The Ways I Connected to My Sexuality as a Virgin Asexual Even before I started questioning my sexuality, during my 7 years of identifying as asexual, I still managed to connect with my sexuality. Granted, there are different kinds of asexual people and there are many ways of experiencing this so by no means can I speak for all ace people. This is just my experiences from when I identified as a sex favorable asexual. And I'm sure that regardless of how you might identify, you can probably still get something out of this.  1. Develop a good relationship with your body: While this list in no particular order, this in my opinion is absolutely crucial. Probably the most important item on here. I would say that this is also pretty broad and is one of those things that takes a while to chip away at. Some things include dealing with your body image issues and start seeing yourself as beautiful and desirable, feeling comfortable naked even if it's just by yourself, dealing with your relationship with food, and not seeing your body as dirty, sinful, or ugly. This also means taking ownership of your body and defining what you like and what your boundaries are. One of the big things for me was figuring out how to see myself in a sexual light without sexualizing myself.  I think this can overall help with creating confidence and feeling relaxed in a sexual setting whether it be by yourself or with a partner. Personally, in order to do this, I did a lot of things from therapy, journaling, wearing clothes that make me feel happy, sleeping and roaming around my space naked, talking things out with people, affirmations, as well as just taking care of myself in general by eating intuitively, exercising, and taking long baths and showers.  2. Masturbating regularly: This helped me get rid of any shame I had regarding sex pretty early on and it helped me figure out what I like on a more technical level. And also, dealing with shame in one area of life can also cause confidence to bleed into other areas of your life which is really nice imo. Masturbating regularly also helped me figure out what my general drive was, the intensity at which I liked things, find out where in my body I'm the most sensitive, as well as relax into my body and overall get comfortable with everything.  3. Paying attention to the dynamics you're into: When it comes to figuring out what I liked, when I identified as asexual, by definition physical attraction was off the table. As someone who was still horny anyways despite not finding other people attractive, I found myself paying attention to the dynamics and the emotions that were at play when it came to arousal instead. I think taking away physical attraction away for a moment helped in the sense that it was like being blind in the way that blindness makes your other 5 senses sharper as a way to compensate. And now, even though I don't identify as asexual anymore, I still find that the capacity for insight that I built up over those years  has been immensely helpful. This and masturbating regularly can help you figure out your boundaries as well.  4. Set the mood: Personally I like scented candles, perfume, nice lingerie (even though I'm too broke to get any), decent lighting, a clean room, and decent bedding. I know some people also like incorporating music but personally I don't do that. I also try to take my time and ease into it by doing my whole night routine and maybe giving myself a massage if I feel like it.   5. Do things that make you feel more connected to your body: This can be anything from masturbating to also letting yourself dance around alone freely, working out, giving yourself a massage or just sleeping naked. It can also mean controlling your breathing and making noises if you feel like it. Personally I do all of those things except working out really regularly. I know I'm repeating myself here because I feel like this point ties in with #1 and #4. But yeah, I feel like doing things to make you feel more connected with your body helps with being more grounded with sex in general as well as take more of the sensations in.  6. Get rid of shame: I'm talking about sexual shame but I'm also talking about shame in other areas of life. I feel like building a sense of confidence in general also bleeds into building confidence sexually. I find that getting rid of shame in general can really help with having a stronger relationship with yourself and with other people and as a result build more self trust and make you feel comfortable with vulnerability. Therapy, journaling, and talking to other people is incredibly helpful.  7. Connect with both your masculinity and femininity: Both compliment each other and both brings each other out. Even if you only focus on one polarity, given that you aren't suppressing the other and you're doing it in a healthy way, you're still strengthening both. I find that working towards being more integrated as well as find what your own signature style and level of each polarity is can also make you more comfortable and open towards trying new things because more integration usually results in less shame and intimidation towards things you haven't tried before. That can also open the door towards more creativity.  8. Porn: Honestly, I'd be more careful with this one but I think in moderation is fine. Personally, this helped me get ideas and kind of figure out what's out there so that I have inspiration to say the least. And it doesn't have to be videos. It can even be reading or listening to something.