she was holding me on the line, planning dates with me and then canceling it. This happened 3 times in a row, and then she just dumped me without explanation. I was so deeply hurt because we had the same feelings and out of nowhere (after she canceled the date that she planned herself) she just started ghosting me. I asked her to give me at least some explanation of what is happening with her but she simply opened my text, read it, and left it on read.  I was so hurt and I did everything in my power to heal myself and heal my heart. I even opened a thread about it on this forum but it wasn't received kindly and it was shut down without me getting help. What I can say is that I did something evil and I won't give details because I don't want to break the rules of this forum by spreading devilry on this forum. It felt like I had no option. She hurt me so I had to hurt her, otherwise the anger would destroy me. I was just awestruck by how a girl just can change feelings for you at a drop of a hat. She told me I was the nicest guy ever (something I hear a lot from girls) and I always get treated like trash by them.  So I did that "thing" which I won't speak of. It is really ingenious so I don't want to motivate others to do the same thing. Afterwards it did give me relief in a primitive way. I was not proud of myself! The girl who ghosted me for two weeks, who didn't answer my text, called me; on the phone she was angry and sad. I felt the worst person in the world. My heart was crying from the inside while listening to her. The girl who hurt me so much was in hurt. It was satisfying in a primitive way but I was disgusted with myself.  I'm done with being a nice guy and this was like my "ritual" to leave that nice guy behind me  and become somebody with a healthy ego. After having done this I can't call myself a "nice guy" anymore. At the same time I'm very confused, sad, angry, and some other emotions.  I really need to do some deep heeling. I just wanted to share this story because I feel sick to my stomach. I opened a thread last week before doing it. I spoke with my therapist about it and there was just a force within me that just pushed me to do it. I'm afraid to tell it to my therapist.