Mutual Attraction: My Self Sabotaging Lizard Brain and Dealing with Asexual Flirts  God was everything so much easier when I was asexual.  I still had issues with mutual attraction even when I identified as asexual. But it mainly came down to me not having many options that I liked because i didn't feel like I really clicked with people or had things in common with the people I dated. This is my first time getting on this college campus as a straight person. And it's the first time I have had to deal with my lizard brain being like this. I walk to class and I typically pass like 2-3 guys I think are cute every day. When I was asexual, I just acknowledged that they were attractive and didn't feel anything. I definitely could see it but I didn't care. Now, there is that feeling that comes with it and it isn't mainly cognitive. It feels like a lizard brain knee jerk reaction towards attraction and that knee jerk reaction is also followed by the limiting belief that's like  "lets be real he probably won't want to have anything to do with you. At best he doesn't think you exist or notice you at all and at worst he thinks you're fucking ugly." And when I first noticed this knee jerk reaction, my conscious mind was sitting there like "damn bitch tf is wrong with you?!?!?" I had to do a double take on myself because wtf was that.  I feel like when it comes to being asexual, it was actually easier to flirt with people and not give a shit on whether or not other people were attracted to you because first of all, you don't really know what physical attraction feels like and even though you know it's a thing, part of it still feels fake to you. And as a result you don't take it too seriously when someone isn't attracted to you because you're probably not attracted to them. And secondly, you have less attachment to outcome (unless you were romantically attracted to someone, then it's a different story, but then again that doesn't happen often so you don't have to really worry about it). Not only did I go through a flirt with everything that moves stage, but the two other asexual people I know are also giant flirts. Because they're asexual (and one of them is also aromantic), they don't really have stakes in the situation and as a result it's easy for them to flirt without ulterior motives, completely detached from outcome, and put the focus on the other person because this whole thing isn't really about them. It's very much rooted in empathy and just wanting to make the other person happy without expecting anything back. And honestly, when you take that route, things just work out better imo. I definitely felt the same way when I was going through that stage.  But now being straight, I feel like I have more skin in the game and my lizard brain is more prominent. Like, this shit uncovered a insecurity that I didn't even know I had. Again, when I heard my lizard brain come up with that knee jerk reaction of judgement and self deprecation, I was honestly shocked and it felt like it came out of nowhere. Obviously things like this don't come up unprompted and I know plenty of places where this mentality comes from, both blatantly and subtly. Basically through these posts, I'm trying to knock some sense into myself and deconstruct these limiting beliefs as well as keeping myself accountable in the process.