By StarStruck
in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God,
This was just to test the waters. I read about some horror stories so I wanted to test the waters before jumping into the pool so to say. I know myself so I wanted to take it slow. So I didn’t want my first time to be horrific and then stay away from the god molecule for god knows how long.
My intention for the trip: -test the waters -letting go/stop resisting -be ready to die I put all the gear ready. I meditated for 30 minutes before starting. I knew this wasn’t going to be a deep trip and it will feel like dying. In my head I imagined a train coming and me jumping in front of the train. Would I do it? I said yes. I heated the pipe, vapor started to form, I put the pipe in my mouth and inhaled. I held it in for 30 seconds and I felt it coming. There was still ego, it was resisting, and if I didn’t know any better and resisted it would have been a disaster, but I knew better. At this point I realized that ego death is scarier than actual death. I wasn’t resisting but my ego was like a little child jumping in trying to stop me. Started to see some fractals but it was only for couple of seconds. It was scary but for some reason I liked the fear. I felt alive after years of dissociation. It was so counter intuitive. Mind you this was just one hit. I wanted to go for a second hit but I realized the vapor was already gone. Tried it anyway but probably burnt it or the vapor was already gone because I didn’t take consequent hits. Take-ways: -Ego death is scarier than actual death -I got some experience how to heat the pipe (without wasting a big dose of DMT) -I knew small dose of 5-Meo-DMT is scarier than a big dose because there is still ego. -DMT showed me what letting go really means but that I have some inner resistance - I knew the truth was at the end of the tunnel; only obstacle to reach the truth is resistance The first take-away was already know to me but now I experienced first hand. Overal it was a pleasant experience as crazy as that sounds. I felt like one of those people who do dangerous sports to feel alive but it is not the same of course. I can imagine some people having bad trips because of this psychedelic. You have to research. I knew for example what ego death was and that it is scarier than actual death but it is one thing to know it, it is another thing to actually kill it.
Conclusion: -I would have gone all the way but the trip wasn’t strong enough.
-I only took one hit so that is understandable. The real dose I got is probably 1/3th of 10mg -I got the hang how to heat the pipe. That is valuable to me. I didn’t waste a huge dose -And I got a taste what ego death is; my previous notion of ego death was childish -next time I’m going to do 10 mg again but I will take 3 hits instead of 1 -research how to heat the pipe a little more, the liquid disappeared very quickly, there was no burn though -at no point I told myself what did I get myself into. I was going deeper and deeper but it stopped prematurely because of low dose.
My intention for the trip: -test the waters -letting go/stop resisting -be ready to die I put all the gear ready. I meditated for 30 minutes before starting. I knew this wasn’t going to be a deep trip and it will feel like dying. In my head I imagined a train coming and me jumping in front of the train. Would I do it? I said yes. I heated the pipe, vapor started to form, I put the pipe in my mouth and inhaled. I held it in for 30 seconds and I felt it coming. There was still ego, it was resisting, and if I didn’t know any better and resisted it would have been a disaster, but I knew better. At this point I realized that ego death is scarier than actual death. I wasn’t resisting but my ego was like a little child jumping in trying to stop me. Started to see some fractals but it was only for couple of seconds. It was scary but for some reason I liked the fear. I felt alive after years of dissociation. It was so counter intuitive. Mind you this was just one hit. I wanted to go for a second hit but I realized the vapor was already gone. Tried it anyway but probably burnt it or the vapor was already gone because I didn’t take consequent hits. Take-ways: -Ego death is scarier than actual death -I got some experience how to heat the pipe (without wasting a big dose of DMT) -I knew small dose of 5-Meo-DMT is scarier than a big dose because there is still ego. -DMT showed me what letting go really means but that I have some inner resistance - I knew the truth was at the end of the tunnel; only obstacle to reach the truth is resistance The first take-away was already know to me but now I experienced first hand. Overal it was a pleasant experience as crazy as that sounds. I felt like one of those people who do dangerous sports to feel alive but it is not the same of course. I can imagine some people having bad trips because of this psychedelic. You have to research. I knew for example what ego death was and that it is scarier than actual death but it is one thing to know it, it is another thing to actually kill it.
Conclusion: -I would have gone all the way but the trip wasn’t strong enough.
-I only took one hit so that is understandable. The real dose I got is probably 1/3th of 10mg -I got the hang how to heat the pipe. That is valuable to me. I didn’t waste a huge dose -And I got a taste what ego death is; my previous notion of ego death was childish -next time I’m going to do 10 mg again but I will take 3 hits instead of 1 -research how to heat the pipe a little more, the liquid disappeared very quickly, there was no burn though -at no point I told myself what did I get myself into. I was going deeper and deeper but it stopped prematurely because of low dose.
- 7 replies