Upsetero Hetero: My Experience  I mentioned in a previous post, the possibility of me being asexual was easier for me to accept than the possibility of me being straight despite the fact that asexual people are marginalized and have to deal with all types of crap. When I realized that I might be asexual, I was like *Oh, I'm asexual. Interesting. That makes sense.* When I started thinking I was straight I was like *eww, I'm straight. Fuck. I'm more confused now.* And I don't think it has to do with the fact that I'm going to have to deal with straight men. Even when I considered myself asexual, I was still romantically attracted to men and wanted a relationship. Considering the fact that there aren't that many asexual men, at least asexual men that I met, I basically settled on the idea that I'm probably going to date and marry a straight man (more on that later).  I think part of the reason why I was like *eww, I'm straight* had to do with me making fun of straight culture like I talked about in the first Upsetero Hetero post. Straight people aren't the problem. It's the people who cling onto their straightness and cling to the  concept of boundaries and how all of that can manifest in cringey, tone deaf ways. And the fact that my sexual orientation is associated with the aggressively straight, stage orange people is just eww.  I think the other part of the reason why I was like *eww, I'm straight* is because I feel like my needs and wants in a relationship mirrors that of the stereotypical straight woman. I know this is internalized misogyny and my inner NLOG (not like other girls)  coming out and even though I feel like I have dealt with most of my hang ups regarding femininity and my NLOG  tendencies a couple years back, it's been interesting watching that come up again.  For me, the stereotypical straight women shit that I find myself relating to is the amount I care about emotional intimacy in a relationship whether that is sexual or romantic. Also there is the typical wanting flowers and chocolate, wanting men to express their emotions thing, and wanting slow and gentle sex. And I want to underscore that there is nothing wrong with any of those things. But there is a part of me that feels overly sentimental for wanting those things and I think part of it has to do with hook up culture, how violent porn is becoming more mainstream, and how just in general women are painted as too demanding and too emotional. Each of those things can have it's own post. (side note: I swear the more I write in this journal, the more I realize how much I have to say on this topic.  There was a part of me that thought this journal was just going to be me horny posting but I guess not lol)
I think when I was asexual, those desires I listed above could have been interpreted in a different way. It was more along the lines of *this person puts a lot of emphasis on emotional connection and romantic attraction because they don't feel sexual attraction.* But now that I'm straight, those desires take on the interpretation of *she's a stereotypical woman wanting stereotypical cliché woman things.* That interpretation has me feeling more boxed in. Also I want to note that a lot of women who go through the NLOG phase often say that they are "not like other girls" because they simply don't want to be seen as the stereotype of woman and girlhood. They don't want to be seen as the caricature of pink, makeup, boobs, and cattiness that society tends to portray women as even thought that isn't the case and women are just as complex and nuanced as men are.  And while most people can agree that NLOGs are insufferable and are basically the female equivalent of the Nice Guy, I think a lot of women can still empathize with NLOGs