The Difference Between Sexuality and Sexual Orientation Sexuality and sexual orientation are often lumped into the same category. When someone says that they are questioning their sexuality, we immediately think of them rethinking their orientation. I would like to present an alternative way of looking at this and that is that sexuality and sexual orientation are two different things that over lap but are nevertheless different.  Sexuality is how you express yourself sexually while your sexual orientation is who you prefer to express your sexuality to. Your sexual orientation is a part of your sexuality because your orientation affects the way you express yourself sexually. However, your sexuality isn't limited to your sexual orientation and has a variety of other factors involved.  A long time a go, I read this article about asexual people who were into BDSM (can't find the article now, don't remember the title). Basically the article was differentiating between sexuality and sexual orientation and how asexual people can still have a sex drive, enjoy sex, and even have kinks. That sounds really contradictory to the typical asexual stereotypes which I did address in the previous post. The article was talking about how even if you aren't attracted to anyone, you can still be open to the idea of sex and even enjoy it in specific ways. Again, you're simply just not going to be attracted to the person you're having sex with.    One point that I really liked is how two people can be of different sexual orientations but have similar sexualities and vice versa. For instance, a gay person and a straight person can have similar sexualities and be into similar kinky things but they are nevertheless have different orientations. Likewise, you can have two straight people where one is into all types of freaky shit while the other is completely vanilla. They both have the same orientation, but they have different ways of sexually expressing themselves. Similarly, you can have an asexual person who is into BDSM and a straight/gay/bi/pan person who is into BDSM, and while each person has a different orientation, they have similar sexualities.  Another way i would describe this is, imagine walking on a path. The direction you walk is like your sexual orientation orientation. Lets say walking north is for gay, south is for straight, east is for bi, and west is for asexual. The way you walk the path is like the rest of your sexuality. Do you chose to walk (basic sex)? Do you choose to run (something a little more fast paced)? Do you choose to skip (something more lighthearted and playful)? Or do you want to do something wild and cartwheel your way on the path (something that is out there.) A person could be skipping north and another person could be skipping east. A person could be walking south while another person could be doing cartwheels south. And no matter what path you choose to walk, you can experiment different ways of walking that path to see that you enjoy the most. Or hell, maybe you go in a different direction and a different path but that doesn't mean that what ever ground you covered in the past was a waste or that it was any less real. Even if your orientation and sense of direction changes, that doesn't mean that everything that came before the change was fake. That was a valid part of your journey and the new direction you're at now is also valid.  For me, I've been travelling west for a while now. I've grown and learned about myself since when I first realized my most authentic direction was west. But things change, and that's ok. Currently, I don't know which direction feels most authentic and I don't mind sitting down and figuring things out or maybe get a little lost.  Ok I think I'm done with that metaphor lol. But something that I found interesting is that even though I'm questioning my orientation, a lot of my sexuality is still the same. Like I still like a lot of the same things but now it's like I look at those things through a different lens. It's like, I did change directions but I'm still running/walking/skipping/cartwheeling the same way I used to. Exactly what am I metaphorically pointing to when I mention running/walking/skipping/cartwheeling? More on that in the future.