"Shadow Work" using interpersonal relationships Any instance of your experience that feels less than PEACE, is a perfect opportunity to do what we usually call shadow work.  Here are my own findings:  write down the situation in as much detail as you can, addressing it directly to the person remove (erase) name of the person from the story and replace it with "ME/I/MINE" - turn the message towards yourself (Byron Katie's Work) circle the adjectives/attributes of the person you hold responsible for the "peace-less" state The WHERE and the WHY. Example:  Let's say I have a situation where I perceive TT has done something that upsets me.  "TT is being negative and judgmental, patronizing and un-loving." (avoid words like jerk, stupid, etc - they will get you nowhere).  "I am being negative and judgmental, patronizing and un-loving" - ( this will most likely be met with a great deal of resistance by Ego the first few times). It is sometimes VERY difficult to dis-engage from the innitial story. What I used to do when this was the case, was that I replaced "TT" with the name of someone I really appreciated (you may use a friend, a femily member, a guru, a saint, etc) - so that the situation could feel less personal and dramatic Finding w&w (where and why) for negative, judgmental, patronizing and unloving - this requires some soul searching where in my own life am I being negative and judgmental, patronizing and un-loving? Take them one by one. Analyze your behavior towards others. Search for examples in your "outer experience". If more advanced, look into how you treat Yourself in those manners why do I treat myself/others that way? We treat ourselves and others in direct link with our inner beliefs about ourselves, or, even better said, our deep inner wounds are projected forward into a behavior that would point us directly to the cause. Here is how the example will look in the end: "TT is being negative and judgmental, patronizing and un-loving." = I hold an inner belief that I am not enough as I am, that I SHOULD be a certain way for people to love me. This is caused by feeling deep down that I am worthless >>> rejection and abandonment wound. (use "left hand right hand" exercise on first page of this thread.) As with all my other posts here, it is NOT ENOUGH to understand these principles, as this will not change much in your outer manifestation. These tools have to be worked in order for them to reveal their magic   ********************************** Few examples of *WHY - what is behind some of our behaviors:  arrogance > feeling of unworthiness ( if I act arrogant nobody will know how unworthy I feel inside) aggressiveness > fear of being hurt ( if I am being aggressive I don't let others close enough to hurt me) wanting to be right all the time > fear that I am not enough just by being, lack of trust in life's natural unfolding fighting > inner rage, desire to affirm my will to exist, "invisibility" issues neediness/feeling un-loved > narcissistic wound, not being able to love yourself as you are, lots of "shoulds"