It was a while back when I took LSD for the last time. I had no intentions set. One hour in I felt awful. I felt stuck in this "matrix" and I was really not feeling it. I decided to put on Leo's video about trauma release and forgiving. That really had a healing effect. I think that had more effect on me than 8 months of therapy. So I'm definitely not disappointed with the trip but I feel like I'm doing something wrong. Whenever I take psychedelic I just get suicidal or sick of existence. After having watched Leo's trauma release and forgiving video I decided to take a ride on my bicycle because I had couple of emotional hours inside the house. A long story short: I met an older lady who experienced a mystical experience and explained infinite love to me. She was stage blue person. She told me some crazy stories about her being atheist and not knowing anything about the bible and somehow she "downloaded" knowledge about god and she met god in person. She didn't convince me to become Christian of course but she definitely poked my curiosity towards mystical experiences. I'm definitely going to proceed with non-duality, god realization and healing of the heart. This is really what I need but I don't know how to proceed.