Boy oh boy. I did 60ish mg last night and it definitely wasn't enough since there was still a me to fight the experience. It was terrifying for my ego.    I kept reminding myself to surrender and I was getting there at some point but then the whole-body orgasm (or whatever that was) became too much to handle and I ended up kneeling on my bed in a fetal position. And exclaimed that I wanted to be alive!   I think the scariest part of it all was that it felt like I was going crazy and would stay like that permanently.    There are truly no words to express what it felt like. It felt non-dualistic but I was still aware of my body so I'm not sure that I "broke through."   Surprisingly it didn't even last 30 mins and I thought it would considering the administration method.    I also had this thought that the most loving thing I could do is die. The most fucked up thought that came up was that life is a game about finding ways to kill yourself. (Knowing you can't?) Are these just distortions of my psyche/subconscious?    I don't even know what to think! But I will be back