The Diversity of Asexuality  Asexuality is simply defined as a person who doesn't feel sexual attraction. That's it. That's all there is to it. However, because of this, there are a lot of assumptions people come to and a lot of stereotypes around people who identify with being asexual. Some of the common ones include:  Asexuality isn't a thing. People are making this up for attention. It's human nature to want/crave sex. There is something wrong with you if you identify as asexual.  Asexual people are all prudes who all hate sex and who are probably really repressed, therefore there is something wrong with them.  Asexual people have issues with their sex drive.  Asexual people hate other people and don't want romantic relationships. They don't care about love, are heartless, and content with dying alone.  I'm not even going to address the first one because I'm pretty sure that if you're reading this journal that you probably do believe that asexuality is in fact a real thing. But the rest I am going to address. First  we have the presumption that asexual people hate sex. Asexuality is in a spectrum and roughly comes in three types and those are sex negative, sex neutral, and sex favorable.  SEX NEGATIVE: When people think of asexual people, people often think of a specific type of asexual and that is the sex negative asexual. Someone who identifies as sex negative have no sexual urges and don't want have sex. They do not find the appeal of sex at all. SEX NEUTRAL: Sex neutral asexual people on the other hand, don't get sexual urges but they don't mind having sex. At one point I did identify as sex neutral. I didn't mind the idea of having sex but I didn't feel any type of craving towards it. I would say during this time sex was about as appealing as turning on the laundry machine. Like I don't mind pushing a few buttons to get the job done but it isn't something that I feel the urge to do.   SEX FAVORABLE (sometimes called sex positive): Sex favorable asexual people are often seen as a contradiction. How could you want to have sex but not be attracted to anyone? Last time I checked, you can have sex with people you don't find attractive. I mean... gay for pay is a thing lol.  Those who identify as sex favorable do have a sex drive like people of other orientations  I also identified as sex favorable at one point. I would say feeling horny was very weird as someone who was asexual. The best way I can describe it is kind of like you really want to listen to music. You go to your phone and put your music on shuffle. Then you proceed to skip every single song that comes up because nothing appeals to you. Then you just sit there wondering wtf you do now. Also, masturbating is kind of like going to a vending machine. You push the right buttons and then a snack comes out, except in this case we're talking about orgasms not Oreos.  Sometimes you find really effective ways to push the right buttons when you get to know yourself. I would say fantasizing about sex as someone who is asexual, the fantasies revolve around what is being done to you rather than who is the one doing things to you. Granted I did fantasize about dick during these instances because I did identify as heteroromantic (more on that later) but irl, I didn't look at guys and feel attracted to them physically. Even in fantasies, it's like I would think about being penetrated, but I wouldn't think about the dick itself if that makes sense. Also, I didn't think about oral often or at all. I didn't hate the idea, I was more neutral towards it and wasn't craving it.  While I did have a sex drive and had things in mind that I might enjoy, I never felt comfortable with talking about sex because I was always afraid of people doubting my sexual orientation and assuming that I'm not asexual. A lot of acephobia typically revolves around people thinking that asexuality is made up and that it's a disorder of some kind along with a bunch of intrusive questions on your sex life and whether or not you want kids. It also consists of ace erasure. I remember even at 15, when people found out about me being asexual, the first thing that came up was a bunch of question regarding what it was (which I don't mind tbh) and then followed by people asking me about what I'm going to do about having kids, being married, my dating life etc. And having to explain asexuality is already difficult as it is and tends to leave most people confused so I didn't feel comfortable with bringing the other element of me being sex favorable to add even more complexity to the subject.   (Side Note: Even though I didn't feel comfortable with talking about me being sex favorable with other people, I was still comfortable with exploring that on my own and I still validated the fact that even though I have a sex drive, that doesn't make me less asexual. But I will say that even now, I find myself hesitating when writing about sex or talking about it with my friends. Writing in this journal has been helpful because it is taking me outside of my comfort zone but I still find myself uncomfortable on a few things and as a result I do find myself self censoring. Planning on working through that while honoring my natural boundaries in the future)  Next, is the notion that asexual people simply have an issue with their sex drive  Well, considering that there are sex negative, sex neutral, and sex favorable people, that is simply not the case. Sex negative and sex neutral people don't have an issue with their sex drive because they don't have that sex drive in the first place. It's not like they have a really low and repressed drive. Sex favorable people can have a range when it comes to sex drive like people from other orientations.  Basically, some don't have a sex drive at all and some do in varying degrees.  Finally, there is the notion that asexual people hate other people and don't want romantic relationships. They don't care about love, are heartless, and content with dying alone  So first of all, there are many different types of attraction. I have discussed those and how often times they are all lumped into the same category but I figured adding in the graphic is still relevant. Just because you don't feel sexual attraction, doesn't mean that you don't feel other forms of attraction. The one I want to focus on is romantic attraction. A lot of asexual people still do feel romantic attraction towards people. There are some who don't but there are still many who do. In addition to being asexual, often times people identify with their romantic orientation.  HETEROROMANTIC: romantically attracted to people of the opposite gender  HOMOROMANTIC: romantically attracted to people of the same gender  BIROMANTIC: romantically attracted to people of both genders  AROMANTIC: not romantically attracted to anyone Most people who think of asexual people think of the aromantic kind. But not all asexual people are aromantic. I'm pretty sure this happens because for most people, their romantic orientation corresponds with their sexual orientation. Like for instance, the vast majority of heterosexual people are also heteroromantic (I'm sure there are some exceptions). Since people are used to thinking in those terms, they also assume that the vast majority of asexual people are also aromantic. But, that's not always the case. I have also met a guy who identified as a homoromantic asexual. Meaning he was attracted to men romantically and wanted to do things like cuddle and go on dates, but he wasn't sexually attracted to men. He also identified as sex negative and sex in general just didn't appeal to him.  I personally always identified as heteroromantic. It's kind of weird because I was romantically attracted to men but I never actually felt sexually attracted to them despite having a sex drive. And no, this wasn't just a "oh you haven't found the right guy yet" thing. I full on fell in love with a guy once and didn't feel physically attracted to him. I didn't care about sex. I mainly just wanted to date him and spend time with him. And when I did think about sex (never actually thought of him when I thought about sex in general), to me it wasn't just about the sex. Sex wasn't a means to an end, it was another way of showing my romantic feelings. The sexual feelings couldn't stand on it's own as attraction rather it was more of an extension of my romantic attraction. Again, the sexual attraction just wasn't there for me. I never saw this guy as hot or attractive. Hell, I could see him aesthetically being considered beautiful but again, I didn't feel anything. I don't know if I'm doing a good job on explaining this and I'm kind of afraid of people coming for me because I'm aware of how this looks. I guess I'm nervous about the erasure and invalidation.  TLDR: So basically asexual people can be divided into the following:  Whether or not or how open they are to having sex: sex negative, sex neutral, sex positive  Whether or not they have a sex drive Their romantic orientation: heteroromantic, homoromantic, biromantic, aromantic