So I've been thinking about this choice, last summer I found out that I might be gay because of reasons... And I asked God to stop it, I asked God to stop me from being gay, but it doesn't stop, atleast the thoughts and the actions, so I decided God is giving me a choice. And I choose both, but the thought of sucking a dick still bothers me, and getting fucked in the ass also, because I think I will cry my eyes out once I get fucked in the ass and will be miserable afterwards. But the state of consciousness after the first time I've put a finger in the butt was really strong and calm so maybe I will feel the same after sex with men. And hetereosexual sex is just some obligation I have to do because culture says to do it. So yeah...